u/mildy_enthralling

I’m 31 and in a relationship with a man who’s younger but only by 2 years. But maybe because of where I’m at in life, it feels like it makes a big difference.

When I met my boyfriend 2 years ago, he wanted kids and I didn’t. I even remember seeing that on the dating app profile and I honestly can’t remember if I swiped right on accident or if I just thought “Well, it’s just 1 date, might not even turn into anything”. Early on in the relationship, we talked about it and I resolved to explore the question for myself if I could be happy having kids. I did a lot of introspection in therapy, talked to friends and family who both did and didn’t have kids and ultimately came to the conclusion: I could be happy either way. I could stay with this man, build a life with him and raise kids with him. Or I could be happy not having kids at all.

But I think reality is starting to set in and now I find myself questioning if I could really bear having to raise children when I’m already so…tired. And how much would we be actually raising kids together or would it just be me?

Currently, we’re both have “good” jobs in the sense that they pay us well enough that we rent in the central area of our wonderful city where we enjoy walkability and our disposable income allows us to enjoy a lot of fancy food and drinks.

My job is very flexible and I’m completely remote. He’s in a field that has incredibly demanding “busy seasons” that amount to about 6 months out of the year. During these seasons he will often work at least 1 day out of the weekend (in addition to working all weekdays), work late most days (late could mean ending somewhere from 9 pm to 2 am) and he can’t or won’t take any vacation time. He makes time for me like to eat dinner with me and talk about our dates and for him do the dishes. He makes it a point to spend at least one weekend night with me. And that time means so much to me. He tells me he will have more flexible time when he gets to a higher position, I don’t know if he really believes that but, more to the point, idk if I believe that.

During his busy season, I try to lean on my friends for emotional support because I recognize how draining his work and long hours can be. He has never told me I was too much; but to be honest I do get lonely and sad when I only get to see him for a couple of hours most days. He has dropped things in the past and rushed to my side the couple of times I really, really needed his support. But I don’t want to make that a regular thing. I have depression and anxiety and I take meds for it regularly. I see a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist regularly.

Since I have the more flexible job, I take on more of the housework. I’m pretty happy with this arrangement but right now it’s just the two of us; with kids I feel that amount of work would be overwhelming. Even when he is in his busy season he vacuums the apartment and cleans the kitchen weekly. But I do a lot that benefits both of us including shopping, cooking, most of the cleaning, laundry for towels and sheets, etc.

Additionally, my mom is currently going through cancer treatment. She had a bad reaction to one of her chemo drugs that affected her speech and her strength and coordination on her left side. She has slowly been getting her strength back up and her speech back. But she needs help to get in and out of bed, to go to the bathroom, to make meals. She can’t walk on her own. My dad takes care of her but he is also still working, he’s older himself and his dad is elderly and needs care too.

I stayed with my parents for a month to help transition my mom from a rehab facility back to home. In that time, my boyfriend took care of my cats (they predate him in my life). Now, I drive 1 hour to my parents once a week to still help with my mom. She has caregivers but they only work so many hours and so I come and take over so my dad can visit his dad and also just so he can get his own time to himself to go to the gym. I’m happy to do it but I do have an older brother who has not put in as much work helping our parents out as I have. I am trying to be understanding because he is a pilot, he has a 2 year old and his wife is currently 5 months pregnant with their second. I mean, he has his own family so how can I even be mad that he’s not doing more? Plus my mom even said she doesn’t feel comfortable with my brother taking her to the bathroom which is fair.

So here I am facing reality: I take care of my mom, my dad, our apartment, my job, my cats, my friends; all of it I love and am happy to do. But frankly, I’m buckling under the weight of just being an employed, unmarried woman without a busy boyfriend and a sick mother. That’s like 1/8 of problems that most people have. Would my partner be so busy working that I would then have to raise children practically by myself? Like I watched my mom do when my dad was traveling for work? Are things just “bad” right now and they will get better and I could raise kids with an involved partner without also losing my mind? If I have to take care of kids and parent(s) that probably means I have to lose something. I think I could love being a mother if things were good most of the time, the way they were before my mom got sick—maybe before I realized how demanding my partner’s job was. It feels like that is not the reality I can bank on.

I feel like I need to decide so I can let him go so he can find someone who wants the same thing sooner rather than later.

I’m sorry I wrote so much and thank you if you read all of it and you have experience or some insight to share on how to figure out if I can really have kids or not.

My psych had the absolute audacity to tell me in our last appointment that my mood stabilizer needs to be taken with 350 calories! She said to take it with a “small snack” as if 350 calories isn’t the amount of a whole plate of carne asada fries?!?! Mind you, I’ve been taking this mood stabilizer right before bed without consuming a fatty meal for years and my mood has been REMARKABLY stable!!

Looking for run clubs in Anaheim, Yorba Linda, Fullerton, Orange, Garden Grove or in that general area. I may be willing to do as far south as Irvine.

Most run clubs I went to I ran the 5k option but I’m starting to incorporate modest long runs and tempo runs so would be cool if the clubs have 4 or 5 mile options as well.

Thank you!

Went to the ER for pelvic and abdominal pain which doesn’t make any sense because I have been in a very healthy caloric deficit diet and the fat-enabling nurse wanted to give me pain meds with saline solution.

I was SOOOO out of it I did not realize what they were planning to do to me. Like they couldn’t have just given me the meds, the steroids without the SALT and WATER?

When we left the ER I was a repulsive, fat blob and I could even tell my boyfriend was disgusted with me. I’m surprised I could even fit in the car.

Now I have to run 5k despite the pelvic pain UGH

/uj I was fine! We think it was just a burst ovarian cyst. And my boyfriend was a sweetheart the entire time.

I feel like we’re all trying to make our dollar go further and I would like to know where you all feel you can get a good meal for around ~$20 in Pasadena? Here’s some of mine:

- King’s Row $20 burger and boilermaker: you get a single cheeseburger, onion strings, a Miller High Life and a shot of Jameson. Yea after tip and tax it’s more like $25 but still

- Korean street toast at Cordova Cafe. Under $20 without a drink and it’s big enough you can save a portion for dinner

- Ry’s Poke Shack: it’s been a while but I think the double portion with a couple of extras and no drink is under $20. Don’t take me at my word though and check the menu!

I finally had Cheesesteaks by Matú today and while it was delicious and I really enjoyed it, I cannot justify $24 for a cheesesteak regularly.

Where can I get a good, reasonably priced cheesesteak sandwich? Also don’t necessarily mean authentic. I’ve never been to Philly though I’d love to go, I’m a SoCal native who just really loves cheesesteaks.

Normally when I make tomato soup, I buy a bunch of beefsteak tomatoes, roast them in a Dutch oven with quartered yellow onions and a sliced head of garlic with olive oil, salt and pepper at 425 degrees for 1 hour. I then use my immersion blender on the roasted veggies with chicken broth, oregano, coconut milk and basil (if available). It comes out okay.

Today, I wanted a single serving of tomato soup so I used sugar plum grape tomatoes, a couple of cloves of garlic and about a quarter of a shallot in a mini Dutch oven (shoutout to Mom for the great gift!) At 425 degrees for 15 minutes and blitzed it with chicken broth, oat milk (didn’t want to open up a whole can of coconut milk for a single serving) and oregano. And it was so flavorful! It was delightful. I have to know what was the key that made my single serve so delicious. Was it the grape tomatoes? The oat milk? The shallot?

Also fwiw, I probably should have roasted the veggies a little longer as some of the tomatoes didn’t blend that well. But I was hungry. The little Dutch oven was also so small that the immersion blender was kinda causing overflow once all the liquids were in there.

Help me make my large batch tomato soup just as good as my small one!