u/elijolie

I'm so frustrated. I had a relatively decent day with food yesterday. I've been struggling recently, but not full-on binging, just eating too much of the wrong foods.

But then, last night. I went to bed a bit early, about 9:00. I thought I was tired. I laid there and my damn body told me I was hungry. My stomach was even growling, like I could HEAR it! But I had eaten over 2300 calories that day. I shouldn't have been physically hungry!

I couldn't get to sleep, I was preoccupied with hunger. So I got up and ate a lot of junk. Anything I could find. Luckily I do purposely try not to keep certain things in my home. But I ate stuff like nuts, raisins, crackers...anything.

I'm so frustrated.

And this morning, I paid for my mistake in the bathroom. 💩 💩 💩 (sorry TMI)

I'm on disability for my Bipolar, which I am incredibly grateful for. I am also on low-income housing.

But what do I say to someone new who asks what I do for work? Or how I can afford my rather new/nice apartment?

I really don't want to tell them that I'm crazy until we get to know each other better.

But I don't want to lie!

What should I say?

Numbers can really get into my head and mess with me. Once upon a time I was an accountant, so numbers stick in my head.

I have decided that I really don't like the Points system. When I get punished 9 points for choosing a different brand of yogurt, that has the same amount of calories as a 3 point yogurt...it really F's with my brain.

I have tried switching to All-In Mode, but then I really struggle to get my protein.

I think I just want to track calories only. Maybe on another app, like LoseIt! or MFP. But I'm already paying for WW, and those apps don't have a barcode scanner on the free version.

Or should I just keep trying?

I joined 4 months ago (this time around...member in 2006 & 2011). I have not yet made it one single month tracking honestly, without ending up with negative weeklies. It's very discouraging!

I thought I had IBS-D for many years.

Then I finally got control over my binge eating, and started eating healthier, particularly more fruits/vegetables/beans...fiber.

I had "normal" poops 💩 for maybe a couple of months.

Then...I fell off the wagon, started eating crap again...and now I'm in the bathroom all day & night.

It's entirely my own fault.

I have Medicare & Silver Sneakers and I believe I can get a membership for free.

I'm actually 45 F but I get Medicare for a (mental illness) disability.

My main reasons to choose Planet Fitness versus other options are the "judgement-free" claims, and it says they will help you use the equipment for free. Is that true? Or do I have to pay for personal training to learn how to use the equipment? I'm referring to the strength training/weight lifting equipment. What I really don't know is how to correctly position all the knobs & levers.

A couple years ago, I actually did outpatient treatment for my eating disorder. I saw an ED therapist weekly, and a registered dietitian monthly, for about a year.

I feel like I didn't listen to a d@mn word they said!!

I recently joined Weight Watchers again. I just keep remembering that I lost 75 pounds in 2006-07 and 50 pounds in 2010-11 and I think hey, maybe I can do it again.

But it's just a fancy way of restricting. And we all know that restricting (often, not always) leads to binging.

If I just try the Intuitive Eating approach, don't track anything, try to eat when hungry & stop when full...I'm less emotionally distressed...but I eat things I shouldn't.

Is there some kind of "happy medium" between tracking every bite, and Intuitive Eating?