u/livienn6

I feel like my dad hates me (20F). I've never really been the child he wanted me to be. I'm neurodivergent (I have autism and suspect I also have ADHD), which has affected the way I behave. I've also had mental health problems since I was a child - I've had OCD since I was a little child, although I was misdiagnosed when I was 12 and received a proper diagnosis at the age of 18 and I used to have depression, however I think it's coming back and I'm trying to fix it before it gets really bad

We stopped getting along when I was around 11. I had bad friends which resulted in a lot of conflicts with my parents, a year later I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and put on medication which was horrible for me and he just couldn't accept it

As I grew older, we started having even more arguments. I had to tell my mom about him cheating on her twice and both times he decided I was the one to blame. When she left the house, he would yell at me and accuse me of wanting to destroy our family. The first time I discovered that he was texting my older sister's highschool friend when he was paying for a really expensive gift for me. The second time he needed some help with his phone and I accidentally saw that he had a dating account. He deleted it and tried to make me look like a liar in front of my mom, but fortunately I knew how to find a list of every app he downloaded via play store. Both times my mom eventually forgave him but things between me and him were never the same

Whenever I have an argument with my mom, he never misses a chance to jump in just to insult me. He constantly yells at me, calls me all kinds of names etc. He recently injured his finger and it's very bad, now he has to soak it in this yellow liquid, which isn't drinkable and can cause stomach problems when ingested. He left it on my mom's bedside table and she accidentally drank it when she was taking medication in the middle of the night. She was livid and he tried to blame me for doing that, although he's the one who did it

Sometimes I still want to tell him about things. He never listens. When I'm talking about something with him or both parents, he often interrupts me in the middle of a sentence to tell me to do something and it hurts. When I get excited about something and tell him about it, he often acts like I'm stupid for talking about it and tells me to stop

I feel like he absolutely hates me, but at the same time I'm afraid that maybe I'm overreacting

He's a huge dick to basically everyone around him except my sister. If I remember correctly, he treated her completely differently when she was my age. He's so proud of her and would do anything for her and I can't help but feel envious about it. He never yells at her, never tells her to fuck off, never acts like she's the reason for every single bad thing that happened in our family. My mom praises him for everything he does (I think it's internalised misogyny), although I don't think he's a good husband. I clean the house every day when she's at work and she acts like it's the most normal thing in the world (which it is), but when one time I fell asleep and didn't do it and he cleaned the house and reheated some store-bought soup for lunch, she acted like it was the greatest thing anyone can do. He also has a tendency to act like she's stupid when she doesn't understand something or has a different opinion than him.

She doesn't really react when he screams at me, but the moment I say anything back, she tells me to stop. Both her and my sister say that I can't say anything back to my dad because it's just the way he is and they expect me to change so he doesn't have to. He can call me names, scream at me to the point where I'm just ugly crying and completely powerless, but I'm the villain the moment I tell him anything. I've never called him names, cursed at him or said anything near as horrible as he did to me. I usually just tell him to leave me alone or get out of my room. He often just walks into my room and looks for anything to get mad at me for

I don't know how to feel or what to do. I have no idea who's the crazy one - me or my parents and sister. I'm stuck at home until the end of September and I'm so tired of it. I'm trying to be the best version of myself and achieve something in my life but nothings seems to make him hate me at least a bit. I study in a foreign language, do scientific research because I'm planning to pursue career in academia, so I have to start as soon as possible, I have great grades and I'll probably get scholarship - top 10% students get it and there's a good chance I'm one of them. But no matter what I do, when I come home I'm still seen as stupid and worthless

Wkraczam właśnie w dorosłe życie i zastanawiam się, czy bez wykształcenia typu lekarz/prawnik itp da się żyć w dobrych warunkach

Studiuję nauki społeczne, to moja pasja i planuję robić w tym kierunku karierę. Właśnie pracuję nad pierwszym badaniem naukowym, bo słyszałam że jeśli chcę robić doktorat, to muszę zacząć jak najwcześniej. Mam też masę pomysłów na następne badania, bo już teraz widzę, że w niektórych dziedzinach są aspekty, którym nie poświęcono do tej pory tyle uwagi, na ile zasługują. Na zajęciach staram się jak najwięcej nauczyć, możliwe że uda mi się na 2 roku dostać stypendium, bo mam w miarę spoko średnią (ponad 4.6) a widzę, że większość osób na moim kierunku nie przejmuje się średnią, nie dba aż tak o oceny i nie planuje składać wniosku o stypendium. Jeśli uda mi się z doktoratem, to planuję tak czy inaczej działać dalej w tym kierunku. Na pewno rozważam habilitację, nie wiem czy chciałoby mi się też próbować z byciem profesorem XD

Mimo wszystko zastanawiam się, czy to wystarczy żeby godnie żyć w większym mieście samej albo w 2 osoby i nie musieć sobie za wiele odmawiać

Na ten moment już wiem, że własne mieszkanie to sobie mogę ewentualnie w Simsach zbudować, a w realu na pewno nawet mając stałą, dobrze płatną pracę będę musiała wynajmować, ale mimo wszystko mam nadzieję, że uda mi się osiągnąć na tyle, żeby móc w miarę git przeżyć

Myślicie że w obecnych realiach możliwe jest godne życie z takim wykształceniem, czy powinnam w pewnym momencie porzucić pasję i iść w coś innego?

I (20F) used to have a boyfriend (20M) when we were both 18. I'm sure he SA'd me a couple times, but there's a situation I'm still not sure about.

He was my first boyfriend and sexual partner. On our first date we went to a park. We were sitting on a bench in a more private area and he took my boob out of my dress and put it into his mouth. I didn't protest and say anything, but it felt extremely weird and I didn't want to mess anything up on our first date, so I just agreed to do it.

I still feel really uncomfortable about that situation. I regret not saying anything but at the same time I feel like he exploited me and put me in a position where saying no would be difficult because 1) it was still a public space and it would feel like making a scene and 2) I didn't want to make our first date feel so awkward and just destroy it

I (F20) live in a small village in the middle of nowhere. From October until June I attend uni so I live in a bigger city and come back home for the weekends

We have a lot of animals: ducks, chickens, sheep, cats, and a dog. I think my parents (F54 and M56) are horrible when it comes to caring for our animals and we constantly argue about it. In my opinion they care more about their own comfort than about the wellbeing of our animals

They insist on keeping our cats outside rather than in the house. In the last 5 years we lost 4 cats because of that. One was killed in our backyard by a fox or some other wild animal, two of them just disappeared and we still have no idea what happened to them, and the last one died a few days ago. He was only 6 weeks old (one of my cats gave birth recently) and managed to escape his cage, and then was killed by our dog when we were at my sister's house. I think the dog must've accidentally jumped on him and crushed his insides, because when I picked him up, it felt like his insides and spine were completely destroyed. Our dog is huge, and not aggressive at all, so I think that's the most probable cause

Over the span of the last few years, we've had 6 dogs in total. The first one was great and didn't harm anyone. The other four used to regularly kill other animals. One of them died because she was sick, the second one was put down by my parents after one situation (I'm gonna bring it up later in the post), and we sold the other two because they were still kinda young

The dog that was put down loved killing animals and taught others how to do it. For the first few years, they were killing chickens and ducks and I was the one who had to bury them. I'm autistic and birds are my special interest and I was extremely attached to every single one of them. I had a beautiful, white drake and I loved him so much. He was a son of one of our ducks, so he's been with us since he hatched. He always waited for me to come outside, loved eating food from my hand and even let me pet him and them one of our dogs killed him

However, it was getting worse and worse over time. One day my dogs killed a sheep and seriously injured another one (which was the daughter of the deceased one). They opened the gate to their enclosure, we found the sheep when she was still alive but actively dying on the opposite side of our backyard, laying on a frozen pond (it happened in winter). There was no way to help her, as she died shortly after we found her. Her daughter was in the building that we kept our sheep in. The dogs were still attacking her when we found them. She was pinned into the wall, the wall was covered in blood, and the sheep was seriously injured. Happily she made it, and is still with us today, thought our sheep now start panicking when they see a dog, even from a distance. That's when my parents decided to put one of my dogs down and sell the other one (at this point we only had 2 dogs, but I don't want to explain the timeline as I think it's not that important). Since it happened, I started having a nightmares and sleep paralysis on a regular basis. Sometimes I just randomly see the wall covered in blood in my head and just start panicking as it was happening all over again

I'm pretty sure we've lost over 20 animals so far because my parents just don't care, but I can't recall every single one of them, as my memory tends to get worse during difficult times

I love animals and have a lot of ideas on how to make their life better, but my parents just never allow it to happen because it's a slight inconvenience for them, for example that if the cats are at home, then they're gonna sit on the table etc. We constantly argue and I started hating them. I'm trying to make it all normal and I still spend time with them, but I live in hate and deeply despise them because they won't give up even the slightest amount of their comfort, even if that's what makes the difference between an animal living or dying. Since I've come home for the summer, my OCD has gotten so much worse to the point where I can't function normally. I used to deal with severe depression and I thought I won the battle, but I think it's coming back. There's literally nothing I can do to make my animals' lives better. I just have to sit there and watch them suffer. I've wanted to go no contact with my parents for a long time now, but the only thing that's keeping me attached to this house and my parents is the fact that I don't want to leave my animals alone with them. This isn't the only issue with my parents, as they are also abusive towards me and we have a difficult relationship pretty much since I was a child, but seeing my animals suffer is so much worse than being abused myself, as they have nowhere else to go and they're never going to be able to just leave them. I'm trying to be strong for them but it's getting harder and harder

I (F20) got into a huge argument with my mom (F54) because she wants me to wake up early. I'm currently staying at home until the end of summer break (the end of September in my country). I tend to go to sleep and wake up much later than my mom, which shouldn't really be an issue, as I do every household chore she wants me to do while she's at work. My whole day is usually ruined if I wake up too early, because my head hurts and overall I feel terrible. I also tend to experience a lot of problems related to sleep, such as insomnia, a lot of nightmares and sleep paralysis, so I try to respect my sleep when it's peaceful, as I don't know whether I'm gonna sleep well the following night.

She, on the other hand, refuses to understand it and acts as if sleeping until 12 pm was somehow morally wrong. She tells me that it's because she wants to spend some time with me before she goes to work, but in my opinion it doesn't make any sense, because even if she manages to wake me up at 8 or 9, I don't want to spend time with her because I'm just too tired and pissed off, and my head is probably killing me. It's like I woke her up at 4 am because I wanted to drink coffee with her.

I can spend time with her when she comes back from work and we're both awake. Actually, it does happen regularly and I think it's a much better option.

Yesterday we got into a huge argument over this problem and she's still mad at me. I tried to tell her about my point of view but she just didn't care about it. She completely refused to listen and treated it as a personal attack. She reminded me of situations where I woke her up at night, but in my opinion it was completely different, because if I woke her up at night, it was only because there was some emergency going on. For example, when my dog was still alive but seriously ill, I woke my mom once when the dog was having a really serious seizure and she was extremely mad about it, even though it was really an emergency, as the dog was puking everywhere and had 2 or 3 seizures over the span of like 5-10 minutes and eventually died about 2 weeks later. I would also wake her up if I was feeling really bad. I'm experiencing chronic pain, so I'm pretty used to it and only woke her up when I was feeling really terrible and didn't know what to do. She's a pharmacist, so I thought she could help me and that's why I woke her up. The fact that she acts like it's the same thing hurt me.

I tried to talk to her, but she got mad at me and eventually I gave up. Now I'm sitting in my room wondering if I'm in the wrong here

I'm 20 years old and attend university but currently I'm at home until the end of September. My mom has always expected me to do every single thing she wanted me to do, but it's been extremely difficult lately because I'm an adult now and I desperately need freedom

From October until the end of June I attend uni at a bigger city (about 2 hours from home) and my mom wants me to come back home every single weekend. It makes meeting my friends harder, as most of them prefer to hang out during weekends. When I ask her if I can stay at the dorm for the weekend it usually ends with a huge argument

Another example is expecting me to wake up early during summer and weekends. It may sound silly but when I can I just really want to sleep until 12 or 1 pm and she keeps waking me up. It's so annoying

She also doesn't give a damn about my privacy. She just randomly bursts into my room without knocking. There were a lot of situations when she came to my room when I was changing or doing other things I didn't want her to see. When I'm in my room, I have to keep listening to know whether she's gonna come into my room and it's extremely stressful

These aren't the only situations, I just gave a couple examples but the list goes on. I tried talking to her but it never works. She just gets mad and acts like I'm crazy for wanting her to change. I feel like I'm more mature than her in some aspects. She treats every conversation about it as a personal attack although I'm trying to be as calm as possible and respect her. I have to spend another 2 months at home and I'm so tired of it. I live in a place where I physically can't isolate myself from her, even for a few hours and it feels like prison

Is there anything more I can do to try make her respect me and my boundaries? Also I'm scared to do a lot about it because my mom has a tendency to tell everyone who listens that I'm horrible for wanting her to treat me like an adult, which has made my relationship with my dad and sister worse over the years

My sister is much older than me, when she was a kid/teenager it was much worse because my mom used to beat her, and she stopped doing that when I was about 7, so I didn't experience a lot of physical violence (except for a couple situations in my teenage/early adult years). Because of that, my sister thinks that I have it easy and always backs my mom up

My dad, on the other side, is just a jerk. We don't really have a relationship. He's a cheater and I had to tell my mom about it twice, which almost ended their relationship, so he doesn't really like me because he blames it on me instead of his own actions. He uses every single opportunity to make my life at least a bit worse so it doesn't surprise me that he always sides with her when she's mad at me

I'm not a native speaker, so please forgive me for any mistakes