u/imachoculatedonnut

Since I was little, I was really shy and anxious when i interacted with people and couldn't really develop really close friendships. I was diagnosed as socially anxious and possibly on the spectrum.

So when I finally got a friend group on college, I was really happy, I thought I was finally normal.

In some moment, due to some problems I had in some classes and group projects due to a bad mental health state, the whole group slowly cut me off, calling me "problematic" that I had "an attitude" and that I wasn't fully committed to the group project, that personal problems should stay outside from academic life, so I couldn't be trusted emotionally or academically.

This was almost 3 years ago and some time ago, I discovered that they cut me off mainly because a guy from the friend group said I was being "inappropriate" with him and that i liked him. Even to the point he started a rumor that I cornered him on a room and tried to touch him (which never happend, I was never in a room with him alone to begin with)

My guess is that since i'm openly gay, they feared me because of that(?)

That would be my guess by now because I wasn't never petty, I was kinda shy, literally I did nothing but exist

They were really "careful" around me, i know the fear straight men have towards gay people, so nothing new to me but it still hurts. Feeling like men look at you like you're a danger, that you want something as quick as they guard down

Eventually I discovered that they cut off many other gay guys from the friend group and now only straight people are there. So I think it was mainly homophobic beliefs between the male part of the group

Also, they assumed and started the rumor that i got good grades because the teachers felt pity of me and that's the only reason why I was a good student.

Not because I put a lot of effort, not because I genuinely love what I do, because i talked to one of my teachers about this whole situation and they catched me when that happened.

I think i'm mainly upset until this point because one of those friends always reassured me that me being gay wasn't an issue and that I shouldn't fear being open about it or being able to hug and joke around like being one of the boys, and then, the same guy, never tried to talk to me about that accusation, he immediately sided with the other guy

I've blamed myself for years, thinking "what did i did wrong?" I punished myself and thinked of me like a villain, and now i'm considering reporting the people that made the rumor because it caused me a lot of pain and mental distress, but since i'm almost out, I don't see it worth it by now and seeing how they sided with him, I think i wouldn't come back to the friendship knowing about that. Being accused of something so horrible without proof is infuriating

I wanted to let my thoughts out instead of talking to my current friends on college, because I think they've got enough of that topic and I don't want to repeat the story to them.

So I leave it here to let it finally die and go forward

Because I know I deserve good friends, I deserve everything I want to achieve and being gay doesn't make me weird or a creep, it doesn't make me different than any other guy

And to prove that, people sometimes are just bad.

There's sometimes you don't have to do anything for someone to hate you

Since I was little, I was really shy and anxious when i interacted with people and couldn't really develop really close friendships. I was diagnosed as socially anxious and possibly on the spectrum.

So when I finally got a friend group on college, I was really happy, I thought I was finally normal.

In some moment, due to some problems I had in some classes and group projects due to a bad mental health state, the whole group slowly cut me off, calling me "problematic" that I had "an attitude" and that I wasn't fully committed to the group project, that personal problems should stay outside from academic life, so I couldn't be trusted emotionally or academically.

This was almost 3 years ago and some time ago, I discovered that they cut me off because a guy from the friend group said I was being "inappropriate" with him and that i liked him. Even to the point he started a rumor that I cornered him on a room and tried to touch him (which never happend)

My guess is that since i'm openly gay, they feared me because of that(?)

They were really careful around me, i know the fear straight men have towards gay people, so nothing new.

Eventually I discovered that they cut off many other gay guys from the friend group and now only straight people are there. So I think it was mainly homophobic beliefs

Also, they assumed i got good grades because the teachers felt pity of me and that's the only reason why I was a good student

I think i'm mainly upset until this point because one of those friends always reassured me that me being gay wasn't an issue and that I shouldn't fear being open about it, and then, the same guy, never tried to talk to me about that accusation, he immediately sided with the other guy

I've blamed myself for years, and now i'm considering reporting the dude that made the rumor because it caused me a lot of pain and mental distress, but since i'm almost out, I don't see it worth it by now and seeing how they sided with him, I think i wouldn't come back to the friendship knowing about that.

I wanted to let my thoughts out instead of talking to my current friends, because I think they've got enough of that topic and I don't want to repeat the story

So I leave it here to let it finally die and go forward

Because I know I deserve good friends, I deserve everything I want to achieve and being gay doesn't make me weird or a creep, it doesn't make me different than any other guy

I'm planning my new restart at IG/TikTok and I already have a schedule, but I always kinda get blocked on ideas of what to do in those videos and how to plan ahead.

I've been through editing for hours and not getting many likes, but a video that's shit is suddenly popular, is this like the new format of viral?

I want to share the process of making my beautiful illustrations or show the world how I draw but it's kinda discouraging when it has 100 views and a doodle with a song gets 10 k out of nowhere

I have no idea what this musical is about besides the real life event that the movie is based and i'm excited

I've been hearing a lot of good comments

So, when I finished i'll edit the post and write my opinion lol

Just wanted to share my exitement

EDIT: I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. I was at first skeptical about the cast but they were absolutely fantastic. I think it kinda changed my perspective on how there's no age limit or too old for Broadway for any role. The songs were great, my favorite is the first one and the mother parts and my favorites were the kevins and the english man. I almost teared up with the story of the pilot and had to look her up on Google and I think, as a non american I understand how people felt after.

We've all seen videos of the day it happend but I've never seen how it affected the regular people, it was such an inspiring story about kindness, humanity, and no matter how different we all are, if we're kind we can achieve anything

10/10

Do i have to pay again if I want to use it on android tablet or can I share my account? I have the 5.0 version

I'm kinda confused on the whole multiple devices thingy

For me it's either Useless from In the heights or when you believe from the prince of Egypt musical

Useless reminds me so much of my dad and his origin as a farm boy and how far he has come and I cry a lot hearing it and i feel like going and hugging my old man.

When you believe is just an amazing song, no matter who or where is it sang It will always get to me from the message, the happiness and the hope that it brings.

The hebrew little girl singing and then the whole cast joining in is the ugly cry part lol

I have an IG account I created in 2019 where I've been posting my drawings.

Nothing serious, just for fun, i had a moment where i spend a lot of time creating content and i scaled to 200 followers.

Nowadays, although i keep posting and creating nobody besides my family actually sees the posts.

I want to start over but I don't know if it could be a mistake leaving the account to a new one.

Should I at least post about it and say where i'm going next? Just to see who is still supporting my art and journey from an amateur to a medium skill artist?