u/emilysavaje1

I have nobody. I only know my parents. I tried posting in the other sub but I specifically need someone who’s not trying to sleep with me. I hate using apps. I need someone’s phone number. I am so desperate.

I also have celiac so my options are already limited by that too. But I haven’t been on a first date in almost 9 years. I met my first partner in person when I was 19 and we were together for 8 years. We went to a movie but I can’t watch movies in theaters anymore and that’s not a good first date anyway.

I’ve been extremely isolated during that time, wasn’t around anyone who was dating or even made new friends. I have no idea how to hang out with someone one on one anymore. I have no idea how to date. But one of the biggest blocks is that I don’t know what other people do together. I only know what I like doing alone. And none of that stuff is good for dates.

Also I don’t understand going to “get coffee”. For me coffee was always a personal morning routine and specifically alone time. I rarely drink it anymore and also have concerns about cross contamination anyway. But that’s apparently what people do for first dates? “Get coffee”? But that’s just picking up a drink? That’s not a social activity? What do you do once you have it? I used to ignore everyone and watch YouTube and knit so that’s obviously not gonna work on a date.

And finally this has nothing to do with striking out on the apps. I’m having fantastic luck and just keep ghosting because I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t need hype. I don’t need commiseration. I need instructions.

I’m so good at meeting people. But I don’t know what to do next. I keep telling everyone I know in ver clear, plain English but they won’t help. They will not understand. They just keep trying to hype me up. I don’t know the rules. How long is long enough to give someone my number? Or is Snapchat still what people use first? What do I do after that? I don’t drive, live alone, and am too scared to take an uber for the first time alone. How long is long enough to meet someone irl? How do I know I can trust someone enough to know them irl? How do I meet them without them picking me up at my house? How does everyone else know how to socializr but they cant teach me? What is modern “internet stranger danger” etiquette?

I really like this mattress but it didn’t last long. I hate the soft side. Where should I be looking for similar mattresses?

Isn’t YouTube supposed to be based on your internet history and shit? I’m not on any vpns or anything and I’m on my phone googling shit all day. Why am I always being advertised things and places I can’t eat. I’m never looking this stuff up. I literally only look up the very specific restaurants around me that I can safely eat at, like three times a year.

They’re legitimately starting to piss me off. They’re so much more of a waste of my time than other ads. I fucking hate them. They’re constant. Every few minutes someone wants me to buy a burger or eat at their buffet or dive straight into a bin of wheat gluten 🤪 like wtf leave me alone I have so much shit going on making me miserable.

Exposure therapy doesn’t work. I’ve been home for 14 hours and I still haven’t come down!!! I ate and slept and I still haven’t come down!! What the fuck is wrong with me. Left the house with minimal anxiety. Almost none while I was out. But I’m already dreading the next time I have to leave the house!! I don’t understand anything anymore. I don’t know what to do.

I get no reward. My anxiety never gets better. It’s always a bad experience. I can’t take care of myself on the days I have to leave the house. I can’t eat enough. I can’t drink enough water. I can’t sleep right.

Today I just did a couple hours of shopping with my sisters. I had fun ig while I was out. I wasn’t really anxious. The problem is that it took me the few hours I was awake to just feed my pets and shower. I didn’t eat. I was hydrated okay. But when I get home I can’t come down. I’m always uncomfortable even at home. When I get home I can’t get “comfortable” again for HOURS. I got home at 8:30, it’s midnight now. I’ve had less than 600 calories today and I had one glass of water when I got home. Because there’s something I need before I can have those things. I can’t come down and relax enough to eat or even get fucking water. And now I’ll be up all night just waiting for whatever it is that I need to come down until I’m too tired to keep my eyes open or the sun comes up.

It doesn’t matter how many times I leave the house!! The problem is coming home!!