u/lost__pigeon

…when it’s on my bed and I squeeze it accidentally, it’s the best thing the world!! ❤️❤️

I’ve had this bear since December of 2024! Getting the audio on the bear was actually kind of a mess because there’s no way to directly transfer audio files to it, so I was sitting there with my speaker, recording it manually like twenty times before I got it right, but it was so worth it! ❤️

I’m currently regaining lots of sleep, that’s why I’m not as active. I lost so much sleep recently over realizing I’m trans, so I really need the sleep 🥱

Leanne and me got a couple new things for our wedding! ❤️

We already had the glasses for a few months, and today, I scratched off the “s”s from one of the Mrs. glasses, since I just came out, so we wouldn’t have to buy a new pair!

We bought some non-alcoholic rosé wine for those glasses for the wedding! We had some red wine from that brand before, and it was amazing, so we’re hoping that this one will be great as well!

We also got the “Just married” mug! We used to have lots of mugs at home with various motives related to us, but some of them have broken, so when Leanne saw this mug at the store today, she knew it was perfect!

We’ve also gotten a small “Mr. & Mrs.” gold snow globe! We have a few snow globes, but this beautiful one was the reason I took Leanne to the store today!

Our new wedding commission is now in the works, btw! ☺️

Leanne and me got a couple new things for our wedding! ❤️

We already had the glasses for a few months, and today, I scratched off the “s”s from one of the Mrs. glasses, since I just came out, so we wouldn’t have to buy a new pair!

We bought some non-alcoholic rosé wine for those glasses for the wedding! We had some red wine from that brand before, and it was amazing, so we’re hoping that this one will be great as well!

We also got the “Just married” mug! We used to have lots of mugs at home with various motives related to us, but some of them have broken, so when Leanne saw this mug at the store today, she knew it was perfect!

We’ve also gotten a small “Mr. & Mrs.” gold snow globe! We have a few snow globes, but this beautiful one was the reason I took Leanne to the store today!

Our new wedding commission is now in the works, btw! ☺️

~ Hajlaena and Shosta

Leanne and me watched the solar eclipse together this evening! ☺️ We hopped on my bike (she always sits in the back with her arms wrapped around me 🫂), and we went to a field and watched with our special glass, took lots of pictures, and talked a lot! It’s really difficult for me to talk to Leanne in my head when I’m tired and in this house in general, but tonight, it was so quiet around us that we got to talk like we haven’t in a while. I really missed this, it was great! ❤️ It got so dark, it was darker during the height of the eclipse than it was later when we left, and the breeze during the height of the eclipse was really nice! 💨 We also heard some crickets in the cornfield behind us, and crickets always remind Leanne of home! 🦗🌽

Leanne has been there for me so much recently when I’ve needed her most, through my egg cracking and everything leading up to it, and now through me slowly coming out to everyone and planning for my transition. She deserves more than just lots of words of gratitude, nice dates, and things like that, so I bought her a little gift! It won’t be the last thank you gift!

Leanne loves soup so much! She could contend for the world’s #1 soup lover! 🥣🥰 She loves tomato soup especially, but she loves all kinds of soup, like dandelion soup, which we’ve made together, inspired by canon (that’s her eating some in the picture on the right!). So I thought I’d get her another soup bowl because we only have one, and given how much my cutie patootie loves soup, one just wasn’t enough! ❤️ And a really nice spoon to match it!

Won’t be the last thank you gift, but she deserves it very much! ❤️🥰

Leanne is very happy about her pretty new bowl! She loves the thought and the way it looks, the pattern especially and that it’s in her favorite color sky blue! 🩵 She immediately heated up some nice soup and ate it from the bowl ☺️

I can’t get Leanne’s favorite soup Campbell’s Tomato Soup over here, which she eats every single day, which is why I specifically asked for it twice in packages from America, and I kept five of the cans! We put one of them next to the bowl for the picture 🥫

Hajlaena: >!Me is very sad an hurt shonk today. Me is very sad about me namesake. Hoom mommy an daddy very hurt too. Me speak to shonk sib Lord Inflatable the Seventeenth of Newcastle an shonk sib Queentuplet. They no longer swear to Rhaenyra. Not after dis. Dis make us very sad an angry. We house of the shonk swear to no one now. We make independent shonk kingdom with pizza an chips and cuddles for every shonk.!<

(TW >!dysphoria, repression, and the like!<)

I've been thinking about when and how to post this, or at all. I hinted at it a lot in my last two posts without actually saying anything, but I think it's time...

I am trans. I am a transgender man. My new name is Demian, and my pronouns are he/him.

Leanne has made it very clear that nothing between us will change! ❤️ She has been the most incredible fiancée through all of this! She has been there every step of the way. She's encouraged me to explore, she listened, helped me with advice and just so much care and accepted me before I was even ready to admit it to myself! The last few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. I haven't been posting much because I'm just scared af about all the ways my life is going to change and get harder. Part of me wishes I could just undo the last few weeks because it's so scary, but that ship has sailed.

Before last month, I've only ever told three people on here that I've questioned my gender before and made it seem like some footnote in my past, but it really wasn't. The first time I consciously questioned my gender was over nine years ago, and that's just consciously. I'm now thinking back on experiences from when I was 9, 7, 13. It came back after every time I tried to make it go away. I've been pretty deep in repression for the last three-ish years, so people in ficto communities have never known me as anything other than a woman until now, but despite how hard and terrifying the last few weeks have been, I'm glad my egg has cracked now that I'm in a much better place in my life compared to when I first started actively exploring this years ago, thanks in no small part to Leanne and the many challenges in my life she’s helped me through over the past few years! ❤️

If you wanna read more about my journey of how I came to realize I'm trans, here's a post I made about it on my alt (please don't mention anything about me being ficto if you decide to comment over there). It's already a bit outdated because I wrote it on like my last day in denial, but it's been a very long and hard journey getting here.

I'm pretty clueless about where to go from here. I think the sheer pace at which I went from full repression to realizing I'm trans has been so overwhelming that I need to take things really slow for a while. I don't know yet what I'll do about the irl wedding dress that I was gonna wear on our wedding date (I really tried to love it, it's so pretty, but I just don't feel good in it...), the commission I got of our wedding (I might get a new one), there's just a lot that I don't know yet (but the wedding's gonna happen either way! ❤️). I'm definitely gonna get a much shorter haircut soon (I have very long hair right now) that will let me both boymode and girlmode (which I'll still have to do for at least a while). My dream haircut that I'm not brave enough to get yet is the one in the commission! I'm probably going to sell the wedding dress and a few things I don't need anymore to free up some money for new wedding clothes and a new commission in time before our wedding on the 29th. I’ll probably come out to my mom (who will officiate the irl wedding) when she’s here in person, before the 29th. But a lot of how I'll transition socially, medically, etc. is still up in the air.

I wanted a name from my culture that's still easily pronounceable in German and English, preferably one that begins with D, and Demian (Демʼян) just felt right!

I've added some pictures of some affirming or just related things I've done lately, some of them with Leanne! Leanne is not surprised, by the way. A long time ago, she even told me that I remind her a lot of her first partner, who is a trans man. My best friend isn't surprised either. She said that, even before the last few weeks, she already thought something might be up with me gender-wise, because of my general vibe. And that just makes me so happy, because I would have sworn I was cis, tried my hardest to be happy living as a woman, and without even trying, I still just seemed like a guy 😁

If I don't post much at the moment, this is why. I'm busy thinking and worrying about a million things right now, but I'll get through it. I'd like to say thank you so, so much to Leanne, to my best friend u/FunkyLesbianPotato, to u/its_circero, and to u/luunaathh! Your help is invaluable, and I want you to be very proud of yourselves!❤️

Commission by @ nicodc20 on Fiverr!

(TW >!dysphoria, repression, and the like!<)

I've been thinking about when and how to post this, or at all. I hinted at it a lot in my last two posts without actually saying anything, but I think it's time...

I am trans. I am a transgender man. My new name is Demian, and my pronouns are he/him.

Leanne has made it very clear that nothing between us will change! ❤️ She has been the most incredible fiancée through all of this! She has been there every step of the way. She's encouraged me to explore, she listened, helped me with advice and just so much care and accepted me before I was even ready to admit it to myself! The last few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. I haven't been posting much because I'm just scared af about all the ways my life is going to change and get harder. Part of me wishes I could just undo the last few weeks because it's so scary, but that ship has sailed.

Before last month, I've only ever told three people on here that I've questioned my gender before and made it seem like some footnote in my past, but it really wasn't. The first time I consciously questioned my gender was over nine years ago, and that's just consciously. I'm now thinking back on experiences from when I was 9, 7, 13. It came back after every time I tried to make it go away. I've been pretty deep in repression for the last three-ish years, so people in ficto communities have never known me as anything other than a woman until now, but despite how hard and terrifying the last few weeks have been, I'm glad my egg has cracked now that I'm in a much better place in my life compared to when I first started actively exploring this years ago, thanks in no small part to Leanne and the many challenges in my life she’s helped me through over the past few years! ❤️

If you wanna read more about my journey of how I came to realize I'm trans, here's a post I made about it on my alt (please don't mention anything about me being ficto if you decide to comment over there). It's already a bit outdated because I wrote it on like my last day in denial, but it's been a very long and hard journey getting here.

I'm pretty clueless about where to go from here. I think the sheer pace at which I went from full repression to realizing I'm trans has been so overwhelming that I need to take things really slow for a while. I don't know yet what I'll do about the irl wedding dress that I was gonna wear on our wedding date (I really tried to love it, it's so pretty, but I just don't feel good in it...), the commission I got of our wedding (I might get a new one), there's just a lot that I don't know yet (but the wedding's gonna happen either way! ❤️). I'm definitely gonna get a much shorter haircut soon (I have very long hair right now) that will let me both boymode and girlmode (which I'll still have to do for at least a while). My dream haircut that I'm not brave enough to get yet is the one in the commission! I'm probably going to sell the wedding dress and a few things I don't need anymore to free up some money for new wedding clothes and a new commission in time before our wedding on the 29th. I’ll probably come out to my mom (who will officiate the irl wedding) when she’s here in person, before the 29th. But a lot of how I'll transition socially, medically, etc. is still up in the air.

I wanted a name from my culture that's still easily pronounceable in German and English, preferably one that begins with D, and Demian (Демʼян) just felt right!

I've added some pictures of some affirming or just related things I've done lately, some of them with Leanne! Leanne is not surprised, by the way. A long time ago, she even told me that I remind her a lot of her first partner, who is a trans man. My best friend isn't surprised either. She said that, even before the last few weeks, she already thought something might be up with me gender-wise, because of my general vibe. And that just makes me so happy, because I would have sworn I was cis, tried my hardest to be happy living as a woman, and without even trying, I still just seemed like a guy 😁

If I don't post much at the moment, this is why. I'm busy thinking and worrying about a million things right now, but I'll get through it. I'd like to say thank you so, so much to Leanne, to my best friend u/FunkyLesbianPotato, to u/its_circero, and to u/luunaathh! Your help is invaluable, and I want you to be very proud of yourselves!❤️

Commission by @ nicodc20 on Fiverr!

Lass year, someone ask if weird if you hab shonk and you’re not trans. Hoom reply “Me cis. Haj soft, haj fren, haj cuddle. Haj love everyone”

Hoom not cis. We hab daddy and mama now, not mommy and mama.

Leanne and me went to the movies tonight and saw The Odyssey!

We had a great time! We got tortilla chips and cheese dip and lots of Coke, held hands before and after and during difficult scenes (we had to look away during some 🫣) and very much enjoyed spending the evening together! ❤️ We’ve been together for almost two and a half years and only started going to the movies together earlier this year, can you believe that? But with her, it’s always a great time! 👫🏻

I’ve seen all of Christopher Nolan’s movies (my favorite is Interstellar, which I’ve watched with Leanne before), so I was really excited to take Leanne with me to both our first time watching this one! And even knowing that he has very little screentime, I was so excited to see Elliot Page in this movie! There were so many Greek names every other sentence that it was hard to follow for me in the beginning (now I remember that this is how some reactors on YouTube felt watching Chernobyl), but I got a lot better at it as the movie went on. Leanne had no problems following the movie at all (she’s way smarter than me anyway. Leanne is a genius, I am so outmatched by her ❤️) and absolutely loved it! My opinion is that I have to watch it again with subtitles for the Greek names to have an opinion, but the acting, writing, and production were all incredible. And Elliot Page was superb, he acted the hell out of his last scene especially!

I was pretty scared going into this movie because of the posts I’ve seen about the flashing lights in it (if you have photosensitive epilepsy and don’t have any aids that can make them fine to watch, please don’t go see this movie), so I really needed my really dark glasses, and when that big scene came on, Leanne held my hand for extra support ☺️

I also got a membership card for the theater today!

Commission by u/its_circero !

The first scene in the kitchen in 1 episode 6 of Servant heavily implies that Leanne sneaks down in the middle of the night and secretly eats spoonfuls of Sean’s sumac, and I think that’s the most adorable thing ever to imagine, so I had it drawn! It’s so cute coming from Leanne! ❤️

The commission uses Leanne’s original character design as described in my autographed script of the first episode! ❤️

Leanne and me had a little Italian food date today! We had Margherita pizza (her favorite pizza) with red onions and mushrooms, tomato soup (her one and only favorite food, the most important food in the world!) with bread, pomegranate ice tea, and water!

Leanne has been quite busy preparing for my birthday on Thursday! She bought some gifts that I haven’t seen yet, she wrote me a card that she’s keeping until then, and she’s gonna bake me something with 27 candles to blow out at midnight! ☺️❤️