u/groovypidgeon

So a couple of days ago I paid £15 for a monthly membership tier for a Patreon providing mods for a game.

It turns out that you can't download the mods directly from the Patreon posts themselves. Instead you have to comment something along the lines of "link please" under each post, after which the creator is supposed to send you the download link via direct message. From what I understand this is to protect from file sharing etc, fair enough.

However, I have requested the links to the mods I am interested in nearly 48 hours ago, and I'm yet to receive the link or any acknowledgement/reply.

I'm trying not to be impatient, but it just feels like poor servics to A: provide your content this way rather than direct access and B: to go almost 2 days and counting without delivering your content when I've paid for it.

I'm considering requesting a refund, but am holding out as I do want the mods.

My brother stayed at my house for a couple of nights this week after falling out with his girlfriend. I live with my wife and daughter, and we let him stay with us.

Before he came over, my Xbox Series X controller was sitting on top of my Xbox, plugged in via USB. My brother brought his own controller in his laptop bag in case we wanted to play.

The thing is, we never actually played Xbox. The only time my controller was touched was when I unplugged it so he could use the USB cable to charge his phone. The controller stayed on top of the Xbox where it always was. His controller, as far as I knew, stayed in the sleeve of his laptop bag.

He left yesterday, and today I got home from work and went to play Xbox for the first time in a few days. The controller wouldn't connect automatically, the Xbox said it had detected a different controller that needed a firmware update, and I immediately noticed the buttons were sticking badly, the controller was dirty, and there were marks on it that definitely weren't there before.

I messaged him asking if he'd swapped controllers. He admitted he had my controller and I had his. His controller is much older and in pretty rough condition, whereas mine is almost new.

He says it was a genuine mistake. His explanation is that he showed me his controller at some point, put it down somewhere, and then accidentally packed my controller into his laptop bag instead of his.

The reason I found that hard to believe is that:

• We never played Xbox.

• My controller was on top of the Xbox.

• His controller was supposedly in his laptop bag.

For an accidental mix-up to happen, his controller would somehow have had to end up where mine was, while mine somehow ended up in his bag.

That sequence just doesn't make much sense to me.

I initially just asked him to bring my controller back. He apologised and said he would. After he suggested that I was indirectly accusing him of stealing from me, I even told him that whether it was intentional or not couldn't really be proven and that I just wanted my controller back.

Instead of leaving it there, he became increasingly defensive about me questioning his integrity and then sent me a large number of angry and abusive messages. He also later changed from "I'll bring it tomorrow" to saying his car wouldn't start, so now I still don't have my controller.

I'm not asking whether I can prove he did it deliberately. I know I can't. I'm asking whether my suspicion is unreasonable given the circumstances, or whether I'm reading too much into it.

I've slept very poorly recently. On Sunday night my sleep was broken into 2 separate 2 hour chunks and I was very tired at work on monday. Last night (monday) I was experiencing insomnia and had 1 hour of sleep by 8am, and I had to be up at 9am for work. My 2 year old daughter was also keeping me awake.

I work in an office and my job requires a lot of concentration and thinking, and working with large amounts of money, tax calculations etc. It's extremely difficult when tired, let alone with next to no sleep at all.

I ended up calling my manager at 8:30AM and booking an impromptu day off using my annual leave entitlement, explaining my lack of sleep and that I didn't feel capable of doing my job effectively.

My wife thinks this was bad and looks very negatively on me.

Was what I did reasonable?

My brother's relationship with his girlfriend is on the rocks. They've been together about a year and have a baby due in around 3 months.

Their relationship is extremely toxic. They're constantly arguing, breaking up and getting back together. A recent argument ended with him leaving the house, and he's been staying at mine for the last three nights.

The problem is that I live in a very small one-bedroom flat with my wife and young daughter. Once my wife and daughter are in bed around 8pm, the living room becomes my only space to unwind. I usually watch TV, play Xbox, exercise, or just enjoy a couple of hours to myself after work.

With my brother staying on the sofa, I lose all of that. His bed is made up in the living room, his belongings are everywhere, he's cooking, watching TV, etc. There's nowhere else for me to go except our bedroom, so I've ended up going to bed early because I don't really have my own space anymore.

I don't resent helping him in an emergency, and I felt awful at the thought of him sleeping in his car tonight, so I agreed to another night.

However, he's already suggested staying here 2–3 nights a week until he gets his own place. The thought of that honestly fills me with dread. I realised my heart actually dropped when he asked to stay another night because I knew it meant giving up my evenings again.

I also feel extremely protective over the life and setup that my family have. When people stay over, our home no longer feels like my family's space any longer. I think part of why I feel so protective of my/our own space is because I'm from a large family, and growing up I never had any time or space to myself, everything was shared. As an adult, I value my space and time so much, and i feel like I'm sacrificing that when I have people staying.

To make things harder, he lightly mocks me for wanting my own space, as if it's something silly. He doesn't really seem to appreciate that in a one-bedroom flat, the living room isn't just another room—it's the only place I get to myself after a stressful day at work.

He could stay at my mum's, but it's about an hour from his work, whereas I'm only 10 minutes away. Tonight he didn't want to stay there because she had guests over and he didn't want to socialise.

I feel guilty because he's my brother and he's clearly having a difficult time, but I also feel like I'm sacrificing my own home life and family routine.

Am I overreacting for feeling like I don't want this to become a regular thing, even though he's going through a breakup?

I'm looking for some honest opinions on whether I'm underpaid, or whether my expectations have drifted because I'm too close to the situation.

I work in pensions administration within a large UK financial services operation. I joined a few years ago in a relatively junior administrative role and have gradually progressed into a much more technical position.

My current responsibilities include:

• Processing complex pension claims and payments

• Handling non-standard cases involving legal, regulatory or compliance considerations

• Processing divorce-related pension cases (Pension Sharing Orders)

• Carrying out AML, identity verification, sanctions and PEP checks

• Reviewing complex documentation and ensuring compliance with scheme rules and internal procedures

• Calculating tax deductions where required

• Managing cases from initial receipt through to completion

Handling complaints and escalations relating to my cases

• Producing detailed written correspondence for customers, advisers and legal representatives

• Supporting colleagues with technical queries and complex case referrals

I enjoy the work and have learned a huge amount since joining. I've gradually been given more responsibility and more complex work as my experience has developed, and I am fully accredited on the areas that I process.

My concern is that while the complexity and responsibility of my role have increased significantly, my salary and job title has remained broadly unchanged. In fact, some benefits that previously formed part of the overall package have since been removed.

My salary is currently around £25,000.

I appreciate that salaries vary by region and employer, and I'm not claiming to be a pensions expert or consultant. However, I am curious whether people working in pensions, insurance, financial services, compliance, or operations would consider this salary reasonable for the responsibilities described.

Am I being unrealistic, or does this seem low for the level of work involved?