u/hasatleast3problems

i just found this sub and its like a lightbulb turned on in my head dude...

My parents had me on an adult dose of antipsychotics as a child because i was in psychosis from social isolation (i was taken out of school and locked inside like a caged animal lol). I do not remember ages 9-13 because of it, i was basically catatonic and gained 100+lbs.

I was totally failed by pediatric psychiatry, nobody ever questioned what was going on, no effort was made to improve my living conditions, i didnt even have to go to therapy to be given what was essentially a medication induced lobotomy.

I'm convinced that i would have been 100% normal if the underlying causes of my psychosis were addressed, but instead, my parents were enabled by med providers and i was treated like an animal that had to be tamed. As soon as i went off antipsychotics and was old enough to improve my living situation, i became pretty much normal and im now 100% fully functioning.

Ive been so ashamed of this part of my life, convinced that im fundamentally broken or crazy in some way that nobody else has ever experienced before. Its comforting to learn that this is a known form of abuse that many people have experienced, and im not just a crazy subhuman with "odd"

I think this is one of those basic brain functions that are permanently broken because i was homeschooled. My parents were always very eager to help me give up on hard things, and so i spent most of my childhood avoiding anything that i didnt inherently want to do for fun. Like i was never pushed to do anything uncomfortable because my parents were just as scared of discomfort as i was.

i think my brain never developed the pathway to understand delayed gratification and long term goals because of this, and i dont think ive ever been able to sustain an effort for longer than a few months before shriveling back up and going back into hiding.

Like my brain genuinely CANNOT compute doing something hard more than maybe once or twice, i will always eventually forget every goal i set up for myself. Like im constantly having to restart remedial math because i genuinely cant make myself commit to a study schedule, i always give up no matter how important my long term goal is.

Is there any way to fix this other than "just do it bro" or am i destined to do nothing in particular forever

I was diagnosed with adhd-inattentive in elementary school, and was on adderall 10mg xr with good results, but went off of it at 13. I'm 18 now, and have been back on adderall for a few months, but the effects are kind of awful??

I'll take my meds around brunch with a snack high in fat, and feel medicated for an hour or so, but then by lunch time I'll totally crash and be too lethargic to do anything for the rest of the day.

My provider told me to try taking 5mg IR when i crash as a booster, and when I tried that the negative effects seem to just have doubled in severity. I'll feel like I'm having a panic attack for 30 minutes, and then literally not be able to think for the rest of the day because I'm just so TIRED.

It's so frustrating because I desperately need to be medicated, but meds seem to be having the opposite effect to what I need. If you reacted to adderall like this, what ended up working for you???

you would think after learning that your first child is so disabled that theyll need your FULL ATTENTION for the REST OF THEIR LIFE, you wouldnt POP OUT SOME MORE??? Like wtf

one thing about being homeschooled that nobody talks about is how physically damaging it is, like public schools makes kids do sports for a reason

since i was never allowed outside as a kid, i was basically forced to be sedentary like my parents and ended up developing a million health issues revolving around lack of movement (tachycardia, childhood obesity, muscle deterioration, blood pooling among other things).

some of my issues caused by not being allowed to move as a child are chronic now, and it just makes me so jealous of all of the normal people who were allowed to have healthy bodies as children. Like i was never given a chance, and now my body is forever scarred by these things out of my control

on the plus side, it makes exercise feel like a cool rebellious activity which is motivating LOL

https://preview.redd.it/305mhfy0egbh1.png?width=597&format=png&auto=webp&s=ab9d830eee3062b57c824b4036c2365fd0e13bc6

most of the posts are just screenshots of very clearly articulated political statements, and when its actually a joke that needs explaining the comments dont explain anything. they arent even roleplaying as Peter Griffin half the time!!! Scam

IDK, its just so crazy to go from a dysfunctional dirty house full of screaming people that hate each other, to just like...making small talk with a happy stranger at the grocery store

Its so easy to forget that most people are normal, and that the hellish cesspool of family dynamics youre constantly surrounded by are not the standard. Like most people arent trying to suck the life force out of your soul