u/lethalwhispermachine

This is very embarrassing and shameful for me to admit. But, I’m going to try to be as blunt and not self-pitying as I can.

I’m an extremely insecure person I think I may have discovered a pattern in myself. I will constantly make rude jokes/ comments to people. Even when I have not known them long enough to have any right to do so. I think the subconscious point of this is to bring the other person down a peg so that I can feel better about myself.

The topic of these comments is usually centered around intelligence. Likely because that was a big deal in my family growing up. And honestly, it feels like my biggest redeeming quality.

In a past relationship I used to do this. It got to the point where I would outright say things like “you’re so dumb” while laughing under the guise of it being a joke. She told me it made her upset, and feel bad about herself. I told her I was “just joking” and continued to do it anyway. I know now that I was not joking. I did think that she was less intelligent than me. And I used her as a tool to make myself feel superior. To boost my self-confidence.

This was when I was in high school several years ago. I haven’t treated anybody that poorly since. Likely because my self-esteem had improved immensely since then. But, I want to specifically address it because I never want to slide back into those habits.

I want to be a patient and kind person. I want to be someone people feel at ease around. I want to be someone who adds value to people’s lives, not someone who breaks them down and makes them feel worthless.

I often find these kinds of “negging” comments/ jokes slipping out randomly. And I really don’t like it.

Any advice on how to stop doing this would be greatly appreciated. Or any relevant resources.

Can’t tell if my T levels are high or if I got gel contamination

I take 3 pumps of 1.62% testosterone gel a day. (3 pumps = 60.75 mg a day).

I just got my T levels back and they’re 1444 ng/dl.

Does that seem reasonable on my dose to yall? I feel like that seems too high for what i’m taking and there might’ve just been a little gel left in the site they drew blood from.

I don’t have an accurate previous level because i’ve been horrible about getting it tested (whoops). But, my doctor saw that level and said it was a “little high” and suggested I go down to 2 pumps a day. I’m very nervous to lower my dose in case it was contamination.

y’all please tell me what you think. I don’t know what i’m doing :,) I don’t even know what 1444 means but I’m pretty sure it’s really high.

edit: my hematocrit was 50 which apparently is high.

I’ve come across so many people online and some in person who says they’ll date “anybody but cis men”. Meaning they’ll date trans men but not cis ones.

Makes me feel really gross and othered as a trans man. I’m not a man lite. I’m a man. I would literally rather them just say “I don’t see you as a man”. Instead I feel like they’re saying that exact thing in this encoded language that makes them sounds progressive. When it’s not!

I feel the same way when I see those “trans man vs masc lesbian” videos.

Am I being unreasonable? How do y’all feel about this?

edit: i’m talking about cis people who say this. Not trans people who want T4T relationships.

Anytime that i’m around very masculine, muscular, tall, or conventionally attractive men I get this wave of crushing embarrassment and inferiority. (cis or trans guy, doesn’t matter) It makes me want to just curl up into a ball and not be seen, or just leave the room.

It affects my dating life too. I’m not able to go for certain men who i’m attracted to because I just feel so inferior and small. I also have a hard time making friends with those kind of guys.

Any advice on how to feel confident with really masculine guys and not just feel inferior?

I’m 5’3, chubby, and can’t grow any facial or body hair. I do pass. I had top surgery and i’ve been on T for 2 years. I’m very thankful for the fact that it’s given me a pretty deep voice even compared to most cis guys. But even with all of that I can’t stop feeling like a little boy playing dress up. I feel like when I try to perform masculinity it’s so embarrassing because I just cant do it right.

Any advice or personal stories are very welcome.

Hello, a close family member of mine is having spine surgery soon. C3-C7 posterior Cervical Laminectomy and Instrumented Arthrodesis. She also has a history of severe chronic migraines. She’s middle aged with a plethora of health issues and unusual reactions to diseases and medication.

I’ve heard that this is a major operation but i’m not really sure how serious or risky it is. The things that i’ve seen on this sub are also starting to scare me. Is this an operation that I should be worried about her losing her life? Or being permanently disabled?

Also, what are some of the ways that you guys wished people would have shown up for you after surgery? We live together, what can I do to help? And what does the recovery process/ timeline look like?

Pretty much just a very concerned and confused family member here. Any info would be greatly appreciated, especially if you’ve had the same procedure.

Thank you.

Hey yall, I just found this sub. Please let me know if I missed anything and this post is against the rules or something and i’ll fix it. (I read the rules, just making sure)

⚠️WARNING! I describe some really gross things in this post!

Context: I live with my parents. I’m very very newly an adult. My parents hoard objects, trash, and animals. None of the animals are potty trained. They were adopted before I was old enough to do it myself, and at this point there’s nothing I can do about it without their cooperation. Which they will not give me. The house issues are mainly grime, dog mess, bugs, mountains of clutter, everything.

The house is genuinely disgusting. Several rooms are unusable. The bathroom is disgusting as well. I’ve tried cleaning but with so many people in the house who don’t care, the mess is made faster than I could possibly clean it. The house also gets full of flys in the summers. To the point where I don’t want to cook because flies will get into my food.

My issue is that I really don’t know how far is too far. I want to move out so badly, it’s all I ever think about. But, I have a huge fear that by moving out I would ruin my future. My tuition is paid for already. But I don’t know how I could get a job that pays me enough to move out without a degree. I also have no idea how i’d balance school and work.

With my current plan I would likely get my degree and get a job to move out after 2-3 years. But, I’ve failed a couple classes already due to shutting down and getting too depressed because of my home situation. So, I don’t know if I can do well in school under these circumstances.

Is it worth taking the jump and risking my future? I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been in this position and ended up taking the risk and moving out. Or anything else honestly, I just need help. I don’t know how much longer I can keep it together without breaking down.

Hey y’all, I had DI with no nipple grafts early this morning. And I’m curious to hear your experiences with the level of pain, and kind of what level of pain is normal to have. (I will be asking my surgeon tomorrow so i’m not taking this as medical advice)

I initially woke up from surgery in a lot of pain. It hurt so bad that I was finding it very hard to breathe and I started breathing super fast and weird. Kind of how you breathe when you’re freaking out and having a panic attack and you just kind of frantically gasp but not much air gets in.

Now later in the day i’m able to breath fine (although it’s still pretty painful, especially when I breath deeply). But, my whole chest hurts so bad. It feels really tender and some sharp pain around my armpits (my surgeon extended my scars pretty far back). It’s also pretty hard to shift myself in bed because that hurts real bad too.

I’ve stuck perfectly to the pain medicine routine like I was supposed to. I’ve worn a mastectomy pillow since I left the office, and laying down propped up at a 45 degree angle. My surgeon did not place drains in if that’s important. Did y’all experience pain like this? Or do you think it’s abnormal?

Feel free to tell me about your experiences with pain after surgery! I’d love to hear. Thanks y’all.