u/fetty_wrap1738

I used to be a trad wife. Yes, I know. I’m so glad life humbled me early on because it truly opened my eyes to how unfair it is women and MOTHERS.

I was always wanting to be a stay at home mom, due to my own childhood feeling empty sometimes due to my parents working so much and being emotionally absent. I don’t blame them but it left a hole inside of me that I wanted to fill. So I made the decision in my early 20’s to be a present mom and soak up all the little moments of motherhood. I wanted to live a “soft life” and feel “provided for” by my husband while I stayed home and can bake cakes and cook whole food meals for my little one. (It sounded like a perfect life)

Fast forward, i got financially abused, I was resented by my husband for not working, my workload of being a full time parent was never appreciated by my husband. I was a maid.

But my question today is “why are traditional women happily slaves for their husbands?” Is because throughout all of this, my mother in law was the one I would confide in. My husbands culture is that men are not allowed in the kitchen. So my mother in law cooked and “served” meals to her husband while juggling a full time job. She has a high paying job, works her bum off everyday and till this day she serves food to my father in law meanwhile he gets to nap and rest. My husband has a few sisters aswell and I’m so curious to why the HECK she would raise her daughters to be like this? She raised her daughters to always be in the kitchen, be super frugal with everything they buy even though they are both in very high paying jobs, they were the ones to do most of the housework and cleaning aswell growing up meanwhile my husband did less than them. No wonder he turned out the way he is.

Why would you raise your daughters to this lifestyle even though my MIL has admitted many times that someday she was just so over exhausted. And that “women should do more work than men in marriage” WHY WHY WHY. Why do women not see the truth like I do once they get married. Why not try and get out of it? WHY teach your daughters to serve men and continue a cycle you no isn’t fair? WHY?

All for the sake of being a good wife? But what do you get out of it?

I used to be a trad wife. Yes, I know. I’m so glad life humbled me early on because it truly opened my eyes to how unfair it is women and MOTHERS.

I was always wanting to be a stay at home mom, due to my own childhood feeling empty sometimes due to my parents working so much and being emotionally absent. I don’t blame them but it left a hole inside of me that I wanted to fill. So I made the decision in my early 20’s to be a present mom and soak up all the little moments of motherhood. I wanted to live a “soft life” and feel “provided for” by my husband while I stayed home and can bake cakes and cook whole food meals for my little one. (It sounded like a perfect life)

Fast forward, i got financially abused, I was resented by my husband for not working, my workload of being a full time parent was never appreciated by my husband. I was a maid.

But my question today is “why are traditional women happily slaves for their husbands?” Is because throughout all of this, my mother in law was the one I would confide in. My husbands culture is that men are not allowed in the kitchen. So my mother in law cooked and “served” meals to her husband while juggling a full time job. She has a high paying job, works her bum off everyday and till this day she serves food to my father in law meanwhile he gets to nap and rest. My husband has a few sisters aswell and I’m so curious to why the HECK she would raise her daughters to be like this? She raised her daughters to always be in the kitchen, be super frugal with everything they buy even though they are both in very high paying jobs, they were the ones to do most of the housework and cleaning aswell growing up meanwhile my husband did less than them. No wonder he turned out the way he is.

Why would you raise your daughters to this lifestyle even though my MIL has admitted many times that someday she was just so over exhausted. And that “women should do more work than men in marriage” WHY WHY WHY. Why do women not see the truth like I do once they get married. Why not try and get out of it? WHY teach your daughters to serve men and continue a cycle you no isn’t fair? WHY?

All for the sake of being a good wife? But what do you get out of it?

I’m after some inspiring stories from Australians.

For context, I’m in my late 20’s. After a failed marriage (found him on a dating site) and after a child. I am now moved back to my parents home starting from scratch. I have sole custody of my toddler aswell. I don’t really want to get into my sob story but I just want to hear from some people who turned their life around after hitting rock bottom especially those with children aswell.

I feel like I’ve wasted years of my life and put myself in the worst situation possible. So any stories would be appreciated.

I’ve always wanted to be a SAHM, I always knew from a young age that I’d love to be a present parent, be that mom who does arts and crafts, cooking homestyle meals on rotation etc…

When I was young, I got married and he wanted someone to be a SAHM while he did the “providing”. I was like “this is exactly what I want”. This is perfect! I told him about my childhood where my parents worked their lives away and so had less time to do activities with us.

Fast forward when the baby came along, the whole ENTIRE load of parenthood was on me. He barely helped because his job was to “provide”. What this would look like is that he would get home from work, sit on his laptop, either gaming or watching videos or other afternoons he would go play sports (had training 3 times a week) and game day was on Saturday and after the game “the boys” would go and hang out in a tavern to have some beers. I would be left with my baby to cook, clean and he expect the house to be spotless because “what am I doing all day at home”?

He was also saying that I don’t contribute anything so he got to spend all his money on hobbies, medicinal MJ because he has “ADHD” ($450 a month subscription) and meanwhile I had to spend a certain amount on weekly groceries. He never did groceries with me at all and I did everything myself.

Yes I know this is financial abuse, I was aware until now. The stress ended up being too much and I had to stop my university course.

I found out he was in a dating cite and then I seperated with him and was left to go back to my moms place and restart my life with no fricken job, no savings, no degree. NOTHING.

SO ladies, I am so so sad that even though SAHM is such a rewarding thing and I love the parenting side of it. Society and how the system is built SERIOUSLY does not protect us.

I was so naive because yes the relationship prior to kids was nice but once I put my self in a position of vulnerability, it really takes a saint to not take advantage of that.

Please look out for yourselves because the same hand that feeds you CAN starve you

Context: I’ve been a SAHM for 2 years now. I pretty much solo parented for the entirety of the 2 years as my husband was the “provider”. Our child is a toddler.

Only recently I got a job due to us struggling financially. We have a baby monitor at home and every time I’m away at work, I sometimes check the monitor. The TV is always on, if not, the phone is on with my kids favourite videos.

- now I’ve never been a screen free parent but I try and limit the screen time for 2 hours a day (even that’s too much and I’d like to cut back). I feel horrible sometimes but it’s the only way I am able to smash out housework or cooking.

Is he just a lazy parent? I always have to ask him to take LO outside, or take LO for a walk or go out. But no, I’m asking too much. I always try and take my LO out for one activity a day whether that’s library, pool, friends. He never does any of that stuff.

I’m so concerned because I have to work and she’s getting way too much screen time. But after he was borderline financially abusive to me, I can’t leave my job. And if I were to seperate and he has her 50/50 can you imagine that??!! The TV will be on for 24 hours

Context: I’m freshly 23 years old. I have a 2 year old child and I married way too early. Found my husband was on a dating site so now I’m about to have to go back and live with my parents.

I feel like I’m a failure, having to start all over again. My parents are immigrants and I feel the pressure as the oldest child to support them when they’re older. But truthfully, I do a crappy part time sales job that is minimal wage and I’m living paycheck to paycheck and have the responsibility of looking after my child full time. I barely have savings as I only recently started working after being a SAHM for 2 years.

I see other people my age, and especially on reddit finance pages doing exceptionally well and I feel really bad about it sometimes.

I’m halfway through my business degree majoring in management. At least that’s something that could help me out.

I guess I just want to hear some encouraging and hopeful stories from some people on here on how they managed to turn their life around and was able to make a successful career out of it.

Any sort of advice I would love to hear. Thanks…

Adults, how would you recover from this situation?

I’m in my mid 20’s. My parents worked their bum off to provide me a pretty good childhood (private schools, travels, experiences). They worked so hard my entire childhood and due to this, I feel like I missed out on a lot of quality time with my parents. Naturally when I got married and started my own family, I really wanted to be a present parent and be a SAHM.

Long story short, my marriage is falling apart. I am carrying the weight of parenting pretty much all by myself. Husband was earning 6+ figures annually and during that year contributed $0 to my super. I had a weekly “allowance” and was told how much I can spend on groceries meanwhile he splurged on his personal hobbies. I was also constantly told that I didn’t contribute anything and did nothing all day (despite looking after our kids all day with no help). I then found evidence of cheating on me.

So now I’m:
- in my 20’s
- have like $6000 in my super
- have around $6k saved up all together
- have a kid to look after pretty much full time apart from daycare once a week
- feeling guilty if I put my kid in daycare full time (I don’t think I could do it due to me feeling guilty and being a less present parent)
- have only recently secured a remote job around ($500 a week) but by the time I buy groceries, pay fuel, and daycare fees my whole pay check is GONE. I cant survive like this. (My husband pays rent however I pay for these other expenses with my crap paycheck) husband has changed jobs recently and earns significantly less.

See what I mean? I absolutely put myself in the worst position when I had such a privileged childhood. I feel like a failure.

If I were to seperate, I’d have to move back into parents house and see where to go from here. Also worthy to note I’m studying full time in uni majoring in management.

I guess what I want to hear is some hopefully stories or advice.