u/kpopienne_

Hi people,

I wanna cry, I spent time on my songs, so much time and my parents just said no because "I didn't told them" like I talked to them before but they don't hear me or whatever. I wanna play my song somewhere, anywhere, really. I wanna share my art and I was supposed to share my art with people but nahhh I can't. I feel like I worked hard for nothing, I feel like I stressed for nothing too.

It reminded me that I can try everything, even writing the best song ever, I can't record it in my house, I can't sing it in front of people and since I can't record, I can't upload it.

I really wanna be a "real" artist (by that I mean an artist like a singer with a community or something like that.)

I can't imagine my life without making music and sharing it to an audience. I'm not that confident but I just feel like my place is on scene and not off scene, working on a desk in front of a computer. I need to dance and to feel emotions I totally forgot. I need music so bad. I know I can create music later but hearing that the biggest project I worked on since the beginning of the year has been shut down is making me so... sad and angry in the same time.

I yap a little too much on this sub so my apologies. People here a really nice and I wanted to use those advice for the concert but guess it's not for now :(

If someone know how to create or just to participate in a free party, please tell me.. I'm so desesperate lol that's crazy.

Anyway thank you for reading!!

So, as I said in my last post here, my concert is this weekend and I'm so stressed about it. Today I went to the repetition of a group who will play too and I thought "she sing with confidence ! I wish I had the same confidence as her in my voice and my songs !" But after half an hour of repetition, she started crying because of pressure I guess ? She kept repeating that her voice wasn't perfect and it made me think that maybe people see me like that.

What I mean is that they may see me as someone with a fragile self love and confidence too. I wish I was confident enough on scene but I feel like I can't be confident enough on scene if I'm sober. Of course I know everything doesn't need to be perfect but I'm still looking at the little things in my song that makes me feel "oh this part is bad as fuck ! I need to correct that." All I do is analysing again and again, comparing my art to others.

I don't know how I will do on scene, just to think about it is making my heart crazy. I know my song and I know that it's not the best but even if I accepted that, I keep being anxious about it.

What should I do ? Should I imagine everyone as a potato ? Or just invite all my friends to be confident by faking it until I make it ? Or should I give up ?

I'm kinda lost and stressed out with school, my own album and this concert, argh kinda complicated to think straight.

Thank you for reading!!

Hello, it’s going to be quite long and I’m sorry about that, I’m new to this sub and I don’t know if it’s appropriate to talk here.

I really like my songs a lot when I’m in my room or when I listen to them by myself. It took me a while to manage to get my friends to listen to them because it made me feel a bit naked in front of them (I’m talking about a slightly sensitive subject inside, about my life in general and everything I live through.)

The thing is, my sounds are like a page from my own diary so I’m embarrassed to have to play it out loud. The problem is that I have concerts to do (not big ones, I am in a collective that allows me to have at least one concert per year, which brings me many opportunities).

My music is on Soundcloud and I don’t mind that they’re listened to by the whole world. I don’t promote my sounds because I feel like they’re not good enough and that they don’t deserve the credit for being listened to; it’s as if I open my heart on social media. I do my instrumentals, the mix and the arrangement on my own most of the time because I’m ashamed to show it to a professional, but maybe I’m too young for music. Sometimes I even tell myself that I shouldn’t call myself an "artist."

I would really like to have a community. Even if 1,000 subscribers were already magical, I do concerts, but my sounds may be too limited (since I’m talking about sensitive topics) and it can tend to spoil the atmosphere of the concert (my impression).

I’m going to play my music live this weekend, except that it’s hyperpop and in my collective I’m the only one doing it. Obviously, I’m even more embarrassed about my music since it’s not the "expected style" yet it’s me and I don’t want to hide who I am on stage; I want to have fun and share my life experiences on stage.

My inspiration is directly related to my life and right now I don’t know much to talk about since I’ve already told everything about what happened in my overall life. I wanted to talk about what’s going on in my head, except that it’s a bit too complicated. My lyrics sound less and less "myself" and more "I have to say that for the concert so they can be proud of me" and I really don’t like it.

Does anyone have any advice on how to fix these two problems? Thank you for reading and sorry for talking so much lol!

Hey !

So... to summarize, I kinda accepted to sell myself online for like 500$ a day/two day. It's already day two and I'm kinda tired of my sugar daddy, at least he'll gave me a card with 500$ on it but still, just thinking about everything makes me wanna throw up like for real. My mental will not survive if I keep doing this, he doesn't even making me less lonely and fuck I'm an asexual lesbian how the fuck should I enjoy that ? But the money I have is kinda refreshing and the fact that I can drink to forget or just smoke to don't think about it is making it less painful to endure if I could say that. Before that, I had kinda like a sugar mommy online, she used to buy me a lot of gifts without even me knowing and of course it was cool because here, I had the attention I wanted and stuff like that. But in both case I'm not enjoying everything around sex like at all, when I do something like that it's makes me want to throw up or to dissapear. He's not that old, just really rich and I feel like I kinda deserve this sometime. I mean, I'm not quite sure that I deserve being in a relationship or even having friends so if people do like talking to me and enjoy my company, even though it's through sex or when I'm drunk or high so I'm cool enough to laugh in class with, I have the feeling that if I don't do that, people might hate me or worse, just forget me.

I don't wanna be alone, I was alone before and I didn't actually hated it, well it destroyed me and this is the reason why I don't wanna be alone again. Fuck every night I talk to boys complimenting my body, it pissing me off like really. I'm tired of this but it's the only people who send me messages late at night and of course it's making me think about something else than k1lling myself or stuff like that.

I consider myself as a whore since I sell my body and the fact that I got SA really young, I kinda feel like it's just like how it should be.. even though I'm not enjoying even one thing here.

Should I stop being his sugar baby or whatever he calls it ? What should I do ? Money is money and money can buy a lot of distraction to make me thinks about something else... I really don't know, I feel like I lose everything, my friends girls aren't that much and I feel like they are all running away from me even though I said nothing about this whole story. I don't even know what I want.

Sorry for venting btw hope I didn't ruin ur day or something.. thanks !..

Do you find gamer women attractive ? Like girls who play rythme video game like osu, pjsk or even geometry dash. Idk if u fw this but I find thins really attractive lol

So as I said in the title, I wonder if there is people who are addicted to mommy asmr, roleplay asmr in general. For the plot, I used to be addicted to c.ai or any other roleplay ai (chatgpt included) but since the beginning of the year I definitely stopped using ai. For fun, I saw an asmr f4f video and fuck... I was supposed to laugh at it but it made me giggle and kick my feet so hard that I created a whole playlist with more than 500 vidéo in the same type. I wonder if it's bad sometimes since I didn't met people who like roleplay asmr that much. I mean I like them so bad that I'm "obligated" to hear at least one every day, I even listen them during class, before sleeping and if I don't listen to them during the night then I can't sleep like for real.

Anyway my bad for my english it's not my native language lol, I just wanted to know if there is people with same taste as me (oh and btw I'm a f17yo) I also wonder if I should create my own asmr channel on ytb (kinda off topic but yeah) Ty for reading <3 !!