r/introverts

I have, all my life, been an introvert and have had self esteem issues due to my upbringing. I, however, ended up in a highly competitive world of sales after school and I had to fake it (confidence) to make it in that world. So on the face of it, I seem confident and chatty in my work environment and I'm very good at my job, it's all a facade. The thing is, I'm not sure if people see through it because although I'm popular among my colleagues at work, no one really calls me or texts me. I also get invited to outings with my colleagues but outside of work, my false confidence doesn't work and I'm like a fish out of water. I just keep quiet and watch everyone else have a good time while I'm feeling awkward and out of place myself.

I make 'friends' easily enough throughout my whole adult life but in reality they're just work colleagues and I don't have any real friends.

Can anyone relate to this? Has anyone successfully gotten out of this situation and have gained real friendship?

My partner was everything, she left me and now I am very alone and isolated. How have you who have experienced this navigated making friends or finding ways to remove the isolated feeling?

I generally won't wear a T-shirt (or other apparel) with words on it -- whether it's a company name or a team logo or some sort of saying. It's a quirk that I attribute to my introvertedness -- a preference to not share info about myself to the general world. I am curious if other introverts do the same. (I could also see it playing the other way -- you wear a shirt with a niche reference as a way of letting folks know something about you that you might not otherwise volunteer).

I’m an introvert who is very independent and has always been happy being single. Any time I’ve ever tried a relationship or even had a crush on someone it hasn’t worked out. Mostly because I lose interest once the initial chase is over but also because I feel like I’m not cut out to be in a long term relationship. Because of this, I’ve tried to avoid dating because I feel bad that I just lead people on and end up wasting their time.

However, I’ve developed by far the biggest crush I’ve ever had on someone who I see fairly regularly through a shared hobby and (I’m truly shocked to say) she definitely likes me too. I can’t be certain but it seems like she’s exactly like me (introverted, independent and happily single). So now im totally confused about where to go from here. For one thing, how tf do 2 shy introverts talk to each other when they’re both crushing on each other. It’s so awkward lol. But mostly how does a relationship work between 2 people who don’t talk much and just generally prefer single life? Can this work or would we be wasting each others time? Any advice or experience with this kind of situation would be greatly appreciated.

All my adult life, I have been invisible socially. Last weekend I was sitting with 4 others from an LGBT+ group I belong to, and 3 of them were making plans to meet up the next day and then one of them asked the 4th person if she wanted to join them. She didn't ask me. Another time I was at a different gathering, and a man went round the room shaking hands and having a few words with everyone, and when he come up to me, he walked straight past me. These are just two examples. This sort of thing happens to me so often, and it really hurts so much. It feels as if I don't exist. Is this a normal thing which most introverts eperience, or is there something else going on? As far as I know, people don't hate me. It is more as if I make no impact at all. (Someone said to me once that I made no impact on him).

I literally just said I really like alone time and this extroverted person got super upset. Like dude it’s not your business or problem. I’m just not the person that gets enjoyment out of being with people every second of the day.

Then they imply that there’s something wrong with me or I must be traumatized.

Is it just me or does that sound arrogant af also?

Like “I’m so awesome to hang out with there MUST be something wrong with YOU”

Hey i am highly introverted and also struggling some anxiety issues so my social capacity is almost zero

while the outings and social situations never seize to present themselves its always happening like after every 4-8 days i would be asked to hangout and my parents are the ones who ask me this

Now its getting sooooooooo freaking difficult for me to everytime turn them and they start scolding me and pls dont get me started on talking it out j have tried it multiple times but they dont understand my health issues they think going out will fix my anxiety but in fact it increases it

The anxiety issues temporary due to some health issue which j am actively trying to fix but it is a tough job so it is taking a bit of a time and in the meantime i want things to just wait a bit but explaining this to my parents is of no use they have their own thinking and they simply think they are always right and that sitting at home is the real culprit

Its gotten so difficult for me now that idk what to do. I am also fed up but j am forcing patience in me

I don’t tell them to not go anywhere without i simply just say i cant because it brings me more anxiety which gets me on the edge honestly so it isn’t something like stepping out of the comfort zone its almost like hanging on cliff situation for me because of this anxiety

I have tried anxiety meds but they don’t help. Why? Because my anxiety is triggered by sluggish digestive system and intense bloating so the treatment lies in getting the digestion on track which is taking some time because it requires me to focus on my fiber, my hydration, my post meal walks, my upright posture. I actually spend almost 80% of the day reclined using phone and usually soon after eating i get reclined which ultimately ends up making me feels bloated after 1-2 hours of eating and then i start feeling restless and anxious because of this. The issue sounds very easy to deal with but it isn’t that easy as my digestive system is slowed due to a 10 years of sedentary lifestyle. So reversing it is a task in its own. I am being lightly active now since about 3 whole months.

I never thought being an introvert can cause a problem.

Now, I have a big drama at home because of it. For this summer me and my husband moved to his parent's house. That's was a huge mistake. His mother is extraverted. Every time I leave the room or pass by, she clings to me with her meaningless and endless conversations. I can't stand listening to the same stories about people I barely know for the tenth time. I can't sit on the cool first floor with everybody and read a book or do my studies. I'm sitting in the hot attic, enduring the heat, and even when I don't go out, she still comes into the room, naturally without knocking. I'm already giving the briefest possible answer, "Uh-huh," to her stream of conversations, but she doesn't seem to care and continues. Stories are never interesting, it is just a try to exchange the emotions (for me it feels like sucking out all of my energy). When I am crawling back to my corner I feel exhausted and cannot be productive and my projects are in a stagnation. A couple of days ago, I didn't go out to dinner, and she started a fight and started crying (not the first time, me and my husband already explained we need some privacy) Why is it so hard to sit and talk with them? Like, really?? To be honest, at first it wasn't directed against her, I just wanted to be alone. But after two months, I already hate her. Her obsession and unwillingness to understand is simply disrespectful.

Father-in-law doesn't pester me with endless questions, although as an elderly man he has a tendency to repeat stories. I don't know what happened, but once my mother-in-law complained that after they got married, he didn't speak to her for three weeks. At first, I thought he treated her badly, but now I understand him so well...

Anyway we move to our house in a couple of weeks and I am already thinking how to cut off all the contacts. Unfortunately it doesn't seem possible. Because it is family.

I went to a school to be an Esthetician. I didn’t consider I would be talking to people alllllll day. All day. I quit that job so quickly, in the door and out.

what are some jobs that are simply out of the question for you? and what do you do currently?

I used to think I was just invisible in dating due to being pretty introverted and not fitting the standard extrovert outgoing lifestyle. Since then I've worked hard to improve my life, been to counselling for years to work on my mental health after years struggling. Now got a great career, bought my own home, pursue multiple active hobbies like gym, hiking, skiing and go on loads of adventures at home and abroad, but still just feel like it's impossible to meet someone like me.

People say all the time I'm like the put-together friend and that it's insane I'm not in a relationship but then I go anywhere talk to people and it feels like the total opposite every time. I just feel like if I had that extrovert gene from birth even if I had done half as much in my life I'd be easily in a relationship and not so frustrated by it constantly. It's so hard to meet people these days especially when your tolerance for big group activities and drinking sessions isn't super high. It just feels relentless everyone I meet is like "are you in a relationship?" and then saying they're going to set me up which just feels like constantly bringing attention to me not fitting the norm and then they don't even help me out. Getting the instant value judgement when I meet new people and they ask me if I'm in a relationship as if it's super easy for everyone to find one. I need to go on 2 week holidays on my own just to recharge after long periods of feeling socially burned out and frustrated by the constant barrage of "just go on the dating apps"

This is a PSA for non-introverts. I do not know which time of introvert I am, but it seems like I am ok with some interaction as long as I can control it. Here is my story. I had a friend, had because she moved and I lost touch. She is a good person who old enough to be my mother. Anyway, we met at work and would see each other outside of work in groups for drinks, dinner, etc. She lived in the next tow over about 30 minutes away. One Saturday, she called and informed me that she would be in my neighborhood, shopping. She stated she was with her niece and if I wanted to join her for lunch. I figured it would be ok as lunch would not last very long. WRONG. They picked me up, mistake number one. We went to lunch and then they insisted on going to a store nearby. Ok, I can sit in the car an wait and then be taken home. When she returns from the car, she informed me that she was "kidnapping" me and that I would have to spend the entire day with her, haha. Oh my goodness, I felt weak in the knees. She took me to her home unloaded her shopping, made dinner, chatted and then finally returned me home. She thought she was being so cute by having me accompany her all day. From that day on I no longer hung out with her. I saw her occasionally but avoided her. It was so uncomfortable not to have control over when I could return home. She moved out of town and insisted I go visit her. I will never visit her as she will insist on me spending days with her which I do not want.

People, do not force anyone to be with you. Let people do things their way or they will avoid you!

I'm a busy mom in a community of other busy moms. I want to socialize, but the moms all socialize with small talk in the streets (watching their kids playing) and as an introvert, I really don't do well with small talk.

Tried to put together a board game group but no one was interested. I think it's just too time demanding and everyone is busy.

So, I thought maybe I could try to host a "mini-party" that isn't too demanding of people's time, like 30 minutes. Like a hot cocoa party (when it's a little cooler). To prevent it being just another small talk session, I think I need to plan a simple activity, but what type of activity could work?

I don't know if this has occurred to everyone or just me, but a lot of times I happen to clash with a person walking towards me when I am walking along the road/footpath. Unable to decide if that person would walk to your left or right. And there when we come closer and still haven't decided mutually what to do, we both happen to move to the same side again and again. Arrghhh!! So awkward for me

So, I recently started doing this. No matter the person or place, pick left (the place I am living, we always move to our left along road) and put your head down and walk. Do not even see which side the other person is taking, it might cause you confusion. This has worked every time for me. I am so happy 

I work in foreign trade, bad at coming up with stuff to say on the spot. When vetting suppliers I log store review stats, each partner’s likes and things they hate separately, write unique talking points for every vendor to keep talks smooth. I matched with two girls online around the same window, their personalities are worlds apart. Old work routine kicked in without me thinking, I sorted custom chat notes for each just like how I build vendor files for sourcing background checks. I can’t come up with soft lines right away, so I lean on these pre-written bits to keep our chats nice. One night I pulled back-to-back overtime shifts, my head was all foggy and I didn’t check what I sent. Accidentally dropped the full note I drafted for the other girl into her chat. She caught right away the text didn’t fit how we normally talk, asked who the message was meant for. No way to hide it, I told her I made separate chat write-ups for two different people. She pulled back fast after that. What stung her most was finding out she wasn’t the only person I put that level of planning into, every gentle line I shared with her was drafted for someone else too. She never hit me up again after our talk. I can’t stop feeling crummy over this. Sorting detailed talking points and building individual files for sourcing checks makes daily work way easier, all these record keeping steps run through a tool called acciowork for my vendor tasks. I just hate I dragged this work habit into personal interactions, talked to two people at once, and my sloppy mistake ruined something that could’ve gone well. tbh I’m stuck on one thought right now ,is it off limits to chat casually with two different people before locking down an official relationship? Any quiet, socially awkward folks here mess up a potential connection the same way?

How do introverted people play the corporate game without getting burnt out?

My job is good, company is good but the fake niceness, bragging about efforts, posting online about shit that doesnt matter to bring "brand awareness to self" and socialization ..... whew my masking social battery is drained.

Any tips and tricks would be appreciated!

I think for me, I was quiet as a young child. as I’ve grown older I’ve expended an ungodly amount of time filling in silence to make people comfortable around me. I’m assuming this too energy because it’s just not my natural inclination to chat about things that don’t hold much importance to me.

I am a naturally friendly person. But I just find chitchat to be somewhat exhausting especially if it’s forced.

To the quiet people who own it or have learned to own it, how do you do it? When I am being myself, I feel rude.

at what point am I too quiet to work roles where I am working with people? I am a caregiver and sometimes I feel bad because I don’t have much to say. She seems to be alright with it, I feel I show I care through my actions… I don’t know

Everytime after I socialize and I come back home I feel so anxious and the socializing moments keep playing in my head and make me feel more anxious. And when I go to sleep it’s the same thing, I can’t sleep because of that. Does anyone else experience this? What is that?

So I am 28 years old M from North India, an introvert, been single, a pure heart, tried to change myself into get into dating, but still that introvert me conquers all my mind and heart, that I run blank from my mind and mouth, don't know what to talk to the opposite gender after the generic openers are once done! I do try my best to be an extrovert at times but I don't get the same participation from the opposite end that makes my introvert side active and at the end everything gets ruined and both, me and the opposite person has to walk out in silence!