u/memenentfjdhj

Hello everyone. :) I’ve been researching theistic satanism for weeks now and have felt oddly connected to it. I want to start it as a practice officially for many reasons but Im not completely sure how to start. How do I pray? Should I buy and read the satanic bible? are the 11 satanic rules of earth and 9 satanic sins for atheistic satanists only or for theistic satanists too? Do I absolutely need an alter? And what else should I learn about? Those are just my main questions. :)

Im sobbing everything I had was gone. My acc was logged out and when I got it back everything was gone.

I was best friends with my ex (17) since 6th grade, I (16) am going into my senior year now (he is too). I've known him for 6 years, we like the same stuff and are basically the same person, I genuinely believe we're soulmates. We broke up in April because he had cheated on me 3 months before this, and I stayed with him. In this time he got super manipulative and only after I broke up with him I saw it, he has been this entire relationship in different ways. When I was completely moved on 4 months later, I got a notification he added me. It was an accident. Later that night he was reposting stuff on Tiktok about missing me. I was stupid enough to drop hints and he ended up messaging me a long paragraph later that night saying how he knew he was wrong about everything he did and he wanted to apologize for being a super bad boyfriend. He didn't send me this to try and get back with me (what he said) he just wanted to apologize.

We ended up talking for a day on snap but I unadded him because I felt sick talking to him again and wanted to keep my peace. Since that day I have not been okay. I'm constantly stressed out and its showing up physically too (sick, headaches, missed periods, breaking out, etc.) and tonight he's reposting more. Before I unadded him that day he said he changed for me and would wait as long as it took for me to want to reach out. I don't believe people change like that in 4 months. But I feel like he was genuinely my soulmate. We're so close and did so much stuff together. He was my first everything and I don't know what to do.

I can see through his manipulation now if he tries it. I told him I don't take shit anymore and he said that was good and he doesn't DO shit anymore. But I don't know what to do, I'm so stressed. He was a huge part of my life since I was 11. My feelings are extremely mixed about him. I don't want to be miserable but I already am like this. I'm so lonely. I miss him and I miss the idea of being in a relationship. I want him to suffer sometimes, and I want him back other times. I get mad thinking about him, but I also cry other times, and other times I just don't care. I'm so stressed and i'm so conflicted.

This is gonna be very short. I’ve been thinking about this for too long and I think about it everyday. I used to get severely bullied for my looks, the worst thing someone ever told me still sticks with me, it was my own brother too. He said:

“Your so ugly that if you got human trafficked, no one would want to rape you. Maybe only a desperate old man.”

So I don't know how to start this but I'm 16, he's 17 in the same grade. I'm not saying his name so i'll just call him lemon. I've only started being friends with him this year, he's in my 2nd and 3rd hour and in my 3rd hour we're working on a project together. I started to crush on him like 2 months ago. I think he's super funny and cool, he inspired me to dress how I want without being embarrassed and I really look up to him. He's handsome and whenever I see him I smile instantly and I literally cannot help but keep looking at him or staring when I see him. He cares when I'm upset and is super comforting.

Lemon is openly gay. I knew since before we even knew each other, and I didn't think i'd end up liking him. I'm not homophobic at all, I highly respect the people apart of the LGBTQ+ community, I don't harass him about it, I don't ask him if he likes girls, I don't act on anything, I would never try to do anything like make him like me either. I just never thought i'd end up liking him and I don't know what to do. I really like him, I really really do. I'm trying to "move on" but I can't. Especially when I see him everyday.