u/organic_hobnob

Time for an uplifting thread I think. For those of you who are happily married or otherwise in relationships, how did you meet the person who saw past you disability?

I met my husband through friends in London. I asked him out and he turned me down (lol). A few weeks later I went round his flat to watch an awful 70s space alien flick. He asked if he could kiss me, and the rest is history.

We had been dating for just 3 months when I had my life changing injury. I was in an RTA that resulted in a brain injury and complications that eventually resulted in left leg amputation several years later. Leaving due to my current state never occurred to him, or me. I never worried about losing him because his heart is utterly transparent. I could tell from the moment I first saw him that we would be by my side forever.

Through out everything, he was amazing. He left his life in London to move in with me and my mum and slept on a mattress on the floor for a whole year whilst I was in a hospital bed (he did have his own room, but wanted to my close to me). He did the hospital stays, the medication, the physio. He got fully involved in my sport (wheelchair rugby) as a technician and referee. When I decided I was going to ask him to marry me, I practiced getting down on one knee for a months with my physio, so that I could propose the way I wanted. He is the kindest most patient man I have ever known. My disability feels like just a normal part of our relationship. He makes it seem so normal and small.

We bought a home, married, and will one day plan a family. He makes my life exponentially easier and I love him wholeheartedly. He is the kindest purest soul I have ever encountered. I do not believe in heaven, but if I did I think he would be one of a very few selection of people who would go there when they die. I fully intend of dying before him, because life without him is no experience I wish to have.

How did you meet your significant other? Was it before or after your disability became apparent? I would love to hear more stories of men and women like my husband who simply didn’t bat an eye ❤️

I only started getting facial hair around year 4 on T. Before that it was pretty much just a bit of moustache and a few chin hairs. Between years 4-10 most of my beard started to come in. With the majority of the filling out occurring in the last 3 years.

If you have any questions about beard growth, keeping a beard, texture, or growth timelines, please don’t hesitate to ask below. I post a lot about beards because it was something extremely important to me and my transition, and for a very long time I thought I would not be able to grow one. I was surprised how long it took. I thought you would get a beard early on if you were going to have a decent beard at all!

If you want to ask about hair loss and balding, you are also welcome to ask- I know many guys are afraid of it. I’m happy to talk openly about my experience and the emotions I went through 🙂

Was scrolling through google photos and found this picture taken of me shortly before my accident. I find it sort of strange to look at. Next photo is me as I am today (currently recovering from another surgery on my residual limb to make it better for wearing a prosthetic).

I dunno if disability aged me, or just time. (Let’s say disability)

When my husband and I played bloodborne the first time, we struggled immensely with Micolash and his constant running away. When we’d finally get into the little room with him, we’d die quickly as we had really shit arcane stats/defence and would get finished off quickly by his tentacle things.

So instead of getting better at the game, we found if you stand on this ledge and throw shit at him, he respawns from the portal just behind him. So we decided to try and knock his health bar down as much as possible, to make the time in the room with him as short as possible. This resulted in us emptying our entire inventory on him, which as well as molotovs and throwing knives, also included 99 pebbles.

This took an extremely long time, but was objectively the best use for our excess of pebbles in the entire game. Here concludes the most unceremonious boss death in the game. It was cheesy, but I have no shame. (Ok maybe a little).

I’m posting this to stress to the other young men on this sub that change is gradual and takes time.

For the first 3 years of my transition I basically look the same! I only really start growing visible facial hair at 5 years. I only have a beard that connects at 8. I only have a thick beard at 9! Even now I’m still filling in my facial hair. Only in the last 3 years have I started to get chest hair. I expect both these things to continue to developed way into my 30s.

Trust me, I remember having plenty of friends who were growing full beards at 2 years on T. I remember feeling jealous, and I also remember feeling like if I didn’t grow a beard within the first couple of years, it ment I must not have the genes to grow one. I was wrong, and you might be too.

I hope this is helpful to some people! I really wish that someone had helped me set a realistic expectation for how long transition can take. I think it would have saved me a lot of stress.

I’ve seen so many posts on here over the last couple of weeks from guys worried about looking too young, or their face looking too baby before they start T.

Of course you’re going to look like babies! Because firstly, a lot of you are still literal babies! 14 or 15, or 16, is an absolutely fine age to look young and soft and squishy and awkward!

Secondly, yes, your face is going to look a lot different on testosterone- eventually. *Eventually* being the *key* word.

Here’s my face pre T (aged 19) vs 10 years on testosterone (aged 30). Do I look like a 30 year old man? Unfortunately yes! Because I’ve had testosterone pumping through my veins for 10 good years. And also because now I’m fucking bald (thanks testosterone). You will start to age, and you will start to look more gruff and masculine, but it takes time. Not 2, or 3, or 5 years- but 10.

Do you know what helped me age? Being happy. Having laugh lines, and crows feet from squinting, being outside in harsh weather, having (horrific) testosterone induced acne which left pitting in my skin, and last but not least, being stressed enough for my hair to start falling out! 😅 All of those things come together to make me look the way I do now. Your face is a journey. It is everything you have been through. You cannot snap your fingers and expect to achieve that so quickly.

Give it time, it will come. And like me, before you know it, you’ll be wishing it took a little longer 😉

Edit: had to google what ‘Scott the Woz’ is lol.

Posted here a week ago or so, about struggling with being back in the chair full time post surgery. Just wanted to say now I think I’ve gotten over the worst of it. I’ve adjusted to the slower pace of life in a chair, and have got myself a couple of projects on. I’m getting out of the house and am feeling less crappy.

That’s all!

8 years old, look at her little grey chin 😭

So disclaimer, I’d normally take more time to ensure I got all the stay hairs and my beard was super smooth and tidy, but obvs I did it quick for the video lol

Got several questions about how to keep facial hair tidy so made this video. This is just what I do, I don’t have a father figure so I just learnt along the way. Learnt most of it by just copying what my barber does when I go in for a beard trim lol

Hey so I was a full time chair user for 4 years, but after I learned to walk with my prosthetic, I rarely used my chair for a further 4 years. I got used to walking and how easy moving around whilst standing was.

Recently I required surgery on my stump and the recovery requires 3 months of no walking or wearing a prosthetic. I can’t put any pressure on my stump basically. I also can’t hop or use crutches.

I knew being back in the chair was gunna be annoying. But damn did I underestimate how much I was gunna struggle. Im pretty much spending all day in bed, because the idea of trying to do anything in my chair is so much of a faff it just demotivates me. Doing chores is twice as annoying as usual. I’m avoiding going out because of the faff of getting my chair in and out of the car when I’m on my own. I know I need to snap out of this. I think I’m genuinely starting to experience some kind of depression.

Help me out here. Easy ways to get around a cramped house with a chair, something I could do out of the house in my chair that will be accessible but active (I’m not cleared to return to wheelchair rugby yet). Even positives (in your opinion) of using a chair. I need something, to feel less hopeless about the whole thing. Before I when I used a chair I was ambulant at least for transfers. But there is a very big difference between being able to take a few steps and literally not being able to take any steps at all.

2 years ago I put a post on this sub asking for advice regarding my dress sense. I mostly lived I hiking clothes aimed at the over 50s and trainers.

I listened to your advice, and with help from a friend, started to experiment more with different colours, textures, and fits. I tried wider legged trousers (which were super convenient for my prosthetic leg) and decided to invest in some jewellery to compliment my outfits. I also tried looser fit T shirts, and I now even have a few baggy cropped shirts!

I don’t take too many outfit photos, but here are a few of my new style! The first 3 pics are ‘before and after’ kind of things. The rest of the pictures just display a range of the styles I’m wearing atm. Sorry I look so grumpy in the second the last pic, I was running late to go clubbing 🤣

Anyway, I feel like I learnt a bit of fashion and am now proud of myself lol

Surgeon: Mr Kneeshaw, UK, Hull

Tattoo artist: Ben Rose, Winchester, UK (@benrosetattoo on insta)

Tried to show my scars in a range of natural/indoor lighting. They are almost invisible outside on a bright sunny day. I did plan of getting medical tattoo around the edges of my nips to blend them more naturally into the skin (like a cis man’s) but have never gotten round to it.

Hey folks, I’ve been living as stealth for the last decade. I recently ‘came out’ so I could represent trans men in my Paralympic sport, and so I could be move involved with supporting our community.

In terms of passing as cis, and not being clockable, 100% your facial hair plays a big part. Scraggy, overly patchy, long, ungroomed, or underdeveloped facial hair is probably the no.1 way I clock other trans guys.

I know it’s hard, but having a thin little stache of velous hairs makes a trans man massively more clockable than being clean shaven. This is because cis men don’t grown out immature facial hair unless they are teenagers. So if you’re 32 and rocking the pubestache, it makes you stand out.

I know it sucks, we all are so proud of those first little hairs. And they do give us gender euphoria. But trust me when I say that shaving it until it grows in properly thick is 100% the way to go. For me, this ment being clean shaven for about 6 years. I know, it sucks. But it also made me pass much better, and ment that I was harder to clock even to other trans guys.

A word of warning on the other extreme- extremely long scraggly facial hair is also a bit more clockable. I’ve added a selection of photos of my beard from close up and afar, to give you an idea of what I think is a good level of neatness/ length to appear cis. In the last slide, I’ve added the absolute longest I will let my beard get. I personally think that any longer than this, it starts to look wispy and untidy.

Any facial hair you do decide to grow out, I highly recommend learning how to shape/cut in your beard, as you’ll find most cis men have this skill and use it to keep their facial hair tidy. I also personally think that being aware of (head) hair thinning, and shaving the dome when it’s time (RIP) is another important part of passing. I’ve seen a fair amount of trans guys try and keep long hair or ponytails whilst thinning dramatically on top, and not only does it look awful, but to me it’s more clockable as well.

Anyway, hope this helps! Happy to answer any beard related questions bellow.

Btw I’m holding an air rifle at a circus in the first sketch, not an actual firearm (am British lol)

I’ve been finding it interesting to draw my disabled body, and find a sense of peace in it. I highly recommend trying to draw yourself, something about it makes your aid seem more like part of you. Doesn’t matter if you can draw or not! I probably can’t by most people’s standards lol.

Anyway yeah that’s it. Just was happy with how my little wheelchair came out cus they aren’t easy to draw!

These are my results 1.5 weeks post lipo. Still very early on but a noticeable difference in the little ‘pouch’ I had- especially when you consider I was breathing in in the before photos 🤣. (Was not expecting to get lipo so didn’t take any proper before pictures.)

I actually only had lipo as part of a reconstructive medical procedure- the fat was needed to pad out my left leg (stump) so I could wear a prosthetic leg more comfortably. I wasn’t expecting the results to be particularly good as they weren’t doing it for aesthetic purposes!

Still got some lumpy bumpy bits but otherwise am doing well.

Been bald for over a year now and it was so worth it. I used to go back and forth between shaving/keeping it. But last year I finally admitted there wasn’t enough to keep, Was there a grieving period? Yeah of course. But you gotta remember you’re missing the hair you USED to have, not the hair you have now!

Now I’m more confident, look more professional, and don’t have to think about my hair all the time. I’m a trans man (meaning I was born female and later had surgery and took hormones to become a man) so losing my hair was especially hard for me adjust to. You are told when you start HRT that hair loss may happen if it’s in your genetics, but you never expect it to be you.