u/not-a-people-pleaser

Why does everything people do seem to upset me?

I don’t know what my problem is, but I feel like I’m constantly getting triggered by things around me.
I often escape into my phone, but when I’m sitting with family at lunch or spending time around people, I keep noticing things that upset me over and over again.

For example:
-Hearing someone make fun of an actor’s appearance.
-Joking about boundaries or crossing them.
-Assuming the worst about people.
-Seeing someone watch or treat another person in a way that seems uncomfortable.
-People joking about things that shouldn’t be joked about.
-Pretending to laugh when nothing is actually funny.
-Not considering other people’s feelings.
-Bias and unfairness.
-People choosing words carelessly.
-Fighting over things that don’t matter.
-Feeling bad for someone because something seems unfair, even when I don’t particularly like that person. It feels more like I’m defending what I think is true or fair.
-Hearing people curse as a joke.
-Constantly using silly or inappropriate words.

It isn’t just my family either.
I notice it with friends too. For example, one of my friends often sounds defensive in texts, avoids things when they don’t go her way, and talks in a way that feels aggressive to me.
All of this drains me.

At first I thought it was the people around me, but then I realized this happens with almost everyone I spend enough time around.

So now I’m wondering if the problem is actually me.
Does anyone relate to this? If so, what do you think is going on?

I don’t know what my problem is, but I feel like I’m constantly getting triggered by things around me.
I often escape into my phone, but when I’m sitting with family at lunch or spending time around people, I keep noticing things that upset me over and over again.

For example:
-Hearing someone make fun of an actor’s appearance.
-Joking about boundaries or crossing them.
-Assuming the worst about people.
-Seeing someone watch or treat another person in a way that seems uncomfortable.
-People joking about things that shouldn’t be joked about.
-Pretending to laugh when nothing is actually funny.
-Not considering other people’s feelings.
-Bias and unfairness.
-People choosing words carelessly.
-Fighting over things that don’t matter.
-Feeling bad for someone because something seems unfair, even when I don’t particularly like that person. It feels more like I’m defending what I think is true or fair.
-Hearing people curse as a joke.
-Constantly using silly or inappropriate words.

It isn’t just my family either.
I notice it with friends too. For example, one of my friends often sounds defensive in texts, avoids things when they don’t go her way, and talks in a way that feels aggressive to me.
All of this drains me.

At first I thought it was the people around me, but then I realized this happens with almost everyone I spend enough time around.

So now I’m wondering if the problem is actually me.
Does anyone relate to this? If so, what do you think is going on?

I didn’t know where else to post this because I didn’t find a sub for rsd and since it’s very linked to ADHD I figured I’d ask this here.

First of all I’m a person who uses logic as their way in communication. It’s simply who I am and how I have always been. By this I mean I don’t naturally sugarcoat things before saying them. I say the truth as it is.

I used to get deeply confused when I said something that was just true and my sister would get offended by it even though it had nothing to do with her. She would cry over very simple things -from my opinion- and I felt like whatever I said hurt her. I thought maybe me and her just can’t get along.

I started avoiding directing words to her and keeping my opinions to myself even though it takes mental effort to do so.

Then I started facing the same problem with my close friend.

I have very few close friends. One day we were chatting normally then she talked about a situation from months ago and how much it hurt her, something that I said to her.

When she told me the story our other friend agreed she could see how what I said would make my friend feel hurt. I felt deeply misunderstood.

I told her I didn’t even think much of that situation and didn’t remember it because it didn’t mean anything to me. I simply said the truth back then and I don’t understand what I did wrong by saying what I said.

They also talked about how blunt I can be and how I can sound mean. They said they’re a bit used to it now but other people who aren’t close to me maybe won’t be able to bear it.

I read about rsd later and it made so much sense how my sister, close friend, mom, and youngest sister act. When I read some people could feel rejection or sadness as physical pain and how some people feel emotions more severely than others, I finally understood and decided I don’t want to cause this pain to anyone again.

But ever since then I’ve been overthinking every interaction. Rethinking every message before sending it, thinking how it will land, keeping more thoughts to myself. I apologize to my friend when I think a joke hurt her and ask how she is if I notice she got quieter.

But I also feel like I’m losing a part of myself and identity. I always said the truth and didn’t care how others felt about it. I have strong opinions and boundaries.

For example I hate it so much when someone uses bad language. It deeply hurts me even if it’s a joke or not directed at me. I used to argue with my friend about it because it’s her way of joking and I told her it’s simply wrong. But now that I understand it’s her way of bonding I’ve been letting more things slide, also with my family because they use bad words a lot.

Yet I’m mourning how I’m getting used to hearing it. I don’t want to.

I want to do the right thing but does that mean changing who I am as a person? I’m worried that making conscious effort all the time would only lead to burnout and make me lose patience and accidentally act even meaner.

So I came here to ask the other side of the story. What do you think and how would people here who have rsd like to be treated?

Any advice would be appreciated :)

I didn’t know where else to post this because I didn’t find a sub for rsd and since it’s very linked to ADHD I figured I’d ask this here.

First of all I’m a person who uses logic as their way in communication. It’s simply who I am and how I have always been. By this I mean I don’t naturally sugarcoat things before saying them. I say the truth as it is.

I used to get deeply confused when I said something that was just true and my sister would get offended by it even though it had nothing to do with her. She would cry over very simple things -from my opinion- and I felt like whatever I said hurt her. I thought maybe me and her just can’t get along.

I started avoiding directing words to her and keeping my opinions to myself even though it takes mental effort to do so.

Then I started facing the same problem with my close friend.

I have very few close friends. One day we were chatting normally then she talked about a situation from months ago and how much it hurt her, something that I said to her.

When she told me the story our other friend agreed she could see how what I said would make my friend feel hurt. I felt deeply misunderstood.

I told her I didn’t even think much of that situation and didn’t remember it because it didn’t mean anything to me. I simply said the truth back then and I don’t understand what I did wrong by saying what I said.

They also talked about how blunt I can be and how I can sound mean. They said they’re a bit used to it now but other people who aren’t close to me maybe won’t be able to bear it.

I read about rsd later and it made so much sense how my sister, close friend, mom, and youngest sister act. When I read some people could feel rejection or sadness as physical pain and how some people feel emotions more severely than others, I finally understood and decided I don’t want to cause this pain to anyone again.

But ever since then I’ve been overthinking every interaction. Rethinking every message before sending it, thinking how it will land, keeping more thoughts to myself. I apologize to my friend when I think a joke hurt her and ask how she is if I notice she got quieter.

But I also feel like I’m losing a part of myself and identity. I always said the truth and didn’t care how others felt about it. I have strong opinions and boundaries.

For example I hate it so much when someone uses bad language. It deeply hurts me even if it’s a joke or not directed at me. I used to argue with my friend about it because it’s her way of joking and I told her it’s simply wrong. But now that I understand it’s her way of bonding I’ve been letting more things slide, also with my family because they use bad words a lot.

Yet I’m mourning how I’m getting used to hearing it. I don’t want to.

I want to do the right thing but does that mean changing who I am as a person? I’m worried that making conscious effort all the time would only lead to burnout and make me lose patience and accidentally act even meaner.

So I came here to ask the other side of the story. What do you think and how would people here who have rsd like to be treated?

Any advice would be appreciated :)