u/ot093

I glossed over this point in a thread I made a few days ago but it bears repeating: women give the least to the men who defend them the most.

If you want to call them blue pilled, fine. but generally speaking the guys who stay getting friendzoned, talking to themselves in women’s DMs, getting blocked, used for foodie calls, and all the rest of the things guys commonly complain about, tend to be the guys who primarily complain about RP content being misogynistic and constantly attack men for not being good enough.

Women don’t see this and largely don’t care because they think that’s what men are supposed to do, not to mention they’re not attracted to them anyway. Just like being a provider male won’t make a woman love you, doing chores won’t make her happy, neither will constantly defending them against the criticisms of men.

Kinda wish would knock it off, but what can you do?

I understand foreplay is important in general, and especially within the context of a relationship. But what about a man is arousing when you meet him? What takes him from being maybe an attractive guy to someone you would want to have sex with? Like, I know sex is mental for women, so what can he do to seduce your mind to arouse sexual feelings for him?

So a friend of mine told me over the weekend that there's a list of guy names on her "No" list. She said if a guy has one of these names, she's probably not going to give him a chance because these names are usually red flags. I'm curious if you agree with her.

1. Justin

2. Brandon

3. Devin

4. Derrick

5. Josh (she says he's usually good-looking and knows it, charismatic and knows it, and a complete F-Boy)

6. Aiden/Braden/Caden/Jaden (she said there's usually nothing wrong with these guys except that they probably have a mother who doesn't think any woman is good enough for her son)

7. Guys with last names as first names (e.g. Anderson, Hamilton, Harrison)

8. Guys with girls' names (e.g. Madison, MacKenzie)

I might be forgetting a few because I'm writing this from memory. But I'm curious to know if women agree with her list. And possibly what name(s) you'd add.

How do you feel about the "safe sleazy" look a lot of men have these days?

Not sure if you know what I'm talking about from the unofficial name alone, but I'm almost certain you know what I'm talking about.

It's the shag/half-mullet/mustache combo thing. Influencers like idubbz and Noah Samsen have it. Probably the most famous person I can think of who has this look is Benson Boone. There's even a video on YouTube about it by ShreddedNerd called The Most Annoying Guy Ever.

I feel like we all know this and yet people seem to need a reminder. it wasn’t men who told women they needed to go out and earn a salary commiserate to ours in addition to doing the other trad-wife duties they were expected to do.

Women decided cooking, cleaning, laundry, and child care were so beneath them that they wanted to have careers instead. it’s not that men started failing to provide; women just started coveting the breadwinner role more than appreciating the role of wife and mother.

To be clear I don’t begrudge women the right to choose career over being a SAHW/M. I believe they have the right to choose. However, this doesn’t change the real world calculus of that choice. You can’t deprioritize domesticity in favor of careerism and still expect a provider male to come along and free you from the day-to-day soul sucking drudgery of work once it becomes unfulfilling to you. Also, you can’t blame men for desiring a woman still willing to do the trad-wife duties despite having to work.

I always hear about men being "good in bed" versus "bad in bed" or men "who know how to have sex" versus men who don't and I always wonder what specifically is it that makes a man "good" or "bad" in this area. I have an idea but I'm a guy so...

I had a few ways I could've broached this question but I guess I decided to go "negative" to see what made a particular partner of yours sexually unsatisfying.

Have you ever ghosted a girl and if so, why?

Say you meet a guy and for your first date he wants you to come over so he can cook for you. Would you be up for that? And if so, what would you want him to cook for you?

ETA: Thank you for your responses so far. I really appreciate the feedback. I do want to respond to some of it but since there seems to be a consensus around "no because it would be dangerous" and "no because it's obvious he's looking for sex", I figured I respond here instead of making the same points multiple times.

1. I totally understand and respect your need to feel safe before being in an intimate setting with a man (e.g. his home). I do think it's a bit curious to say you would be comfortable with it on a 2nd or 3rd date if the only real interaction with a man outside of a few phone calls and/or texts is the actual date. But still, I get it.

2. The assumption that he's just trying to have sex by inviting you over is actually amusing to me. Maybe it's just me, but as someone who loves to cook, planning and cooking a meal induces a mild exhaustion once everything is done. It's a labor of love, but the last thing I'd do if I was trying to get a woman into bed is offer to cook a meal first.

I just asked this question towards women the other day. It seems many of them kind of struggled with the question, so I wonder if posing this question towards men will bear more fruit.

Here's my non-exhaustive list of red flags women tend to miss, based on common complaints I hear from women:

1. Brings up touchy/hot-button topics too early in the courtship (you should not be talking about religion, politics, personal finances, or family drama on the first couple of dates)

2. He mumbles/he's inarticulate/you can barely hear him when he speaks (might be a nice enough guy but this will start to grate on your nerves when you actually want to have a conversation with him)

3. Too possessive too soon (You wanna know why so many of you wind up dating narcissists? Here's one reason. This guy out the gate starts trying to run the show and women fall for it because he seems to be assertive and knows what he wants; he's "a real man". In reality, until he gets to know you, most men are not going to assume to know what you like/dislike, want/don't want, or your preferences so he will naturally defer to you until he gets to know you. Women sometimes view this as unmanly but it's quite the opposite.)

4. Pick me guys (oh yes men can be pick-mes too. This guy craves the validation of women and needs to be liked. If he's too "pro-woman", a "male feminist" and puts men down like the average woman is this beautiful, ethereal creature and men need to "step their game up", but he's not him, he's "one of the good guys", just make they spelled your name right on the back of that jersey he's gonna get you, because you my dear are going to be on his roster.)

5. Hippy-dippy liberal/no hint of conservatism in him (this might be a controversial one but hear me out. As a woman you can be as progressive as you want since progressive politics tend to be pitched to women and tend to largely benefit women. Men who are too much on that bandwagon are usually doing some serious consumer-facing. He's either lying to get you into bed, he's rebelling/trying to avoid becoming his father, or he's an unserious adult. As a woman who's comfortable in her femininity, you have to be cool with a certain amount of conservatism. It speaks to his sense of honor and integrity, morality and values.)

6. Over 25 and still smokes pot (I'll probably get flack for this one but dudes who have a daily relationship with pot over twenty-five can give unserious adult/arrested development. Plus, you might wind up playing mistress to his addiction meaning his mood and thus your time spent with him will be dictated on whether he's smoked or not, if he has some on him or knows where to find it wherever he is. No judgment on anybody who partakes but I'm just saying...)

I'd like the men to add to the list.

What are some red flags in women that you think men commonly miss due to either attraction or naivete?

I hear women tell men that they should pick better women or not go for 304s/gold diggers/crazy women. While I agree, that's easier said than done because 1) we typically don't know a woman is going to turn out to be one way or the other when we first meet or start dating, and 2) as men we don't get to just choose whichever woman we want to be with. To a certain extent, we have to take what we can get.

But understanding red flags is from a woman's perspective I think will go a long way to help men make better choices in women.

They always say if you let women talk long enough, they'll tell on themselves.

We hear women complain about men not helping out with chores and housework and how he "expects her do everything".

The truth is, most men aren't lazy to the point where they expect the woman to do everything around the house while he doesn't lift a finger. The real issue is that men look at home primarily as a place for rest and relaxation, not work. Women can't be at peace at home if there's any "work" to be done.

Women are now coming forward and admitting that when they see their husbands relaxing or not doing anything, it annoys them or gives them anxiety. They want their husbands to relax when they're able to relax.

I also think this applies to child care. During that baby/infant stage when the mom does the bulk of the work, she resents it when he's not also working/busy with something.

Full disclosure: I'm a straight guy, but I'm curious about this.

Women notoriously find very few men attractive. I know the most popular stat based on dating apps is that 80% of women only find 20% attractive, but just talking to women, they find even fewer men than that attractive.

So I'm wondering, for gay dudes, what percentage of men do y'all find attractive? For women it almost seems like finding an attractive man is liking finding a needle in a haystack. Is that your experience?

If women are truly concerned about misogyny -- the hatred of women -- the way to have less of it is by being willing to sacrifice some women for the sake of the group.

Hear me out.

Most men understand that just because women have similarities doesn't mean all women are the same. Even when women have similar traits that might annoy us, all women aren't the same. And as men, if you really don't have hate in your heart, it's easy to love women through certain things and forgive them of most of their flaws.

The thing that lights the fuel of hatred is when men point out some flaw or have some grievance with women, and people not only disregard it irrespective of its validity, but they turn it around into some indictment of him as a person. Why? Because society decided a long time ago that's better to marginalize men than admit some women are bad.

What causes a lot of misogyny is the idea that it's some grave injustice anytime women take an L or experience any kind of hardship or someone doesn't like them based on their personality or their character. A woman can say her last three boyfriends were narcissists without any sense of irony, and people (women and a lot of men) will say, "ugh, men are trash". Let one guy call his ex-girlfriend toxic and dare to share it, and a lot of those same people will be like, "he must have made her that way".

We try so hard to protect women from any kind of critique or criticism and then complain about misogyny when men start applying the traits of some to all women. To be clear, I don't hate women or any other group of people, nor am I advocating for it, but we do have to start letting women be big girls and deal with the fact that they can be disliked as individuals based on their personality without it being representative of how that person views women as a whole.

I guess you could say I had a slight epiphany about this.

When we hear women complain about having to do chores and "clean up behind" a man and complain about him not "helping out" enough around the house, most of us, male and female, never stop to ask any real follow-up questions.

The truth is, we envision a woman on her hands and knees scrubbing floors and wiping sweat from her brow while doing dishes by hand when that's usually not the case.

The solution to "I'm worn out because of household chores" is simple: go sit down and take a break. And if both spouses work full-time jobs, just put a few dollars together to have someone come in 1-2 times a month and clean the place. Simple.

Women act like their husbands are cracking a whip at them or something if they don't keep the house spotless, or if something doesn't get done right away, he's going to leave her and the kids.

This goes against how most men are wired. If he's not gung-ho about doing it himself, he's probably not stressing too heavily about you doing it either...is how most men are wired.

The reality is this: women use chores to occupy their time to justify avoiding giving their husbands what they really want (homecooked meals a few times a week, sex a few times a week, and silence/being left alone, submission in terms of doing what he asks her to do).

Women fixate on chores because that puts her in the position to ask things of him while limiting the things he asks of her (because she's already so very busy).

I'll preface by saying two things:

1. This is a story I was told secondhand.

2. I'm pretty sure this is mostly lighthearted and not a serious violation of their marriage or anything.

With that out of the way...

A friend of mine works in IT. He works a hybrid schedule which means he only goes into the office 1-2 times per week. His team works remotely so he only ever sees this via webcam, and that's if there's an on-camera meeting.

Someone from his team called him after hours about a work-related question and his wife wound up answering the phone. He was in the next room doing something and his wife said, "well, he's busy, can I have him call you right back or take a message?" I guess the guy said something along the lines of "oh, I just needed to ask him about _____ but it can wait until tomorrow". I'm not sure of the exact question but apparently his wife knew the answer. As she's answering it, he comes into the room and he hears them talking. I guess the next thing guy says is, "very impressive, young lady. I didn't expect you to know that." and she said she used to work in IT as well. Then the guy says, "I can tell you're still on your A-game. Well sweetheart, tell ____ I'll see him tomorrow." and she hung up.

She relays the message to my buddy and he can tell she's smitten. Apparently the guy who called was, and this is a direct quote, "a buttery voiced older Black man".

The next day at work during their morning call, he tells the group (in jest, of course) what happened and now his wife has a crush. He says the guy was a little embarrassed and was just trying to be complimentary, but he said he was, "yeah yeah, whatever. I don't want you calling this house anymore." So apparently this is daily running joke with his team that his wife has a crush on the "buttery voiced older Black man". And he says at least once a week his wife asks about her "work husband" just to annoy him. He says if she keeps it up he's gonna have to fly out to have a little chat with her "work husband".

Moral of the story is don't let your co-workers compliment your wife. She might develop a crush. LOL.