The one who stayed and the one who’s screaming to get out. I’ve started withdrawing from my friends again and I know it but I feel powerless to do anything about it. I’m drinking heavily again and am riddled with anxiety every day.
The previous owner said that neither of the girls was sick, just that one produced weaker eggs and that the other hens were cracking them open(reason why she was rehoming them). Today, one of them laid a lash egg and my other girls got to it before I knew what it was. I’ve had my original four for over a year and will be absolutely devastated if they get sick from this. What should I do? I do not know which one laid the egg but I do know that one of them tends to be on her own while the other has been fully accepted into the flock so I feel like it may be the one who isolates.
In the last year, the only thing I’ve had to deal with was an eye worm so this is new to me. Thank you in advance!
Last night, I dreamt that I was standing under my favorite tree in our backyard and two pileated woodpeckers landed on the trunk and were close enough that I could touch them. Do they have any significance in dreams?
I have a hard time finding or knowing my intuition because I so EASILY trust people and take what they say to me as gospel thus never really knowing when I’m being taken advantage of. For a long time I struggled thinking I was IGNORING my intuition about certain things but as I learned more about autism, it makes more sense now but it’s so frustrating and confusing to try to constantly analyze and see if someone’s trying to manipulate me or is being truthful about a situation. And of course I’ve been seeing the phrase “intuition speaks in sentences, anxiety speaks in questions” but that’s not all there is to it in my mind so I can’t do that either.
DAE deal with this frequently? I need an off switch for my brain sometimes 🥴
Hi friends! The face moisturizer I was using by Alaffia is discontinued and so begins the hunt for a new one to replace her! I have sensitive combination skin, let me know which brands have worked for you! 🫶
I posted a few days ago and had an outpouring of support regarding such and I wanted to update you all to let you know i’m packing and my friend is coming over to help me and I’m leaving tonight. I confronted my husband about a certain account he followed (after years of breaking my trust) and his response was to flip it and say I was policing him and it sounded like I was “finding reasons to hate him”. He said “okay then lets get divorced” I said “okay” and he lost it again saying he knew I was just doing this on purpose and yadda yadda. I said “I’m not engaging in this because it’s unproductive because there is nothing I can say to get you to hear me”.
I don’t know what comes next, but I do know I deserve better(as do we all). All the love to all of you here💞
My husband’s “support” of me being autistic. Said it to me after I told him that it feels like he loves parts of me but not all(during a really big argument that started because I told him he needed to get his temper under control because it scares me)
A couple of months ago I got an invite to my best friends’ bday party so I texted my husband to let him know(he works in retail so I figured I’d tell him asap) and he’d immediately responded with “I probably won’t be able to go, have fun”
Last month, he willingly switched his schedule for his friend’s wife to help her set up for an event that only those two would be at.
Last week, I brought up my friends’ party and he said “sorry i didn’t factor that in when i made the schedule” and I said eh it’s fine, no worries! And that was that.
Last night, the same friend’s wife texted us inviting us to an event the same day as my friends’ party. His response? “Oh that sounds awesome! I work right not but let me see if i can switch my shift!” So I text him separately to say hey why didn’t you mention switching your sched for my friends’ party? He said he didn’t have a good answer but he would rather do that with me so he’d let his friends know.
Today, after being short when texting me about our dog’s vet appointment, he tells his friends he wasn’t able to get it switched after all. Didn’t tell me that personally, only told them.
As pissed as I am, I’m weirdly grateful that the patterns stay consistent because at least I know I’m seeing it clearly. Can’t wait to hear his defense when I ask about it later.
Feelings + TS lyrics that hit too close to home
I’m in the “haven’t left but am leaving” phase and keep having this battle between knowing I deserve better and at the same time trying to rationalize his behavior and think that maybe I really am overreacting.
I’ve made up my mind about this and will be asking for a divorce. What keeps my head spinning is the amount of unknowns I’m about to leap into. We own a house together and I’m worried about having to pay the mortgage and find a new place to live. I have a couple of really great friends who said I can stay with them but i also feel like such a burden so I don’t want to stay longer than I have to. Our bank account is shared; I’m worried about not having access. My brain defaults to the worst thing that could happen and it’s causing me to not be able to make ANY moves out of analysis paralysis. I apologize if i used the wrong flair; felt like i was in between a few of them!
I could use some guidance on how this went for you and where to start, and that I’ll be okay. Thank you🫶
I’ve come clean to my friends and come to terms with everything and STILL hold out hope this time he listened to me and will change. Why is this the hardest part? And why is my brain so afraid of “being the one who quit”? I know that my friends are right by my side and I know it’s either I abandon myself or Ieave, but it’s so difficult to take this next step. Also still afraid to “break his heart” even though mine’s been broken since the beginning. Ugh. I’m at that point where i can objectively see how we got here and yet still catch myself thinking “well maybe i could still do something more. Maybe i was being dramatic. Maybe this, maybe that”
8 years of losing my trust and not actually acknowledging my pain or trying to get it back besides HIS decision to “cut people off for me”. Wouldn’t let me talk about it or ask questions because he felt too ashamed. Fast forward 8 years and it’s all making too much sense. The rush to move in, the rush to get engaged, not telling me about his affair until a best friend gave him an ultimatum and only after we got engaged, the multiple likes on girl’s profiles on only revealing pics/selfies(hardly any likes on their non face posts or posts with a partner). Every year i’d check his phone and every year i’d find another damning conversation. But those were because he didn’t feel supported by me and “wanted to feel like a person”. After years of trying to regulate myself, going to therapists, getting medicated for my INCREASING anxiety. Shaming my own body for not being what I thought he wanted and trying to shapeshift so maybe he’d finally only want me.
Curious genuine questions or trying to open up about my feelings turning into blow up arguments and somehow I was always the one apologizing and feeling confused for days on end- meanwhile as soon as the last word is spoken, it’s all wiped from his memory and he’s moved on so I should too.
Getting anxious when he came home, too afraid to ask him to put down his phone for quality time lest i be accused of not supporting his work or being controlling.
Getting called every horrible name in the book but it’s okay because i said “mean things to him too”. Saying he hates me, twice, and throwing his ring at me, twice, but i need to get over it because “he’s changed and it’s in the past”.
Not knowing how to bring up conversations anymore and trying to be 7 steps ahead before i say a word, not knowing it doesn’t matter anyway.
Never a good time to bring up “hard things”. Always inconveniencing him.
He didn’t notice if meds were helping me or how much i was grieving over the loss of my soul pet because “well he’s with me all the time”.
The final straw was saying WE don’t need couples therapy, HE doesn’t need therapy- *I* need therapy and, actually, a Christian Institution that can help guide me(not religious, haven’t been in the 8 years we’ve known each other but he’s finding his own faith and said verbatim he refuses to talk to me about it).
Now i’ve been processing all of this. Finally telling my close friends, many of which I’d stopped talking to or not being a good friend to in order to cater cater cater to him. And I feel like I’m dying. And he’s acting normal, ONCE AGAIN. Moved on to talking about summer plans and saying he can’t wait to come home to me.
Why is it always “communicate your feelings” “use *I feel* statements” and then when you do, it’s met with “you’re trying to create tension/start an argument”. And then I’m told that it’s fault and I should apologize.
For context- my cat was diagnosed with cancer in February and put on palliative care immediately. A few weeks ago, we discovered that she started peeing in my husband’s shoes (and on several other things, none of them happened to be mine) and he started yelling about how she’s targeting him and that he wants her put down. This of course led to a huge argument in which I told him he needed to get his temper under control. And I was still the one who had to apologize for it all later.
So yesterday, I took her to the vet and after talking with the dr, realized that now is the time to put her down. He never asked how I was feeling which I didn’t even THINK about(now I wish I had). When he got home from work, I tried to talk about it but was met with half-assed answers because he was scrolling on his phone.
This morning, I was asking about a good day to schedule where we can both be there so we looked at his schedule together and found a day. He was responding like he wasn’t even thinking about the gravity of this. So I said “I know that she’s been frustrating you, but I feel like you don’t care or are indifferent towards this” and I do understand why I should have worded it differently AND at the same time I was genuinely trying to understand where his head was it and saying how the air felt so to speak. It was immediately flipped into “how dare you SAY I don’t care” and so I tried to say that that is not what I said. And it turned into him saying “you didn’t ask how I was doing, did you?” Which then reminded me that he didn’t either, so it felt very hypocritical as well.
Our arguments are like this most times now and I feel infantilized but then feel like I must be the master manipulator and created all of this. It’s this constant clash between “I don’t like how I’m being treated” and “well he said I’m the problem so i must be”