u/spacebusinessx

This is compounded by having bipolar I and ADHD. I'm on wellbutrin, lamictal and caplyta (for about a year and a half now) and that's helped with my long-term manic and depressive episodes but I'm finding I've been getting hypomanic/mixed episodes a lot as of late. I've had some really awful stressful things happen recently so I know that's why but I can't stop it.

I've hit ~100mph on the interstate at least 3 times in the last month and last night I even did it after drinking a little at a concert. It feels incredible in the moment, which I know is adrenaline/dopamine. I can literally feel them release in my brain. But I know it's wrong. I know I could hurt someone. I could lose my license. I'm also afraid that if I did get caught that I wouldn't stop.

I'm literally a model citizen outside of this. Never done drugs, have a steady career, own my own home with pets, never any trouble with the law (other than 1 speeding ticket, not related to this post). I don't know what's wrong with me and why I'm risking everything I've made for myself (despite what life has dealt me) for 2 minutes of dopamine. I'm afraid or ashamed to tell my therapist about it, my psychiatrist is on maternity leave, and I don't have anyone else I can confide in. If I didn't have so much going on that needs my immediate attention I think I'm the closest I've ever been to putting myself in a psych hold.

Long story short I had been seeing this guy for what would be 7 months this week. Except for that he hasn't replied to any of my texts or calls in 3 weeks.

He's a PhD student and last I knew was studying for finals, so while I was definitely not happy I hadn't received anything from him in a while I just assumed that was why. I had already told myself that I would have a very straightforward conversation with him about how that's not ok (he's gone a week or so before not texting or anything to study and I've already told him I would appreciate a simple goodnight text or something here or there at least to know he's ok), and was potentially considering breaking up over it. It takes 5 seconds to send a "I'm alive" text. There were a few other red flags strengthening that decision but that's another story.

Anyways, it seems wild to me that someone would ghost you after 6 months. I'm almost positive finals ended last week though, so unless he's dead, detained, or deported I'm not sure what else it could be.

I guess the question is do I go to his apartment and make sure he's ok do I just let it go? Obviously I'm a little worried, because again ghosting after 6 months seems crazy, but I also know it wouldn't be the first time someone's done it.