u/dogluuuuvrr

There is a conversation in pop culture right now about Ariana Grande. She appears to have an eating disorder, inferred by her appearance. It is being said that she shouldn’t be working, and that people that perhaps benefit from her (or just don’t want to challenge her), should be intervening.

It got me to thinking about Daniel. He was working and on the road playing shows when he was noticeably not healthy.

I defend Ariana being able to make her own decisions. I imagine it can’t be easy though to be a part of such a big machine that operates around you.

It’s really none of our business but Daniel chose to talk about it openly. I don’t think Ariana should be forced to.

Thoughts?

The past four years have been a roller coaster with my dog. I rescued her fourteen years ago.

She’s always sick- since I’ve gotten her. I’ve probably spent most of my income on getting her the best food, vet care, supplements, medications, etc…

Four years ago, the vet told me she had 3 months to live. Chronic kidney disease. Irreversible they said. However, all of her blood results a year later showed no disease.

About two years ago, her spleen ruptured. I spent a month in agony trying to decide what to do. I was all alone in LA (I just moved there). It was affecting my new job because I had to miss work to care for her. I decided to get the surgery and went $10,000 in debt.

Nowadays though, I feel like I’m all out of compassion. So many near death experiences.

I took her to the hospital this week because her dog walker thought she had a seizure. I dropped $700. I don’t think she actually had a seizure but a fainting spell. However, the vet suggested brain tumor. Two years ago, my whole world was torn apart by her illness and now I feel like I have nothing in me to care anymore.

I love her so much but I’m just so tired. I’m so tired of worrying all the time. I’m so tired of being poor. I even moved states and left my high paying job so she could be close to my family for extra support, and I found that was very bad idea for my mental health.

Pretty much I’ve bent over backwards for my dog, her entire life. And I’m just so tired.

I for the first time ever, closed my bedroom door off to her tonight because she won’t stop shaking her head. I know she’s uncomfortable but I never get a full nights sleep because she wakes me up 2-3 times a night. I work full time. In the middle of the night, she wants me to take her out to pee but during the day, she doesn’t let me know and pees on the floor. I tried so many different ways tonight to get to take her allergy pills but she spit them out. And now she will probably have diarrhea because of the extra food. Ugh

I spent so much time bracing for her death. I until very recently felt every day was a gift. I felt so lucky to have her still.

It’s not fair to her the way I have been feeling. I don’t want to feel this way.

Edit: Thank you to everyone that replied to me. I am feeling much better now. I had a great day with my dog. I think I just had to process those emotions. I am watching her sleeping and she looks so sweet and I’m happy to be her mom. I’m sure I’ll have days like this again, but I have to remember to be kind to myself and to my girl.

I have a narcissistic dad that visited me today and I had a water offering out for Sekhmet.

He made fun of it and asked if it was holy water. O told him it’s just water. And he kept asking me what it is. Then he stuck his dirty fingers in it. I asked him why he did that. Then he asked me again what it was and I didn’t tell him. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because he would have loved to have bothered me.

I replaced the water and put it and all my statues away in my closet as protection when he left.

I feel so violated. I don’t think she was the one to mess with.

Hello,

I am doing a presentation at work on how assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and unintended consequences.

Are there any movie scenes (short 5-10 minutes) that show an assumption or misconception grow out of control? I prefer comedic but I am open to suggestions.

I have been thinking about this and nothing is giving me the “yes that’s the one!” feeling.

Thank you!

Hey guys,

I am making a collage of people who inspire me to create.

I am looking for a group of photos that I believe were taken between 2004 and 2006. I could be wrong on that but I want to say it was around the future embrace era.

My memory could be fuzzy on this too, but I think Billy was wearing a button down long sleeve shirt that was kind of a light blue. I remember one of the photos he was holding a flower.

The photo shoot was done by a photographer who I believe was reminiscing about this photo shoot in the past few years on his Instagram, but I cannot remember his name. I also googled and searched through lots of images, but for some reason, can’t come across these pictures.

Thank you in advance if you’re able to help me !

Maybe Topo water isnt safe and that’s why it’s being phased out? I have seen so many things that it is the most contaminated water (forever chemicals) of all the brands.

Hello,

I am realizing that I very likely experienced narcissistic or emotional parentification with my mom

My dad flew off the handle a lot. When I was around him and my mom, they were always fighting. My mom was my safe person though because my dad would fly off the handle and my mom wouldn’t respond. She would Stonewall and give the silent treatment, but she wasn’t volatile.

She would also give me the silent treatment when I would ask questions or bring up anything that brought attention to the situation. When my mom found out from concerned, parents at school that I was telling my friends about everything I was witnessing, because I had no one else to talk to, her response was to tell the teacher to not let me play with those kids again. It was clear that I wasn’t allowed to talk about anything that I witnessed. I just had to suck it up. I just got yelled at by her for sharing, no empathy for me at all

As an adult, my mother is still with my father. The relationship is not as volatile however it is extremely unhealthy.

Now I wonder if my mom used my father for attention or to make people feel sorry for her. I don’t really understand their relationship. They don’t like each other. My mom is really into making people feel sorry for her, but it’s not in an overt way, it’s more in her demeanor. She just carries a dark cloud everywhere she goes. She’s hyper critical of everyone, even if it’s just in scoffs/eye rolls/ or small jabs you may barely notice

So is this a thing? Covert narcs using overt narcs for sympathy?

Edit: I only existed to make her look good, good grades. Perfect hair & clothes. Achieving as an athlete even though I was an artist type, not a sports person

Has anyone watched the TV show Enlightened? I feel like this show really showcases emotional neglect and how it can manifest in adulthood. Please no spoilers because I’m only on Episode 3!

I just thought I’d share because maybe you’d also get some value out of it, even though it is satirical

Hi all!
I’m 39 and about ten years ago I came across the concepts of emotional neglect and enmeshment. They really clicked for me!

I moved away from my family for twenty years due to toxic dynamics. I even stopped talking to my mom after I put boundaries down and they weren’t respected. We slowly came back into each other’s lives but with strong boundaries.

She came to visit me over the years. Anytime we were around each other though, I was so strongly triggered. She can’t speak up for herself, even with waiters/customer service. I was always put into the parent role. Every time she left I felt like myself again and was so grateful for my life!!!

Our relationship though was getting much better over the years. I would open up to her more. I felt like I could move back home and I wanted to be in my family member’s lives (brothers, cousins, aunt, etc)

Well I went through a lot of traumatic stuff at once, a breakup, my beloved dog was super sick, the LA fires were getting close to me. People I know were having respiratory issues. Their dogs were getting sick too. I started freaking out. I hated leaving my sick dog was alone all the time. I had just put her through a $10,000 surgery and she was not recovering well. I had no one there- I was all alone. I hated my job and I hated LA and I made an impulsive decision to move back in with my mom temporarily just until I found a job and apartment.

Worst fucking decision ever. I regret being so weak. I regret moving back. I regret ever letting her in again because now she’s like a vampire.

I moved out but she’s always in my business. She wants to come over. If I don’t answer a text, she sends ten more. She texts good night every fucking night. she is a miserable person so just being around her is a buzzkill. My dad purposely puts her down and embarrasses her, refuses to work- and I have to watch their dynamic again and I feel like all the childhood trauma comes up again. She buys things I don’t ask for. I have told her to stop. I know I am responsible for how she treats me but why can’t she act like a normal fucking person. I value my privacy. I don’t like getting gifts. I dont want her controlling me. I felt controlled and suffocated as a child.

I am raging. I’m so upset about myself. I was away from her. I was flourishing. I had an amazing life that I threw away over guilt and moments of weakness. (I was only in LA a couple months, just moved there but my twenty years away, I flourished- just that period of my life in LA SUCKED and I was making money there)

All I want to do is get in my car, drive away, and never come back.

Help!

Edit: she takes my boundaries personally too because she has told people she’s “such a terrible mother” when I stand up for myself. I was taught to feel sorry for her, be grateful for her, and never express any negative feelings.

I feel like she sees me as an extension of herself so I never feel myself around her

Thank you for reading this. I am thinking my dream is of the devouring mother archetype. I put a lot of information in my “real life” recap, feel free to skip if it’s too much to read. I am interested in any work I need to do, to perhaps integrate this shadow.

Dream Life:

I had a dream where I was living in my old childhood home as an adult with my mom. I had my senior dog in the dream too, just there with me. I had a horse which is weird because the home is in a busy suburb. I took the horse for a ride around the block, I was feeling uneasy though. Suddenly I am back at the childhood home. I remember asking my mom about something (I wish I could remember) and she said something about how I have been “kickboxing all day”. Confused, I said “kickboxing all day?” The feeling was I shouldn’t be wasting my time like that and that something was wrong with her in the mind because I don’t kick box. Then the bed was in the kitchen and my mom was laying in the bed and TURNED EVIL. She had a creepy grin with dirty teeth and her eyes were crazy and she was staring and me and started showing her underwear and touching herself. I started yelling “what are you doing!” And she CRAWLED down to the basement like a scary demon and I started to follow her but then I woke up terrified!! It was very A24 horror movie if you know that vibe.

Real life situation:

I am 39 F

The childhood home in my dream is the one I lived in from ages 2-14. It was my grandfather’s and he was often not home so it was usually just my mom and I. It was a hoarder type house and I didn’t go to the basement much because it was gross. I would sometimes go weeks without seeing my father but my mom and him were together the whole time (besides small breakups here and there). I was a teen pregnancy but my mom really did the best she could- I was always her top priority which makes me feel guilty for how I see her, a broken person who still let me down. It makes me feel like a spoiled brat to be honest. My mom and I were enmeshed and did everything together, she has no personality but took me to all kinds of fun places to make life exciting for me. When I was 14, my mom decided to live with my dad, without asking me, a person I disliked growing up. I had to go too. My mom got pregnant with my brother when I was 17 and I was upset she would put another kid through a childhood like mine.

I moved away from home at 17. I moved very far away and recently moved back a year ago after twenty + years of being away. We have a complicated relationship as she emotionally neglected me and is still not capable of being vulnerable with people. I had my awakening of all the pain she caused me when I did a mushroom trip over ten years ago and I have been integrating that since. I felt growing up I had to be perfect, overachieve, and not have negative feelings so I masked and performed like I should have. My father and her are still together but he is a narcissist and I am not misusing the term. He doesn’t work and lives off of her. He is a stunted man, with the mentality of a ten year old who still enjoys playing pranks, making fun of people, being racist- very much embodies toxic masculinity who gets aggressive when he feels a little disrespected. My mother never holds him accountable and recently he got pulled over and it led to an escalation with the police with my mom and my brother in the car.

Anyway, I have always felt controlled by my mother so much that I distanced myself and kind of stopped talking to her much at all after I did mushrooms to process what I learned without her influence on me. Really the last straw was watching her emotionally neglect my brother and I confronted her about it and told her that’s how she treated me and it’s not ok. She at first got angry with me pulling away but accepted it. Example, if I didn’t answer my phone she’d write on my Facebook wall to pick up the phone when she calls. However, she really is a very nice, people pleaser type but it comes from a dark place I think where she is uncomfortable with other’s uncomfortableness to the point that it is annoying. If I make a comment about how the new toilet paper I bought is too soft, she’ll show up with new toilet paper so I have to be careful with what I say (believe me, I’ve asked her to stop acting that way.)

Now that I’m back in town, I’m a little prickly with my mom. I moved back because we are all getting old and I wanted to be near family and friends again.

I’ve always stood up for myself much to my mom’s dismay and that has had an impact on me trusting myself and what’s right/when to speak up. I’ve also been exploring why I want to people please men- I find myself doing this with my brother and also not calling out my dad more. I was always put in the middle between my mom and dad and he was usually the one acting crazy so I’d yell at him as a kid and I’d get punished. Well, maybe I’m being put in that situation again as a fucking forty year old but I’m staying out of their problems. My dad is my mom’s problem. I told her I think of him as my little brother and that’s about it. It’s hard not to tell him he’s an asshole and she is weak for keeping him around. I know she is embarrassed by him and he enjoys that he embarrasses her. My dad has a good heart in some ways, like he fixed my bike for me when I didn’t ask. I know he had a fucked up childhood, as did my mom and they have never been to therapy- I can’t imagine them going. Again, not my problem though but clearly something here is bothering me.

Honestly, living near her again has given me this weird sense like I’m being watched. Like I have to behave like a proper woman so she isn’t disappointed in me. It’s a feeling I am realizing now that is sitting on my chest. I am starting to think I need to move away again but I don’t want to keep running. I was super happy living away but I always felt bad because a lot of my family is aging and I am close to my aunt and brother.

And they wonder why I moved far away! I have been working on a novel the past ten years based on my relationship with my mom and how it has affected my life. It has been an amazing outlet. I picked it back up again recently and maybe that’s why this is resurfacing?

Anyways, thought I’d give some background.