u/enjoythefish

Hey. It would be a year now since we last saw each other, and it’s been one hundred days and a little over a week since I heard your voice. Never did I think I’d go so long without hearing you, and maybe I haven’t come to terms fully with the possibility that it could’ve been the final time.

If you feel like there hasn’t been enough space from each other yet, or maybe you just don’t want to hear from me anymore, I’m sorry. That’s the last time I’m going to apologize though, because I’m not reaching out to do that. I’m not trying to reconcile, to fix anything, or even offer friendship.

Remember when we want to the amusement park? I wish I told you this, but that was the happiest day of my life. I kept smushing into you on that one ride as it spun. There was the carousel and you were riding on a pig. When I got some shaved ice before we left the park, you asked for a few bites and then ended up having more than half of it.

I’ve thought about that day a lot ever since we stopped talking, and at first I’d always eject it before allowing it to rewind because it just upset me. Yet, recently, when it pops back up again, I’ve been able to gradually let it play out in full. It still hurts, but now it’s a memory I can smile about again, even through tears.

You once said, when we didn’t know if we were breaking up or not a while ago, that you’d miss me and see me in everything. I think I get it now, not that I didn’t understand your words before, but the feeling behind them. It took me until now basically to arrive at that point, because I was just too hurt and confused before.

We’re separate people with our own experiences and pathways. As much as I wanted to continue to have gone the same direction, I’d never want to hold you back from something new, and finding happiness in different places.

I regret not taking the initiative to have the tough conversations more, not figuring out the logistics of closing the gap, but I don’t want you to have ever been under the impression that it would’ve been a mistake for me to do so. Never ever were any of the long plane rides a sacrifice. Being with you wouldn’t have been one either, because we’d be together.

Maybe, somewhere inside I was afraid of forcing my idea of a happy life onto you.

But I won’t harbor the regrets and let them take control, because now I can fully appreciate what we had, the love you gave me and allowed me to give. That two separate people so far away from each other were able to share four years of love is a miracle by itself.

I’ll never forget it. I’ll never think we would’ve been better off without it. I’ll never believe it was unequal. My heart will carry the pieces of yours forever, even if in the end we’re destined to remain as just memories.

Thank you, 🍀. Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me realize that I can love, and be loved. Thank you for being in my life, and for letting me be in yours.

My love is with you, now and forever. Whenever it doesn’t hurt so much, I hope remembering me brings you a smile.

That smile I’m so fond of.

Hey. It would be a year now since we last saw each other, and it’s been one hundred days and a little over a week since I heard your voice. Never did I think I’d go so long without hearing you, and maybe I haven’t come to terms fully with the possibility that it could’ve been the final time.

If you feel like there hasn’t been enough space from each other yet, or maybe you just don’t want to hear from me anymore, I’m sorry. That’s the last time I’m going to apologize though, because I’m not reaching out to do that. I’m not trying to reconcile, to fix anything, or even offer friendship.

Remember when we want to the amusement park? I wish I told you this, but that was the happiest day of my life. I kept smushing into you on that one ride as it spun. There was the carousel and you were riding on a pig. When I got some shaved ice before we left the park, you asked for a few bites and then ended up having more than half of it.

I’ve thought about that day a lot ever since we stopped talking, and at first I’d always eject it before allowing it to rewind because it just upset me. Yet, recently, when it pops back up again, I’ve been able to gradually let it play out in full. It still hurts, but now it’s a memory I can smile about again, even through tears.

You once said, when we didn’t know if we were breaking up or not a while ago, that you’d miss me and see me in everything. I think I get it now, not that I didn’t understand your words before, but the feeling behind them. It took me until now basically to arrive at that point, because I was just too hurt and confused before.

We’re separate people with our own experiences and pathways. As much as I wanted to continue to have gone the same direction, I’d never want to hold you back from something new, and finding happiness in different places.

I regret not taking the initiative to have the tough conversations more, not figuring out the logistics of closing the gap, but I don’t want you to have ever been under the impression that it would’ve been a mistake for me to do so. Never ever were any of the long plane rides a sacrifice. Being with you wouldn’t have been one either, because we’d be together.

Maybe, somewhere inside I was afraid of forcing my idea of a happy life onto you.

But I won’t harbor the regrets and let them take control, because now I can fully appreciate what we had, the love you gave me and allowed me to give. That two separate people so far away from each other were able to share four years of love is a miracle by itself.

I’ll never forget it. I’ll never think we would’ve been better off without it. I’ll never believe it was unequal. My heart will carry the pieces of yours forever, even if in the end we’re destined to remain as just memories.

Thank you, 🍀. Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me realize that I can love, and be loved. Thank you for being in my life, and for letting me be in yours.

My love is with you, now and forever. Whenever it doesn’t hurt so much, I hope remembering me brings you a smile.

That smile I’m so fond of.

Truly, this job might be the best I’ve ever had in my life; all my coworkers are super sweet, I’m seen as a valuable part of the staff, the busiest of rushes is more manageable than the last dish job I had, I live five minutes away from work… by WALKING! Oh and the pay is extremely good when factoring the tips.

Really, it’s great.

But in the next few years, I have to get the fuck out of there.

At my last dish job, which lasted around 6 months, I swore to myself I’d never work in a kitchen again. Really, it was mostly because the head chef was an actual fucking psycho and made the atmosphere wretched whenever he was around. At this new place, it made me realize in retrospect that I actually enjoy the pace of kitchen work. I have ADHD so maybe I like the fact that there’s always something happening, and that naturally, shit will slip through the cracks.

But now, after a cumulative 3+ years in the restaurant business, including a brief stint at a Pizza Hut, I’m not sure how much I have left in me. The hard part is that there’s nothing inherently wrong about any of it… But I want to move on to something that’ll give me more purpose and requires a different type of effort out of me.

I’ve been going to community college and decided that I want to become a registered nurse. I know the jump in careers is a bit odd, and while I’m going through all the efforts to get my prerequisites and eventually get into the program, I’ll keep washing dishes.

It’s a good job, and us dishies don’t get nearly enough respect put on our names.

I’m putting this under help, mostly because I would love to hear others perspectives on this all.

Without getting too into detail, I wan in an LDR with someone across the ocean for a little over four years. We made each other very happy and would visit when possible. The distance was hard for sure, don’t even get me wrong, especially because we didn’t have an exact concrete plan on how/when we’d close the gap, but they seemed to have the most difficulty finding ways of coping with it.

At the start of the relationship, I wasn’t sure if I’d be willing to leave everything behind for them. Eventually though, I saw this person as someone I’d love to make a new life with, and told them I’d be willing to do that. However, actually discussing the logistics of it all was part of the problem…

Anytime things would get stressful, especially in regard to the relationship, they would clam up and/or push me away. They knew that they would do this and that it hurt me a lot, as it would sometimes last a few months at a time. They’d withhold affection, not discuss their feelings, etc. It was never an intentional act of cruelty or anything like that, and every time I’d break through to them they’d always end up in tears. I would comfort them and tell them that it’s okay because I knew they have plenty on their plate (OCD, a very cold family that would dismiss their issues, and other trauma) and I’d always insist that things would be easier if they could learn how to be more vulnerable.

When it came to the actual breakup itself, earlier this year, in response to me bringing up that point about communication and vulnerability, they said “I don’t think it helps for me I’m sorry.” And that has really bothered me and stuck with me since. How can they say that when they’ve barely put in the effort into actually doing so?

During the conversation as things turned more emotional on my end, I pointed that out. This was the first time I had ever gotten openly mad with them.

They hid behind repeating that it was just the distance that was causing this, despite it having been maybe almost a year since the last time we attempted having a serious discussion about it and everything seeming fine a week before hand. But when I did point out that it wasn’t fair to say that communication doesn’t help since they hadn’t really put the effort into it, they just said “I can’t hold up my side of this anymore clearly.”

I was and sort of still am at a loss with everything, even though I am feeling much better now. It seemed like the stress of the whole situation was too much for them and they wanted to cut and run asap, despite taking on the role of the one ending things. A lot of memories of conversations and stuff that has happened in the relationship started cropping up in my brain.

For example, when they had once been really having a tough time for a few weeks, I asked how they were doing/how their day was going as we usually would. Their response? Blowing off my question entirely and just asking how I was doing. I got short with them after this, telling them that I was going to leave them alone for the day if they were going to be like this. I came back a few hours later to apologize, and they apologized as well, but that whole interaction still bothers me. Especially the fact that I was apologizing! For what?

They also said during the breakup they didn’t want to tell me something that was upsetting them that sort of tied into the entire situation because they hated seeing me upset, saying that it always broke their heart hearing me cry. While I at first, and honestly sort of do, still believe that, at the same time it feels as though the blame was partially on me for having reactions.

Anyway… sorry I rambled on and maybe lost focus a little… I just want to hear what others insight.

Hi there! lately some life events have made me (25M) consider how I want my future to look. I know for a fact that I want a fairly comfortable retirement, work in a job that gives me more purpose, and if possible, I’d like to leave the states ASAP.

I’ve worked off and on in the restaurant industry for the past three years, while kind of just floating through 44 credits worth of community college (Portland Community College) without any real idea of what I’d like to do. I’ll admit that I don’t have a lot to my name, and have literally zero to no knowledge of healthcare. None of the credits I have completed have anything to do with healthcare (except two low level psych classes I suppose) so maybe, I’m a little in over my head.

However, I still want to pursue nursing regardless, particularly with an interest in physical therapy and podiatry. I would at least like to aim for getting an ADN, and maybe after getting some experience I’ll try for a BSN. I want to get the ball rolling on this as soon as I possibly can, preferably when Autumn comes. I know PCC has a nursing program, but from my understanding the class size is fairly small and hard to get into. Is there anything anyone knows of in the Portland/Oregon/PNW area that they could steer me in the direction of?

I hope I don’t sound too hopeless or naive. Thank you!!

I just find it funny, accidentally coming across a blog they have (which I think they don’t know that I KNOW exists and only was made after the breakup) and they posted some art with lyrics from a song attached to them. At first I didn’t want to read into it too much because I could easily just be making something up in my head, but when I saw how the song is interpreted by most people… Yeah, it’s a song about self-sabotaging relationships…
They didn’t post THAT art to their insta, which they know I KNOW exists. So I’m just sort of?????

Has anyone ever experienced this before? Like having to coax them for responses, reasons- actually having to make them say the words. Being the one who has to actually vocalize and establish the boundaries they clearly want but don’t bring up themselves. It feels like getting stabbed by someone and having to guide their knife deeper with your own hands.

thanks

Has anyone ever experienced this before? Like having to coax them for responses, reasons- actually having to make them say the words. Being the one who has to actually vocalize and establish the boundaries they clearly want but don’t bring up themselves. It feels like getting stabbed by someone and having to guide their knife deeper with your own hands.