first time watcher deep reflections: iconic, gripping, a gift to us all & the epitome of exploitation. (finished the whole show!!!)
You guys, I am seriously grieving the end of the show and how things got left off.
Despite the utter chaos and trashiness of the series, the impact of the final rift left me with a totally broken heart - for all of them. I'm processing how deeply tragic it is that these women came together because they needed some money, and the way the show f*cked with their heads and relationships so badly.
It was incredible, iconic, entertaining, engaging, a gift to us all who got to watch it -
and, it's the epitome of exploitation. The kind that wouldn't even happen if we weren't living in a capitalist hunger games of a society.
Some things I'm struck by, person by person:
DRITA: It truly breaks my heart that Drita ends the show so imbalanced and isolated. She started the show as a heroine and when Lee returns she gets completely off the rails. I read on other posts that she was on coke, and it makes sense. It's heartbreaking because she did the work to do anger management so she wouldn't fight, and by the final season her values are completely out the window. And, you know that the producers are completely spinning her wheels and manipulating her into a tizzy. What hurts the most for the arc the producers portrayed is that in high contrast, Renee ends the show sober and in a good place, but they made Drita into a major fall from grace. It's painful because I was rooting for her the most.
BIG ANG AND NEAL: Big Ang's choice to do the show even when she was dying is heroic. She is everybody's favorite for a reason, and I really appreciate and love her. It was sad and heartbreaking to see her go through that on camera, but it also made for truly gripping and iconic TV. All that said - I don't *GET* Neal. I don't get why she married him. I don't know why they divorced two months after the show ended. And, I really wish I understood because it was very LOUD and present the whole show that she was disgusted by him, but then he took care of her. We never really know what put the final nail in the coffin, and I genuinely would like to know - both, why she ever even married him, and why she finally divorced him right before she passed away. Maybe it was to make sure her kids got her money? IDK! Thoughts?
RENEE: In my opinion, Renee goes through one of the biggest character arcs of all - starting with Junior's betrayal and heavy addition, and ending with a lot of things on a high note: Her son engaged and living with her, she's relatively sober, and you can see in the final scenes that she's not off her rocker. She's really changed and the baptism shows it. This could also be editing manipulation to make us think that, but it's a high contrast from Drita's fall. I also love that Renee was so strong and opinionated, and hearing her yell "WE'RE ALL ENTITLED TO OUR OPINIONS," and always assert her own - I have to respect that and honestly want to bring that more into my own life. I do me, you do you. No need to be polite or tip toe. Be yourself, loud and proud. Hell yeah Renee.
KAREN: I see a lot of Karen complaints on the sub, but I frikkin' LOVE her. Her sass, her heart on her sleeve, her fiery spirit, her love for her kids. I also love her looks and her body - she is a woman who takes up space, loud and proud, and in many ways is a great role model for that. Sometimes she's a little naive or dense in how she's thinking about things, and then the next second she says the most profound, emotionally intelligent, nuanced thing in street language and you're like, wow. She really would be an awesome close friend to have. In the end, I don't really understand the conflict between Karen and Drita and why it had to get that bad - I honestly think the producers were whispering in their ears and making things worse. I also loved that she had her daughter with her in NY and a relationship with Storm! I was happy for her. She seemed to always want to do the right thing, but was lost in confusion about concepts like loyalty and she thought relationships should be, vs. how they actually were.
CARLA: I loved Carla at first but at the end of the show, I just didn't really care. She was a total flip flopper and the whole thing was really confusing, so I do get where Drita was coming from. That said, she came a really long way and is a strong woman and should be so proud of herself for surviving all the years with her husband in jail, her husband's remarriage, etc and supporting her kids - and looking super frikkin hot while doing it.
SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:
Brittany and Marissa were utterly stupid pot-stirrers in the final season. They were clearly acting and honestly wearing way too much make up and didn't feel like real people the way the other women seemed settled in themselves and knew who they were. Their presence felt fake.
The Natalies - Nat G was truly compelling on camera but made zero sense. The other Natalie was to quote Karen, "utterly irrelevant."
I honestly liked Ramona and wish she came back, even though she was delusional. I loved her relationship with Karen. I just loved how they were really strong women who supported one another.
Credit where credit was due - Alicia's story and her waiting for her own sentencing was really compelling, even if she wasn't my favorite character. It made for amazing TV.
OTHER GENERAL THOUGHTS:
GOOD: I really loved seeing these strong, spicy, authentic women work through their struggles on camera. They went through major real life events - Hurricane Sandy, cancer, a mob bust, partners coming in and out of jail, sentencing, etc. They started businesses, explored new interests, and cared for their kids! It's almost like it should've been called something like "STREET MOMS" (bad title, but you get the idea) because this show was far more about friendship, motherhood and survival than it was about being a wife.
BAD: It bothered me that the show format centered around the dramas between the women, when the truly most compelling parts of the show were about them facing the world together. The over focus on gossip and she-said, she-said made the women come off like female meat-heads who couldn't let a sleeping dog lie and needed to beat people up just for saying things? Like busy working moms don't have better sh*t to do than try to beat somebody up for just saying something about their family. The amount these women were forced to act like they cared about the drama was unrealistic and so exhausting. Nobody acts like this in real life! Carla was even the smartest one by disengaging from drama and just hanging out with people she liked. She was a good role model for that.
I also got tired of the show's structural format which was basically like - women create drama with one another, one woman then hosts an event, at the event more drama ensues, rinse and repeat until the end of the season when people are tearing their hairs out and have a physical fight. This structure made my heart sad. Again, I preferred the parts of the show that were about them facing the world together rather than women tearing each other down over petty things, which is just not how successful business women and busy moms operate - most women, even in Staten Island, are too focused on their own stuff to let petty stuff drag them down like this.
UGLY:
The women's need to defend their name and the laws of the street and how they disagreed with how it should be, was the main source of hurt between them. It seemed like a lot of it was coming from cognitive distortions and inability to self-regulate. The need to physically beat somebody up who hurts your feelings just isn't mature and honestly doesn't make sense in the real world. But maybe it's how a lot of us feel inside, and the success of the show is that they tapped into that feeling we all feel and dramatized it.
Drita losing her ability to practice anger management was really sad to witness, and it seemed like she was really driven by loyalty to her husband that was messing with her logic and clarity.
The manipulation of Drita and Karen by the producers in the final season was really upsetting.
Big Ang's hot and cold relationship with Neal was hard for me to stomach and left me with more questions than answers.
The overall exploitation of the show taking advantage of these women who did it because they genuinely needed the money. They were left in horrible positions by husbands or fathers in jail. Sure, they could have made less interesting choices - become a nurse or something. The women chose this. But still, the show messed with their heads and friendships, and it hurts my heart.
Production's choice to renew contracts with Drita and Big Ang but not Carla, Karen, etc. is just disgusting to me. They took the concept they sold the women on - this is about women empowerment - and flipped it on them. For them to do that to these incredible strong women makes me feel sick. On the flip side, these women are still riding on the coat-tails of this iconic series and experienced a level of fame and success previously inaccessible. Every rose has its thorn!
Finally, it disgusts me that these reality shows about women all have the word 'wives' in the names, it's sexist and archaic to reduce a woman to her relationship to a man - and they aren't even wives.
*
In the end, I am deeply changed from watching this show. The strength, transparency, grit and fight in these women rocked me. Watching them rise because of and despite one another. Hearing them speak their truths out loud no matter what without backing down. Feeling heartbreak with their broken hearts. I'm taking a little piece of each one's strength & authenticity & AUDACITY inside me moving forward, and I am grateful they did the show and wholeheartedly wish each one the best in their lives.
