u/etchasketch64

Okay, first off - I'm sorry to all the men here, and I dont' mean all men, but generally speak, men suck. It alas, is the key problem in all this. The majority of men are basically selfish assholes who treat women like crap. Hell, they mostly treat other men like crap too (outside of their friend group).Edit : When I am talking about this, what I'm talking about is sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc that come from the conditioning toxic masculinity puts on men, however MOST men do follow these social norms and help to enforce them. If you have a problem with me disliking men who are sexist, men who are homophobic, and men who are transhobic....i dont' what else to say. They suck.

However, this gets into the issue. I am getting worn down, and honestly it makes me feel borderline dysphoric the pure amount of hate against "all men", and notably they use the worlds "all" and "every" in the posts, in social media. Men should not get relationships. Women should all date women because men are trash. Women are unlucky to be attracted to men because all men suck. Etc etc. And the grouping of me in with these men, these men who victimized me (and therefore I should be their ally, not their enemy) as well throughout my entire.

It bluntly makes me feel like garbage. One of the initial points where I started feeling I was nonbinary was largely because this feeling I didn't belong to "that group' of men. But my strongest feeling is MANY men belong in the same group as men. I call them "softie men" and I feel like they are much more queer adjacent, trans adjacent, gender nonconforming adjascent, etc. than the majority of men. As a teacher, I'd say 25% of boys fall into this category. Some of these boys are likely to grow up and discover they are trans women or gay men, but...many will just be straight men who are more feminine. Kinder. I want a recognition of this subcategory of men existing and to stop being freaking lumped in with the shitty men who made my life hell (and almost caused me to commit suicide) growing up.

I don't know the point of this post. I'm just exhausted seeing people saying I deserve to die alone because things other men who also victimized me did to these women.

Edit : Gender War is Literally Happening in the Comments with Everyone deciding to yell at me at the same time. I can't imagine why I find this toxic. Who knows? To be clear, I'm checking out, if you have decided to respond to this aggressively : Fuck off.

This article popped up on my facebook feed. The article makes it clear that the woman sexually assaulted the actor. And the comments, once again are full of men saying how the man should feel lucky that the rich pretty woman liked him.

I seriously can't stand it. It makes me feel so hopeless.

Yeah, so pretty serious topic. I've discussed this often in multiple places, but I was noticing a trend on instagram, where women do....physical acts toward men, and the whole thing is it is played for laughs. If it was role reversed, I am 100% sure it would just be considered sexual assault.

So, here comes my conundrum, I actually like some of the videos. They ARE funny. But the fact that the reverse is not.....tells me they aren't really okay. I also read some comments, and the most troubling comment is men saying they wouldn't like whatever is happening, and then other men making a comment like, "My toast is too buttery," or something like that. I f***ing hate that. No. People have differnet wants and desires and different limits.

In University, I dated a woman who was considered much more traditionally physically attractive than me. On top of that, I was a bit awkward odd (people thought I was funny, but...not really datable. More male-best friend for a lot of girls than a guy you wanted to date). I was a virgin by choice (i had chances) as I wanted to wait for marriage (i grew up with a Christian father, although a very progressive church, but still ultimately Christian). She raped me. And it was 100% rape. She purposely put more alcohol into my drinks (I was just starting out drinking, and was not an experienced drinker. I was really a goodie goodie). I got so drunk I passed out. When I woke up, she had already inserted my dick into her vagina. I was literally blacked out on a sofa in a PUBLIC place. When I asked her to stop (drunkenly), she kept saying, "it's fine, just let me," etc. My cousin walked in, at which point she stopped. While my cousin was (somewhat angrily) talking to the woman, i managed to roll off the sofa and get myself up. My cousin didn't really know what was going on, but he kind of saved me accidentally. I managed to walk home (which was also probably dangerous considering how drunk I was, but I just wanted to run away).

I am 100% sure most men would have told me how lucky I was if I told this storry. They wouldnt' have accepted the story as rape. Some women might have taken me seriously, but I doubted that even at the time. I was violated in an extreme way and there was no one to talk to or to help me. Still to this day, I think this event has scarred me and how I feel about sex. It has affected my ability in bed, and how I feel safe with women. I actually think one reason I hate topping is...because this event. There is always something there uncomfortable about topping and I think it is because I was forced in the first experience I ever had with it.

Anyways, i dont' have a conclusion. I just think ...if you are part of the problem, fucking stop it. Men can say they dont' like something sexual. Stop fucking telling them they have to like every fucking sexual thing. And if you aren't doing that, please join me in tellilng shaming men for not liking sex is NOT OKAY. Men are allowed to have limits and allowed to say no.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYq5yeAyg9Q/?igsh=NHhnM3R2Z3FsaDlx

So, yeah, I know this isn't really a nonbinary topic. But I'm nonbinary, so all topics are nonbinary lol.

So first off, I'm a slut. I think that should just be put out of the way. Because I am a slut, I have sex fairly regularly. So, why say this? I think it explains why I am so often experiencing women not really respecting my boundaries. If I was meeting women relatively regularly, I think I would not be experiencing these thigns that often.

Anyways, so, consent. My question is : If I say I don't like a certain activity, but the person pushes for that activity strongly, ...especialy while I'm drunk, where is the edge where they are ignoring my "consent" and where are they just being dominant? I'll just give an example because it happened last night. The woman wanted to suck my dick. I didn't really wnat her to, to be blunt. I wasn't interested in it, and truthfully, I only even took her home as she basically begged me to suck her dick. Yes, I know, I could have said no. To be clear, taking her home I dn't think she had broken consent (although if I'd been sober, I wouldn't have taken her home. But she was also drunk, not just me). So getting back, she asked to suck my dick, I didn't want it, but I let her. Then she was bad. She hurt my dick. I didn't know anyone coud be that bad at sucking dick actualy. Never experience a worse blowjob in my entire life. This is where the edge gets blurry. I said I wasn't enjoying myself multiple times. I kept saying, "You are being too rough." But I never expressly said stop. Again though, if I had been sober, I would have said stop.

So, did she break consent in this story? Where is the line? I just want an idea. And, honestly, also, any advice for someone who is submissive on how to say no while still enjoying being submissive. The line is confusing me.

So i can't help but notice it seems like most of the posts here are more about...clothes? Presentation? But umm, yeah, I present male and am happy to do so. I am feminine acting not presenting, and I'm attracted to feminine looking, masculine acting women. Are there others like me, or do people mostly like doing the ...presentation stuff as well?

Even here in this group, I'm once again feeling like I'm just an anomaly. I know people exist I'm looking for, but only a few, and they are all....assholes? i mean i've been with ....3 i guess that fit actually what i was looking for. one ghosted me after moving to another countyr suddenly out of nowhere (we had been dating 6 months). the second one has made it clear we will never be more than FWB (yes, I know many men would jump at that chnce. i want more). At least she is honest, I guess. She easily coud have lied to me or led me on, and chose not to. ANd the third one, ...hmmm. Maybe we just have different priorities, but she is super controlling...and dismissive/avoidant somehow at the same time. I DO think she did lead me on, or might have been dating multiple while telling me she was only dating me.

Was this too much personal details? I don't know. I'm drunk and can't sleep.

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So, there is no separating Animorphs from my move from childhood to adulthood. It was my favorite piece of media in middle school (the most turbulent part of my life) and I was the same age as the main characters. There are few, in fact, maybe no other, forms of media that have affected me more than the Animorphs.

But in particular, there is Tobias. There are so many moments in Tobias's story that I relate to him and who he is, but lets start with the more surface level first :

1. He is bullied. I was bullied. He latches onto Jake. I had a friend in middle school I latched onto (and very much I feel like he saved me from my fate [probably suicide]).

2. He is feminine, and seeks to look tough/hard to avoid admitting his softer underside. He goes farther and farther into this persona to cover the true softness inside.

3. His best friend is another outsider. All my close friends have been like that, outside the box, outside normality. Notice that I would read Tobias as very progressive, while Ax is quite conservative, I think this even plays into my own story, as I was always quite progressive and often had close conservative friends (who my friendship with helped them...to change to being more open minded and progressive).

4. He is depressed through much of the books. I was depressed in middle school. I was depressed in high school. After a nice period of time not being depressed, now in my 40s, I'm once again depressed.

So, let's go a step deeper. Let's talk Tobias a trans allegory. Because ...welp, I'm nonbinary, and Tobias's identity struggle with being a hawk or a human very much mirrors my own struggle with indentity. The way he seeks to protect himself with the hawk persona also specifically mirrors how I sought to protect myself by being "tough", "angry", or even violent in response to bullying. (I eventually would react so extremely crazy, that it made bullies afraid to mess with me, despite them being bigger/stronger than me). So adding this layer :

5. Tobias struggles with identity and who he is, so did I.

6. Tobias feels like he is a blend of two things (hawk and human), while as I feel I'm a blend of two genders (male and female).

7. Tobias's role while dating Rachel is very much the role I take. I like women, I present male, but I very much like strong women, and I am the more passive partner (who often ends up protected by these tough/strong women).

Finally, and this is the saddest one, a quote.

"I hadn't realized till that moment how much this hope had meant to me. A home. A family.

<Not for you Tobias, you idiot! You fool! I hate you! I hate you! I want you to die!>

I couldn't fly. I landed hard and lay there in the dirt. I just kept saying it, over and over in my head. < I hate you, Tobias. I hate you. I want you to die.>"

I have never related to any character as much as to this moment in book 23. I hate myself. I still do. Although I've covered it in years of therapy. But the one thing that always gives me hope is....I know Tobias shouldn't hate himself. I know he deserves love. I know he deserves good things like everyone else. If only, someday, I will see myself that way too.

Sorry if this was too dark. Have a nice day all of you.

So I am a straight..well straightish, nonbinary AMAB, but I present male. I am a bottom, but not into kinky stuff. Just basically, I act a lot like a girl while looking like a boy, and I date women who are....feminine looking, but often with many masculine traits (not like all masculine traits, but...the right ones. the ones that fit me, hard to describe). Leaders mostly, who like to be in charge, and I always take the lead for the emotional parts of the relationship.

Is this the place for me?

I am burnt out defending myself and my gender. I know. It's typical. I am burnt out. I am so tired of seeing transphobia literally everywhere, and peopel pretending it's anything but bullying. Like, let's say they were right, and the people are mentally ill. So they bullying mentally ill people online. By their own admission. and they like doing that. They want to bully mentally ill people (that's taking them at their word of what they think of trans folks). And people are high fiving each other for bullying mentally ill people. Are you fucking joking me? Can I be blunt? They are fucking terrible. They are awful human beings. They have no morals. I'm so freaking tired.

And in public, where I live, Philippines. The constant judgement when I'm with a date that she is a prostitute merely because she is transgender is slowly wearing on me too. I noticed it more hanging out with cis women that suddenly people DON'T treat my freind like a prostitute. I was like, wait a second, but her dress is sexy? Wait a second, but she is acting more slutty in this bar? But wait a second, there is nothing different except she is cis and my other friends/dates are trans. I'm so tired.

I just want to go out with a woman I like, and we get treated like everybody else. I want her to be able to identify (on paper) as the gender she wants to. I want her to not be blocked from getting better jobs. I want to stop hiding my own gender in order to not be discriminated while applying for jobs. I just want it to be fucking better all the time. I'm so fucking tired.

So, I thought abut this a lot, and I realized I think these characters are probably in my top 10 medias. And it's a youtube show. Originally created by just one dude. I was trying to wrap my head around how a show with basically 0 dialogue, mostly short bursts of humor, and a lack of a huge budget could compete with other sources of media. For example, my core 3 favorites would probably be ASOIAF, The Expanse, and The Stormlight Archive - Huge long book series, 2 of them with follow up huge successful tv series. How can a bunch of stick figures compete with that?

And the answer is simple - I like wholesome entertainment. I find the world has become cynical. Media has become cynical. Even, ASOIAF I mentioned here, is a fairly cynical/bleak piece of media (I wouldn't call GRRM a "happy" or wholesome writer by any stretch of teh imagination). However, ...a note, Brandon Sanderson (in general) and also the Expanse - Are basically hopeful works of fictions despite their often dark settings. People do good things, a lot. And they share that with AvA and AvM. TSC, Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow.....are just really nice little dudes. They are always caring for each other, supporting each other, and having each others back. I think if I named all my favorite moments in these series, it would be moments they came and cared for each other. They also freely hug. I know this is a stange one, but these characters mostly appear "male" and the fact they freely express physical affection...I think is a bigger deal than people make it out to be. They really love each other. They show vulnerability, and care, pretty much constantly.

Anyways, that's it. I rewatch AvA 4 and AvA 8 often. Both are generally fun, and AvA is maybe a masterpiece? But the ending of caring for their friends is the core to what I like. Everytime TSC brings back his friends, and everyone hugs, I just....love it. I don't care if its sappy, emotional, and idealistic. It's beautiful.

I stumbled upon your reddit and I'm intrigued. I've been writing short fan fictions/my own ficiton for awhile. I create complex worlds, but don't trust my own writing. However, I do write stories. I have a fairly elaborate "book" involving all my Skyrim characters, which I do think is not terrible.

Teh main purpose of my writing though is to "have fun and be creative" and "explore my own personality and my own trauma", and I'm aware of both. I guess I'm wondering if this is the kind of community where I could just get advice on how to explore these things?

Yes, you read it here folks. I got to Taravangian's first POV chapter, and I already want to punch his stupid fucking face. You know, I've never understand why people hate Moash so much in this community, but I do understand the same LEVEL of hate you guys have. I just have it for Taravangian, not Moash. He is such an arrogant, self-deluded, immoral piece of shit.

He, like other people in power, who try to pretend they are fighting for "the greater good" while doing horrible things, does horrible things WITH NO IDEA IF IT WILL ACTUALLY HAVE ANY POSITIVE IMPACT EVER. It isn't actually for the greater good, it's at some random guess at the greater good that he has no idea if it is actually correct. And it's bullshit, it's ultimately just selfish. Wanting to be a genius. Wanting all the power. Everything he does ultimately serves MORE to put himself in power/in charge and to be the "hero" who saves everyone. It's not for the greater good. It's for him. It's to serve his purposes.

I've often thought that Sanderson really was inspired a LOT by Christianity in how he writes stories. Elantris jumps out to me at looking a lot like Zion when Roaden restructures Elantris into a city again. Kaladin's self sacrifice, helping of those with the least power, etc, remind me a lot of Jesus himself. And Moash reminds me a lot of Judas. Do you know who Taravangian is? The fucking devil. Talking smart, pretending what he does somehow will make things better, when it clearly serves evil and will make things worse and everything he does is ultimately for more power, or indeed : To be worshipped (just like the devil wants).

You know, maybe that was a bit too much. But, I don't care. Taravangian is the absolute fucking worse. I don't know how y'all focus on some dude who's grandparents were murdered, was turned into a slave, and who really had everything go shit for him rather than a fucking King who reeks widespread destruction, death, and chaos because he thinks his the smartest and can "save" everyone only if everyone follows his perfect plan and puts him in charge. Fucking delusional-ass narcissistic piece of shit. God, I wish he was real so I could fucking punch his stupid fucking face.

Final point : Read "Flowers of Algernnon" - Now that is an interesting character who gets intelligent after starting out slow. There was a fascinating take on intelligence. Taravangian - Is a fucking egomaniac. The fact that his "most intelligent days" include him thinking he is always right and always will be the smartest - Tells me he never is that smart. Knowing ones limitations is PART OF BEING INTELLIGENT. Fuck Taravangian.

Did Sadeas deserve to be murdered by Adolin? Was Adolin justified?

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I quit this game like 2 years ago lol, because my team is horrible but I refuse to change the members lol. I came back, and finally beat it by adding that Thundra up there. Yes, all my team except Lapras are fakemon from other games, lol. Thundra is from Pokemon Flux, Terravolt and Volcadon from Pokeon Solar Light, and Galaxagos and Magroplex from Pokemon Sage. There are also 3 other "back up" team members, Aguanaut also from Sage, Permanantly Mega-Evolved Arbok (from Pokemon Uranium), and Torterra.

In case it's not obvious, the them is "Class Reptilia" - a tortoise, a sea turtle, an iguana, a metal snake, a cobra, a plesiosaur, a pterosaur, a bird of some kind, and a pareiasaur (large herbivorous diapsids from the Permian, which I'm gonna say Volcadon is based on lol). And note, yes, birds are reptiles. Check wikipedia ;)

Okay. I tried this during my read of Way of Kings. But I failed. Second attempt. So, what I had said there was that Dalinar could be seen as a left wing person fighting against typical conservative thinking. And I still think that, but it was clear the nuance of my argument ......was....ignored, but I admit it was perhaps partially my fault, as I think I lacked specifics of what I was speaking about.

Okay, first off, I was comparing Dalinar to OTHER high-princes. Not people of other countries. Not Dark-eyes from his own country. Not even Jasnah who, although a member of the royal family, is clearly counter culture and hard left-wing (also she wasn't in the Shattered Plains in the first book, so it's not like...she was there being super left wing or something).

So why try again? Well, I specifically read the first "Sadeas" chapter, and it's exactly what I'm talking about. Sadeas has typical conservative ways of thinking in stark contrast to Dalinar's more progressive, forward-thinking mindset. Dalinar wants to change his country to be better (even if he likes....old codes). Sadeas wants to keep Alekthar the same. He wants to keep doing the same things. Also, while Dalinar talks about ideals and ways things could be better, Sadeas uses typical conservative tactics - Calling Dalinar's goals idealistic and unrealistic. He says we Dalinar should wake up to the "real world". Calling himself a realist about "the way things are".

And this is my whole point, this is how conservatives think. They act like the way things currently are is like....either 1. The best version of the world, or 2. The way things "should be" or "are no matter what". They refuse to believe things can change or get better. This is especially notable from Sadeas WHO HAS TONS OF POWER. He could literally change things. He is literally hindering Dalinar from changing things while acting like it is out of his control and this is 'just the way things are'. He is full of s***. And this world view is full of s***. It's a cop out. It's wheedling out of responsibility or effort to make things better.

I then noticed that actually...Shallan's story ALSO involves this dynamic. Shallan is also trying to change people. Trying to give them a second chance, or convince them to see themselves in a better light. Tyn, who I freaking hate by the way (man do I dislike her), thinks this is unrealistic and idealistic once again. She accuses Shallan of being sheltered and not knowing about the real world even as Shallan is the one who saved Tyn's life with her ploy to get the Deserters on her side. I also think it's notable that Tyn is light eyed. Although I don't think we know much about her background...she is again maybe not forced to live the life she has and has chosen it (while claiming things are "out of her control" and she is being "realistic").

Conservatives often talk about personal responsibility. They act like because left wing folks are realistic about power inbalances int he world, and the shit results of income inequality etc, we are not taking responsibility for our "own choices", but it's actually conservative...if you ask me, who don't take responsibilty. To be clear, those with money (those without anything can't do much at all). They use their money and power to do things that are bad for the world and make things worse, but then just say "this is the way things are" as an excuse to avoid personal responsibility for the immoral things they do. A great example would be landlords, who are ***** *** ******, and provide nothing to the world. They will then defend to their last breath how they aren't doing anything wrong even as they treat their tennants like crap, and their entire existence makes the world worse.

Okay, I'm off topic a bit. My point here is - Once again, Dalinar IS FIGHTING against the power structure of Alekthar and trying to re-make it as a more moral, more just, and more egalitarian place. That is progressive. Period. I don't care if he loves the codes. And let's be clear - Brandon Sanderson is a left wing Mormon. I.e. He very likely likes the bible. I would in fact put money down that he loves the Bible. You udnerstand that is his guide for "the codes" right. I, in fact, suspect Dalinar is a stand-in for Sanderson himself, growing up in a conservative place (with some money and some privilege), but being openly open minded and wanting things to get better and change to make the world better. It took tell book 5 before we saw LGBT characters, correct? Dalinar/Sanderson plodding along. Doing the right thing. Being open minded. And ultimately, CHANGING for the better.

To be clear, from my own life - I grew up in deeply conservative areasof the United States. I myself grew up Community of Christ. It was an offshoot from the Mormon church during the lifespand of its's founder son, in fact, Community of Christ was founded by Joseph Smith III (the son of Joseph Smith Jr, duh). My father is in fact a minister in a high position in that church. However, and this is to be clear, Community of Christ is a left wing church. My father himself pushed to start doing gay marriages as early as when I was in high school (early 2000s). I often found myself in positions like Dalinar. I am white. I am not poor (lower middle class, but not poor). I was surrounded by people who assumed I would be on their conservative small-minded, racist, sexist, homophobic side. They said horrible things casually (much worse than most of the quite mild things said about dark eyes in these books). I, like Sanderson, saw Jesus's actual teachings as a guide for my morality, although I often saw it through the lens of my hero, Martin Luther King, Jr.'s words. I started listening to MLK speeches as early as first grade (my father used to play them when we would go on trips. Car rides going 6 hours, means a whole lot of MLK speeches, lol) and his ultimately Christian message (real christian, actually following the gospels) was a guide that made me stupidly left wing as compared to those around me.

So when I say Dalinar is left-wing, I am seeing myself as him. Fighting to make things better against a tide of folks telling me I'm idealistic and unrealistic. I am far from exactly like Dalinar, I relate actually to both Shallan and Kaladin a lot as well. Kaladin strangely has become more relatable this reread when I'm older then when I was younger (even though he himself is young). Granted, I think I'm farther left than Dalinar is (I'm probably closer to a Jasnah level of left-wing...or perhaps even farther left than that, lol somehow).

If you want to downvote me and tell me I'm wrong again, feel free. But this time, perhaps, keep in mind I'm talking about Dalinar through mid Words of Radiance, since most of you brought up points mostly from the 3rd-5th book. I'm talking about how he looks through 1.5 books, not at that point. Hence the spoiler tag. I remember last time someone said I should add spoilers for later books - But I didn't actually talk about anything from later books, y'all did, lol. Keep on topic please. Focus on how Dalinar is acting in the first two books. And note - If you want to say how other High princes treat him is his past.......you know Sadeas has the same damn past right? So acting like they would choose Sadeas over Dalinar like Sadeas wasn't just as much part of that past as Dalinar, seems dishonest.