u/dynochickennugget

For context see my original post

My son recently turned 1 month old and MIL wanted to take milestone pics. I already had planned to do my own pictures, but didn’t want her to take over so figured I’d just go with it and let her do her own. Well come the day she shows me the onesie she made…that only has his middle name. I asked why she only has his middle name on the shirt and she said they like it better. I told her that’s not what we’re calling him and I don’t want him to be confused. She ignored my text so I didn’t take him to her and posted my own pics with his first name and sent her the photos.

My husband says I’m making it a bigger deal than it is, but I feel like she’s trying to create memories that erase his name because she doesn’t like it. She has already announced to our church and her own friends that his name is only his middle name. So now everyone knows him as his middle name exclusively.
Once he’s vaccinated and I’m introducing him to all of these people, I plan to use his real first name but I have no idea how to explain why MIL told them all something else. I feel like she wanted her own pictures to show all of them with the name she told them all is his first name. She’s also found a sticker she made with his face and only middle name.

My husband had another conversation with her because while he thinks I’m overreacting he thinks she is too. In that conversation she defended herself by saying that she goes by her middle name so doesn’t understand why it’s a problem but does understand why I’m upset that she announced only his middle to our church.

I’m trying to gather my own thoughts enough to have my own conversation with her per the request of my husband. He wants me to tell her it bothers me but also ask why she doesn’t like his name. Frankly I don’t care why she doesn’t like it but I’m angry and I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. Truthfully, I want to go scorched earth, but I think that’s my hormones talking and it’s important to my husband that our son have a relationship with his mom. Prior to the baby, my MIL and I had a great relationship but I feel so hurt and disrespected.
I’m already planning to fade out of our church because I have more important things going on than competing with MIL over sharing info about my own son. She has learned that asking me to see my son gets her supervised visits (by me) so she now exclusively texts my husband asking to see the baby and he drops him off to her so I’m sure she got her pics anyway. I’m willing to ignore that they’ve nicknamed him based off his middle name (even tho it annoys me) but the complete erasure of his first name is beyond crossing the line for me.

Should I keep pushing for her to respect his name or just let it go and teach my son his first name? Am I being crazy? How am I supposed to explain to him as he gets older that “grandma won’t use your name because she doesn’t like it”? How do I insure that he doesn’t get pigeonholed into using his middle name before he has the chance to choose that?

Edit to add:
Thank you everyone for being as angry about this as I am. I feel very vindicated. I will probably go through with the conversation my husband wants me to have with her but I know going in it won’t go how he hopes it will. I’m thinking of asking him to be present even if only to listen to prevent triangulation from her relaying the conversation to him afterwards.

As hilarious as it would be to say MIL has dementia, she’s a very young grandma and that wouldn’t really make sense. So I’ll probably go with “I don’t know why she told you that because that’s not true. We call him first name” And let her try to explain her way out of it.

As for her nicknaming, I’m going to nip that in the bud with 3 strikes.
Strike 1: I’ll say “we’re not calling him that anymore. His name is first name.”
Strike 2: “his name is first name.”
Strike 3: I’ll talk to my son saying, “silly grandma just can’t remember your name! We’ll have to try again another time.” Take my baby, say goodbyes, and leave.

On the subject of visits, I’ll be supervising them all even if I have to go to MILs separately because I agree he’s too little and she’s too disrespectful. I can’t make my husband agree with me but I can protect my son.

Thank you again for the wake up call!

I’m a 41+6 FTM trying to get my induction scheduled. Thankfully I’ve had a very healthy low risk pregnancy and my spirits are high. I’m just excited to meet my baby….but also excited for the questions to stop.
I have multiple family members texting me EVERY. F-ING. DAY. asking:
How are you feeling?
Any contractions?
Is baby here yet?

As if I would forget to inform them that I birthed a whole new person. Trust me! I’ll be bragging about that!
Now today I have a family member, who has never been pregnant and has no children or childcare expertise, giving me unsolicited advice on how to induce labor.

She previously has offered unsolicited advice on my morning sickness in my first trimester, on my maternity clothing choices in my second trimester, and planning for postpartum. I’ve been gracious the whole time but now I’m done. I’m damn near biting my tongue clean off to keep from telling her to STFU. She has literally no idea what she’s talking about or what it’s like and I have zero fucks left to give. At this point I’m ignoring her texts and keeping my distance because if I hear a sentence begin with, “You should….”, somebody is getting slapped by an angry pregnant lady.

I have half a mind to tell her every subsequent text regarding baby will add an extra hour delay to her receiving updates and announcement info once baby does finally arrive but I know that’s petty.

We’re still trying to nail done an induction date but I haven’t said anything to anyone and honestly don’t think I will. My mom and my MIL both want to be there, even if just to wait in the waiting room. But I’m dreading having to field calls and texts or have my husband do it. This is supposed to be about me and my baby. About my husband becoming a dad, not becoming a live action birth announcer. This baby is not a shooting star, y’all aren’t gonna miss it! He won’t be offended if you didn’t make eye contact with him within his first 30 seconds of life on the outside.

I’m just so physically and mentally exhausted and I want to be left alone to rot until this baby comes.

My MIL (who I love dearly) just informed me that she expects me to sleep on a blow up mattress in her living room for the first 40 days after I have my baby. Her reasoning is that it’ll be easier for her to help me and I know she will. This is our first baby and the thought of not being in my own safe place and being a spectacle for everyone (other family live with her) walking through while I’m actively bleeding/recovering, learning to breastfeed, crashing hormonally, and trying to sleep when the baby sleeps is anxiety inducing.

My husband told her no but she’s still pushing for it so she can help with nights and he can get decent sleep.

I’m on the fence because I don’t want to disturb my husband’s sleep and I don’t really know what I’ll need postpartum. I appreciate her desire to help and the excitement over her first grandbaby. We’re literally neighbors so it’s not like I’m gatekeeping the baby from her.

However, I imagined getting to be comfy in my own home and bed, where I can be topless while I learn to breastfeed and establish our own little routine. Not to mention my husband getting to bond with his baby too!

Am I being unrealistic/ungrateful? Should I just consider it another uncomfortable aspect of postpartum and get through it? It’s only 40 days.
If not, what’s a good compromise?

I’m in the last few weeks of my first pregnancy now and we’ve chosen baby’s middle name but are still undecided on first name.

From the beginning, we had a name in mind. I loved it and still do. It’s my top favorite and meets all our criteria!

However, in my second trimester, we made a list of our top 5 favorite names (including the og name) and sent it out to our families. Each family member picked their favorite but we made it clear that it wasn’t a popularity contest, this was just for fun and that we’re the final decision makers regardless of what gets votes or doesn’t.

My husband’s family was split between two names but haven’t pushed at all which I greatly appreciate!

The initial name we loved didn’t receive any votes but I don’t care. I still love it and meant what we said about naming our son not being a popularity contest. My husband feels that since it didn’t get any votes we shouldn’t use it and that we should just choose from the top 2 that our families voted on. I told him I don’t like those names as much as this one but he’s dead set on either Emiliano or Enrique. If I have to settle, I’d choose Enrique but I don’t want to have to settle with our first (and potentially only) baby/son. Of course I told him this.

If he told me that he didn’t like the name as much anymore, I could understand that. The fact that his reasoning is more “it didn’t get votes” is what bothers me. Especially since his family isn’t even being pushy about it! There’s literally no pressure on him to choose the name they chose.

At this point, we’ve decided to wait till the baby arrives and see what he looks like. I’m really hoping that my husband will come back around to our original name but also preparing to use the name I don’t love.

I know it’s the hormones but I’m kinda grieving not getting to use this name which I know is so dramatic lol.

Did anyone else go through this or similar? How did it turn out? How did you cope? Does this actually matter or am I just being hormonal?

For context: I’m a SAHM and my husband is the sole breadwinner. He is the oldest and only son. We are very close to my in laws and live near them.

I’ve noticed a trend around special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s/Father’s Day, etc. My husband will invite his parents out to a restaurant with us (which implies we’re paying since we invited) and they will scoff at the restaurant choice and say they don’t want to go there and want to go to X restaurant instead.

Right off the bat, this is rude to me especially because the restaurants they pick are almost always more expensive or far and they expect my husband to drive them.
On the other hand, I understand wanting to pick the restaurant when it’s your birthday or something.

There’s also a sort of hierarchy when it comes to who pays for things too it seems. When my FIL is present, my husband only pays for himself and I. However, if we are out with just my MIL or any/all of my SILs, the expectation is that my husband will pay for everyone.

For example, once while at their house, my husband and I decided to make a quick trip to the grocery store for snacks. A SIL asked to come with us and we all left. She starts filling the cart with like family size boxes of treats and particularly expensive brands of ice cream. We think nothing of it and as we’re waiting in line she says, “I didn’t bring any money.” My husband asked her why she’d come then and told her he’ll buy her stuff but she has to share it. She, notoriously hates sharing, and protested, including making snide comments about how he gives me access to money and buys me stuff.
This woman is gainfully employed in her 30’s.

Another time, we invited a different SIL to come to a theme park near us that included needing to purchase an access pass. I informed her of this and sent her all the information for her to purchase her pass online. Come the day of the event, we pick her up and, 45 minutes into the drive, she tells us that she didn’t purchase the pass and we will now have to wait in line on opening day to purchase her pass at the entrance. We’re annoyed because we specifically ordered online so we WOULDN’T have to wait in line.

Regardless, we’re in line for almost an hour, and once there’s only a few people in front of us she tells us she didn’t bring her card (and they don’t accept cash). My husband is beyond annoyed at this point and leaves the line. She turns to me and asks if I have his card and I told her no so she starts panicking and starts texting my husband, her mom, and idek who else. I text my husband to ignore her and that I’ve got it taken care of.

We get to the front of the line and she tries to order a whole season pass but I stopped her and told the clerk that we’d be redeeming one of my season pass perks for a 1 day ticket for a friend.
I told her, very sweetly, that this would cover today and if she liked it and decided she wanted to come back, then she can get her own season pass later. She was visibly annoyed but so were we. She then proceeded to beg my husband for every overpriced snack, toy, or t-shirt in the park. She’s also gainfully employed in her 30’s and her mom ended up buying her season pass.

My husband takes wonderful care of me and we are very blessed to not struggle to make ends meet but we are by no means wealthy. I don’t know what gives his family the impression that we have the ability to fund their every whim when we’re present. It’s frustrating to us both but I also understand that he’s the oldest and maybe they see him as the responsible one. Are we overreacting??

For context: I’m a SAHM of 4 and currently pregnant.
Due to some recent events in our marriage, trust issues have arisen and I asked if I could go to individual therapy. Husband is uninterested and feels it’s “having a defeatist attitude” but agreed reluctantly that I could go if I really wanted. Initially, he wanted to listen in, but not participate but due to scheduling conflicts that has yet to happen.

Now, he’s saying that he thinks my mental health would benefit more from no longer watching drama/gossip content. He says that it only encourages me to compare our life and relationship to others. He says other people’s opinions outside our marriage shouldn’t matter to me and that I should watch documentaries or productive content instead.

Mind you, he’s an avid gamer and sports watcher but he says those have benefits like, memorization of stats, hand eye coordination, problem solving and reflexes, and actively engaging his brain better than the mindless chatter I consume.
He has tried to get me into gaming and sports and I will participate for him but I don’t enjoy it personally. I don’t limit his consumption in any way and even enable him to continue by bringing his meals to him while he games and setting up sports streaming for wherever he wants to watch it so he doesn’t miss anything.

I’m honestly a little bit frustrated. I feel like he’s blaming our marital problems on me and my content consumption when him and his is far more devastating to the trust issue we’re having.
I also feel like he gets free time with no limits on how or even where he spends his time, while I’m stuck at home with restrictions on what I can and can’t consume.
I want to trust my husband. I want to respect him and his desires for me. I’m just struggling with resentment about having to change things, when I wasn’t even the one who broke the relationship.

7 months pregnant, husband cheated and I’m just feeling crummy about myself. I’ve never been super girly and thought he didn’t care but I clearly need to step up my game!

I know literally nothing about makeup, but I’m willing to learn/practice. I can’t use a lot of skincare right now because I’m pregnant so I’ve just been keeping my skin clear. Maybe I can whiten my teeth too and soften my skin with a cheap good smelling lotion? Idk but once the baby is born I can do more. I just don’t want to spend a lot. So cheap, easy, and low maintenance recommendations are most appreciated.

For my hair, I have very long hair but I never really style it. It’s always either a bun, ponytail, or braid. I want to be more creative and look like I tried more.

I’m changing the way I dress. I can’t exactly dress sexy right now because not much fits but normally wear T-shirts and jeans even pre-pregnancy. I’m thinking wear tighter and lower cuts and wear less/sexier stuff when we’re at home. Once I have the baby and can start losing the weight (only gained 25lbs), I’ll invest in some sexier clothes. What is in the quintessential hot wife wardrobe?

Like I said previously, I do plan to lose weight and just tighten up my body overall. I currently weigh 155lbs at 5’4, but was previously 130lbs. My goals are to be 120lbs, tighten my core, and get a better butt. So any postpartum workout ideas are welcome!

Honestly, I just don’t feel attractive anymore. I’ve been wearing the same shirt for 3 days and haven’t showered because what’s the point? But I know that’s not the mindset that will get my marriage in a better place and I want to better myself for him and for me.

Also I’m open to anything I missed, like I said I’m not naturally girly and don’t know what I don’t know!
So please help a clueless sister out!

My MIL and I go to church together regularly every Sunday. As a SAHM, it has been wonderful to have a community, especially of other moms. I genuinely enjoy going and it’s been great to bond with my Mil and save money by going together. Truthfully, if it weren’t for her I wouldn’t get to go because I don’t drive and wouldn’t want to spend the money for an uber or ask my husband to wake up so early on his day off just to take me. My husband is uninterested in participating but fine with me going and happy with the arrangement if I am.

Recently, my MIL has gotten increasingly more pushy for him and his other adult siblings to go with us. She asks me each week if he’s coming and I consistently tell her, “no, he doesn’t want to and that’s ok.”

Now fast forward to Mother’s Day: she went on a tangent over lunch about how it breaks her heart that he doesn’t believe in G-d and that he’s giving the devil control of his life. He just HAS to come to church with us because it’s so great and your wife (me) loves it!

Now for context I enjoy the community of my church, however I have personally held beliefs that I’m certain don’t align with my MIL (I believe in a higher power, I don’t believe in a physical hell). We haven’t discussed theological differences and i think she just assumes I believe the same as her.

I know her heart is in the right place. If I believed that my children would be lost to me forever and were damned to eternal torment upon their deaths for not believing exactly what I do, maybe I would act the same way. However, at this point, she’s pushing too hard and getting the opposite effect of what she’s hoping.

My husband is an honorable, morally upstanding man who takes care of his family and loves us well. He is the epitome of a great husband and father and I respect him exponentially for not needing the threat of hell to be so wonderful. To describe him as “giving the devil control of his life” is laughable at best.

She also uses me to guilt her other children. She says things like, “Don’t you want to come with us? Dyno Chicken Nugget goes with me every week.” It’s like she’s trying to start a competition between us and that’s not my intent in going at all. She’s begun bribing them (including my husband) with, “we’ll get food after!”despite the fact they’re all grown and perfectly capable of acquiring their own meals anytime they want. 1 SIL has come a few times out of obligation.

I feel, as though, I have become the golden child. She uses me as the example of what she wants to her own kids and I’m afraid it will breed contempt for me. I have reiterated to her that I enjoy going but I won’t force my husband to. When she invites her kids to church in front of me, I always give them an out like, “—but only if you want to! You don’t have to!” I don’t want them to group me into her [gesturing wildly] whatever this is.

I recently told my husband that, while I do really enjoy church, if he ever feels that my presence there is enabling his mom to be insufferable that I will choose him over church with her. He told me as long as I enjoy going, he doesn’t mind but appreciates knowing where I stand.

I’m really sad at the idea of perhaps having to give up (at some point) the community I love and the friends I’ve made, but my family comes first always.

I’m currently pregnant with our first baby and the first grandbaby in the family. My husband and I are very excited but we’re also very private and introverted.

My MIL decided she wanted to plan a baby shower and originally made it a huge deal. She wanted a big party at a very expensive venue with nearly 100 people (most of whom my husband and I didn’t know). My husband and I felt uncomfortable with this, especially taking gifts from strangers, and told her we’d prefer not to have a baby shower at all. She insisted that we celebrate because this is her first grandbaby so she wants all her friends there and also that getting gifts will take some of the pressure off us. My husband told her, “fine, but we’re not paying for a party we don’t want so it’s on you (my mil) to cover it.” She seemed unfazed by this but has sense changed venue ideas a handful of times since each time getting cheaper and cheaper.

Her most recent plan is a much smaller free venue, still inviting her full guest list and telling them not to bring gifts, but also telling my husband he needs to cover food for everyone. She told me this separately and hasn’t informed my husband of her plan yet. I obviously told her that’s a bad idea and told my husband immediately. My husband is understandably upset because 1. He already told her we don’t want the party or any financial responsibility for it and 2. The only relevant selling point for us was helping us prepare for baby’s arrival so now it’s essentially just celebrating that she’s a grandma and he has to pay to feed her guest list? It’s not happening obviously.

At this point, we only have a few more months and she hasn’t followed through on any invitations or booking anything. We’re hoping she just loses steam and runs out of time. However, if she does somehow pull something together, we will most likely not be attendance and her guests will be left very hungry. 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️

For context I am a SAHM and my husband is the sole provider. We have both chosen this dynamic and it works well for us. I do all the cooking and the majority of the cleaning but I’m not resentful of it in the slightest! I enjoy being home and having my own schedule and am grateful for husband’s hard work and supportiveness.

My MIL and SIL in particular seem to think that my husband is just a pos who just wants a maid. They make comments about how I must miss having a job, how he’s stingy about money (because we have a budget) or that he doesn’t take me out enough or buy me enough things. My SIL, in particular, gets annoyed anytime she catches me cleaning something and loves to tell me he should be doing it instead. They have now started asking HIM if I can go out with them rather than asking me as if he has me chained to the stove or something.

My FIL is absolutely an abusive man and I think they paint my husband with the same brush purely because he’s also a man. However, my husband is a patient, gentle, and kind man in spite of his father and I’m so proud of the wonderful husband and father he is. It’s really discouraging and disappointing that his own family assumes the worst about him seemingly because he’s the only other man. Besides this, they are really very nice people. I appreciate that they’re concerned for my well-being but not to the detriment of my husband’s reputation. I like spending time with them but their shit talking of him just ruins the vibe of our hangouts.

What do I do?

How can salvage the relationship with his family and demand that they respect him and our dynamic?