u/lyr4lei_

My placements are so confusing to start of, I'm a Capricorn rising people see me as serious and dry. I have a pokerface most of the time. Also I plan things out a lot which kinda makes me procastinate, it's confusing bc I'm a 4th house aries stellium that means I like to do things immediatly (my placements are clashing). I also hate being a 4th house stellium bc my family never seems to NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE EVERR. I also have placements aspecting family problems. I have three 12th house placements all in Saggitarius, the worse one is in Mercury I think in my head a lot and don't really listen.

When I said I have a pokerface I laugh a lot at the same time even when some things aren't even funny, and sometimes words I didn't mean to say comes out + I stutter a lot. I also have two 8th house placements Leo mars and Virgo vertex. Please someone help with my bipolar ahh chart.

I'm also a water sun! My big 6 consists of 1 water, 1 earth, and 4 fires.

Almost 15 (F) with mommy issues, honestly just family issues in general. My mom is so controlling and narcicistic + won't let me do anything. She's always giving me false hope like when she let me get a whitening then suddenly said no bc I shouldn't rush and I'm too young :(

even tho she's literally the main reason of my insecurities. When I say I'm insecure not just plain insecure like REALLY INSECURE TO THE POINT that I've been insecure of each part of my body and I wish I was kidding (from head to toe). I wish I had confidence growing up I remember I was so insecure to the point I couldn't even wear headbands when I was 8. I'm also really sheltered (introverted) instead of giving me confidence my mom always shamed me. Also I'm a slow learner too bc I lack confidence there's always something in the back of my head telling me I'm not good enough.

I'll never have an escape my family is soo fucking nosy and my mom won't let me have sleepovers or have a dorm when I enter college (I'll probably never be allowed to party too) I also can't have a boyfriend till I'm a doctor which is sad bc I'll lack experience in relationships. My mom always judges how I speak to people and I also get awkward w being sweet n stuff (just mostly numb) which made me kinda selectively mute.

What does it mean when I know God is real but I don't like him and I don't want to pray. Like there's so much proof he's real but I don't wanna worship him. I can't really label myself as atheist, because I believe in some spiritual things like manifestation and I lowkey believe in astrology, but at the same time I believe that astrology is not meant for everyone, and not always accurate but mostly accurate. I wouldn't call myself agnostic either bc idk and it's not really fitting. I feel like I'm the only one who thinks like this

For context I'm lowkey losing trust because the people giving manifestation advice most of them are ugly as fuck and idk if I should believe them please help

Like if I can achieve anything thru manifesting how come no one is wishing for world peace or stopping wars fully? Maybe billionaires dying? Most people who give manifesting advice are chopped no offense like you didn't wish for looks? Sammy Ingram is lowk the only one I trust rn

My anxiety is getting worse I fear. Ever since my 7th grade teacher humiliated me soo bad during a presentation, I completely lost myself. You know I used to be so confident in reporting or talking in class I loved it! I think too much my emotions keep changing and my heart keeps palpitating. Whenever I get called in class or just simple reading my tummy hurts like I'm gonna shit myself, my teeth gums hurt and my chest feels like it's gonna explode even when I prepared a whole night on a presentation literally nothing gets on my head anymore because I get soo nervous. I wanna get diagnosed so I can take anti depressants. I wish I had a therapists and stuff soo I can relax but my city sucks the doctors are rude and will downplay my emotions :/ and can't afford it anyway

Everytime I'm worried about something it actually comes true.

For background info: I was worried my teacher from yr7 who made my life a living hell was gonna be my teacher again. Bruh it actually happened wtf I'm panicking. My heart has been heavy for days, not only that the people I was worried about being classmates with are NOW MY FUCKING CLASSMATES!!

The guy who sa'd me in yr7, 2 girls I had beef with in yr7, the weird kid who picks his boogers and eats them, my seatmate from last year who lowk dislikes me, the girl who took advantage of me and was mean yo me in yr8, the guy classmate who farted on my face, and more people I hate :(

Last night, I was thinking about my teacher from yr8 who really embarrased me a lot before and just a few hours ago I saw him at church. Also the teacher who gave me failing grades and yelled a lot also might be my teacher again ughhh she's been my teacher for 2 years now :/

What does this mean is the universe implying something? Rn I'm only using subliminals for my looks and I've been using affirmations like I'll never cross paths wih people I had beef with again! But wtf nothing is working only with my looks. My heart has been pounding for days now I feel like I'm gonna get a panic attack!! Please help urgently! p.s srry if long text

I have a fever virus right now and my little sister won't fucking leave me alone it's annoying me. I don't usually feel this way, and I really wanna badly punch someone right now. My fucking doctor is no help either, she was my doctor last time when I felt like smth was wrong with me like diabetes cuz I have almost all the symptoms and she didn't even help instead she just degraded me bc "I'm too young" 💔 My sister on the other hand she keeps going close to me when I said so many times to get away cuz I could get blamed when she gets infected. She has a school ceremony on Saturday, and my illness is viral. Anyone can get infected easily. She keeps nagging me like, "Is this adopt me trade fair??" Or like random ass stupid questions 😤 If she gets infected, she's gonna be so cranky and annoying. Please help because I don't wanna slap someone rn :(