u/nothing_111

I eat normally in normal amounts but I feel the need to walk 15k-20k steps daily in order not to feel guilty

If I don't walk even if what ive eaten isn't enough to make me fat I still feel like fat is building up in my body and it makes me walk more

I sometimes walk until it hurts

People around me think it's rather odd but they laugh at it and recently no one has been commenting on it

But I think my mother thinks it's good moving around and shit whenever I tell her how many steps I've walked she'd look impressed

No matter how good or bad something was, I find myself feeling less and less as time passes, I'm afraid once I'm a fully grown adult I'll stop feeling at all.

Are all adults like that? Do they all eventually become really numb to everything so they all pretend having emotions to seem like normal functioning humans?

Even though she does love me alot and she'd do anything for me

Does soaking an entire tissue with my blood make me sick enough

I wish I got more abused, I wish suffered more so I could feel more valid no matter how shitty I got.