r/introverts

I visited a conference because of my PhD I'm doing. Even though I was doing fine socializing and building new connections, it always left me emotionally, mentally and physically drained afterwards, like I went straight to sleep after going to my hotel. And even now when I came back home I keep sleeping for 12-13 hours a day (I kid you not) just to charge my batteries back.

Networking is essential if you want to do a PhD and work in academia. But how should I as an introvert (specifically INTJ) be able to do it?

At the conference, I was basically putting up a show for everyone, "masking" so to speak. I was an actor, who was trying to get new connections and it worked. So being shy is not the issue here, I can easily initiate a conversation and even give a short talk at a conference.

So objectively, conferences are very beneficial for me and my work, but subjectively, they feel so draining that I just can't think of doing it again. And I need to overcome this somehow, at least partially, because they are just too good of use to disregard them in the future.

I live a simple live because I'm an introvert. Yes, I'm gonna wake up at 10 and watch Caseoh. I don't have to wake up at 7 just to prove I'm an "productive adult". Yes, I watch Tiktok instead of learning languages, cause where in the world I would use them, just to prove to some aunties I am an linguistic genius?

I wish I was born in a more laid back family & country, where you are enough as you are. And being you is celebrated.

From where I'm from, if you sleep til 12 - you are a failure; if you didn't study at prestigious university - you are average; if you aren't bending over backwards to work & climbing a work ladder - something is wrong with you, "you wanna live an easy life, huh?", if you didn't do nothing "productive" all day - you have to do 3626 tasks a day.

People don't realise they don't have to do all that. People like me can have boring jobs, life, interests, that seem "unreliable" because they are used to already "easy" paved way life: work, family, retirement.

I have four siblings, all are married with children, have friends and close relationships with the family. Then there is me, have never had close friends, am married but child free by choice, and am not close with my siblings or mom. Why am I so different than the rest of my family? I am considering therapy to understand why I am this way. I don’t remember a lot of my childhood or teen years, and am in my 60s and retired with more time to think.

If you like to answer with long messages, let's discuss. I got a lot of interesting questions that I wrote down on my notes and want to discuss with another introvert.

It is currently 2:30 in Canada, but I call these my 3AM thoughts as I seem to always be awake at this time.

Do you see introvert as an "issue" or just something that stops you from doing certain things at times?

Would you force yourself to participate in an activity/event/party if it is for a close family, friend or co worker? (You'll know you'll be uncomfortable but you want to be there for them)

If you had the choice, would you still choose to be an introvert?

Are you a complete different person based on location?

Let's discuss!

Hi everyone. I’m 19, and on paper, I’m actually doing quite well. I’m on a full ride in college, got a 4.0 in my first year of school, and I have 57k of excess funds. But, there is an issue, I’m very shy, quiet and introverted. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem, because I was very content by myself all throughout my teen years and childhood, and I still am, to an extent, but I very much want to experience sex and relationships

I always wanted a serious girlfriend or wife. You know, someone to sleep next to most nights, life with, go grocery shopping with, decorate the Christmas tree together, just the companionship of a shared life. However, I’m found that due to my shyness, and being quiet, I’ve never really attracted anyone or connected in that way.

I’m very scared I’m never going to be able to, and that I’ll be left out of sex and relationships, so hears my question for all of you, how should I break out of this. What are things I could do to become even just a little more open and less shy, even if it’s just enough to find my person. Also, if any of you out there were ever in a similar situation, what did you do, and were you eventually able to find someone or have relationships? Thank you all!

People often assume that because I'm quiet, I'm shy, unfriendly, or don't want to talk. In reality, I just don't feel the need to fill every silence. I enjoy listening, observing, and speaking when I actually have something to say.

I'm curious how common this is.

It seems like I have to behave the way family and friends want me to rather than how I want to be. I am in sales and must mask every single day and I don’t want to have to do this with family and friends. How do I stay true to myself and still have relationships?

How about, "Sir, I would sooner associate with a blobfish!"

Hear me out if a guy's whole world is his room, his phone, and online communities, he never really builds the skills to meet people IRL. And then the girlfriend/relationship thing just... never happens. Seen this with a few people I know. Is it the apps, or is it something deeper? Or am I totally wrong?