u/my-head-hurts987

so, on monday I had to hand in my 2 weeks because of my dwindling ability to deal with the physical toll it took on my body, even at only 20h/week. this was a job that was ideal for everything else in my life (close to home, stable hours, weekends off), and I loved working there. my bosses were so nice, I got along with all my colleagues, I felt fulfilled in the tasks my job entailed and said tasks played into my character strengths. it wasn't a job in my study area, just a customer service job, but I loved it. but even working just 3 days a week, it was too much for my body. I had to spend the rest of the week days recovering in preparation for my work days, I essentially stopped being able to take the bus into town to see friends (I live in the countryside and can't drive, there's a bus that takes people to/from town), I had to turn down so many opportunities to be with people, and so many errands and things I wanted to do piled up because I wasn't able to do anything but isolate outside of work, which has been leading me deeper and deeper into burnout and a depressive episode.

deslite all that, I'm so damn sad I have to say goodbye to that job. I got to a very dark place after handing in my two weeks on monday, and I've been dealing with a lot of grief for the past few days since.

I'm not gonna be without income or without goal, as I decided to re-enroll in university (which I had to take a break on at the beginning of the year because I couldn't work and study because of the toll on my body and mind) and will recieve student financial aid.

I know a lot of what I'm feeling has to do with internalized ableism, but truth is, I don't know what to do with it. I've been trying to keep in mind the rationale of my decision to quit in order to handle those feelings, but they don't respond to logic. they feel like the overblown feelings of a toddler who can't do anything but scream and cry at not getting to put their finger in an electric outlet. it makes me want to gnaw on walls (figuratively).

how do I grieve this?

I'm a size ~18/36, and I'm really sick of jeans not fitting well. I have a 12" difference between my hips and waist, and no normal pants fit me. also kinda sick of having to wear stretchy pants with an elastic waistband, I want to wear something that buttons at the front.

I'm extremely weak from years of giving into the pain and and not exercising. this needs to change. I intend to change this. but I want to hear from others what their experience looked like. I'd really like reassurance that it helps. being stronger will never make my joints less fucked up, but it might make me less prone to injury, it might make me more mobile, it might make it possible for me to live a better life. my hope just feels very... tenuous tight now. I really want to know how it helped you, thank you.

I'm in the midst of having to change jobs (as well as having to make a lot of other changes to my life) and I'm struggling to find a job that I feel confident I could do. I have a college degree and had to stop my university classes because of my health, but it all feels like it amounted to no real workable skills... I'm currently working at a job that is actively making my health worse, and I don't know how much longer I can do this for. I don't have any administrative skills and most work-from-home job offerings I've seen require it, others are just even worse in terms of abilities/knowledge required. I suck at sales, I don't know IT that well, and all the jobs I find online feel either like something I'd never thrive in or that I'd never even be able to attempt to do. ultimately, my exhaustion is resulting in me being unable to put energy into learning the skills I need to be able to work.

I'm terrified. I feel so alone and useless. what if I can't work? what if I live a life of misery and am never able to have a life worth living? what if I end up homeless? I don't know what to do. I think I might have to quit this job before finding a new one. I'm miserable and working towards being less miserable but it's so hard. I'm also so exhausted from having to fight to be taken seriously by my doctors, and I still don't have a diagnostic, or any medical help. I don't know how to stay hopeful. I want to be, so bad, but I don't know how. I wish I could just... be.

so, I want to change my bedframe, but I'm a big girl, and I'm worried about how much the frame can take as I don't want to have to be super gentle with the frame, and chronic pain means I sometimes have to do bed exercises

and have to lean on my bed to get in or get out (I also plan to move in the next few years, so I want it to still be in good shape by then). I don't plan to jump on it or anything, but I'd rather not buy something cheap that'll get worn out or broken by just regular life things 🤷‍♀️

thanks in advance for your input!

my sleeping conditions are actively hurting me. I have a kinda old mattress that's starting to feel a bit used and nothing to really support my body while sleeping. I eventually plan to get a mattress topper too, but I figured I'd start with a C-shaped body pillow, but there are a lot online and I don't know which I should get lol

if wedge pillows are more comfortable for you, why so?

I'm looking to make some changes, and I don't exactly trust my G.P. for help. I'm looking to try changing my diet, but I also would like to get properly assessed and know more about my condition. I'm also physically disabled, (chronic pain, chronic dizziness/lightheadedness and hypermobility, among other things) so exercising is tricky, but I'm slowly working towards it.

what medical help did you seek?

I keep seeing an ad for an app called "human health tracking" which mentions mcas, eds, fibromyalgia, and other less-talked-about conditions, and the concept sounds great but before I jump in I wanted to do some research and see if anyone here has any experience with it. if not this app in particular, do you have any experience with other symptom tracking apps? (will post the google play page of the app in the comments)

I have this persistent smell in my room, and I've done everything short of cleaning the walls themselves. granted, I haven't cleaned my mattress (didn't know I had to do that and plan to do so in the near future), but I don't think the smell comes from there it's a basement room and it gets humid, and we have a dehumidifier going, and we had water get into the basement pretty bad years ago, but my room didn't really get any water in it. I'm worried that some storage areas I have might have been affected though? it's the only reason I can see for the smell. I dust with a wet cloth and pine-sol, wash my sheets, vacuum, spray antibacterial fabric sprays and regular febreeze, nothing really helps. the smell stays, even when I've done a huge clean out of my stuff (been in that room since childhood) it stayed, so it's not from something I own, I air out my room when I can which helps, but I have to keep my door closed cause my cat is getting up in her years and is having some issues with cleanliness, and I just don't have the energy to rewash my sheets every other day and risk stains, and I can't just always keep the window open because of weather, and almost as soon as I close the door and shut the window, the smell is back.

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I do want to mop the floor properly, which hasn't been done in a long while, but I don't know what else to do anymore. I'm seriously considering finding something to wash the walls with and see if that helps (what can I use for that, btw?) how do I know if it IS mold?

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tldr; I have a smell in my room I think might be mold, I don't know where it's coming from or how to deal with it. also, what are some products I can use to wash my walls with, and also are there any reliable mold tests I can do/get to see if it is indeed coming from mold?

Hi! so I struggle a LOT with anxiety and chronic pain, and I'm trying to find ways to sleep better despite them. because of them, I end up unable to relax and just stay on my phone until I pass out from exhaustion. I'm also autistic, so I struggle with changes to my routine, so I feel I need to at least make a plan in advance, so I have time to process it, but I don't know where to start. my lack of sleep makes my pain, anxiety amd general exhaustion worse, which in turn makes it harder for me to relax, etc. it's a vicious circle.

for a while now, I've wanted to at least replace scrolling on my phone with reading, but since my habits are so erratic/unstructured around bed time, I've had a lot of trouble implementing this.

what are some tips to better my sleep hygiene and to help soothe myself enough that I can actually fall asleep at reasonable hours?

the pain keeps getting worse. I'm not diagnosed yet, but I am diagnosed with autism and in the past few months I was able to get a case worker. she helped me more than any other professional has ever helped me. before her, I was considering suicide because I genuinely couldn't see a future. when she started helping me, she made me hope again. she advocated for me with my doctor who wouldn't listen to me, she encouraged me to seek accomodations without waiting for doctors' approvals, she validated my feelings and empowered me in so many ways, and this morning, she called to tell me sge wouldn't be able to keep taking care of my case due to her union deciding very suddenly to change her place of work, and that I'd be tranferred to a colleague of hers who would pick up my file *once she got back from sick leave*. so, after such a great start, after her telling me she'd help me for a lot longer, she is suddenly unable to continue with me and I'm back to waiting for someone else to help me. I'm back to having no one. I'm all alone and I don't know if I can do it. I live with my parents and the only help they can actually give me is car rides, and even then that's limited due to work. I generally can't confide in them and get the right kind of support, as they do their best but struggle to understand me.

I live in the countryside, I am isolated, and have one, maybe 2 friends I can confide in and seek support from, neither of whom live close. I can somewhat go to town with a bus that runs 3 times a day between my village and the city, where I do have people I'm somewhat friends with and where I can at least be around people and not isolated. I work a job that makes me sick by aggravating my POTS and EDS symptoms, which I'm working on changing and have scheduled an appointment with a counsellor later this week to get help about, but now that I'm dealing with this alone I'm terrified about even that, even though it should be a positive, because I'm terrified that I won't be able to handle it alone. I feel like I got the rug pulled from under me. I went from feeling so optimistic about the future to incredibly terrified. I'm terrified that I won't be able to do it alone, and that I'll go back to feeling hopeless like before. I don't want to go back to feeling suicidal again but I'm terrified I'm heading back that way without help.

I don't know what to do or where to seek support anymore.

I genuinely struggle with finding any from reliable-looking stores online. the ones I do find are like 70$, which feels ridiculous.

routine (because it's required to post): Aveeno apple cider vinegar shampoo/conditioner, bounceme curl balm.

hi! I'm looking to get a bathrobe that's not too cheap-feeling, but doesn't cost more than 80$ (pre-taxes/shipping). I prefer slightly longer robes. I'm in eastern canada and I'm generally a size 18/1X.

I've looked at land's end and woman within, and I've seen a few options, but I'm looking for your recommendations!

I like both fluffy bathrobes and cotton ones (as long as they're not too thin). I'm mostly gonna use it to wear in between the bathroom and my room (I don't live alone, and I'd rather not flash my family lol) so I need it to be a bit more on the modest side.

thanks in advance!

I have health issues that make showering really hard (working on solutions to make it easier) and especially the hair-washing part, and I have really low energy in general, so on days I work I generally don't wash my hair. but today I got in the shower, fully with my shower cap on, prepared to NOT wash my hair, and decided "actually, you know what? I *will* wash it" and took off my shower cap and stuff, and washed my hair!! even though I was really tired after my shift!!

hi! as the title says, I'm looking for babydoll style tops and dresses to wear this summer! a lot of the places I've tried these tops just don't end up being very babydoll-esque, and more like slightly loose, which isn't what I want. I'm an XL or 1X, generally a size 18. (US/CAN sizes) thanks in advance for any recommendation!

I really struggle with showering. it takes up SO MUCH of my energy. granted, I also believe I have POTS, so lifting my hands above my head is a horrible experience. standing is too hard, so I sit on the floor (currently not in a situation where I can get a shower chair). I always struggle with scrubbing my scalp because my fingers are too lax, and I have really thick, fine, curly hair so if I want to properly wash it I need to separate it into sections, which makes the whole experience worse cause I need to lift my arms to do that, and then keep track of where my hair parts/clips are, and I have to use clips with my aforementionned super lax finger *while they're wet*, which sucks. I lean my head down a bit and lean my arm on my knee to make it easier, but it's not enough, and I end up avoiding showers entirely. how do you make showering easier? I wish I could just enjoy the warm water and actually be able to relax, instead of the horrible experience it is.

so, I suck at healthy conflict resolution. I get defensive, I withdraw, I lose my cool. I don't want to be like this, but I have no good model to follow in my life right now (I come from a family of "bury it deep inside you until you die, or until it explodes out of you" people) and was never taught healthy ways to talk about issues or to receive criticism. what are some books that have helped you with this? because so far, the only advice I've really gotten is "use 'I' statements", which really only goes so far...