u/epic-rain22

text convo explanation that turns into a vent

a friend sent our group chat an article about the big egg recall over salmonella. I responded "hell yes" which got a "???" from them. I explained I was relieved that people would be forced to take a break from contributing to egg production- which kills millions of male chicks every day- but said I hoped everyone affected would be okay.

my friend called me out, saying it read as me being excited about people potentially getting sick or dying, just because it might help animals. I clarified that wasn't it- I was glad about the pressure/exposure on the egg industry, not the harm to people. no response after

the next day I texted them and apologized for the timing and tone, especially since it was in a group setting. my friend said we're good, but admitted it sometimes feels like I care more about animals than people, even if they don't fully believe that's true. I tried to explain that in reality it's like feminism, it's called that but it's just about equality because women are so discriminated against. and it's not that I don't care about people, it's that I've been less of a people-pleaser about this specific issue because I feel so strongly about it. I reassured them I care about my friends deeply and that the last thing I want is to make anyone think bad of veganism.

they came back with a broader point about not liking preachy vegans who "don't understand that some people simply can't (or don't want to) go vegan" and that they shouldn't be shamed for that. they compared it to religious evangelizing, but said they don't think less of me for being vegan and actually respect that I stand up for animals. I responded with agree to disagree and we ended with I love you's. my message also included "thank you for saying that and giving me the opportunity to improve" 🙄 I'm worried I accidentally folded and misrepresented myself and my morals.

thinking back it just comes off like they were accusing me of being a preachy vegan? and I didn't take it that way at first, was just trying to give benefit of the doubt. it is definitely not a shock, but this is still very difficult to hear coming from this friend who is not only a "leftist" but also one of the only other activists in our friend group.

yet another friend my mind is now made up about. at least where they are at now in life. im too exhausted to know how to navigate further or have any motivation to pursue any kind of genuine connections with non vegans. it can't be genuine when my head won't stop reminding me of the disgusting excuses that have come out of their mouth that they stand on with such stubbornness.

cuz now I feel like the only way to move forward in our relationship is to re-visit the topic and represent myself authentically. but I feel like that means starting an argument and then boom I'm labeled preachy. why does peace have to be so unpopular. this is so fucking depressing and I feel so isolated by everyone and myself and I'm wondering if I need to just live alone and cut everyone off who makes me nauseous

I'm a baby vegan still and a week ago did a big Depop online clothes shopping spree as my wardrobe is very bare rn. In a fugue state of consumerism (lol) I bought a mohair sweater. genuinely only picked up today that that's obviously not a vegan piece and a big oopsie on my part. It was on Depop so is secondhand, and the financial damage has already been done. Do you guys think throw it out? give it to someone else?- (then this still has the issue people raise of promoting wearing animals parts for fashion etc.) Keep it? I'm still new to it all so haven't been conditioned to the vegan aspect of respect for lower beings and things outside food the entire way yet :\. Bonus question: do you still wear any preowned animal pieces e.g skin shoes that you had before going vegan?

this is kind of a lot, so bear with me

we have shared a bed for 3 years and our relationship has fluctuated from dating to fwb to cuddle buddies since we met. I convinced them to go vegan with me a few months ago. I don't feel the same passion from them for justice for animals as me-- they have explained to me that we are on the same page except for the method I choose in my activism.

I feel like people aren't angry enough, my friend feels like we should be more patient and less judgemental of non-vegans, because there's so many other unethical things we do on the daily, (I.e. plastic bags, cars, phones, etc., "no ethical consumption under capitalism") and people deserve some grace because of indoctrination and essentially they feel like I would benefit from mellowing out when it comes to my veganism. I just don't feel like it is possible. it's so hard to know what the right thing to do/say is these days.

they told me that I've ironically been less empathetic lately. I guess it has to do with my lack of patience with people in general nowadays. because most people aren't vegan and it's been tough to process it all. they tell me it makes more sense to blame corporations and not the individuals. i say that my issue is blatant speciesism and the stupid arguments people make.

recently they expressed that they feel less inclined to communicate with me any issues they feel because I have big emotional reactions to difficult topics. completely understandable. I have apologized and I want to be better. but I'm starting to think it's not just my emotional regulation that is an issue, but also just our compatibility, of course I'm going to feel sad/disappointed if I learn that they aren't in agreement with me about this kinda stuff, of course the world will keep spinning, but it does hurt, and so I express that hurt.

I asked if I could show them something to read cuz it encapsulates why I am vegan and that it would mean a lot to me. to them that came off as manipulative because if they say no I will just try harder and then they won't want to read it and I'll just be upset. after I apologized and explained that wasn't my intention and I was being genuine and that it just puts my feelings into words as I have a hard time expressing myself with my words. they said that was a better way of putting it so they were willing to read it.

I showed them this post, and after they were done reading I asked if they had any thoughts/if it helped them understand any better. they didn't answer me. I'm assuming they felt like regardless whatever they said would be taken the wrong way, like there's a right and a wrong answer, which I guess is true. so I feel stuck.

they also didn't answer me earlier when I asked what exactly is our disagreement. I don't fully understand what the issue is. but my guess is that the issue is that I am more dedicated to the cause and my feelings towards people who don't feel the same way about animals that I do are inherently negative and create a barrier between me and them. idk man. they say they do want to be vegan and that they have no desire to go back to dairy products. I say "good." cuz it's just abhorrent so yeah good it's just not a lighthearted thing for me. it's fucked up. im not gonna act "chill" about animal abuse and it feels like I'm being urged to. and if I say that it's going to come off as manipulation/not "chill"

I love them dearly. they are one of the kindest, most generous, genuine, empathetic people I've ever known. they obviously listened when I first became vegan and decided to change with me. I'm not trying to make them sound like a villain here. I wanted to date them like a month ago but that's changed since I've felt this distance around our feelings about veganism. and other reasons but regardless I don't feel like we are aligned. but why?

not sure how to feel rn. im not perfect and my behaviors have been very driven by emotion. my friends have less of an abolitionist mindset than me (which I don't feel like by definition lines up with veganism) so idk maybe that's it. my emotions around veganism come out as frustration, depression, hopelessness, anger, dismissal, very concrete. I hate feeling like they're all talking about me and it's obvious when we're all together. we are also roommates. I wish I wasn't so aware of this shit. I wish I knew what exactly comes off as elitist but now it's a loaded topic for me to ask about so now I feel like the bad guy bringing it up. fucking hate this

edit: we all also have a few carnist friends that come around often/one of them lives with us

i truly believe giving good head is a form of activism, if a non-vegan gets the best head of their life from a vegan, more than likely they'll rethink any negative views they may have about us. I really don't think isolation is the answer if we want to spread our message of peace being possible.

this goes through my head when other vegans try to say it's fucked up to fuck the oppressors

for me it essentially goes like "I'm not gonna date you and I condemn ur (brainwashed) actions, but I'll show you what this vegan can do with his tongue"

me and some friends are making a list of vegan propaganda movies/TV shows. lmk y'all's thoughts/suggestions/anything I could add to the list, I'm having fun lol

-

the lorax

free birds

finding nemo

hannibal

the matrix

beastars

attack on titan

this is just a goofy light hearted thing. alongside making gay jokes, (I'm gay as hell I was laughing w him) he called me weird for not eating meat and like 4 separate times in the past month kept saying "you gonna go get some tofu?" I'll be like hell yeah dude and I actually did yesterday after he said that lmfao. other than that he's really hot but I think he's straight and just bullying me (I'm not complaining)

I decided to post a statement on my Instagram story "if you want to keep eating meat, I don't want to be friends with you. I'm done acting like this weirdly accepted horrific cruelty is ok in any capacity. fuck off if you are speciesist advocate for violence, educate yourself, watch dominion, fight the cognitive dissonance, rise above. evolve. violence is not the answer"

It's a bit nerve wracking, but it feels good to say it out loud. I hope it gets through to some. I don't really care anymore, I only want vegan(or at the very least vegetarian otw to veganism) friends at this point. I hate the disgusting comments non vegans make on the daily. I will literally die on this hill.

I have no idea how to navigate conversations when eating flesh is brought up almost daily. I want to throw up in their faces. I try to be gentle and nice about it cuz I was a meat eater 5 months ago. but jesus christ. the vystopia hits like a train. I will remain kind and compassionate but I need to find an outlet for this rage