r/BicyclingCirclejerk

Look at the number of microphones. I think this pic has great meme potential but I’m a noob in creating them. Feel free to show us what you got.

Found my next whip guys! The efficiency is off all the charts.

The ultimate cat 5 cycling jerk. They must be frequenting this subreddit. So which one of you is it?

Too many jokes eh

The wice got made I'm smoking pot again. Yes darling. Try it out. It's really nice and don't let go till you see 100 psi.

In a few weeks I’ll turn 12 and I figured that was a perfectly reasonable excuse to buy a real bike.
So I picked up this brand-new-in-box Buffy Spider-Man 20-inch from Amazon at what can only be described as a ridiculous bargain (it was $67.49 with Prime and they threw in free stickers).

The original plan was simple: buy the bike, wait until my birthday, then ride it like an actual almost-teenager.

That plan lasted like four minutes.

Before I even took all the plastic off I already upgraded it with these AmazonCarbon “road” wheels that look sick in the pictures, 2.125” tires that the listing said were for “performance,” a RGB gaming saddle I found that has a little web pattern if you look close, bottle cages that are supposed to be titanium-look, LED wheel lights, a Bluetooth speaker for the theme song, and a phone mount so I can film the first ride for YouTube.

Was upgrading a bike I haven’t even sat on yet a smart decision?

Lowkey no.

Was I gonna do it anyway?

I already hit Buy Now on my mom’s account (I paid her back I swear, I did extra dishes and everything).

The really ridiculous part is I still haven’t ridden it. Not because of weather. Not because of school. Not because anything’s broken.

I’m just not 12 yet.

Like the bike would know. Peter Parker didn’t even get bit until he was older than me so I feel like I have to wait. It would be disrespectful.

To make it even worse I couldn’t leave the pictures alone. I spent like six hours using AI to turn our garage into some professional bike studio in New York, removed every single box and the lawn mower, added perfect lighting, and put the Daily Bugle in the background. I even made the welds look shinier even though I’m pretty sure they’re just blobs.

Now I keep wandering into the garage for no reason, touching the Spider-Man decals really carefully, spinning the wheels because they make that cool clicking sound, checking the tire pressure I checked eleven minutes ago, and staring at the pictures I already edited like twenty times.

The bike is ready.

The sidewalk is ready.

I’m ready.

The calendar is the only thing holding this whole project back.

Until then this web-slinging rocket stays on the launch pad, fully upgraded, AI-edited until it doesn’t even look like our house anymore, and with exactly 0.0 miles on it. No cap.