u/poofpoofpow

Anytime I’m around people I always feel like I’m anticipating inevitable abuse and rejection. It makes existing around other people feel like an exhausting chore or performance trying to prevent it

For people I’ve never been good enough mostly because of my appearance. And nobody has even cared enough to know or ask this about me

But I genuinely love plants and animals so much. I’ve always felt accepted around both of them even though plants aren’t sentient

When I would plant seeds or take care of pre grown ones it always felt like I was giving value to he WORLD, not society, society can literally rot and burn for all I care, our species is literally a lost cause

But it made me change how I see myself ever so slightly. Around people im worth nothing to them because they don’t wanna fuck or be seen by others around me in fear of having their social status be lowered

But I used my own hands, gentleness, and body to kinda bring life to something else where society made me feel like my life wasn’t worth anything. I’m just now starting to see the seeds i potted from my job sprout and it gave me so much joy and excitement

As for animals they are truly amazing to me. My favorite animals are cats due to their soft, playful, and unpredictable nature, but I do enjoy observing all animals and their behaviors and I find them to be more fascinating than humans. Animals can be pretty brutal in nature yet they still seem better than humans

All humans care about is how pretty they and other humans are and who they can fuck, who they can be better than, who they can take from, who they can kill next, who they can betray next… and it’s such a disgusting drag

It’s sad that I have had to adapt and cope this way when of course I wish I was accepted by my own species but I’m forced to find joy in other living things

Being ugly has completely destroyed my life and stolen everything I hoped and dreamed of for my future as well as my own natural social and emotional needs as a human being

When I was younger I never fully understood the negative effect of ugliness on my social reception and interactions. I took people’s occasional looks of disgust and distance from me as a personal issue of me not being good enough internally. Thinking maybe I wasn’t interesting or funny enough? Maybe I said something offensive or awkward??

I eventually learned that wasn’t the case, as middle school and high school revealed that often times the most popular people were pretty obnoxious, annoying, and said offensive or even awkward things, yet that didn’t prevent them from being socially desired, admired, accepted, and included… they were of course attractive usually or at the very least not ugly

High school was when I started to really experience and feel the detrimental effects of being ugly.. high school is that weird transitional phase where your sexual desirability starts to affect your social worth and opportunities.. it’s that phase where the friends you had in your younger years might branch away from you because you don’t have the looks and thus social status either

I miss elementary school for that reason. Even though lookism is always present and can never truly be escaped, in your prepubescent years it doesn’t seem to matter as much to your peers unless something is extremely off looking about you. In elementary school I was definitely more open socially and more liked even though I was kinda obnoxious myself, but weren’t we all as kids from time to time?

From high school to now Ugliness has completely wreaked havoc on my life and hasn’t shown me any mercy. I experienced extreme depression and feelings of worthlessness in high school seeing other kids have countless friends and social inclusion and wondering why I was never good enough for others to even extend an invite to a party to me

I’d sit at home playing videos games on on the internet alone.. it was pretty depressing. I always wished I had a friend to at least play a game with

The depression and paired anxiety caused me to almost fail high school. In classes that required us to give presentations I was too terrified to get up in front of the class due to the social ostracism I had been dealing with that I thought anything I said and did would become a mockery and to avoid that I just refused to give presentations which resulted in me getting 0’s for things I might have excelled at

This then progressed to me not being motivated enough to even do my written work. I just didn’t care about anything. What I wanted was friends and social inclusion. And I realized that when you have those things you usually are motivated to do otherwise mundane, boring, and seemingly pointless things like homework

Who gives a fuck about a future you can’t even see? You’re in the here and now… and being deprived of something everyone else seems to be given naturally: respect, inclusion, grace, friendship, connection, intimacy

The lack of motivation caused by bullying and social isolation that stemmed from being Ugly almost caused me to fail High school. I graduated with an extremely low GPA that granted me no scholarships or college opportunities

Fast forward to and skim through my work experience and it was probably worse than high school. People talked down to me, viewed me as incompetent and incapable, they’d talk shit about and spread rumors about me, take credit for my work, blame their or others’ mistakes on me, disregard my actual capabilities, contributions, and achievements, reduce my hours, actively outcast me, provoke me, and plot to get me fired when I reacted to their provocations

This has been the repeated pattern for almost all the jobs I’ve ever had. Dealing with all of this while also seeing others have what I wish I could once again. Mutual and sexual attraction. Do you know how much it hurts seeing someone you’re naturally physically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to flirt with everyone else but you while looking down on you and viewing you as worthless because you’re ugly? It hurts like fuck and still affects me everyday

Working endlessly while others slack off and make plans to hang out or go fuck and still have job security

I feel like I’m just a work drone who is denied of my social, emotional, and sexual needs

That and then not even being able to properly copy by drowning myself in work and dreams because apparently in society if you want to achieve your dreams you can’t be ugly because when you are people withhold opportunities and the help you need to achieve them

They don’t take you seriously

They doubt your capabilities even if you might actually be capable

It’s like we’re forced to not become fully self actualized because people are collectively holding us down with their knees on our necks, while kicking us, and even smothering our face in a pillow preventing us from breathing properly

Now all I want is to be able to talk to people casually and normally but I’m not even granted that. Sometimes I can say hey to someone and they look at me like why tf am I even talking to them… so most days all I have is my phone and the internet….

Literally everything has been stolen from me due to being Ugly

Being ugly has completely destroyed my life and stolen everything I hoped and dreamed of for my future as well as my own natural social and emotional needs as a human being

When I was younger I never fully understood the negative effect of ugliness on my social reception and interactions. I took people’s occasional looks of disgust and distance from me as a personal issue of me not being good enough internally. Thinking maybe I wasn’t interesting or funny enough? Maybe I said something offensive or awkward??

I eventually learned that wasn’t the case, as middle school and high school revealed that often times the most popular people were pretty obnoxious, annoying, and said offensive or even awkward things, yet that didn’t prevent them from being socially desired, admired, accepted, and included… they were of course attractive usually or at the very least not ugly

High school was when I started to really experience and feel the detrimental effects of being ugly.. high school is that weird transitional phase where your sexual desirability starts to affect your social worth and opportunities.. it’s that phase where the friends you had in your younger years might branch away from you because you don’t have the looks and thus social status either

I miss elementary school for that reason. Even though lookism is always present and can never truly be escaped, in your prepubescent years it doesn’t seem to matter as much to your peers unless something is extremely off looking about you. In elementary school I was definitely more open socially and more liked even though I was kinda obnoxious myself, but weren’t we all as kids from time to time?

From high school to now Ugliness has completely wreaked havoc on my life and hasn’t shown me any mercy. I experienced extreme depression and feelings of worthlessness in high school seeing other kids have countless friends and social inclusion and wondering why I was never good enough for others to even extend an invite to a party to me

I’d sit at home playing videos games on on the internet alone.. it was pretty depressing. I always wished I had a friend to at least play a game with

The depression and paired anxiety caused me to almost fail high school. In classes that required us to give presentations I was too terrified to get up in front of the class due to the social ostracism I had been dealing with that I thought anything I said and did would become a mockery and to avoid that I just refused to give presentations which resulted in me getting 0’s for things I might have excelled at

This then progressed to me not being motivated enough to even do my written work. I just didn’t care about anything. What I wanted was friends and social inclusion. And I realized that when you have those things you usually are motivated to do otherwise mundane, boring, and seemingly pointless things like homework

Who gives a fuck about a future you can’t even see? You’re in the here and now… and being deprived of something everyone else seems to be given naturally: respect, inclusion, grace, friendship, connection, intimacy

The lack of motivation caused by bullying and social isolation that stemmed from being Ugly almost caused me to fail High school. I graduated with an extremely low GPA that granted me no scholarships or college opportunities

Fast forward to and skim through my work experience and it was probably worse than high school. People talked down to me, viewed me as incompetent and incapable, they’d talk shit about and spread rumors about me, take credit for my work, blame their or others’ mistakes on me, disregard my actual capabilities, contributions, and achievements, reduce my hours, actively outcast me, provoke me, and plot to get me fired when I reacted to their provocations

This has been the repeated pattern for almost all the jobs I’ve ever had. Dealing with all of this while also seeing others have what I wish I could once again. Mutual and sexual attraction. Do you know how much it hurts seeing someone you’re naturally physically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to flirt with everyone else but you while looking down on you and viewing you as worthless because you’re ugly? It hurts like fuck and still affects me everyday

Working endlessly while others slack off and make plans to hang out or go fuck and still have job security

I feel like I’m just a work drone who is denied of my social, emotional, and sexual needs

That and then not even being able to properly copy by drowning myself in work and dreams because apparently in society if you want to achieve your dreams you can’t be ugly because when you are people withhold opportunities and the help you need to achieve them

They don’t take you seriously

They doubt your capabilities even if you might actually be capable

It’s like we’re forced to not become fully self actualized because people are collectively holding us down with their knees on our necks, while kicking us, and even smothering our face in a pillow preventing us from breathing properly

Now all I want is to be able to talk to people casually and normally but I’m not even granted that. Sometimes I can say hey to someone and they look at me like why tf am I even talking to them… so most days all I have is my phone and the internet….

Literally everything has been stolen from me due to being Ugly

Everyone wants to actively improve their lives in any way they can, big or small, but when you’re ugly it’s like your efforts in anything don’t seem effective

I worked out and had a nice body only to still get called ugly and mistreated with increased negative reactions … it’s like my effort had the opposite effect due to being ugly

I want to have deeper and more meaningful connections in my life but trying to socialize with people when youre ugly comes off to people as annoying and harassment…. My effort wasn’t effective due to being ugly

I wanted to become more skilled, talented, and have more hobbies in order to become more interesting to be deserving of friends…. To then realize when you’re ugly no one cares what your hobbies are they still don’t wanna be associated with you

Then realizing that not many people have extraordinary hobbies to be deserving of friends or relationships they just have decent faces and bodies and they naturally socialize with people and make plans to hang out ANYWHERE

You don’t have to have a hobby for people to care about you and want to get to know you

Wanting to be smarter so that way I make a good impression on people only for them to either discredit it OR perceive me as a know it all because im ugly.. so again my effort amounted to nothing

It’s like you can work soo hard on things in your life but it doesn’t get you what you really want at the end of the day; inclusion, admiration, friendship, connection, mutual attraction, interest, opportunities, community

It’s literally like nothing you do matters when you’re ugly and it’s INFURIATING seeing other people have all this stuff simply by existing and not having to try or work hard at anything in their life

So it’s like at what point does your “self improvement” even become effective or clear in its alleged results and power to better your life ESPECIALLY when you’re ugly?

Everyone wants to actively improve their lives in any way they can, big or small, but when you’re ugly it’s like your efforts in anything don’t seem effective

I worked out and had a nice body only to still get called ugly and mistreated with increased negative reactions … it’s like my effort had the opposite effect due to being ugly

I want to have deeper and more meaningful connections in my life but trying to socialize with people when youre ugly comes off to people as annoying and harassment…. My effort wasn’t effective due to being ugly

I wanted to become more skilled, talented, and have more hobbies in order to become more interesting to be deserving of friends…. To then realize when you’re ugly no one cares what your hobbies are they still don’t wanna be associated with you

Then realizing that not many people have extraordinary hobbies to be deserving of friends or relationships they just have decent faces and bodies and they naturally socialize with people and make plans to hang out ANYWHERE

You don’t have to have a hobby for people to care about you and want to get to know you

Wanting to be smarter so that way I make a good impression on people only for them to either discredit it OR perceive me as a know it all because im ugly.. so again my effort amounted to nothing

It’s like you can work soo hard on things in your life but it doesn’t get you what you really want at the end of the day; inclusion, admiration, friendship, connection, mutual attraction, interest, opportunities, community

It’s literally like nothing you do matters when you’re ugly and it’s INFURIATING seeing other people have all this stuff simply by existing and not having to try or work hard at anything in their life

So it’s like at what point does your “self improvement” even become effective or clear in its alleged results and power to better your life ESPECIALLY when you’re ugly?

I spend most of my days alone and isolated and it feels psychologically tormenting

I’ve gotten so used to people given me dirty looks of disgust and ignoring me even when I initiate convo and it’s just gotten to a point where I don’t even knew what to do at this point

It feels like when youre ugly you can’t even talk about your day with anyone because no one wants to talk to you

So what do you do to cure the loneliness and get your social needs met ?

Being Outcasted and hated for being ugly has turned me into a very cold ALMOST heartless person

I still care about and have empathy for people but there was a point in time I actively wished for bad things to happen to humanity and I genuinely felt like I wouldn’t bat and eye if it did happen

Sometimes I feel like I’d laugh because it’s almost like it’s deserved when I think about all the psychological abuse, torment, neglect, and hate I’ve experienced at the hands of other people

Being Ugly is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life and sometimes I break down and cry after a while but I’ve noticed recently with each insult I receive it’s like I become more and more cold and careless towards people and overall it makes me feel like I hate people ESPECIALLY human nature

And it’s like sometimes I’ll walk around very expressionless

And most people would say that’s me being a bad person but I feel like if the world repeatedly treats you like shit how could you ever have positive feelings towards the world or people?

Most people can’t comprehend being HATED, YES viscerally, strongly, and indefinitely HATED for something like their appearance and that’s lucky for them right?

For me I’ve had people who I’ve barely ever interacted with or people I’ve interacted positively and harmlessly with express hatred towards me… which has always left me confused because I haven’t said anything weird, offensive, or hateful to them.. I haven’t done anything wrong to them

At worst we’ve probably had an awkward interaction because they were making it clear they were judging me negatively for my appearance by glaring at me, avoiding eye contact or acting snippy so as a result I became anxious, clammy, or awkward.. and this interaction is unpleasant

But I’ve also experienced people I’ve NEVER interacted with tell others that they didn’t like me.. and I’m always questioning how can that be? If we’ve never even spoken to each other

In my experience I believe it’s 100% possible for people to HATE you solely for being Ugly

But I was wondering for others who are considered to be ugly and KNOW they are ugly what has been your experience with this?

Have others expressed actual HATRED for you due to being Ugly?

How did you know it was really your appearance and not something else?

Oh also I know it’s my appearance because when they express disdain for me they usually do mention me being ugly as well

Like “eww girl he’s ugly” “ugly af” “how ugly ass” etc

I think about all the events and places I wanna go

I think of all the experiences with people I wanna have

I think about how I wanna forget about my appearance and how sometimes I DO but the world will never let you forget that you’re too ugly to participate in the world

You’re lucky if you can even do basic things like grocery shopping without looks of disgust and laugher when you’re Ugly

My life has literally become me isolated in my room for over 10-12 years now and just consuming media and music since apparently for human interactions you absolutely CANT be ugly if you want mutually reciprocal and respectful interactions

It’s so depressing watching your life and youth pass you by wishing you could enjoy life to the same capacity as everyone else

Wishing you could make those summer plans with the friends you could’ve had if you looked at least average

It’s crazy because there’s so many fun things to do in life when you’re not ugly and interacting with people is actually fun when you’re at least average looking

But when you’re Ugly everyday feels like you’re serving a prison sentence… living like a fucking vampire

The Sun is literally shining its warmth down on the earth and the people who look down on and laugh at us and it’s like we can’t even step outside to get our daily fose of vitamin D because it’s like if Simon sees us we will burn like how vampires do in the sunlight

I hate that people minimize being ugly to simply being a personality or mindset issue because anyone who is truly ugly knows just how serious this shit is and how much LIFE it steals from you

It literally feels like you can’t even LIVE

I think about all the events and places I wanna go

I think of all the experiences with people I wanna have

I think about how I wanna forget about my appearance and how sometimes I DO but the world will never let you forget that you’re too ugly to participate in the world

You’re lucky if you can even do basic things like grocery shopping without looks of disgust and laugher when you’re Ugly

My life has literally become me isolated in my room for over 10-12 years now and just consuming media and music since apparently for human interactions you absolutely CANT be ugly if you want mutually reciprocal and respectful interactions

It’s so depressing watching your life and youth pass you by wishing you could enjoy life to the same capacity as everyone else

Wishing you could make those summer plans with the friends you could’ve had if you looked at least average

It’s crazy because there’s so many fun things to do in life when you’re not ugly and interacting with people is actually fun when you’re at least average looking

But when you’re Ugly everyday feels like you’re serving a prison sentence… living like a fucking vampire

The Sun is literally shining its warmth down on the earth and the people who look down on and laugh at us and it’s like we can’t even step outside to get our daily fose of vitamin D because it’s like if Simon sees us we will burn like how vampires do in the sunlight

I hate that people minimize being ugly to simply being a personality or mindset issue because anyone who is truly ugly knows just how serious this shit is and how much LIFE it steals from you

It literally feels like you can’t even LIVE

It truly does hurt when you realize how easy and normal it is for others to spark conversation with each other off the basis that their looks are decent enough

As well as it hurts seeing people you’re interested in flirt with everybody else but YOU

Thinking if you wore make up or did your hair or exercised MAYBE they’d notice you and they never do

Then you realize how attraction is so easy and natural and that you either have the physical and sexual desirability or you don’t

And it hurts so much especially when you have a sex drive because that need ends up never being fulfilled

And then it hurts realizing people frequently are able to have sex with the people they want

To simply say it sucks being Ugly doesn’t describe how truly miserable it feels and how much it ruins your life

I feel like the vast majority of people live in a fairly la la delulu land since they have decent looks that allows them to be desirable to people for friendships, relationships, and sex…

Being ugly though quickly cracks that VR headset and you see how truly superficial and transactional all humans are and how dark and desolate the world is….

You see all the demons that exist in pretty much everyone and you see that when it comes to interacting with people what matters most is how much they like your face and / or body

And in that sense it makes it seem like all we are worth is our face and body…..

Yet we were lied to at a young age and told that it’s about being a good person and treating people how you want to be treated… but that’s the OPPOSITE of human nature

Human nature seems to be mostly self serving and also seek out what benefits you… rather than genuinely care for people

Even the people who have tons of friends and relationships the moment they become ugly or sexually undesirable they likely won’t have that anymore

And realizing this makes you see how it was never about character or personality

I genuinely hate interacting with people now after realizing my worth is just tied to how fuckable my face and body are

Even for the most basic interaction

“People always say “just talk to others” but don’t think about the fact that to put yourself out there and truly participate in society, people need to reciprocate and find you attractive enough to want to socialize”