u/goldblummin

Hi. Not really here for any reason than to vent. I dropped my kids off today with their dad, which is always hard. We are almost 3 months separated now. He got his own place. I thought “I’m passing by on the way, and this is around when we have been dropping them off, so I’ll swing by and see.” I texted him, but I didn’t hear from him for 5 minutes. I sent my daughter to his door because I started getting worried. She waited outside for another 5 minutes, then I really started getting worried. He came out and started yelling about me showing up unannounced. It really caught me off-guard for many reasons. I guess in my mind, I’m still tricking myself into believing we are married. We don’t have an exact time drop-off for the kids, and I didn’t really think anything of me swinging by. Dropping them off was already making me emotional. Being afraid something happened to him made me also emotional. Then him coming out with his messy hair and no socks on just made me yearn for him. I miss seeing him like that every morning. He wears socks all around the house and only takes them off when he’s ready to get in bed. It’s those little quirks of his that I love so much. And he had his pajama shirt on with the hole in it. I just miss him so much. My heart pounded seeing him like that, but it immediately broke when he started yelling at me. I then saw he had guests over the night before when I peered inside. I offered to take the kids to my house for a bit, but he said it wasn’t worth it. We got into it a bit.. mostly because I was so deregulated and just let it out when I should have kept it in. It’s just so hard, y’all. I know one day it will get easier, but I swear every day just gets harder. I miss him and our family being together so much. It doesn’t help that my daughter says things like “I just want the both of you to live with me together.” It just breaks my heart. He just doesn’t want to be married. We did an intake and 2 counseling sessions that spanned about a month. He was in personal counseling for about 2 months, but not anymore. I’ve been in counseling for over a year now. I know I’d be so much of a better wife to him now that I’ve done some inner growing, gotten out of my PPD, and almost lost him. I’ve read several books on marriage, being a praying wife, etc. that helped me a lot. I just wish I read them when we were still together. Maybe it would’ve prevented this. I think back so many times wondering what I could’ve done differently to make him happy. I would never take our relationship or him for granted again. He just doesn’t want it. I ultimately want what’s best for him and what will make him happier. I just hate that I have to suffer this much for it. I just have to keep reminding myself that the suffering is worth it because it means he finally finds his happiness. Not really looking for advice here. Just venting. I just miss him is all.

Hi. My husband and I have been separated for 2 and a half months now. He wants a divorce, but I don’t. I wanted reconciliation, but it seems highly unlikely now. We have three kids that are 4 and under. We have been together for 10 years. All he’s told me as to why he didn’t want to be with me anymore is that he’s been unhappy our entire marriage, and he wanted separation after an intake and 2 counseling sessions. My therapist was telling me about how she has to do 5 of everything: 5 Christmases, 5 birthdays, 5 thanksgivings, etc. because she and her husband both come from divorced families. All that keeps spiraling in my head is thinking about how I’ll have the kids for a holiday, then I’ll take them to my parents’, then I would eventually take them to my new husband’s parents’, then my ex husband would have them, then he would take them to his parents’, then he would eventually take them to his new wife’s parents’, and so on for every single event or holiday. It just makes me so sad. I didn’t really have a great family growing up, so I wanted to give my kids better. I’ve been asked out by a couple of people since we separated, but I’ve said no to each person. I’m honestly not sure if I’ll be ready to date for a long, long, long time. I thought my husband was my person. But I know down the road, eventually, I will want to be remarried and find someone to spend the rest of my life with and have someone to help me raise the kids and have a healthy, stable household with. I could really use some success stories here from stepparents…Of loving the kids like your own, finding love again if applicable to you, etc. or just general advice for this incredibly rough period. TIA.

Hi. I’ve posted about this in several other subreddits. My husband and I are going through a separation right now. He told me back in April he wanted a divorce. All he’s told me is essentially he’s been unhappy our entire marriage, but I wasn’t made aware of it until after he said he wanted to separate. We did an intake and 2 sessions of couples’ counseling before this. He told me he’s been checked out for a while. We have been together for 10 years. I feel so hurt. It would be one thing to experience this as a couple. It’s another experiencing it as a family. We have three kids: 4, 2, and 1 (she literally JUST turned 1 yesterday). I have literally been pregnant every single year we have been married. (2021 - pregnant starting in August; 2022 - pregnant until April; 2023 - pregnant starting in September; 2024 - pregnant until June & pregnant starting in October; 2025 - pregnant until July; beginning of 2026 - first year NOT being pregnant, but then came separation). I keep replaying memories of our marriage. He tells me I’m viewing it all differently, and it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows like I seem to remember. I’m not saying we had that type of marriage either. I know there were hard times - especially for a few months after we had our first, and after we had our third. But we have faced a LOT of trials and tribulations considering we had 3 kids all basically 3 and under. I just wish he could remember the times like I do and understand everything is only uphill from here. Was I a perfect wife? Absolutely not. My health has been negatively impacted most of our marriage because of my pregnancies and postpartum. But I have so many specific memories where being a family and being with him just felt so whole. Before we started our family, I definitely always felt happy with him. Even when things were hard - it was okay because he was by my side. It wasn’t always amazing, but it was stable. We always had each other’s back. I’m just really struggling these past few days. I’ve never had a great family, and he knows that. They’re never there for me - even now, when I’m going through arguably the hardest thing in my life. But it was okay because he was my family. Now I’m losing that, our family, and his family as well. I’m feeling so upset over the future we are seemingly now giving our kids. I’ve tried my hardest to convince him to please stick it out with me, but he wants nothing to do with me. It’s gotten to the point where I can tell he clearly doesn’t care about me anymore. He’s told me stories several times because he forgot he even told me them in the first place. That’s something that’s happened to me with other people, but never happened with him until recently. We also always have stuck next to each other when other people hurt us, specifically when mutual friends abandoned us. I thought we both had the understanding that no matter how many people, or who, left our lives or disappointed us, we wouldn’t do that to each other. I thought he always got that part of me that was scared of being abandoned. I always thought at the end of the day, “I’ve never had people stick by my side, but you’re the one I know who will.” Now he’s not. It’s just heartbreaking having the person who has been my best friend for almost half of my life become a stranger to me. It’s hard for me to grapple with the fact he will no longer really be in my life. I could really, really hear some stories of people who found love in a second marriage. Another thing I’m absolutely afraid of is the fact that my family was so awful, so I wanted to give my kids something way better. Now I’m afraid I’m giving them worse. I wanted my kids to be close growing up, and I wanted them to see mom and dad in love and as a team together. Now they’re in split homes, and they’re going to spend the rest of their lives exhausted from going house to house every other week. My heart is breaking over it. So I could also use some stories of people remarrying and remolding their families with kids.

TL;DR going through separation with husband; grieving marriage; worries about family and future of kids

Hi. How do you get through this? Some days I feel like I’ll be okay, but other days just suck, like today. I feel like I’ve lost everything. I’ve never had a strong family, so I tried to make one myself with my husband. Now I feel like I’ve lost that too. I lost my job, but I’m hoping when I start back, I’ll gain that sense of self back. Around the time we separated, I lost my church community because they kicked me off of the team. Since being kicked off, the friends I had there have stopped talking to me. I’ve tried going to a new church, but I just feel out of place everywhere. My only other friend works nights, so I never see her. I’ve tried to reconnect with my family, but they’re awful. My siblings refused to come see me. I had to go see my sister if I wanted to see her. They came here this weekend “to cheer me up,” but they’ve spent no time with me or my kids. In fact, they decided to go out today. I asked if I could come. They said no because they didn’t want my kids coming. Now I’m home with my kids, my eldest upset because she wanted to go, and taking care of my sister’s dog. My mom is sick and has seizures every other day. She doesn’t get out of bed. I’ve pretty much taken on taking care of her since moving in. My dad is a whole other Reddit post waiting to be made. I just feel lost and confused. I’ve lost my best friend, my husband, and my own family in one. And I have pretty much nothing else. How do you get through this? This is the most pain I’ve ever endured. I keep telling myself I’ll find someone else and find my family. It just sucks. When there was nobody else there for me, he always was. Now he’s gone too. I’m trying my best to do things and be active, but it’s hard when I’ve got no village and am with my kids all the time. Doing things with them/for them and being with them is the only thing I feel like I have purpose in these days. This is mostly just a rant, but I just feel so alone. I wanted to give my kids a better family and better life than what I had growing up, but now I feel like they’re getting it even worse.

Hi! I’m going through a separation with my husband. It’s been about 2 and a half months. We started hitting a rough patch back in December, and he told me he wanted a divorce in April. We only did an intake and 2 sessions of couples’ counseling. He’s really only said he’s been unhappy our entire marriage as to his reasoning for wanting the separation/divorce. Did anyone here get married for a second time and found it successful? We have been together for 10 years, and I thought we were going to grow old together. The idea of meeting someone new and starting over just seems exhausting. I really don’t even want to think about it, but I’m just feeling so pessimistic about marriage these days. I told him before we were even engaged that I don’t believe in divorce. Now every other post I see on reddit seems to be people contemplating it over little things. I feel like the sanctity and importance of marriage just keeps becoming less and less in society. Is it not a covenant? I don’t know. I’m really thinking I don’t see the point of marriage anymore after this. I don’t want to die alone, but I just might be a one and done for marriage. Could use some hopeful stories for my pessimistic attitude right now.

Hi. I’ve been separated from my husband for 2-3 months now. I’ve done everything under the sun to try to convince him to come back and save our marriage. I was told a lot of it was wasted effort, but I disagree. Every plead, every tear, every letter, every video, every gift, etc. first of all was from the heart. I wanted him to have it all. I wanted him to know how much he meant/means to me. I wanted him to know how much I was willing to stay and work on us. But second of all, I never want to look back on this period and tell my kids that I didn’t try. I wanted THEM to know, too. Our marriage was worth every fight I could ever give.. for me, for him, for us, for our family, and for our kids. So if people are telling you not to write letters or give gifts or beg or plead, do what you want. It didn’t bring him back, but it did give me peace after months of agony. I now know I gave it my all. Even though he doesn’t want to be with me, I know I tried everything in my power to save us. I’m glad I’ll be able to tell my kids that one day if they ever ask. It’s worth it all for him to know he was loved. It’s worth it all for them to know our family was worth every fight I could give it. I feel like I’ve rushed to feel like a failed wife or a failed mom, but I know I didn’t fail. I fought. My kids will still be loved ferociously by me, no matter what. Our family won’t be what I thought it would be, but I know down the line, after hearing from people here both privately and publicly, that I’ll find someone else, much as it pains me now to think about it, who will love the kids and me more than I thought possible. Kinda ranting now.. But even for now, the love I gave their dad, the love I’m building for myself, and the love I have for my kids, and the fight I fought, is more than enough.

Going through separation with my husband right now. Been over 2 months. Our youngest turns 1 this week. I keep thinking about a year ago.. being pregnant with her, having no idea what was coming next. PPD, financial stress, job loss, stress of 3 kids all under 3 and a half. A year ago, we were watching anime every night and cuddling. We spent the night a year ago in the hospital waiting to be induced, cuddling in the hospital bed watching anime. It’s hard to think about that compared to now. Life has been hard, but I have had him by my side the past 10 years to get through it with. Now life is just hard. I miss him so incredibly much. I can’t really even do my usual hobbies (gaming, reading, watching anime, etc.) without thinking about him. I just have no motivation. I end up doomscrolling a lot, which I know isn’t good. I’m in therapy. Spend most of my sessions crying the entire time now when I used to never cry in them. I’ve tried taking up new hobbies - gardening and journaling. It’s helped minimally. What helped you get through it? Through the hard parts? What usually was my coping strategies just remind me of him. I want so badly to feel joy again and love again. The closest I have to that is with my kids. Everything just seems so dark and serious now. I go back to work in a little under a month, so I’m hoping that will help me move along and get a start in this new life as a single mom.

Hi! I’ve been a single mom for a little over 2 months now. My husband got his own place, and being a SAHM, I couldn’t afford rent in our house. Losing the house was a whole new grief I wasn’t quite ready to go through on top of grieving him and our relationship. Parenting them alone is hard. The grief is weird and hits at random times. Tonight, my oldest two were playing at bedtime like we always do. We “cuddle” in bed, and I usually let them get all of their last-minute energy out with each other. They were giggling and tickling each other. The memory of them doing that same thing in our old house in my daughter’s back bedroom hit me in that moment. They used to chase each other around her bed and hide in the nook in the room. I’ve spent a solid 20 minutes now crying after putting them to bed. I’ve always hated change. This is honestly one of my worst nightmares. Losing who I thought was the love of my life, a broken family and home, and living with my parents. It’s not been easy. I know over time, it’ll get better. It’s just super hard right now. I wake up every day hoping for a better day, but everything still feels pretty cloudy right now. Could use some advice from others who have gone through this.. especially encouragement over their kids being okay and maybe even finding new love and building a new family in that foundation.

My (26F) husband (26M) and I have been separated for a little over 2 months now. His choice, not mine. He wants a divorce, and he’s moved out. I live with my parents because I’m a SAHM, so I make no income at the moment. I think one of the hardest parts lately for me is not just missing him, but realizing I no longer have a best friend. What hurts more is the fact that I’m no longer anyone’s best friend, most of all his. For almost 11 years, we were each other’s. Now he’s moved on and has a new best friend, although he’s not their best friend. It still sucks. I feel super out of place and alone. I’d always had abandonment issues, so this is hurting a ton. I feel homeless and extremely lonely. I know time will heal a lot, but it’s really hard right now. I’m trying my best to focus on myself and getting better and focus on parenting. I just miss him and having him as my best friend.
TL;DR realizing I no longer have a best friend/am someone’s best friend.

(26F) My (soon to be ex-) husband (26M) told me back in April that he wanted a divorce. We have been separated since. We share 3 kids, of which, the youngest is not yet a year old. We had them pretty close in age (unintentionally). We have been married for 5 years, together for 10. High school sweethearts. I’ve been a stay at home mom for the past year. I had to leave my job as a teacher because our 2nd and 3rd were about a year apart, so we couldn’t afford unpaid maternity leave and daycare for 3. He has now gotten his own place, and I am living with my parents. I just need to hear from other people who have gone through this that it’s going to get better. He was my best friend for almost 11 years. It’s very hard for me to grapple with the fact that he’s not the love of my life, especially when we started building such a beautiful life and family together with three kids. We definitely took the hardest route having them back to back to back and being in a financially tight spot this past year, coupled with him going away a lot for gigs and me having PPD. I am just at a point right now where I am trying to give him all of the space he desires and trying to move on with my life. I still very much love him, and I’m not sure where we went wrong. He basically just said he’s been unhappy the entire time we have been together. I feel like I failed as a wife, and I’m failing my kids as their mom. I’m taking it one day at a time, but the past few days, I’ve been feeling like I’m barely above water. I could really use some stories of moms who made it through this.

TL;DR husband wants a divorce. Needing support/stories of others who went through this