u/poofpoofpow

If you’ve been called ugly in public unprovoked, laughed at, met with looks of contempt where people look like they have some personal beef with you even though you’ve never even spoken to them I feel like you can understand this to be true

And even if you’re not ugly it still makes sense

If you have an automatic reaction to someone’s face where you’re recoiling and cringing I think it’s safe to say you’re not gonna wanna look at or be around them for long

This automatic disgust in people’s brains acts as the opposite of “rose-tinted glasses”

It’s more like shit-stained glasses for ugly people

Everything about you is then tarnished and spoiled. People view your “personality” as bad and your “soul” as ugly

Even if there’s no objective measure or standard for those things

They’re just trying to justify that automatic feeling of disgust they felt when they saw your ugly face

I’ve exhibited all the “good” personality traits I’ve been:

Kind which was perceived as me being creepy and weak

I’ve taken Initiative which was just disregarded entirely or seen as me being a try hard

I’ve been Funny Which at best only got me seen as people’s personal circus monkey who they only wanted to be around when I made them laugh and if I wasn’t they just didn’t give a fuck about me

Ive been Respectful which was just taken advantage of and not reciprocated

There’s an endless list of these

Personality roughly is bullshit because it’s about how people perceive you which is mostly affected by how attracted to you they are and how attractive you are in general

Most of which you can’t control

2 people doing the exact same thing is perceived COMPLETELY differently based on mostly how their face looks

So if perception and looks are doing most of the work here

how Tf can it be personality ? There’s no objective measurement or standard for it

In short:

If people don’t like your face, they typically just aren’t gonna like you

And I don’t think it’s our responsibility to exhaust ourselves trying to overcome something that mostly seems set in stone and defaults to an overall negative perception no matter WHAT we do

It’s annoying when people assume or think you never put any effort into your life when you express how restricted and socially empty your life is due to being ugly

I’ve spent so much on skin care and hygiene products and clothes

And so much time and energy exercising and having a nice body, reading self improvement books, articles, and self reflecting (you know to work on personality like everyone suggests)

And literally none of it has gotten me anywhere

It seems to get anywhere in life people have to first like how you look

And you also have to have an upbringing that garnered you frequent positive social interactions growing up and usually a decent face does that as well

I just hate how people place almost all of life’s outcomes on YOU

When literally most of life and nature aren’t in our control

We can’t control our parents, our genetics, our intellect, the opportunities awarded to us, our neurological development, we can’t control how people perceive or treat us

Very little in this life is in our control

Yet people will see someone struggling in life and blame EVERYTHING on them

It’s fucked up

So a common thing I notice is that with anyone who is disadvantaged or struggling people seem to assume that said person is just lazy or not working hard enough

But my experience as someone who is ugly is that my hard work often times went unnoticed and unrewarded

And I felt like a hamster running on a wheel, exerting all this physical and mental energy and effort just to get nowhere

At jobs the work was not only unacknowledged but oftentimes people would take credit for my work using it to boost themselves up and get raises , promotions, and a favorable perception

It’s like me being ugly automatically meant that no matter how hard I worked it would never be properly compensated and so overtime I feel extremely drained and unmotivated to continue to work hard in a world that doesn’t reward or appreciate it

It’s really exhausting because I don’t want to endlessly be expected to work hard with no end goal in sight

It’s like people expect ugly people to just STFU and work hard in the dark to fuel their own lives

They don’t seem to necessarily actually like or respect us for it

Everyone else is able to enjoy their lives outside of work while our lives are solely reduced to all work and hardly any play

At my last job the pretty people would make 2-3x more money than me because they looked better and they did wayyyyy less work

I oftentimes had to work HARDER just to still earn significantly less than them because people hardly wanted to tip me because I was ugly

It’s all just so exhausting and I’m at the point where I don’t want to work hard and it seems especially pointless when youre ugly

I just wanna enjoy my fucking life

Every so often I’ll get delusional and try to have hope that someone I’m naturally attracted to could like me back if I just go out of my way to talk to them and show them how kind, compassionate, witty, funny, and fun I can be

And it never works of course lol because attraction isn’t something you work for, it’s roughly something that’s automatic based off your face and body

And from that attraction sparks tolerance and interest for other things about you

They’ll be willing to overlook your awkwardness or whatever else

The MAIN ISSUE with this is that even though all I’ve mostly ever experienced is rejection I then beat up on myself for not taking the risk to talk to them and try to overcome my CONDITIONED anxiety

But it truthfully works both ways. If someone is attracted to your face and body they will show you subtle signs of interest like prolonged eye contact, a warm subtle smile, or they will find any excuse to engage with you

YES it’s that easy. And since I’ve mostly never experienced that I just automatically assume the person wouldn’t like me and I’m sure I’m right because again the few times I go out of my way to talk to people I like they always look disgusted and put off and look as if they’re saying “why are you even talking to me you’re nowhere close to my league UGH”

And it’s so disheartening because I still have the hormones that make me crave connection, intimacy, and yes sex just like everyone else

But because I’m ugly im forced to go what feels like a lifetime without it

And then I’m forced to watch other people easily have the interest and sex I want effortlessly

All because they have better faces and that grants them sooooo much leeway, opportunity, and interest

That not even my best efforts can award me

And it’s truly unfair

I’m ngl I miss being young and thinking the world was full of opportunities, kind people, and happy moments…

But being ugly has made me view the world and humanity to be a very self serving, cold, hateful place

It’s very hard for me to muster up any positivity, warmth, or optimism for people and life because I’ve mostly been deprived of receiving it from others

I realize that most of life is just smoke and mirrors. The same people that are rude and hateful to us are so attentive and “caring” towards others who look better and have the status which tells me that it’s not that they’re actually nice people it’s the fact that they’re benefiting from being associated with them in some way and if they magically were to become ugly they’d be disregarded just like us

Being ugly has made me realize interactions and relationships of all kind are extremely transactional rather than altruistic

If you don’t have the looks or status you’ll quickly see how people only have friends, relationships, and opportunities because people want to date or fuck them or be associated with them so they can appear to be worthwhile to society and feed their ego

Realizing this has made me jaded and view trying to interact with people to be pointless since I already know they’re subconsciously viewing me as worthless

It seems like there’s a shortage of people who seem to care about you beyond your looks and status

The people who see you for your interests, your character, your quirky imperfect moments,

It makes like feel so robotic and dystopian to me

And it only seems to get worse and worse by the years

I really wish it weren’t this way

One of the reasons I always used to feel like shit about when people would falsely say my personality is bad was because I thought that was the reason it was almost impossible to make friends who would reciprocate my effort and good qualities

It took many years of experimentation and observation to figure out what I believe that society and humans value the most naturally and I discovered it wasn’t really personality

I would pay close attention to people who shared similar qualities to me but were received and treated better and of course they usually just looked better than me

They’d act weird and say random things that others perceived as fun loving and quirky

Whereas with me it was perceived as annoying

They’d act very firm in their thoughts and actions which others viewed as admirable and respectable

But on me it was viewed as entitled and obnoxious

They’d be emotional and calm which was viewed as endearing and human

But on me it was viewed as too sensitive and weak

I realized the issue was perception based off what people and society valued the most

These people’s favorable perception was formed by the fact than society seems to naturally value those with high sexual desirability which translates into professional and social opportunities that could benefit the people around them

It wasn’t their ACTUAL “personality”

I only discovered this by realizing that the moment so was being genuine, authentic, open, funny, kind, helpful, only got me ignored or disrespected …. But if these were things that society valued that wouldn’t be the case…..

So it was clear to me that even though people like to deny it and often times they aren’t even aware of it society mostly only seems to value those with sexual desirability paired with status

And sexual desirability and good looks almost always guarantees you some level of status

But what do you think society values? Has it showed appreciation for your good traits and qualities or no?