u/personalityissadness

[29F] I've been told by doctors that I can conceive a child, but cannot carry it to full term.

I do want to raise a child though. I want to be a mother. I want that privilage and opportunity.

Dating has been really hard. Many men want biological children. I can understand that.

I'm trying hard in the meantime to educate myself on adoption. The process, the industry, risks and differences of raising an adopted child. I'm learning about the world of adoptees and their experiences, both good and bad.

Tell me about how you met your partner? How did they view adoption from the start? What other things did you come across when you were dating to adopt?

[29F] So I'm a zillennial. I grew up watching Arthur, Dora the Explorer, Zaboomafoo, Magic School bus . .

As an adult, I work so much, and adult so much, that when I get time to choose to do something different and exciting, I literally shrink back into a child and put on my adventure hat. If people aren't looking, (or are), I will twirl and tralala, in my sundress. Or I skip. I will mumble "onwards!" like a kid to myself. 😅

I feel like the world is so much better thru a child lens. I appreciate small things more. I laugh easier. I feel simpler.

[29f] My whole life I've lied to all my family, extended family and any aunties/uncles surrounding my AMs life that I don't like children. But the truth is that I actually love children, especially toddlers and babies. I even work with kids as an ice skating instructor.

To really stage the lie, I never play with kids or show affection to kids at family functions, or in front of anyone. Even when a baby has been born into the family, I won't hold it.

Pretty cruel I know, but I eventually engage with the kids when they start to turn into teens. It's not like they never not know about me.

But, I do this because my whole life, my mom would never let me enjoy babies and kids without talking about my future kids, or marriage and starting a family etc. Like, just lemme me enjoy something without nagging me, pressuring me, or taking it serious.

I do want a family, but I actually want to adopt since I learned that my uterus is compromised and that I could die or have serious complications giving birth. She DOES NOT like the idea of adoption. But even after telling her about my condition, she likes to deny that I have any birth issues.

Meeting men is hard. Lots of men want their own kids. So I don't know when or IF I'll meet anyone. If I don't meet anyone by 40, I'm accepting I'll be childless for life. I don't wanna adopt alone. I can't afford that.

29F. I find that I can't think well anymore. Like there's static in my brain. I am constantly losing my train of thought. Mid conversation, I'll forget what words I was meant to use. I struggle to lock in.

I definitely want to get this checked out for anything more serious, but does anyone else on a heavy survival grind, struggling with this?

Update/general response: Thanks!!

1. I do have diagnosed ADHD. I have tried meds but have found I lose what makes me great and creative. I just consult withmy doctor, and online groups for good practices to maintain daily tasks and living.

2. YES I AM CHRONICALLY ONLINE. I have been for years. Phone games, movies, TV, I love to just numb my brain in between stress and the end of day. I'm . . workin on it.

3. I am certain I've never had Covid. My dad had cancer during the pandemic so we got regularly tested and the hospital and clinics to not pass it to him.

4. I work 5 to 6 days a week as an ice skating instructor. I also have a small business. I run on an energizer bunny.