u/myblackandwhitecat

My cat is elderly and very unwell. He has been having palliative care for two months. Yesterday he stopped eating, and I called the vet this morning, and am taking him to an emergency appointment this afternoon. He is all I have, the only living creature in this world who loves me. I think the vet will probably want to put him to sleep, and I will let him go if it is his time, because it would be cruel to keep him here. But I dread losing him so much. I love him so much. He has got me through so many desperately lonely years. I have been lonely for decades, and this little cat was also very, very lonely when he came to me. Somehow I managed to get past his emotional defences and to win his trust. I am hoping so much that this is just a blip, but am fearing that it is not.

All my adult life, I have been invisible socially. Last weekend I was sitting with 4 others from an LGBT+ group I belong to, and 3 of them were making plans to meet up the next day and then one of them asked the 4th person if she wanted to join them. She didn't ask me. Another time I was at a different gathering, and a man went round the room shaking hands and having a few words with everyone, and when he come up to me, he walked straight past me. These are just two examples. This sort of thing happens to me so often, and it really hurts so much. It feels as if I don't exist. Is this a normal thing which most introverts eperience, or is there something else going on? As far as I know, people don't hate me. It is more as if I make no impact at all. (Someone said to me once that I made no impact on him).

I am expecting an item from Evri and am completely confused. I called their phone number and was told be their automated service that they 'hope' to deliver my parcel today. I also messaged their Facebook page and got the same message. But when I tried tracking, I was told that my item is at the sender's local depot. I really do hope it comes today, but don't know why i am getting such mixed messages.

I was incredibly nervous about going, but I went to a local Pride today on my own. I felt so lonely there. Everyone else seemed to be with friends. I was friendly, started conversations with several people, but they didn't stick. It is so depressing to feel so alone at an event celebrating our community. Next year, I will only go if I have someone to go with.

I have no family and the loneliness is crushing. I know that not all families are loving and caring, but not having any family impacts on every part of my life. It makes the world such an unsafe and lonely place. I often really wish that I was no longer here. I feel that my life has less value than the lives of people who are loved and cared for. Somtimes I daydream that I have a sister and a child and that the three of us live together and it feels so good. But then the daydream ends and reality hits me again.

My 16 year old cat has just been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and he also has a tumour just below his throat and at the top of his chest. I took him to the PDSA (an animal charity which treats animals for a donation) on Tuesday, as he has lost a lot of weight around his hind quarters and his coat was looking forlorn. And over the last few months sometimes he overeats and sometimes he undereats. The vet found the lump, felt it and said it was cancerous and also not operable. But is it possible to really tell if a lump is cancer just from feeling it? Then she took blood for blood tests, and another vet at the practice phoned me today to say they showed hyperthyroidism, and that his liver levels were quite high which could be because of his thryroid or because of early liver problems. She also said that his kidney levels were slightly high, which could be the start of liver problems or mild dehydration (it was a hot day). I am going to collect thyroid medicine for him tomorrow. I am really worried about him. A friend told me he could have radio iodine treatment, but I looked it up online and it is so very expensive and the nearest place to offer it is over 90 miles away and getting him there on public transport would be a nightmare for him and for me. I guess that I am asking if it is possible to tell if a lump is cancer just from feeling it and would you (whoever reads this) go for radio iodine treatment even though I can barely afford it and I live so far away from the palce which offers it.

Although I remember some of the former housemates, there are many more whom I have totally forgotten. When people here and on other BB forums mention names, I am often at a complete loss. Is anyone else the same?

I took my 16 year old cat to the vet today and was told he has inoperable cancer. They took blood tests as well, to see if he has any other conditions, as he has lost weight around his hind quarters-this si why I took him there. They don't do biopsies there, because it is a vet for people on a low income, so their range of services is more limited. The vet said she would not put him through chemo at his age anyway, but I have heard it is less drastic for cats than for people.

Has anybody else felt achingly alone all their lives? I remember as a child feeling that my parents had each other to care for and rely on, while I had no one at all. I remember my parents saying to me a lot when I was 5 or 6 that I would have to learn to stand on my own two feet, and it felt as if they were telling me never to expect anyone to care about me, never to expect to have anyone to rely on, but to be totally self sufficient. It felt as if they were saying 'Do as we say and not as we do.' My life has turned out to be desperately lonely and other than 3 online friends, I have always felt desperately alone against the world. My parents are long gone, and so I have no family. Some people see me as strong, while inside I have always hated being alone and have always longed to be cared for and to matter. I so often wish I wasn't here.