u/mightypup1974

As above. She was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma in January. We’re in the UK. The doctors cut out a small tumour but can’t find the primary, so she’s on immunotherapy to try and flush out her body. She was warned the side effects could include pain and exhaustion and low mood, and well, she’s getting that by the truckload.

She’s always had anxiety and depression but now it’s the worst I’ve ever seen. She spent 6 months on sick leave but has had no choice but to return to work or else face a pay cut which we can’t afford.

But her energy levels are stopping her from performing to standards - at least, she feels she’s not performing, and is convinced that work will use it as an excuse to sack her or else put her on a shitty job. She’s a civil servant.

We have health insurance and she’s making a claim but apparently they specifically don’t cover the specific type of cancer she has, so she’s not expecting any relief there.

Her entire sense of self-worth is mixed up with to the extent she feels she’s able to help others. Before she got cancer she was able to do that in her job but now she feels she’s not, and it’s making her mental health worse. It’s affecting everything she does and she says she’s constantly struggling to contain her feelings so she doesn’t explode in rage as work colleagues or our two children.

She hates herself and finds no joy in anything. She said she’s given up trying to find things to look forward to, as she has no energy or time to do anything, and she’ll likely die soon anyway. Instead she just spends her thoughts *not* wanting things.

Some people suggest stupid shit like ‘be grateful it’s not X’ or ‘just suck it up and accept the new normal’ and stuff like that and it absolutely enrages her.

I genuinely don’t know how to help her. I’m doing all I can to care for the kids and keep the house clean in between my work, but I have to travel to London at least once a week and when I come back she’s so exhausted and miserable she laps into tearful rage that she unleashes when the kids are in bed. It’s not rage at me, but I’m present when it happens and it just tears me up.

I don’t know what to do. I have nobody to talk to. She does have some she talks to - friends and her church - but I don’t think she fully opens up to anyone like she does to me - she feels safe breaking down in front of me - but it’s taking a huge toll on my own mental health. And I can only think what it could do to the kids, who are 4 and 10.

My 4yo and 10yo daughters were walking to school with me this morning and youngest is always role playing. She’s currently into Moana and my oldest is into Steven Universe.

Y: daddy, I’m Maui.

Me: okay.

Y: you’re Moana.

Me: okay, what about your sister?

Y: she’s Peridot.

This made my oldest laugh and she started fanficing Peridot into the story, claiming that the Sea was Lapis trolling her, and that the Heart of the Ocean was a humungous gem. We were starting to ponder what the treasures of Tamatoa might be when we got to school.

Anyway it made me immensely amused and I wanted to share.

Hey, I’m a new driver and an issue about gears is bothering me. Googling doesn’t seem to give a direct answer, so thought I’d ask here.

So, obviously, in a manual car, you should adjust the gear depending on the speed the car is going, that much I understand. But sometimes I find myself delaying going up a gear or going down a gear as I’m in the middle of turning, or because the stretch of road is too short to bother - for example, I’m in 2nd, I could switch to 3rd, but I’m going to be turning a corner in 30 seconds, so I’ll stick to 2nd.

In those periods of course I can hear the engine going at a high rate of revs, and I wonder if I’m doing the car harm.

What’s the proper thing to do? Always gear-up, to avoid the high-rev sound? Or avoid accelerating to the point the revs are high? Or does it not matter?

Maybe this is speculative rather than a physics question, but do we know what could be the fastest humans could travel in a spacecraft and not suffer any life-shortening effects?