u/eschatologypilled

I feel so compelled to lop off my horribly bleach damaged hair into one of those cute shaggy pixies, but all the reference pics on pinterest are of girls with round or heart shaped faces and small features. I have a long and slim face unfortunately, à la Anna / sick woman from old painting. are there any celebrities/influencers who suit short hair but don’t have the babyface look? I need proof that it’s possible

and I DO know what’s good for me…

My bum hurts

I feel it’s important to stress that I am usually not at all socially awkward / anxious, and yet this is an issue that has bothered me for as long as I can remember -

What is the proper etiquette for when you pass someone on the street? I live in a big city, and I used to smile at almost everyone I passed. Eventually I cut down to smiling only at the kinds of people who usually smiled back: older people, girls my age, dog walkers, kids… this feels more normal but still has its issues. For example, how happy are you supposed to look? If you smile too much, you look crazy, and people will assume you’re drunk (London). If you smile too little but still lock eyes with someone, you look like a psychopath. Another puzzle: how long to hold the smile? If you stop smiling before breaking eye contact, the psychopath issue reemerges, and vice versa for the other way round + the crazy thing. If you stop smiling and break eye contact at the exact same time and return to a completely neutral expression, you look like an evil robot.

Should I just stop smiling at people? Do you like being smiled at in passing?

- wake up at noon
- go out for £6 matcha. listen to slayyyter on walk, feel empowered
- buy cold noodle ingredients
- get home, lie on sofa for an hour
- make cold noodles. eat half
- watch arrested development
- practice rolling skills
- send one email
- reward this achievement by getting high
- watch arrested development, eat rest of noodles
- gf home from work soon and haven’t made her food! shit!
- uber eats groceries because there are no big shops nearby
- groceries arrive. make couscous salad
- get high again. watch arrested development. fall asleep

might even wash my hair later. the night is young

Like I knew it was big but wow. Did you know the population of China is almost 1.5 billion? What the fuck? 17% of the entire population is Chinese. What the hell?

I’ve struggled with eating disorders on and off for ages, as a kid I was skinny then through my mid teens I jumped up to a pretty regular size - morbidly obese in my young eyes and in the context of my all girls school lol

anyway at that time I was a little curvy, going through puberty and that. Men liked me WAY more than they do now (ew). And I know that to most non disordered people, curvy = womanly and flat/bony = boyish. But when I lost a bunch of weight at 17 I felt for the first time in my life like an actual woman, even though literally everyone had found me so much more attractive before.

weird adult puberty at 20 granted me the blessing/curse of being able to stay naturally underweight and I KNOW that fact is part of the reason men don’t find me attractive anymore, that my girlfriend thinks I’m prettier and more feminine when I’m not too skinny, but it doesn’t matter

I know EDs aren’t all about conventional attractiveness. And I promise this isn’t about feeling dainty and delicate and being perceived as light. It’s genuinely like the higher my bmi the less I feel like a woman in my heart. It’s like I’m doing this to prove to myself that I’m female and that it’s possible for me to feel female. Does that resonate with anyone else?

is this allowed? let’s see

all I can say really is that I feel it would be nice to know some more people. I love my friends so so much but the ones who live in my city (London) / go to my uni are all on a very different vibe to me at the moment. I could probably resort to a book club or something to find a new friend but fuck it. I’ll try that if this doesn’t work!

wake up at a very reasonable time. literally 3 pieces of reading to do for an exam I have in TWO DAYS, max 15 pages each. walk 25mins round trip to get coffee (we have coffee at home). write a thousand-word personal essay for literally no reason. read a day's worth of work in reddit posts. comment on reddit posts. fill out and submit a lengthy application on my girlfriend's behalf. go on a 40min walk. organise all my documents. buy gifts for the next 3 upcoming friend birthdays. clean the kitchen including bleaching the fucking sink. still no actual work done

literally making money doing other people's uni work while mine goes untouched. at this point it's masochistic

I had a martini the other day at a trendy type east london bar. it was so amazing I asked the bartender what gin he used but have completely forgotten his answer. he showed me the bottle, it had colourful shapes on it, sort of minimalist/modern design, I've seen it behind the bar in other places around shoreditch/dalston that scene. think it's scandinavian? please help!

I suddenly despise the way I look despite not having been particularly insecure before. seeing one piece of rubbish not thrown away makes me want to scream. the sound of my flatmate eating rn has me tweaking the fuck out. I can't sit still through a whole symphony any more which used to be my cooldown meditation tactic my hands are always shaking and it's so weirdly cold at night I HATE THIS SEASON

my girlfriend is crashing with me and she's kind of messy

her life is way busier than mine so I get it but also if I spilled food or had stuff on the floor I wouldn't be able to sleep until I'd cleaned it up. even leaving a drawer/cupboard open, not putting things back where they came from, shoes not in order...

she isn't too bad but my other flatmate is MAD messy so I don't think either of them realise how much housewife-ing I'm doing while they're out. I can't do dishes because the sink is full to the brim with gross pots full of food water. how do I find my zen

and the dialogue is like 'when you said xyz... that triggered me. I feel like this is no longer a safe space for my special interest.' and she's like wow so true

is this actually what they think we are like

shameposting

when I was very young I was a bit of a fabulist, not in a sinister way, more like I loved standing up in front of my class and telling stories and I noticed that when I claimed that the stories were true, other kids were more interested. obviously I stopped after learning that for a ton of reasons you can't lie about your life to people you know

I've seen posts like I love lying to strangers at the bar! and yes sure but I feel like I'm doing it for more confusing reasons. genuinely I don't lie to seem cooler or more accomplished. a barista asked if I'm vegan or if coconut milk is just a preference and I said I'm vegan (I'm not). I told a shop assistant that I was looking for a gift for my sister (I don't have a sister). these are both yesterday. I know this is weirdo behaviour but I'm normal otherwise and don't do it to anyone except complete strangers