u/road_290

Hello! Just for some background, me (19M) and her (19F) have been dating for nine months now. I’ll call her Diana for a fake name.
So how the breakup initiated: me and Diana were lying in her bed on our phones, as we often do. We were both on TikTok when I saw she posted a video of her having fun at a carnival that came into town. I thought it was a cute video and left a comment: “I love you ❤️❤️❤️.” Just simple boyfriend stuff.
I happened to be glancing at her phone when I saw her delete the comment right in front of me. Naturally, I asked why she did that. At first she tried to kiss and hug me, hoping I’d let it go, but I didn’t. Finally she opened up and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t feel the same with you. I’ve lost the spark for our relationship.” That obviously hurt to hear. I paused for a bit and asked, “Do you want to be together?” She said she didn’t know, and the night ended with me leaving her place early to give her time to think about what she wanted.
That was three days ago, Wednesday night, and as I’m writing this it’s Saturday afternoon. In those three days I’ve been overthinking, analyzing reposts that are clearly about me. Things like “I can be clingy, but when it’s over, it’s over” or “I’m the type to never speak to you again but think about you everyday.” Obviously those had me spiraling. Then this morning she deleted her Life360 connection with me and unadded me on Snapchat. So at this point I know it’s over. She said she’ll call me later tonight so we can talk.
I can’t say I didn’t see it coming to a degree. She’d been pulling away for a while, not saying “I love you” back lately, less affection, less initiation. It’s always been a somewhat rocky relationship; we’ve had two minor breakups of a day or two before, but this one feels different.
I know I’ve caused many of the issues in the relationship, you can look at my past posts if you want more detail, I don’t want to delve into it too much here, but broadly: I didn’t stand up for her when my mom was disrespectful toward her for a while, there was a period I wasn’t showing her love even though I felt it, I had a porn addiction I hid from her for a long time, and there was an incident where I shoved her and another where I called her a bad name in frustration. I’m in my own head about how I never deserved this amazing, sweet girl. I’ve been a terrible partner to her and she’s tolerated me for far too long than she should have. What hurts the most is that as terrible as I was, she still begged me to change and stayed with me anyway. Now she’s the one who’s given up, and I’m the one left wishing things could continue. I’ve been in individual therapy since the most recent incident, and working on the other stuff too. She begged me to change for months, and I finally did in the last month or two. But she said it was too late and she can’t get over the past.
So now I’m sitting here like an idiot, waiting for a phone call from the only girl I’ve ever loved (also my first relationship) to crush my heart. And don’t get me wrong, I deserve it.
I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for honestly, some reassurance, advice for getting through a breakup, maybe some insight on the situation that I can’t see. Anything would be useful honestly, I don’t know what to think at this point. Thanks for reading.

Hello! Just for some background, me (19M) and her (19F) have been dating for nine months now. I’ll call her Diana for a fake name.
So how the breakup initiated: me and Diana were lying in her bed on our phones, as we often do. We were both on TikTok when I saw she posted a video of her having fun at a carnival that came into town. I thought it was a cute video and left a comment: “I love you ❤️❤️❤️.” Just simple boyfriend stuff.
I happened to be glancing at her phone when I saw her delete the comment right in front of me. Naturally, I asked why she did that. At first she tried to kiss and hug me, hoping I’d let it go, but I didn’t. Finally she opened up and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t feel the same with you. I’ve lost the spark for our relationship.” That obviously hurt to hear. I paused for a bit and asked, “Do you want to be together?” She said she didn’t know, and the night ended with me leaving her place early to give her time to think about what she wanted.
That was three days ago, Wednesday night, and as I’m writing this it’s Saturday afternoon. In those three days I’ve been overthinking, analyzing reposts that are clearly about me. Things like “I can be clingy, but when it’s over, it’s over” or “I’m the type to never speak to you again but think about you everyday.” Obviously those had me spiraling. Then this morning she deleted her Life360 connection with me and unadded me on Snapchat. So at this point I know it’s over. She said she’ll call me later tonight so we can talk.
I can’t say I didn’t see it coming to a degree. She’d been pulling away for a while, not saying “I love you” back lately, less affection, less initiation. It’s always been a somewhat rocky relationship; we’ve had two minor breakups of a day or two before, but this one feels different.
I know I’ve caused many of the issues in the relationship, you can look at my past posts if you want more detail, I don’t want to delve into it too much here, but broadly: I didn’t stand up for her when my mom was disrespectful toward her for a while, there was a period I wasn’t showing her love even though I felt it, I had a porn addiction I hid from her for a long time, and there was an incident where I shoved her and another where I called her a bad name in frustration. I’m in my own head about how I never deserved this amazing, sweet girl. I’ve been a terrible partner to her and she’s tolerated me for far too long than she should have. What hurts the most is that as terrible as I was, she still begged me to change and stayed with me anyway. Now she’s the one who’s given up, and I’m the one left wishing things could continue. I’ve been in individual therapy since the most recent incident, and working on the other stuff too. She begged me to change for months, and I finally did in the last month or two. But she said it was too late and she can’t get over the past.
So now I’m sitting here like an idiot, waiting for a phone call from the only girl I’ve ever loved (also my first relationship) to crush my heart. And don’t get me wrong, I deserve it.

TLDR: I’ve been a bad partner, I know she’s going to end things with me tonight. How to move forward and think about things?

Hello! Just for some background, me (19M) and her (19F) have been dating for nine months now. I’ll call her Diana for a fake name.
So how the friction initiated: me and Diana were lying in her bed on our phones, as we often do. We were both on TikTok when I saw she posted a video of her having fun at a carnival that came into town. I thought it was a cute video and left a comment: “I love you ❤️❤️❤️.” Just simple boyfriend stuff.
I happened to be glancing at her phone when I saw her delete the comment right in front of me. Naturally, I asked why she did that. At first she tried to kiss and hug me, hoping I’d let it go, but I didn’t. Finally she opened up and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t feel the same with you. I’ve lost the spark for our relationship.” That obviously hurt to hear. I paused for a bit and asked, “Do you want to be together?” She said she didn’t know, and the night ended with me leaving her place early to give her time to think about what she wanted.
That was three days ago, Wednesday night, and as I’m writing this it’s Saturday afternoon. In those three days I’ve been overthinking, analyzing reposts that are clearly about me. Things like “I can be clingy, but when it’s over, it’s over” or “I’m the type to never speak to you again but think about you everyday.” Obviously those had me spiraling. Then this morning she deleted her Life360 connection with me and unadded me on Snapchat. So at this point I know it’s over. She said she’ll call me later tonight so we can talk.
I can’t say I didn’t see it coming to a degree. She’d been pulling away for a while, not saying “I love you” back lately, less affection, less initiation. It’s always been a somewhat rocky relationship; we’ve had two minor separations of a day or two before, but this one feels different.
I know I’ve caused many of the issues in the relationship, you can look at my past posts if you want more detail, I don’t want to delve into it too much here, but broadly: I didn’t stand up for her when my mom was disrespectful toward her for a while, there was a period I wasn’t showing her love even though I felt it, I had a porn addiction I hid from her for a long time, and there was an incident where I shoved her and another where I called her a bad name in frustration. I’m in my own head about how I never deserved this amazing, sweet girl. I’ve been a terrible partner to her and she’s tolerated me for far too long than she should have. What hurts the most is that as terrible as I was, she still begged me to change and stayed with me anyway. Now she’s the one who’s given up, and I’m the one left wishing things could continue. I’ve been in individual therapy since the most recent incident, and working on the other stuff too. She begged me to change for months, and I finally did in the last month or two. But she said it was too late and she can’t get over the past.
So now I’m sitting here like an idiot, waiting for a phone call from the only girl I’ve ever loved (also my first relationship) to crush my heart. And don’t get me wrong, I deserve it.
I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for honestly, some reassurance, advice for getting through this, maybe some insight on the situation that I can’t see. Anything would be useful honestly, I don’t know what to think at this point. Thanks for reading.

TLDR: I’ve been a bad partner, I know she’s going to end things with me tonight. How to move forward and think about things?

Hello! Just for some background, me (19M) and her (19F) have been dating for nine months now. I’ll call her Diana for a fake name.
So how the friction initiated: me and Diana were lying in her bed on our phones, as we often do. We were both on TikTok when I saw she posted a video of her having fun at a carnival that came into town. I thought it was a cute video and left a comment: “I love you ❤️❤️❤️.” Just simple boyfriend stuff.
I happened to be glancing at her phone when I saw her delete the comment right in front of me. Naturally, I asked why she did that. At first she tried to kiss and hug me, hoping I’d let it go, but I didn’t. Finally she opened up and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t feel the same with you. I’ve lost the spark for our relationship.” That obviously hurt to hear. I paused for a bit and asked, “Do you want to be together?” She said she didn’t know, and the night ended with me leaving her place early to give her time to think about what she wanted.
That was three days ago, Wednesday night, and as I’m writing this it’s Saturday afternoon. In those three days I’ve been overthinking, analyzing reposts that are clearly about me. Things like “I can be clingy, but when it’s over, it’s over” or “I’m the type to never speak to you again but think about you everyday.” Obviously those had me spiraling. Then this morning she deleted her Life360 connection with me and unadded me on Snapchat. So at this point I know it’s over. She said she’ll call me later tonight so we can talk.
I can’t say I didn’t see it coming to a degree. She’d been pulling away for a while, not saying “I love you” back lately, less affection, less initiation. It’s always been a somewhat rocky relationship; we’ve had two minor separations of a day or two before, but this one feels different.
I know I’ve caused many of the issues in the relationship, you can look at my past posts if you want more detail, I don’t want to delve into it too much here, but broadly: I didn’t stand up for her when my mom was disrespectful toward her for a while, there was a period I wasn’t showing her love even though I felt it, I had a porn addiction I hid from her for a long time, and there was an incident where I shoved her and another where I called her a bad name in frustration. I’m in my own head about how I never deserved this amazing, sweet girl. I’ve been a terrible partner to her and she’s tolerated me for far too long than she should have. What hurts the most is that as terrible as I was, she still begged me to change and stayed with me anyway. Now she’s the one who’s given up, and I’m the one left wishing things could continue. I’ve been in individual therapy since the most recent incident, and working on the other stuff too. She begged me to change for months, and I finally did in the last month or two. But she said it was too late and she can’t get over the past.
So now I’m sitting here like an idiot, waiting for a phone call from the only girl I’ve ever loved (also my first relationship) to crush my heart. And don’t get me wrong, I deserve it.
I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for honestly, some reassurance, advice for getting through this, maybe some insight on the situation that I can’t see. Anything would be useful honestly, I don’t know what to think at this point. Thanks for reading.

Hello! Just for some background, me (19M) and her (19F) have been dating for nine months now. I’ll call her Diana for a fake name.
So how the breakup initiated: me and Diana were lying in her bed on our phones, as we often do. We were both on TikTok when I saw she posted a video of her having fun at a carnival that came into town. I thought it was a cute video and left a comment: “I love you ❤️❤️❤️.” Just simple boyfriend stuff.
I happened to be glancing at her phone when I saw her delete the comment right in front of me. Naturally, I asked why she did that. At first she tried to kiss and hug me, hoping I’d let it go, but I didn’t. Finally she opened up and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t feel the same with you. I’ve lost the spark for our relationship.” That obviously hurt to hear. I paused for a bit and asked, “Do you want to be together?” She said she didn’t know, and the night ended with me leaving her place early to give her time to think about what she wanted.
That was three days ago, Wednesday night, and as I’m writing this it’s Saturday afternoon. In those three days I’ve been overthinking, analyzing reposts that are clearly about me. Things like “I can be clingy, but when it’s over, it’s over” or “I’m the type to never speak to you again but think about you everyday.” Obviously those had me spiraling. Then this morning she deleted her Life360 connection with me and unadded me on Snapchat. So at this point I know it’s over. She said she’ll call me later tonight so we can talk.
I can’t say I didn’t see it coming to a degree. She’d been pulling away for a while, not saying “I love you” back lately, less affection, less initiation. It’s always been a somewhat rocky relationship; we’ve had two minor breakups of a day or two before, but this one feels different.
I know I’ve caused many of the issues in the relationship, you can look at my past posts if you want more detail, I don’t want to delve into it too much here, but broadly: I didn’t stand up for her when my mom was disrespectful toward her for a while, there was a period I wasn’t showing her love even though I felt it, I had a porn addiction I hid from her for a long time, and there was an incident where I shoved her and another where I called her a bad name in frustration. I’m in my own head about how I never deserved this amazing, sweet girl. I’ve been a terrible partner to her and she’s tolerated me for far too long than she should have. What hurts the most is that as terrible as I was, she still begged me to change and stayed with me anyway. Now she’s the one who’s given up, and I’m the one left wishing things could continue. I’ve been in individual therapy since the most recent incident, and working on the other stuff too. She begged me to change for months, and I finally did in the last month or two. But she said it was too late and she can’t get over the past.
So now I’m sitting here like an idiot, waiting for a phone call from the only girl I’ve ever loved (also my first relationship) to crush my heart. And don’t get me wrong, I deserve it.
I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for honestly, some reassurance, advice for getting through a breakup, maybe some insight on the situation that I can’t see. Anything would be useful honestly, I don’t know what to think at this point. Thanks for reading.