u/electric_goudacheese

So I am an aspiring pilot. Overall my mom has been unsupportive. She thought I’m not actually serious about it and it’s a waste of money at first. She sort of warmed up to it but only under the condition I enrolled in a paralegal course to set me up for a higher salary to keep funding my training.

I plan to fly on weekends and use my full time job to pay for lessons. I don’t expect any financial support from her.

I scheduled my medical exam and was hesitant to tell her. I’m also still getting trained at my job and finishing my degree so it didn’t feel important to let her know. I’m 22 years old. I drive myself and have a full time job. Why should I have to tell my mom about every single thing I do? I’m already working on bettering myself so I can move out.

I started my current job very recently so I haven’t saved enough to move out.

Anyway my mom became angry with her when I let her know about my appointment the day of. And she’s been acting cold, treating me harshly and giving me the distant treatment. She doesn’t want to support it financially or emotionally but she goes berserk bc I didn’t give her multiple days notice of the exam?

EDIT: Should have prefaced this by saying the only things I’ve paid for so far are a discovery flight and a med exam. I believe my priority should be moving out at this point. Flight lessons can wait a bit longer

So for context, this guy and I have already broken up, but one thing I wrestled with during the relationship was feeling guilty for wanting to leave him over his chemical sensitivity (specifically because he became harder and harder to accommodate)

When I first started dating my ex, I quickly changed all my shampoo and conditioner for his chemical sensitivity, which makes him allergic to artificial fragrances and other chemicals. Then I started doing my laundry differently. I stopped using all my favorite perfumes and products. Even when he wasn’t around for weeks bc it was long distance, I still found myself avoiding perfume.

Then dish detergent. I was happy to do this. I keep parrots as pets and there’s a lot of overlap between accommodating chemical sensitivity and accommodating parrots sensitive respiratory functions. But over time no matter how much I changed, it just never seemed to be enough. One day I was sitting and chatting with him, and he flippantly pushed my hair away from his while I was talking to him.

It killed my mood so bad. It was hard not to dump him on the spot for that. I almost couldn’t take it anymore. Imagine changing all your personal hygiene products, laundry detergent, and dish detergent for the person you love just for them to push you away because they smell a ~little~ something? It’s infuriating

My ex and I broke up on bad terms and I’ve been reflecting a lot on it. One big feature about the relationship was that I confided in him about all my betrayals, dark moments, insecurities everything. He was always there for me to listen, and I did the same for him.

Days before the break up I started feeling like maybe it would be best to call it off because I’ve shared too much and he has too much ammunition. Maybe it would be better to start over for a new guy and present a better image to him. For example, he made a joke about me being bad at math. He only knew that bc was vulnerable and humble enough with him to let him tutor me for a big exam at the beginning of the relationship.

Eventually the break up happened and he let loose a ton of insults and all of them related to painful experiences I told him about. I told him about the time I friendzoned a guy and he insulted me by calling me immature, so he called me immature. I vented to him about how no matter how humble and dutiful I try to be, my parents still call me spoiled, so he called me spoiled.

I wasn’t rlly blindsided because it wouldn’t be the first time someone weaponized sensitive info against me . I’m pretty used to thinking my relationship with someone is fine, and the they one day blow up about things that I never realized were a problem.

I’m starting to think that you can’t truly be vulnerable with anyone.

At the end of the day, it’s up to me to answer the question, but I wanted to come here to get more answers. For reference. I’m 22 years old. I just graduated college. I haven’t been happy with my life in the United States for the past 4 years. I feel so burnt out by the hustle culture. And I feel that I’m in a toxic environment that doesn’t fulfill me. My love life, family life, work life, social life … just not happy

I first considered dropping everything and moving to Croatia to be with my best friend, who is from there.
I feel that she is the truest friend I have in this world. It might sound crazy to jump oceans just for an online friend, but I don’t plan on relying on her for everything. But her friendship has done so much for me overseas, I can’t help but wonder how great I would feel if I knew she was nearby.

My plan is to take a quick vacation there to make sure it’s what I want. Maybe 2 weeks to a month, before I do anything drastic.

I don’t have enough work experience to move just yet, but once I have it I think it’s a risk I want to take. I just feel like I need a fresh start. I don’t like my life here.

I’m going through a break up. It’s still very fresh. TLDR felt like my life was expected to orbit his career ambition and feeling taken for granted.

I know this isn’t the healthy way to think. But to ME… romantic love is the best thing in the world. When I don’t have it, it feels like my life is meaningless, like it has no direction. Meaningless because I don’t have someone in my corner who loves me romantically. When I’m single I can be happy for a while but then there’s the tortuous nights where I cry myself to sleep because I get extremely neurotic without skin to skin contact, and when I feel like I will never find someone else. Hell, just knowing I have that special someone on the other line, hearing the voice of a boyfriend keeps me sane.

The longest I’ve been single between relationships is 3 years. I got through it simply because I forcibly convinced myself that I never wanted a relationship again and number my emotions. Eventually I forgot what it felt like to be someone’s girlfriend and the sad feelings went away for a while. But eventually it came back and seeing other happy couples while I was alone felt like the most exquisite torture.

How can I make it feel less like torture? For reference I do have some distractions. I’m interviewing for a new full time job. I’m getting into flight training to become a pilot. I signed up for this paralegal certificate program.

Not that anyone should recommend it but I have never rebounded and don’t really have the ability to bc I just don’t have it in me to be with someone just to get over someone else.

We broke up 2 days ago. I’ve been able to get rid of 2 bouquets he got me bc I’ve gotten rid of ex boyfriend flowers in the past, but this was a bracelet he wove with his own hands. I love the person who wove the bracelet so much, but the person he was at the end was someone I didn’t recognize. I touch it and feel it to feel close to the time when the relationship was good.

Before the mean jokes and entitlement came along. I realized that there was this quiet expectation for my life to revolve around his career, and for my ambitions to take him into consideration, but never the other way around.

But it’s still so hard to get rid of this bracelet.

It feels like the whole relationship was a lie. I confided in him about so much. My now ex is saying I’ve acted spoiled, aloof and disrespectful to his family and friends. I’m just so confused bc I got along with everyone he introduced me to. I never had any issues with his parents. He didn’t even want to speak with me on the phone for us to end things properly. I know I’m a flawed person, but wow. He’s really put me through the gauntlet. He used all the same insults that I confided in him about. This is probably one of the cruelest breakups I’ve ever been through, even though part of me wanted it

Let’s say his name is Eli.
Me (22f) and Eli (18m) have been dating for 4 months.
I hesitated about our age difference at first but we seemed to get along so well.

Some context:
He is very dedicated to his studies and got accepted into a very prestigious internship. I was sad that he would be away all summer but I knew it was the best for him. So I planned to see him off the airport.

His family has fragrance allergy

On the days leading up to his sendoff, we started discussing logistics. He said that because his mom hates driving, he would love if I could drive everyone to the airport. I was initially OK with the plan because I thought they would come to my house and I would hop in their car to drive them. But then he asked again and said he wanted me to use my car, bring it to his place (30 min away from mine) have his mom smell it to make sure it was neutral enough, and then drive the entire round trip.

No one offered any gas reimbursement, and I expressed my feelings to him on the day of his send off.

I can see how it was a dick move. I can see here how I am the asshole in this sense. I wasn’t trying to ruin his big day, but I felt like there was NEVER going to be a good time to say something. I felt like I wasn’t wanted there unless I was contributing financially.

If I said it during his internship, it’s still be the asshole. If I waited the whole summer to say something I would be the asshole.

But I can’t help but wonder. If his mom hates driving, why couldn’t he drive her? What about his older brother? Her husband?

I’m really confused as to why the responsibility fell on me.

Now he hates me and says I’m being controlling and I’ve totally ruined everything.

If diving into foreign language really matters to me, is the officer route not the best choice?

I'm about to get my bachelors degree in Communications and I've been putting a package together to apply for Army OCS. It's my understanding that the enlisted position is more hands on and being an officer is a lot of desk work. I want to leverage my degree and come in with better QOL, but I'm worried that I won't actually get to dive into foreign language specialization or go to DLI

Maybe relevant info: I have a background in foreign languages. I took Japanese for 2 semesters in my senior year, and I had been teaching myself the language before that. I'm also conversational but not fluent in Portuguese in spanish.