u/leopardsatehisface

A blue belt pins a teenage white belt down with side control.

White belt: "Gah, I just can't seem to get out of side control"

Blue belt: "Everyone finds it hard, it's ok. You'll figure it out, you're just new."

White belt: "I'm not new, I've been to like 14 classes!!! 😤"

😂😂😂

Good day,

About two years ago, my girlfriend had a serious e-scooter accident and sustained a traumatic brain injury. She spent nearly 11 months in hospital before returning home and is now on long-term disability.

She has made significant progress. She attends support groups, receives therapy, and does occupational therapy. She is largely independent at home and can cook, clean, and manage daily tasks. However, even a short work shift would currently be too demanding. Her disability coverage is expected to continue until age 65, and she receives about $1,800 per month after deductions.

I have worked for the same company for 16 years and am now in management, earning roughly $110,000 annually. My role requires me to be on-site, but it is stable and not physically demanding. I also have a defined-benefit pension and substantial institutional knowledge at a mission-critical site, so I feel relatively secure in my employment.

We recently bought a detached home in Edmonton for $472,000. The recent assessment was $486,000. We chose to buy because it offered more comfort and stability than renting while allowing us to build equity. The inspection identified a few deficiencies, which we have already addressed. The house also has a 12.5 kW solar array that offsets most of our electricity costs.

Previously, we paid about $2,200 per month to rent a two-bedroom apartment. Our mortgage and utilities are currently about $2,500 per month, although we are still learning the full year-round cost of ownership. We contribute a percentage of our take-home pay to a joint account, from which all household expenses are paid.

We have no debt other than the mortgage. My girlfriend has approximately $80,000 in accessible savings, and we are working on an investment plan for it. She also contributes to her employer’s stock-matching program and pension through payroll deductions.

I contribute to my employer’s stock-matching program as well. After our regular expenses, savings contributions, and deductions, I personally have about $1,000 per month available to put toward additional savings, investing, or other financial goals.

My financial history is less straightforward. I accumulated significant debt in my twenties and thirties and entered Alberta’s Orderly Payment of Debts program in 2021. I lived on a strict budget, eliminated my credit cards, and eventually paid off the remaining balance using equity from the sale of my condo.

I later financed a vehicle mainly to rebuild my credit before applying for a mortgage. I sold that vehicle on May 22. We now have one paid-off vehicle, no consumer debt, a mortgage, and room to rebuild savings and grow my TFSA.

What would be the best financial plan for us going forward?

I also want to add in the event of her losing that income I can carry the household by myself indefinitely.

EDIT:

I want to clarify, her $80,000 in savings is money she saved, and received in inheritance. She was the executor of an estate and was dealing with all this before the accident happened. And then it did and between me, her lawyer, her mother and my gf we finally got it all put to bed and resolved about a week ago. So during that time the only money we were touching was what was coming in, Now we will be making a plan to move funds, and start dedicated investment accounts.

I joined a BJJ gym as a total beginner about one year ago, and have been totally falling in love with the sport. There are no female coaches and professors here. Most of the women at my gym are white and blue belts, one black belt sometimes shows up for open mat. I have two women white belt friends I have made over the year, who also started at a similar time as me. There were about 8 other women white belts as well, but they all seem to have quit. I recently did a trial class at a gym with a woman as one of the head professors, who is a decorated black belt. Her women's class had women with more belt color variety. I appreciated her teaching style and had a good time in her class.

Now I am torn, because I think I want to learn from this professor more. Cons are:

• I would miss my friends
• I quite like two of the male black belt professors who are good teachers

I can't really afford two memberships. I think I value having a female mentor.

What do you think would be a good decision for the long term? If I do switch, should I wait until I get my blue belt, or not worry about that? My current professor has been hinting that he will promote me soon.

I have been practicing BJJ for 2 years (in the US). I consistently show up 3 to 5 times a week, I am quite strong for my size (lifting heavy with barbell exercises at the gym are my favorite) and can out-cardio everyone during rolls (I can run 10 km in 42 minutes). I study instructionals and go to drill and open mat.

I am almost always the smallest person in class (125 lbs), and my partners usually have at least 30 to 50 lbs on me, and often much more. I have had two of my classmates reach blue belt, although they have been training for a similar duration as me. During sparring, I do everything I can to avoid getting smashed and have gotten much better over time, but odds are high that the partners will be able to keep me pinned if we get there. I am pretty ok at being able to hold off getting subbed until timers go off these days, and can get subs on white and lower blue belts. There is a heavier blue belt that reliably gets frustrated with me during rolls because I don't let her sub me easily, and will do jerky things like smashing her palm over my eyes when I get her under my side control. It is like she is extra frustrated that she can't get a lightweight under control and takes it out on me...I hate it.

I have travelled and trained in countries where the people are smaller on average, and I was managing to give blue belts a hard time.

I know that I am getting better, but feel like I just look worse at BJJ because I am small, and feel generally under-recognized in my abilities by the coaches despite training hard. I know I probably shouldn't care, but it is kind of annoying that I can be perceived this way. Has anyone had any experience with this?