I've been lurking here for many months and Bitches, I adore everyone of you. There is so much wisdom in this community. It got me thinking that you may have wisdom to share with me and other BWT holding on by their fingernails. I'm coming out of the worst year of my life. I nearly lost my child to a life threatening illness and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. (BWT get their cancer screenings!) Que the double mastectomy and crash menopause. Happily, we're both healthy now and I'm able to focus on actually enjoying life again.

While recovering from surgery, I discovered a new interest in style, fashion, and all things elevated. Since I stayed flat after my mastectomy and my shape changed with treatment, absolutely nothing in my wardrobe fit me. I decided to take this opportunity to really develop my own style. I hired a personal stylist who knows how to dress surgically flat chests and it was amazing! I set aside a portion of my savings to rebuild my wardrobe with quality things that I love. It truly does have me walking taller and feeling great about this new body I didn't plan to have. It's the silver lining after a truly awful storm.

So I wondered - how are other BWT dusting themselves off after adversity? Let's share hope and inspiration for the BWT among us who need it!

I was walking to work this morning & I saw so many cute outfits and I typically just feel so blah. I’m 31, SHORT and overweight so dressing feels difficult. I also struggle with time management in the morning so hair & make up are basic. How do you get ready? How do you spruce up your wardrobe without spending tons (& have the hopes of losing weight?)

As many of you have noticed, we have a character requirement for commenting on this forum. This aligns with our logic of requiring effort to participate in this forum. Gone are the days of one and two word replies. Removed are comments without substance and thought. Frankly, we believe you all have risen to the occasion.

We have discussed back and forth implementing a post character requirement as well. Many of the posts that we receive (and remove) are 3 or 4 lines, and don’t really add to the curation that you ladies have cultivated.

As such, we will be implementing a character requirement on posts. This means that your post will need to meet the minimum number of characters to go live. As we fine turn the character requirement, please make sure to follow the posting guidelines established here: Guide to Posting on BWT.

Let’s elevate our down time! This weekly thread is the space to share and discuss what we’re currently reading, listening to, watching, etc. For this space, keep it tasteful - save your trashy reads (we’ve all got them) and sick day binge watch favorites for the monthly Guilty Pleasures thread, please!

Tagging

It isn’t required but it might be helpful to tag the beginning of your comment with the type of media you are discussing (when you create a new comment thread). Tags can be helpful in guiding other BWT to the comment threads they want to engage with.

For example:

• PODCAST: I’ve been listening to the Naked Beauty podcast…
• TV/ DOCUMENTARY: What are your favorite documentaries? I just finished watching…
• READING: I am about 1/3 of the way through "Black Women Taught Us" by Jenn M Jackson, PhD, and I would love to discuss it with anyone who is reading or has read it. Specifically...

You can be as specific or as broad as you want if you decide to tag, for example you might tag “reading,” as a broad term, or you might tag “audiobook” if you specifically want to talk about the really amazing narration in the audiobook version of a title you just finished.

Hide Spoilers

If you’re talking about a book, TV show, podcast, movie, or anything that contains spoilers, please make sure to use Reddit’s markdown functionality to hide your spoilers! All you have to do is add a couple of characters before and after your spoiler text like so:

>!spoilers!<

This will hide the text like so: >!spoilers!<

I’m wondering what you guys do for your home to keep it always clean and smelling good but without it smelling like an overpowering fragrance.

Things I currently like to do:
(1) change the air filters regularly
(2) rinse my vacuum filter monthly (so the sucking power stays)
(3) vacuum all my floors and baseboard once a week
(4) sweep my kitchen and bathroom or other high traffic areas once a day or every other day
(5)wipe down all my counters daily (bathroom & kitchen)
(6) wash my sheets / bedding / bath mat weekly
(7) I try to stick to consistent fragrances like lemon/citrus and lavender

Pet specific:
(1) hide the litter boxes out of eye sight.. mostly
(2) clean litter boxes daily, duh
(3) use an ozone odorizer and odor gels near the litter boxes
(4) use a litter genie
(5) every two weeks completely dump out litter and rinse the litter boxes, litter genie, litter mats and scoopers

Thank you in advance for your tips!

I’m 33 and in a very long liminal transitional period, and could use some outside perspective.

A few years ago I left a city and an industry (entertainment) I once loved. I left because the industry was horribly toxic. I know I’m better off now.

However, I’ve felt extremely stuck in life ever since leaving three years ago. I initially moved back in with family and I’m still here. My current situation gives me some good things: financial stability, a safe and calm environment for my aging dog who needs a lot of caretaking, and time and space to work on creative projects (I work in a rather niche field and I am multidisciplinary in my work, but I will say that, among other things, I currently am a content creator with a modest following).

I also currently have a pet care business as my job to supplement my creative projects for income in addition to my creative projects, so I’m pretty active and involved in life outside my home. I do love caring for animals but it’s solitary work and it feels like a stopgap employment situation until…whatever is supposed to happen next, happens.

But this is not at all where I want to be long-term. I don’t feel connected to the people, culture, or climate here. I’ve never had such a hard time making friends (I’m trying - weekly dance classes, membership at a ceramics studio, attending women’s meetups…) because I just don’t relate to people here. It’s a masculine, tech-centric culture I live in now, and I’m a quirky feminist bohemian artist. I just can’t contribute much to conversations with people here.

I’m getting very tired of living here, but I don’t have anywhere else to go. I tried getting my own place nearby last year in an attempt to kickstart my life but it was so financially stressful, I went through a painful breakup, and my dog declined rapidly and I needed support for caretaking him, so I came right back home once my lease was up.

I want to live somewhere more aligned with my interests and lifestyle, but I don’t have a concrete opportunity pulling me somewhere specific. Given the fact that my last move was very forced and very stressful, I don’t want to move anywhere just for the sake of moving. I don’t want to move unless I’m moving toward something substantial. For that reason, I’m not interested in advice saying “have you considered moving to ___?”

I’m getting very tired of telling myself “this is just temporary, just hang in there until an opportunity appears” because it’s clearly not temporary, and no matter how much I go out and meet people or create art nothing, literally nothing seems to be changing over the years. I don’t know what more I can be doing. I’m applying for artist residencies and creative opportunities as well.

I’m trying my best to tolerate this awful in-between phase but it’s getting so hard. Any words of wisdom, or even just validation and comfort?

Hi Ladies,

I am in love with this subreddit .. I have learned a lot about maintainign personal style and devleoping my own.. For eg: i used to always wear round neck tees, but now I am exploring with V-neck and even square and it did feel wierd at first but I got used to it

This little experiment has make me wanna explore a professional stylist. Someone who can truly "level my style up"

The issue is - I dont know how to interview one so I dont get scammed

A couple years ago, I paid an "image consultant" off thumb-tack and we went to Winners for shopping. I paid her $600 and came back with very average pieces. She essentially picked them out and in the changing room we made a decision of "does it work or not".. and I just went along with it because I have ZERO SENSE of style in that moment. It usually builds when others tell me "Yeah you look good" or "no this is not flattering"

My current style is very Aritzia/ Athlesuire. I have a good physique as I am a 35 year old bodybuilder (size 2-4 ) but my closet still reflects the older version of me where I was size 14. I rarely pick skirts and even if i do, I dont know what tops to pair it with. I often scroll on Lulu's or Revolve to get some ideas but those clothes seem too fancy to be worn out. My goal is to look put together, expensive & kinda feel like I have cracked my own style. The confidence that comes from knowing that what you're wearing is the best you possibly could - just hits different. I know this coz this is how I learned how to do my makeup and what suits me...

So I guess I am asking two questions here

1. How do I identify what I personally like ? Develop my own sense of style ?
2. I have been exploring glamhive for finding stylists but again, apart from choosing those who look "stylish" I really dont know how to separate one profile from another.

I would typically only filter on cost but this time I dont mind paying if it solves my problem.

BWT, if you have experienced something similar, please share tips. My girlfriends are too kind (and kinda unbothered) about giving me feedback about my style or even helping when I go shopping. So I wanna learn this on my own. Thanks for reading my mini-rant and I am really glued to reading all the comments.

[29F] After growing up with traditional, and conservative family, growing up poor, and COVID. I finally have the time, energy, and money to try the styles and fashion choices that have always lived in my head.

I'm really into darker styles, y2k, streetwear, I admire some corporate goth pieces too. I love colored lenses, lashes, cutouts, and texture.

However, in contrast to the same 5 outfits I've worn to work and school for the last decade, this will be a big change and I'm nervous about the judgement and talk from others around me.

I'm most worried about parents of the children I work with. (I wear a uniform at work, but run into my students and families outside of work often) I mean, I've never seen a gothic person to be a negative influence, but I know many people are still ignorant to the idea of fashion and self expression not meaning you are a bad person.

Hey BWT!

Currently single and today I wondered what it would look like to date myself. I don't mean the odd cozy day in, or just eating by myself, but if I were REALLY dating myself the way I wanted to be dated and loved, what would that look like?

So far, the best I've got is taking myself on two planned dates / month (one more effort like a nice restaurant, and the other more casual, like going to the movies) with a nice overnight "getaway" a few times a year.

I'm not sure that buying myself flowers or paying for a manicure would hit the same as being gifted them, but I'm still turning these ideas over in my mind, lol!

BWT, have any of you ever seriously dated yourselves? If so, what did that look like? And if not, what would make you say "WOW! That's woman's significant other is loving her WELL!"?

All wisdom welcome! :) Thanks in advance!

This is the place to chat about fitness and physical health because taking care of your body is also tasteful. Just remember - no medical advice!

This is the BWT Weekly Requests, Recommendations & Chat thread.

Put all your low effort/ repetitive requests in this thread - this is the only place they will be allowed in the BWT sub. Even still, search before you ask! If there is a recent-ish response you might still find your ask removed as unnecessarily repetitive.

Feel free to drop your low effort suggestions here, too, if you've got something you just love that you think other BWT should know about. This is also the place for general chit chat that doesn't warrant a whole post.

All BWT rules will still be enforced, with lighter enforcement of ONLY rule 3.

REQUESTS

If you are looking for suggestions for something, add ASK: at the start of your comment. Make sure to be as specific as possible in your request. Examples:

• ASK: Help me find the perfect flat summer sandals for high arches, casual wear, good for walking around for daily errands, less than $200
• ASK: What is your ride or die long lasting lipstick for bright colors?
• ASK: Styling cream for curly hair (3B/C) - no budget, something that will provide definition without being crunchy. Would also love to know when/ how you apply it as part of your routine!

RECOMMENDATIONS

If you have an unsolicited recommendation, you can use REC: at the beginning of your post to highlight that.

CHAT

You can also post just regular old chit chat and discussion that doesn't merit its own stand-alone post. No need to add anything at the beginning of those comments.

The other day my husband said I’m looking more “mature.” To be honest, he’s really not a critical person, so I know he didn’t mean it in a bad way. He is super sweet and has been very supportive throughout pregnancy and postpartum. Still, somehow that comment sounded like “you look old and frumpy” to my ears. Maybe it’s because I know I haven't been putting in the effort lately. Pre-baby, I definitely did: I worked out 3 to 4 times a week, my hair and wigs were always on point, I had a solid 6-step skincare routine, and my clothes always looked cute.

Now, I’m prioritizing comfort over style. I live in joggers while working from home. I only manage to put on retinol at night, and mornings are a blur just getting myself ready for work and prepping the baby for the nanny hand-off, especially since my husband travels a lot for work. I work incredibly long hours, so I’ve swapped the gym for daily stroller walks just to get some quality time with her during the week. Going to the gym takes at least 1.5 hours away from the house, and I just don't have that right now. I’m actually back to my pre-baby weight, but my belly is still softer than I'd like, so I feel self-conscious and tend to wear baggy tops. As for my hair, I stick to low-maintenance styles like cornrows and crochet, but admittedly I leave them in too long and they get fuzzy.

Are there low-effort ways to look cute and sexy on a daily basis. I have a microblading appointment next month, so at least my brows will be set. I'd love recommendations for flattering work-from-home sets that I can just grab and go. I wear a simple gold chain every day, but maybe I should start keeping everyday earrings in, too (I always forget). My biggest hurdle is my 4C hair, since daily styling and manipulation are out of the question. Maybe a nice, clean body oil with a subtle scent for everyday wear.

Last week, we went to a wedding and I saw his eyes light up because he hadn't seen me dressed up like that in months. I want to keep that momentum going, not just for him, but because I miss feeling cute and put together.

ETA: I’m definitely not doing 100% childcare. My husband is very much a huge part of our childcare when he’s not traveling, and on weekends. Plus we have a full time nanny. We just have incredible busy schedules (i put in work hours on weekends too) and this post is about ME not letting myself go and making sure I’M looking cute while being busy :)

I've recently started going to a sauna that holds weekly women-only sessions and it's been doing something wonderful for my relationship to my body and self. It feels genuinely quite radical to be naked or semi-naked, with other naked or semi-naked people all sharing a period of rest. The place itself is lovely with a very cold pool, the cedar sauna and lots of rest spaces, but there's some kind of quiet, more-than-the-sum-of-its-parts magic going on too.

I know there have been a number of health and appearance oriented questions in this sub recently, but I'm interested to hear about the more fundamental ways people have tended to their bodies, and their relationships with them.

I may have worded that poorly.

What I’m trying to vent about is how I feel social media has ruined the ability for people to think and act on their own. They take information given from TikTok as truth and never follow up with their own research on the subject. I have heard the same person talk about reels all day long (“Oh, I saw a tiktok on that.” “Oh yea that reminds me of the tiktok where XYZ”. “Have you seen that reel where XYZ its VIRAL”) like that’s the only way they can relate to the world. What happened to having conversations in person about our own experiences?

Another thing that drives me insane is how casually words are used now. Everything is “toxic” if they don’t agree with it, everything is “traumatizing” if it was inconvenient, everyone is “gaslighting” them when they get defensive about acting like a shitty person.

Where are the people to have social media just to connect but aren’t excessively scrolling and posting and arguing and making virtual space/content their entire life? The people who can maturely have a conversation and debate something without getting offended that someone sees something differently and feel “attacked”?

Socials have their perks but I feel too many people are too consumed but they don’t see a problem with it. Is this just the shift in the world and how things are heading or am I surrounding myself with the wrong people? How do I find more like minded people?

Or am I just a grumpy 32 year old?

Edit: typo

Need some advice from a BWT? Have something to get off your chest or need to vent among friends who can also provide some perspective? Got an etiquette question that you just aren’t sure you’re getting the right info on from the wilds of the internet? We got you.

BWT rules still apply, with mod discretion on topics that fall under rules 4 and 7. Rule 8 regarding medical advice will still be fully enforced as usual.

Hey BWT! I’m inspired by this question that is posed to all guests on the Las Culturistas podcast:

What is the piece of culture that made you say culture is for you?

Something that at some point in your life made you want to pull at a certain thread of curiosity? Where did it lead?

For me, it’s literature. As a child, I was an avid reader, and it wasn’t until I became more discerning about what I read that I truly understood how reading from the great writers over the course of the past decades and centuries can teach us so much that is applicable to having good taste - historical events, diving deep into characters and their development, gaining an understanding of what society and social expectations were at different periods and around different parts of the world - and using that to inspire my own life and tastes.

Most recently, I spent my summer deep inside the world of Tolstoy’s War and Peace and it was absolutely gorgeous. Before that, I had read Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo - where I had become fascinated about the Napoleonic period and began to seek out other works around this period. To continue on, I have recently picked up Hugo’s Les Misérables as my upcoming read and I’m very much looking forward to curling up with it and countless cups of coffee on upcoming crisp autumn mornings!

This is the BWT Weekly Requests, Recommendations & Chat thread.

Put all your low effort/ repetitive requests in this thread - this is the only place they will be allowed in the BWT sub. Even still, search before you ask! If there is a recent-ish response you might still find your ask removed as unnecessarily repetitive.

Feel free to drop your low effort suggestions here, too, if you've got something you just love that you think other BWT should know about. This is also the place for general chit chat that doesn't warrant a whole post.

All BWT rules will still be enforced, with lighter enforcement of ONLY rule 3.

REQUESTS

If you are looking for suggestions for something, add ASK: at the start of your comment. Make sure to be as specific as possible in your request. Examples:

• ASK: Help me find the perfect flat summer sandals for high arches, casual wear, good for walking around for daily errands, less than $200
• ASK: What is your ride or die long lasting lipstick for bright colors?
• ASK: Styling cream for curly hair (3B/C) - no budget, something that will provide definition without being crunchy. Would also love to know when/ how you apply it as part of your routine!

RECOMMENDATIONS

If you have an unsolicited recommendation, you can use REC: at the beginning of your post to highlight that.

CHAT

You can also post just regular old chit chat and discussion that doesn't merit its own stand-alone post. No need to add anything at the beginning of those comments.

Let’s elevate our down time! This weekly thread is the space to share and discuss what we’re currently reading, listening to, watching, etc. For this space, keep it tasteful - save your trashy reads (we’ve all got them) and sick day binge watch favorites for the monthly Guilty Pleasures thread, please!

Tagging

It isn’t required but it might be helpful to tag the beginning of your comment with the type of media you are discussing (when you create a new comment thread). Tags can be helpful in guiding other BWT to the comment threads they want to engage with.

For example:

• PODCAST: I’ve been listening to the Naked Beauty podcast…
• TV/ DOCUMENTARY: What are your favorite documentaries? I just finished watching…
• READING: I am about 1/3 of the way through "Black Women Taught Us" by Jenn M Jackson, PhD, and I would love to discuss it with anyone who is reading or has read it. Specifically...

You can be as specific or as broad as you want if you decide to tag, for example you might tag “reading,” as a broad term, or you might tag “audiobook” if you specifically want to talk about the really amazing narration in the audiobook version of a title you just finished.

Hide Spoilers

If you’re talking about a book, TV show, podcast, movie, or anything that contains spoilers, please make sure to use Reddit’s markdown functionality to hide your spoilers! All you have to do is add a couple of characters before and after your spoiler text like so:

>!spoilers!<

This will hide the text like so: >!spoilers!<

Is there a line between what to you is considered art and what is crafts? Is all crafts a form of art but not all arts are crafting?

Is it based on the refinement or reputation of the art medium? Is it the barrier of entry or skill needed to create such items that make it art?

Is there a hierarchy for you theres many arts but a specific echelon of what is "fine art"?

Is there forms of art that you just dont fucking get?

*****

Like to me, some of the concept art stunts I don't fucking get and feel its just taste makers saying its cool and is just rich people money laundering to buy a banana taped to a canvas. There was a exhibit of jars of pee stacked in a corner. I once stared at a fucking canvas with a fucking dot on it. I offended a BWT wearing Schaparelli earrings because I cackled while she was explaining the "feeling" of the paintings nothingness. Yes, its nothingness alright.

That is considered art, and "fine art" at that. But I dont see skill there... and the back stories felt like a concept circle jerk to make meaning where there isnt one that felt disjointed from the piece itself. Please, if you know what Im talking about educate me if Im just being ignorant. I really tried to understand and it felt like some tin foil hat bullshit.

I consume a ton of art, collect art and been to hundreds of museums and art galleries and am an artist who has shown my work in local shows. I dont get it.

Then theres some crafts I see people dedicate quite some time to refine their skills and isnt a "everyone can just do immediately" but would never be considered as art you'd see in a gallery. For lack of a better term why is this "lowbrow" to not find spaces to see such types of works? An example for me is I dont really see something like embroidery in a gallery but that shit is hard and can be beautiful. We celebrate ancient tapestry but aside from that, why is that fiber art not valuable? Or I got into needlepointing recently to make myself a purse and while the canvas can be expensive as many can be hand painted, aside from that the product isn't really valued outside of the hobby. What bars those from elevating outside of someone's living room?

I am currently struggling with the above question and would love any guidance or anecdotes or strategies from you lovely bitches.

I'm in my first "big girl job" after finishing my PhD. I have zero motivation and I'm super demoralised generally, so I'm having trouble actually working or doing anything productive at all. Last year my small team lost two key members of our team and I ended up picking up a ton of their work and responsibilities. They were a grade higher than me, so a lot of the work I took over was above my pay grade, but I did it anyways with the expectation that I would get a promotion this January, placing me in their pay grade. I was rejected for the promotion, which my manager fully supported, because the higher ups in the company said I needed to be in my current role for two years before I can get promoted. I was never told this was a rule, and I know other people who are promoted into that level with less than 2 years experience with the company. Also, it would have been 2 full years as of January 10th, so I missed the "window" by less than a month. I couldn't get this rejection in writing because my company was bought by another company and the man who rejected the promotion left just a week later and couldn't give me written feedback about it.

The company I worked for had promotion cycles every six months, so my manager assured me that they will request a promotion for me then, in July. Welp, with the other company buying my company, they halted the promotion window and now I have to wait until January, a full year later, to get the promotion I've already earned for a job I already basically do. I'm in the most junior level

In my team and I regularly out perform my higher level co-workers.

I'm feeling bitter, angry, and like I'm being completely taken for granted. I'm making less money than everyone else on my team, while doing more and better work than them. My pride is wounded. I'm ambitious and I feel like I'm trapped here with no room to grow and I'm resentful.

It's also important to note that my visa to live in this country (Spain) is tied directly to my job. If I quit or was fired, I would either have to relocate back to the US (my home country), or desperately try to find a job in my field that will sponsor my visa and doesn't require fluent Spanish. In this economy, the job market is terrible and there really aren't a ton of options. No matter what, it would almost guarantee relocation and I do like my life here. My salary also pays all our bills, so without it my spouse and I would be in financial turmoil.

Am I being a big baby about this? I don't want my anger and resentment to ruin an otherwise good job that I enjoy. I don't want to displace my family and I don't want to have to worry about how I'm going to pay rent this month. Any advice or reflections on your own experiences would be welcomed.