u/dreamchaser123456

-Scar (thinking): All right, here it goes. I've been rehearsing this speech for quite a while now. This will sure inspire them to stick with me.

(The hyenas are silent, waiting to listen to what Scar is about to say.)

-Scar: Mufasa is yesterday's message, a clapped-out distracted regime, whose failings undoubtedly presage the need for a different dream.

(Some hyenas look at one another, confused. Others just blink. Others do nothing.)

-Scar: Yes, leonine times are changing, which means that hyenas must too. My vision is clear and wide-ranging and even encompasses you.

(Silence. Scar is waiting to see the reactions. No reactions. Some crickets sounds come from far away.)

-A nameless hyena: Huh?

(Scar facepalms and sighs.)

-Scar (thinking): I suppose I should lower my language register to the level they understand.

-Scar (standing up and shouting): You'll have food, lots of food, I repeat, endless meat!

(The hyenas erupt into excited screams.)

-Scar (thinking): I'm surrounded by idiots. But at least they're useful idiots.

(The hyenas are approaching. Simba tries to roar and produces a kitten sound. The hyenas laugh.)

-Shenzi: Do it again!

(Simba tries again. This time, he produces a "quack" sound in TFS Krillin's voice. The hyenas laugh again.)

-Shenzi: Do it again!

(Simba tries again. This time he produces a squeaking sound like when TFS Goku's ribs break.)

-Nala (flabbergasted): What the fuck?

(Simba gets angry and tries again. This time a real roar is heard, but of course it turns out to be Mufasa, who attacks the hyenas.)

-Mufasa: If you ever come near my son again...

-Shenzi (feigning surprise): This is your son? (Looks at Banzai.) Did you know that?

-Banzai: No! Did you?

-Shenzi: No!

-Shenzi and Banzai: Ed?

-Ed: I knew.

(Shenzi and Banzai facepalm.)

-Ed: Come on, guys, he's not an idiot. How could we not know he's his son? There are like two lion cubs in this savanna.

-Shenzi: The one time he decides to speak...

-Banzai: Jabari doesn't look so bad now, huh?

(Mufasa roars again, and the hyenas run away, yelling, "Team Scavenger's blasting off again." A twinkling star appears where they disappear from view. Simba, Nala, and Zazu approach.)

-Mufasa: You disobeyed me on purpo--

-Simba: Dad! Did you hear my roar? Wasn't it amazing?

(Mufasa's anger fades into facepalming at Simba's stupidity.)

-Mufasa: No, son, that was my roa--

-Simba: It was amazing, right? Did you see how scared the hyenas got when they heard my roar?

-Mufasa (sighs): Let's just go home.

-Nala (muttering): I hope our children won't get his brains.

-Banzai: The major domo bird hippity hopped all the way into the birdy boiler.

-Zazu: Where did you even get a boiler? We're animals in the savanna, for Dead Kings' sake!

(Zazu blasts off. Zazu's Owned Count increases by 1. The hyenas laugh their heads off.)

-Nala (thinking): Good. Zazu got away, and the hyenas haven't noticed us. Now all we need to do is stay completely silent until--

-Simba: HEY! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?

(The hyenas turn to the cubs and bare their teeth. Nala mentally facepalms at Simba's stupidity.)

-Nala (thinking as they run away, chased the hyenas): Remind me, girl, what did you see in this dumbhead?

(Simba slashes Shenzi's face as she's about to bite Nala. Nala mentally smiles.)

-Nala (thinking): Oh right, that's what you saw in him.

-Simba: Danger? Hah! I laugh in the face of danger. Hahaha--

(Hyenas' laughter is heard. Simba backs away as the hyenas come out of the skull.)

-Shenzi: Prepare for trouble.

-Banzai: And make it double.

-Shenzi: To protect the hyenas' clan from starvation.

-Banzai: To unite all herbivores in our food ration.

-Shenzi: To denounce the evils of lions and love.

-Banzai: To extend our reach to the Pridelands above.

-Shenzi: Shenzi!

-Banzai: Banzai!

-Shenzi: Team Scavenger blast off at the speed of light.

-Banzai: Surrender now, or prepare to fight.

(Ed chuckles. Shenzi and Banzai frown at him.)

-Banzai: You were supposed to say "That's right," Ed.

-Shenzi: Darn, that idiot ruined our entrance.

-Banzai: Hey, don't look at me. It was your idea to take him with us. I told you we should've taken Jabari instead, but nooooo...

-Nala: Pinned ya again.

-Simba (thinking): She thinks she's so great. Imma show her.

-Nala: Pinned ya again.

-Simba (thinking): All right, go for the left, she won't see me coming--

-Nala: Pinned ya again.

-Simba (thinking): Aw, she saw it coming! Fine, I'll go behind her and catch her off guard.

-Nala (behind Simba): Hey, how's it going?

-Simba: Oh hey, I'm just going behind my stupid friend Nala so I can surprise her.

-Nala: Neat.

-Simba: Yeah, she'll never see it co-- Ohh.

-Nala: Pinned ya again.

-Simba: Darn, how did you get so good at wrestling?

-Nala: Wait, we've been wrestling all this time? I thought we were about to canoodle.

-Simba: What's a canoodle?

-Nala (blushing): Nothing!

-Zazu: One day, you two are going to get married.

-Simba: Ew, I can't marry her. She's my friend.

-Nala: Yeah, I agree. We're friends. Totally friends (nervous chuckle). It's not like I'm secretly obsessed with him or anything.

-Simba: Of course you aren't. That would be so weird.

(Both cubs laugh together, Simba being oblivious while Nala's laughter becomes more and more nervous. The scene cuts to a fantasy of Nala's, showing two imaginary adult versions of them getting married in a ceremony conducted by Rafiki. Somewhere in the background, Zazu is tied up and gagged in a tree.)

Deleted scene:

-Zazu: One day, you two are going to get married.

-Nala: Wait, aren't Mufasa and Scar the only adult male lions in the pride? That makes Simba and me either siblings or first-grade cousins, and in either case, the offspring of such an incestuous relationship runs the risk of facing serious chromosomal abnormalities, such as--

-Zazu: Neeeerd!

-Simba: Hey, Uncle Scar, guess what.

-Scar: Black manes are back in trend?

-Simba: No. I'm gonna be king when I grow up.

-Scar: Oh goodie.

-Simba: Isn't it great, Uncle Scar? I mean, just imagine how great it'd be if you were king, and you could do whatever you wanted, and no one ever said do this or be there, and...

(Simba keeps speaking, but his words fade into the background as the camera focuses on Scar, whose face has hardened into a scowl of hatred. Simba is oblivious and keeps talking.)

-Simba: Huh, Uncle Scar? Am I not the luckiest lion in the world? Don't you envy me? Huh, Uncle Scar? Huh, Uncle Scar? Huh, Uncle Scar?

(Scar grabs Simba and throws him off the cliff. Simba screams as he falls to his death. Then the scene cuts back to Simba repeating "Huh, Uncle Scar?" so it turns out the previous moment was just something Scar fantasized about doing.)

-Scar (mumbling): I'm going to enjoy this more than I should.

-Simba: Did you just say something, Uncle Scar?

-Scar: Have you ever heard about the Elephant Graveyard?

-Mufasa: So, Simba, today, I'll teach you about your role as the future king.

-Simba: OK, Dad, I'm listening.

-Mufasa: Being a king is a big responsibility. You are the leader, the protector of the ecosystem.

-Simba: What does that mean, Dad?

-Mufasa: It means you must respect all creatures and make sure balance is kept.

-Simba: Huh?

-Zazu (interjecting): Basically it means you get to copulate with all the lionesses while your brother secretly despises every fiber of your being.

-Simba: Huh?

(Mufasa glares at Zazu.)

-Zazu (gulps): Uh, I mean, it means what your father said.

-Mufasa (glaring a little longer, then smiling): And now Simba, let's move to another lesson. How to pounce.

-Zazu: NO, SIRE, don't do this, I apologize.

(Mufasa gestures him to turn around.)

-Dad, wake up. You promised you'd show me the Pridelands today.

-Yes, I remember. But it's not today yet.

-When will it be today?

-In the morning.

-OK... is it morning yet?

-No.

-Is it morning yet?

-No.

-Is it morning yet?