u/littlefae3

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT need anyone's advice. Yes my landlord is taking care of it. Yes I'm getting treatments in my apartment. I simply just need to vent

Being afraid of your own home is something I wouldn't wish on alot of people. Pests are mentally taxing to deal with. I also have schizophrenia so I hallucinate bugs when i see bug and feel them crawling on my skin. I'm so done with this

I have a bike. I don't enjoy riding it. I have adult coloring stuff. I don't enjoy coloring. I have food. I don't enjoy eating. I do nothing all day and can't stand it but equally can't stand doing anything.

It seriously grosses me out and no matter how hard I scrub its useless. I cannot get this to be clean.

But I'm back on track again. For a month I ate nothing but buttered noodles and crumbl cookie. I'm finally craving real food again.

Sorry for posting so much. I'm just really at my whits end.

I doomscroll for 18 hours a day and that's my life everyday. The thing is I have interest in doing things I just can't do anything because I don't have a car. There was an event where if you paid $5 you can drink coffee with horses but I couldn't go because I had no transportation. I really want to go to a theme park this summer but can't go because no transportation. My bubble is small and suffocating. Please don't give me advice. I don't need to color or crochet or knit or read or go to the library I don't want to do any of those things at all. Everything that I have interest in doing requires a car. I could even work if I had one doing doordash.

I wish my greedy selfish parents would never had made me. I was born with my chord wrapped around my neck and I wish the doctor was unable to save me. I wish my parents didn't breed and breed and breed and only stopped when my 2 youngest siblings had disabilities because my mom was too old to keep having babies but it was God's will to push out as many as possible even despite putting people in harms way. I hate my life. I hate my religious parents. I wish i was dead. Im so bitter mean and a cold hearted person. Think real hard before you have a baby.