u/loulouteeee

Hello everyone,

I have been learning Chinese for about 1 year. My teacher recently gave me a Chinese name: 崔若兰 (Cuī Ruòlán).

I’m a 24f French-American currently studying Chinese (HSK2 - HSK3 3.0 level).

I’m wondering how native speakers perceive this name. Does it sound natural? What kind of impression does it give you?

Also, is it common for teachers to choose names like this for foreign students?

谢谢大家

Hello everyone,

I need to confess something that has been weighing on me heavily for many years. I feel extremely lonely, and I feel like people have absolutely no interest in me. I just really need to vent.

First of all, I’m turning 25 soon (mid-August), and I’m realizing that my birthday has always been extremely low-key and just... sad. Being born in August means it’s a desert. Nobody is around and I feel nobody cares too. I get a few quick texts from my parents, grandparents, and maybe one or two cousins. The rest just forget, as usual. No gatherings, no surprises, no slideshows with embarrassing childhood photos, no parties with friends. Ever.

For my 18th birthday: nothing. For my 20th, I was working at a factory, and I "celebrated" that evening alone with my mom over a steak and green beans before going straight to bed. When it comes to gifts, it’s non-existent, or I have to ask for something / buy it myself within a tiny budget. In my family, gifts seem optional. I haven't received a gift from my grandparents since I was 16, and from my parents since I was 18. Even though I was an excellent student and graduated valedictorian in high-ed, I never got a single "good job, we're proud of you." Nothing is ever verbalized, so I’ve always tried to overachieve just to scratch out some compliments, which only come with great effort. Two years ago, my parents hadn't planned anything for my birthday, not even a cake. I let them know it would have been nice, so they literally stuck candles into a piece of styrofoam. (True story).

On the other hand, I see my boyfriend who has had incredible surprise parties (which I helped organize), his brother celebrating his 18th and 20th birthdays in a huge way, his cousin for whom the whole family rents a cabin with slideshows and crazy gifts... They even have a family WhatsApp group filled with "happy birthday" and "congrats X for doing Y!". I’m happy for them, but it violently throws in my face the fact that I have never experienced any of it.

To make things worse, I only have one true friend. I try to put myself out there, to meet people. I have hobbies (sports, languages, traveling, cooking, video games...), but I feel like I am never "enough" or don’t have "enough" to offer for someone to want to be my friend or be interested in me.

A few years ago, I went through 3 horrible years with a painful physical disability that prevented me from walking. When I was hospitalized for a week for a major surgery, followed by 6 months of crazy recovery where I had to relearn how to use my body, my boyfriend's brothers (who are my age) never sent a single text. My own family, except for my grandparents: nothing. Ffs, I had a rough time. I show interest in his brothers, I’ve tried many times to build a connection, but they probably don’t even know what my last name is. But hey I keep a smile on my face.

During family dinners, his family asks me zero questions. They come to OUR place, but only talk about my boyfriend and his job. Am I doing okay? Maybe, who knows, nobody asks. I feel like because I’m always smiling and asking a lot of questions, people assume that’s enough and that they don’t need to take care of me. But I keep smiling.

At work, it's the exact same thing. I eat lunch with my colleagues, nobody asks me anything. There is a "star" colleague that everyone adores: when she does something, everyone laughs. If I made the exact same jokes, people would probably just look at me like "STFU". I wish others a happy birthday, I show interest in them during breaks. No one ever asks about me. Last year, they all forgot my birthday. But I still keep smiling and being cheerful and happy.

Except that deep down, I'm not really happy. I don't dare say anything to anyone because on the surface I get along with people, they wouldn't understand, and I'm terrified of ending up even lonelier.

Yet, I promise you I am a nice, outgoing, cheerful girl, always smiling. Everyone (young and old alike) tells me: "You're a ray of sunshine, don’t change a thing! <3". I’m the one who always thinks of others, sends texts for birthdays (always among the first ones to do so too), suggests hanging out, supports everyone through hard times, and plays the clown to make people laugh. But I’m "everyone’s friend, meaning nobody’s friend." A spectator. A houseplant that nobody actually cares about. I feel fucking stupid.

I know there are worse things in life, that some people don't have a family, and that I should consider myself lucky to have a boyfriend, a job, and my health back. But I am so incredibly tired of being a background character in my own life. Tired of feeling like if I don't beg for attention, no one ever thinks of me spontaneously. Like I'm just not worth the trouble.

I don't really know what I expect by posting this. I just needed it to come out.

Thank you for reading me.

Hello everyone,

I'll try to be short : I feel extremely lonely, and I feel like people have absolutely no interest in me.

First of all, I’m turning 25 soon (mid-August), and I’m realizing that my birthday has always been extremely low-key and just... sad. Being born in August means it’s a desert. Nobody is around and I feel nobody cares too. I get a few quick texts from my parents, grandparents, and maybe one or two cousins. The rest just forget, as usual. No gatherings, no surprises, no slideshows with embarrassing childhood photos, no parties with friends. Ever.

For my 18th birthday: nothing. For my 20th, I was working at a factory, and I "celebrated" that evening alone with my mom over a steak and green beans before going straight to bed. When it comes to gifts, it’s non-existent, or I have to ask for something / buy it myself within a tiny budget. In my family, gifts seem optional. I haven't received a gift from my grandparents since I was 16, and from my parents since I was 18. Even though I was an excellent student and graduated valedictorian in high-ed, I never got a single "good job, we're proud of you." Nothing is ever verbalized, so I’ve always tried to overachieve just to scratch out some compliments, which only come with great effort. Two years ago, my parents hadn't planned anything for my birthday, not even a cake. I let them know it would have been nice, so they literally stuck candles into a piece of styrofoam. (True story).

On the other hand, I see my boyfriend who has had incredible surprise parties (which I helped organize), his brother celebrating his 18th and 20th birthdays in a huge way, his cousin for whom the whole family rents a cabin with slideshows and crazy gifts... They even have a family WhatsApp group filled with "happy birthday" and "congrats X for doing Y!". I’m happy for them, but it violently throws in my face the fact that I have never experienced any of it. To make things worse, I only have one true friend. I try to put myself out there, to meet people. I have hobbies (sports, languages, traveling, cooking, video games...), but I feel like I am never "enough" or don’t have "enough" to offer for someone to want to be my friend or be interested in me.

A few years ago, I went through 3 horrible years with a painful physical disability that prevented me from walking. When I was hospitalized for a week for a major surgery, followed by 6 months of crazy recovery where I had to relearn how to use my body, my boyfriend's brothers (who are my age) never sent a single text. My own family, except for my grandparents: nothing. Ffs, I had a rough time. I show interest in his brothers, I’ve tried many times to build a connection, but they probably don’t even know what my last name is. But hey I keep a smile on my face.

During family dinners, his family asks me zero questions. They come to OUR place, but only talk about my boyfriend and his job. If I'm doing ok ? maybe, who knows, nobody asks. I feel like because I’m always smiling and asking a lot of questions, people assume that’s enough and that they don’t need to take care of me. But I keep smiling.

At work, it's the exact same thing. I eat lunch with my colleagues, nobody asks me anything. There is a "star" colleague that everyone adores: when she does something, everyone laughs. If I made the exact same jokes, people would probably just look at me like "STFU". I wish others a happy birthday, I show interest in them during breaks. No one ever asks about me. Last year, they all forgot my birthday. But I still keep smiling and being cheerful and happy. Except that deep down, I'm not really happy. I don't dare say anything to anyone because on the surface I get along with people, they wouldn't understand, and I'm terrified of ending up even lonelier.

Yet, I promise you I'm always cheerful and smiling and caring, and people keep telling me "You're a ray of sunshine, don’t change a thing! <3". I’m the one who always thinks of others, sends texts for birthdays (always among the first ones to do so too), suggests hanging out, supports everyone through hard times, and plays the clown to make people laugh. But I’m "everyone’s friend, meaning nobody’s friend." A spectator. A houseplant that nobody actually cares about. I feel fucking stupid.

I am so incredibly tired of being a background character in my own life. Tired of feeling like if I don't beg for attention, no one ever thinks of me spontaneously. Like I'm just not worth the trouble.

I am so incredibly tired of being a background character in my own life. Tired of feeling like if I don't beg for attention, no one ever thinks of me spontaneously. Like I'm just not worth the trouble.

Thank you for reading me.

Bonjour à tous,

J'ai besoin de confesser quelque chose qui me pèse énormément, et ce depuis de nombreuses années. Je me sens extrêmement seule et j'ai l'impression que les gens n'ont aucun intérêt pour moi. J'ai besoin de vider mon sac.

Déjà, je vais bientôt avoir 25 ans et je réalise que mon anniversaire a toujours été extrêmement sobre et juste... triste. Étant née en plein mois d'août, c'est le désert. Personne est là. J'ai droit à quelques textos vite fait de mes parents, mes grands-parents, un oncle et un ou deux cousins, le reste oublie comme d'hab. Jamais de rassemblement, jamais de surprise, jamais de diaporamas avec des photos dossiers, jamais de fête avec des amis.

Pour mes 18 ans : rien. Pour mes 20 ans, j'étais à l'usine, et j'ai "fêté" ça le soir en tête-à-tête avec ma mère devant un steak-haricots verts avant d'aller me coucher. Niveau cadeaux, c'est le néant ou alors je dois demander/acheter moi-même, pour un petit budget. Dans ma famille, les cadeaux sont facultatifs. Ça fait depuis mes 16 ans que j'ai pas eu de cadeau de mes grands-parents, et mes 18 ans de mes parents. Même en ayant été excellente élève, major de promo en études sup, je n'ai jamais eu un "bravo, on est fiers de toi". Rien n'est jamais verbalisé, alors j'ai toujours essayé de me surpasser pour arracher des compliments qui viennent péniblement. Ya 2 ans, mes parents n'avaient rien prévu pour mon anniv, pas même un gâteau et je leur ai fait savoir que ça m'aurait fait quand même plaisir, ils ont littéralement planté des bougies sur un bout de polystyrène (véridique).

À côté de ça, je vois mon copain qui a eu des fêtes surprises incroyables (que j'ai aidé à organiser), son frère qui fête ses 18 et 20 ans en grande pompe, sa cousine pour qui toute la famille loue un chalet avec des diaporamas et cadeaux de fou... Et puis ils ont un groupe WhatsApp de famille avec des bon anniversaire et des bravo X pour avoir fait Y ! Je suis contente pour eux, mais ça me projette violemment le fait que je n'ai jamais rien connu de tout ça.

Pourtant, je vous promets que je suis la fille sympa, extravertie, joviale, toujours la banane. Tout le monde (jeunes comme vieux) me dit : "Ne change rien, garde ta joie de vivre". Je suis celle qui pense toujours aux autres, qui envoie des messages pour les anniversaires, qui propose de se rassembler, qui soutient tout le monde dans les épreuves, qui fait le pitre pour faire rire les gens. Mais je suis "l'amie de tous, donc de personne". Une spectatrice, une plante verte dont personne ne s'intéresse.

Je n'ai qu'une seule vraie amie. J'essaie de me bouger, de rencontrer du monde, j'ai des centres d'intérêt (sport, langues, voyages cuisine, jeux-vidéos...), mais j'ai l'impression de ne jamais être ou avoir "assez" pour devenir l'amie de quelqu'un ou qu'on s'intéresse à moi.

Il y a quelques années, j'ai vécu 3 ans horribles avec un handicap douloureux qui m'empêchait de marcher. Quand j'ai été hospitalisée une semaine pour une lourde opération et que j'ai eu 6 mois de convalescence de taré où j'ai dû réapprendre à disposer de mon corps, les frères de mon copain (qui ont mon âge) ne m'ont jamais envoyé un mot. Ma propre famille, à part mes grands-parents : rien. Alors que putain, c'était dur. Moi, je m'intéresse à eux, j'ai tenté plein de fois de tisser des liens, mais ils ne savent même pas quel est mon nom de famille. Mais je garde le smile, j'ai la banane !

En repas de famille, la belle-famille ne me pose aucune question. Ils viennent chez NOUS, mais ne parlent que de mon copain et de son taff. Est-ce que moi ça va ? Peut-être, on sait pas.

J'ai l'impression que comme je souris toujours et que je pose beaucoup de questions, les gens considèrent que ça suffit et qu'on n'a pas besoin de prendre soin de moi. Mais je garde le smile et la banane.

Au travail, c'est pareil. Je mange avec mes collègues, on ne me pose pas de questions. Il y a une collègue "star" que tout le monde adule : quand elle fait un truc tout le monde rit, quand moi je tente une note d'humour, ça tombe à plat. Je souhaite l'anniversaire des autres, je m'intéresse à eux pendant les pauses. Moi, on ne me demande jamais rien. L'année dernière, ils ont tous oublié mon anniversaire. Mais je continue de sourire et de garder la banane.

Sauf que voilà, au fond, je n'ai plus la banane. Je n'ose rien dire à personne parce qu'en surface je m'entends bien avec les gens, ils ne comprendraient pas et j'ai peur de finir encore plus seule. Alors je reste un peu en surface.

Je sais qu'il y a pire, qu'il y a des gens sans famille et que je devrais m'estimer heureuse d'avoir un copain, un travail et la santé retrouvée. Mais je suis tellement fatiguée d'être la figurante de ma propre vie. Fatiguée d'avoir l'impression que si je ne réclame pas de l'attention, personne ne pense à moi spontanément. Comme si je n'en valais pas le coup.

Je ne sais pas trop ce que j'attends en postant ça. Fallait que ça sorte.

Merci de m'avoir lue.

Hi y'all,

I (24f) am traveling a lot and I am getting interested in sharing my trips, tips and everything on social media and YouTube. I am going to China and South Korea on my own in 2 months. I would like to make reels and vlogs. I am wondering what kind of tools do I need ?

I have the "selfie show" selfie stick. My phone is a Google pixel 6A, pictures are insanely good and video is quite alright but the battery is really tired now ,I need to change and don't know what to go for. I have used capcut so far. Don't have a microphone, nor a drone or anything else other than a phone.

Also if you have tips on how to film or edit, feel free to share. Thanks for your help :)