u/null_and_lost

I’m going on T next week and I want to document my changes, both in writing and in photos. the thing is, I don’t know what to take photos of, if that makes sense. what angles, how I should stand and whatnot. I don’t think it will make much of a difference in how I’m standing or anything, but I don’t want to not take a photo of something pre-T that I’ll regret not being able to compare it to when on T. a lot of this is balancing extreme dysphoria to be able to see how far I’ve come in the future.

the reason this is marked NSFW is because I’d also like to get advice on taking photos of what I have down there at the moment to monitor bottom growth when on T. I should add that I am a minor (three months away from eighteen) and these photos are never going to seen by anyone but me. pretty much locking these photos in a vault, in a room with lasers and the room will be guarded by a man-eating tiger with a gun. Fort Knox type stuff. no one will ever see these photos except me. my face isn’t going to be in them either.

I feel like this is miles different than asking for advice on taking nudes or something of that nature because I do not want these to be sexual. I just want advice on how to take them, i.e. angles that will show the difference between pre-T and bottom growth on T, if standing up vs sitting vs laying down would make a difference and stuff.

also, lighting. camera flash or well lit room?

I am getting my first shot of testosterone on tuesday. it’s been something I’ve wanted for years, and after a lot of fighting, begging and struggling, my dad has finally agreed to sign the consent form to let me take it.

I am overjoyed, I feel like my life is on its way to actually starting— I’m no longer going to be stuck in the hole that I have been in for the majority of my life.

but, I am pretty nervous. it’s got nothing to do with going on testosterone or transitioning. its the injection itself that I am really not looking forward to. not to go into full detail of the specifics of it, but it’s going to hurt. 21g needle, a 4ml oily solution of testosterone undecanoate injected real slowly and intramuscularly into my butt. It’s something I don’t think a lot of people really look forward to. I’m usually okay with injections too, just… not this one.

to help calm myself down from it, I think music might help me out. but, I don’t know what song to play. getting on testosterone and getting to start my life is so important to me, I want to have a good song playing. something symbolic of what is happening, becoming a guy, getting a chance to go through the right puberty, starting to actually live.

so, any recommendations for songs for this? it doesn’t have to be at all a serious sounding song, I was thinking about All Star by Smash Mouth as a song choice earlier lol. I just want something about a change for the better, becoming a man, starting life or something along those lines.

putting the positivity/good vibes flair on this because I don’t think it’s serious enough for help/support, but I’ll change it if I doesn’t fit.

so, it’s finally happening. my dad, who has always been a prick about my transition, has finally agreed to sign the paperwork to consent to me starting T. he has always been a "wait till you’re eighteen" type of parent, or a "you have to work on your mental health before making an irreversible decision" parent, even though my mental health is bad because I am not being treated for my gender dysphoria through, you guessed it, hormones.

I guess he finally realised that this isn’t a phase after six years and that I do, in fact, need testosterone. he did make sure to make a point he doesn’t like it, "I will sign. against my better judgment, I will sign" with a little huff at the end. so, his prick-ness has thus been reduced from a 9/10 to an 8/10 on the prick scale (could have been reduced two points, but the snarky comment made it a one point reduction). question: where do your parents sit on the prick scale?

I’ll probably be starting next Tuesday, which gives me enough time to prepare myself for the injection (reandron, which I’ve heard hurts. hurts A LOT, in fact). but, I know the wait is going to be hard because of just how excited I am to start, I waited years for this, years to finally have the chance to feel normal.

to do something to pass the time, I’m going to start a log book of my changes on T. It’s probably going to be diary-esque in writing, but I want to know what changes I should write. so, here are my questions of what I should be writing about:

1. writing a page about my pre-t self vs on T, what should I write about? I’m thinking I’ll write about how I feel emotionally, measure what I have down there to see how bottom growth develops, maybe I’ll just describe what my body looks like. are there any like, measurements to take that might change on T? stuff like that.

2. how often should I log the changes? I was thinking maybe once a week for the first couple of months, then once a month after three months on T. does this sound like a good plan, or is logging every week at the beginning too much?

3. less of a question about T and more about the note book I have itself, I want to decorate the hell out of this. the notebook is a hard and smooth one, which will make drawing on it difficult (semi-decent artist over here 🫡), so I’m thinking of stickers. dinosaur stickers might have the manly touch I’m looking for. I wish you could print your own stickers because I’d print the fuck out of my favourite character who I always wanted to look like as a kid, my childhood transition goal that I 100% won’t actually look like, but a guy can dream 💔. I’m planning to get a white paper like-sticker I can write "Puberty 2: Electric Boogaloo" on.

so, suggestion? advice? someone to pray to some sort of higher power for the injection to not hurt so bad for me? anything you want to suggest, suggest away.

after ages of convincing my dad to sign the consent form to start testosterone as a minor, he finally agreed (begrudgingly, it seems). next Tuesday, I go back to the GP who told me last time I saw her that as soon as she gets that consent form, she can prescribe it. I had my blood test done last week as she requested also.

we talked about my options for administering T last week and we agreed on reandron. my only question is, when I’m prescribed T, what happens after that? I mean, does she just have testosterone lying around or something? do I have to go to a pharmacy with the prescription, get it, bring it to her on our next appointment and then it gets administered? does she order it in and I have to wait for our next appointment to get it administered?

I completely forgot to ask her this at our last appointment when she told me she’d prescribe as soon as the consent form is signed and given to her, mainly because I didn’t actually think my dad would sign it because of his refusal for years.

so, yeah. what’s the timeline after getting prescribed?

nsw btw if it matters

I’m starting T pretty soon, and I am absolutely pumped for the changes when I start it. I’ve been waiting for this for years, from the moment I found out that you can, quite literally, become a dude.

I am excited for everything testosterone has to offer (pretty much everything at least, I’ve made peace with changes like balding and acne lol). I am especially excited for bottom growth. my bottom dysphoria is horrible and having a dick, no matter the size, is something I really want so I can lessen my bottom dysphoria.

and, even with how excited I am for it, I am a bit nervous. my biggest worry is not having much growth, or not having any at all.

from my research, bottom growth size is genetically determined. I could be totally wrong about this though. I know your dosage plays a part in it as well.

okay, so here’s my main question. can you somewhat estimate how much bottom growth you get if you know your families genetics? is it like a 'if your male family members are hung you might have good growth genetics' type thing? because, unfortunately for me, I think I know the… proportions(?) my male relatives are endowed with. I’m pretty sure this is a common childhood experience (definitely feels awkward to even mention), but I do have a pretty strong memory of accidentally seeing my dad naked when I was six or so while he was going from the shower to his bedroom. I don’t know how to describe it without sounding weird, even though describing it is DEFINITELY weird, but I think it was what a lot of people would define as above average? and I mean, I’ve seen a different dick before (got flashed 😔), but it wasn’t at all similar to what I saw in that unfortunate childhood memory.

so, yeah. my question does come down to 'my family might be hung, will I be hung?' I know that it’s uncommon to get more than one and a half inches and stuff, but is it uncommon due to it also being uncommon to have a big dick?

this was a weird post to type out.

this isn’t so much of a home life problem as much as it is a education and work problem for me.

I’ve always had this problem, a problem where I am unable to do anything without being told to do it and exactly how to do it. It’s not like an 'I forget and have to be reminded' problem, more like a 'what the hell am I meant to do' problem.

my best example of this was when I had a job once. I worked at McDonald’s when I was about fourteen, which was a horrible introduction to working, especially for an autistic. I lasted two weeks there before quitting, and this issue played a big part in why working there was so stressful and distressing.

there was an expectation to just know when to do things. when to go to the register, when to help someone out at the cafe, when to go to the freezer— I just couldn’t do these things until I was told to do it. I couldn’t pick up when I was meant to do these things, and it seemed to come so naturally to everyone else. a girl who started at the exact same time as me and was trained with me knew what to do, she didn’t have to be told. and even when I was told, I’d need to be told the next time and the next time and the next time.

I felt so stupid, and I still do. this happened in school as well. while everyone seemed to know what to without a big and lengthy explanation, I couldn’t do anything without that explanation. there was stuff I knew how to do (ie, turn on a bunsen burner in science), but I just found myself unable to do it without being told the instructions every time.

I’m not looking to work atm, I’m on disability and stuff, but I think this problem is making me more nervous and uncomfortable with the idea of ever working at all. I want to work because I want to feel 'normal' and I want to do something productive instead of doing nothing all day, which I’m currently doing because I’m not studying either.

sorry if this explanation makes no sense, I’m not good at expressing how I feel or expressing anything at all really. I’m seventeen by the way, if that adds anything at all.

a while ago, I made a post on trans community about struggling with binding. I got a few replies telling me to try trans tape, which I actually have previously tried before. many times before.

my chest is large. it’s around an E-F cup, it is large. and it’s also really dense. this makes taping for me literally impossible, I’ve tried all the different methods and it just doesn’t work. and I told them that— trans tape doesn’t work on my chest.

the recommendation to try trans tape at first is fine, I didn’t say my chest size in the post and I didn’t talk about tape either, it could have been a good recommendation for someone else. the frustration part for me is, after saying that it doesn’t work for me in my experience, people responding that it actually definitely does work and I should just try again. that it works on their dd chest so it will definitely work on all other large chests. that I must be doing it wrong and how trans tape works for EVERYONE.

that’s the main part the pisses me off— saying trans tape works for everyone. because it’s just not true. trans tape doesn’t work for everyone, it doesn’t work for me and it doesn’t work for plenty of other trans men.

I don’t care much about being downvoted in comments usually, it’s the internet and people disagree, but I was being downvoted for saying it doesn’t work for me. me. I didn’t say it doesn’t work, period. I said it doesn’t work for me.

I don’t know how to end this. maybe just start listening to people, don’t flat out disagree with someone’s literal experience just because it’s different for you.