u/sporgs

I’ll be in hospital overnight, likely will be in a lot of pain following surgery.

I gotta pack a bag. I’ll have the usual stuff (headphones, book, comfort hoody), but what would you take with you?

Requirements:

Needs to fit in a backpack, can’t have any weight on me so my weighted blanket is a no-go.

For my autistic comrades who have to deal with going through surgery/have had to deal with it, what are ya packing? - last 3 ops were emergency so I had no time to think and winged my way through it all.

I’ll struggle to dress myself afterwards and will be unable to walk straight away, likely wheel-chaired into car to get home.

Hospital is aware I have an autism diagnosis and knows to give me all the info in a written format post surgery.

Counting down the hours and mentally avoiding thinking about it. Terrified I’ll die under anaesthetic.

Prepping what to take will ease my worry… I’m on the cusp of cancelling out of pure anxiety, but it’s got to be done.

Tell me what to put in my bag.

707053178420

Potentially looking to make an asking price offer on a house in England (South East). Sellers are relocating to Glasgow, Scotland (work commitments is the given reason).

I’m aware that offers are legally binding in Scotland, which does fall in our favour as our offer will also be taken seriously by the buyer. Beyond this, we’ll use the weekend to research as best we can because we don’t know much right now.

Has anyone purchased in England from a seller who is buying in Scotland?

Looking for any insights/advice or additional info that may help us in this decision. We want to be certain that we have learnt everything we can about the process before putting in our offer next week.

Late night rumination’s around what the best choice is. Looking for a bit of the confusion to be alleviated from others who’ve also been in this position. Good or bad, anything’ll help!

Dear you,

Neurotypical people don’t think about being autistic as much as you do. Self awareness is a strength and you should really try to remember just how important this is because the self awareness about your autism is what has given you the strength to get ‘the big ol’ scary test’.

You aren’t an imposter, you aren’t trying to make everything fit into the criteria. You think you’re autistic because you are. Let me help alleviate some of that internal fear you most like have.

When you finally receive your long awaited answer that helps make you life fall into place and you receive the validation you’ve been longing for, it’ll be the most beautiful yet scary internal feeling.

Yes, you’ll go through a period of grief of the would’ve/should’ve feelings. But you’ll finally be able to give yourself the acceptance to allow adaptions for yourself.

Assessments, especially the forms are very vague. It’s scary, it’s worrying and it’s ok to feel anxious.

There’s nothing stopping you from learning about how you can adapt your life now to make things easier for yourself. Read and learn as much as you can now to feel strong and able to finally except yourself when the inevitable “certification of autism” is given to you.

I’m fortunate to have been diagnosed many years ago, but I sit and hear from from friends just how scared they are. How worried they feel about “what if I’m not autistic, then what?”.

Having an assessment is a safe space to tell a stranger just how much you feel so different. See it as an anonymous therapy session where you can let out all the quirks you have to someone who WANTS to know exactly who you are.

Every single friend I’ve had who has being diagnosed late in life all believed they would be let down by the results, but guess what… they all got the stamp of autistic authenticity.

You’ll all be fine, it’s a crazy journey and you’ll have to drop the mask like you’ve never dropped it before.

You’ll end up with a sense of self empowerment, acceptance and validity in the end that’ll bring you many years of happiness within yourself.

Cliche, but you got this. You really have.

Sending all the love your way x

My partner has diagnosed ptsd. Her sleep is completely disrupted, yet she barely remembers anything in the morning (which is a blessing).

She falls asleep super fast but consistently whimpers and randomly jump scares herself awake.

What advice does anyone have to help her feel rested, to be able to sleep soundly if only a couple of times a week?

She’s completed emdr therapy but her sleepy mind is her worst enemy.

Any suggestions are welcome. I just want her to feel rested, she deserves that at a bare minimum.

Things she’s/we’ve tried.

- gently waking her slightly to interrupt the sleepy space she’s trapped in.

- good sleep hygiene.

- early nights.

- medication to aid deeper sleep (promethazine).

- weighted blankets

My heart breaks for her.

I used to dance, multiple times a week after school. I absolutely hated it. I had to take part in big shows wearing awful costumes, makeup that was ridiculous and got told off for not pointing my feet far enough. (Don’t get me started on all the French I couldn’t understand).

I was good at it because I would remember all the steps through counting in different ways we were taught.

I found my old ballet shoes recently that were so tiny and all I felt was a sense of hurt that I forced myself to dance to make others feel happy for me.

It got me thinking about how many other autistic women took part in activities that they really didn’t want to be part of but felt ‘obliged’ to do.

Truth is, I preferred climbing trees, collecting rocks, going on adventures in the woodland, wearing my brothers baggy clothes, despised makeup and was actually just a feral child like Donnie from the wild thornberries. But I couldn’t just STOP dancing, that ‘wasn’t an option.’

I now don’t dance at all except for the occasional moonwalk through my kitchen whilst making coffee.

Hoping to find recommendations that some of you may use? I’ve looked online repeatedly and honestly it’s quite overwhelming with all the social media accounts suggesting different things.

If anyone has found a particular video or routine they use and have managed to stick to, please share!

Something short and sweet (30mins ish) that I can do everyday would be great to find. Something easy to remember!

Or if anyone has any other suggestions?

I won’t go to a gym, I’d rather do it at home. I walk around 75km a week. I do have kettlebells and weights that gather dust because I’ve never learnt how to use them properly.

Added to this, any stretching sort of videos so my body doesn’t ache so much would help too!

HOW do certain autistic men seem to get away with disgusting behaviours?

For context, I have a relatively new (6 months ish) friend. She’s honestly such a delightful person to be around. She struggles socially due to being isolated but she’s really really trying to put herself out there. She’s joining in with social meet ups (albeit quietly). She’s asked for support to go thrift shopping and how to speak to hairdressers (which we’ve done and was so fun!). She’s open yet still reserved in a way that’s really empowering and brave. I’ve got all the time in the world for her and I’m honestly so f*cking proud of the personal progress she’s making. (Let’s call her Lisa for privacy).

There’s one particular guy (who just attends meet ups). He’s got an extremely warped view on women in general. The guy spends far too much time online, makes side comments about women and actually gives me really bad vibes. I’ve chosen not to interact with him outside of the ASD spaces, I have minimal tolerance for the b*llshit he gets away with.

Consistent comments around women’s body’s, “pity me” vibes, always needing to make everything about himself yet ‘acting’ oblivious and ignorant when other women call him out on it.

He’s started telling EVERYONE except Lisa that he has a crush on her. He whispers to others about his ‘need’ to make her see he’s the perfect guy for her. He finishes with “don’t tell her, I’m shy” every time. Spoiler alert: his shyness is b*llshit.

He actively goes out of his way to turn up at spaces he’s said he won’t be at and bombards her with questions. Lisa does need extra help, she’s open and honest about her anxiety.

All I can see is that he has a hidden agenda, hidden behind a facade of “woe is me, I’m more disabled than anyone here”. This guy is eloquent in his speech, he’s able to voice his opinions to everyone EXCEPT her.

Lisa has said she feels as though he’s communicating that he’s in a similar social anxiety state as her but when she’s not around, he’s more than capable of trying to control everyone around him with a strong sense of entitlement.

Today he said “she should realise I’m the one for her”. Lisa has no idea that he has intentions to persue her.

A few of us have said that he’s not what he portrays himself to be, he’s gets very angry and quickly switches to being upset when he’s called out on his behaviour.

I see right through his controlling demeanour. My best friend (a guy) also sees through it too. Everyone’s walking on eggshells around him as his constant need to say “I deserve” is unfair. Hes too open about his negative views to everyone EXCEPT her.
It’s as though he suddenly acts “confused” and “of a higher level of support need” around ONLY her.

How do I tell her? I feel I need to say something. Please tell me what you would say so I can think it through and do it in the safest way.

I can’t stop thinking. I think about the thoughts I’m having consistently. I can’t get my brain to switch off, none of my usual go-to methods are helping at all. I can’t distract myself, I keep finding myself lost in my thoughts. Ruminating, overthinking, spiralling. I feel a strong compulsion to just run away but then I get upset because I can’t run away from myself. I need respite from my own brain but I can’t switch it off.

It’s been like this for a few weeks, slowly increasing over time to the point I’m acting irrationally, I’m speaking thoughts out loud that I know should be kept inside. It’s like an autopilot takes over and I don’t recognise myself as I’m speaking. I’m verbally lashing out at people (including strangers) in a way that makes me feel repulsed at my actions.

The worst part is that everything in my life is going well. It’s just internally it feels like everything is misfiring! I have so many things to be grateful for, yet I’m berating myself internally that I don’t deserve it, I’ll lose it all, I’ll F my own life up and not realise it until it’s too late.

I don’t feel anxious, I just feel incredibly angry and frustrated at the amount of noise inside my brain. I’ve screamed and cried this evening, forgotten what started it and then felt numb and empty after.

I’ve got a job, house, relationship to cherish. I need my brain to stop before I inadvertently f*cking break.

No picture.

Red car toy approx 20cm long with removable animal (possibly a bear). It was made of a strong but soft type of rubber. Nothing on the car or bear was interactive. Although it wasn’t a bath toy, it was rubber and hollow like a bath toy would be.

UK early 90s baby/toddler toy. The animal (bear just sat in the red convertible style car toy.

The toy was very simple, made for children under 2-3yrs old.

The bear possibly wore a hat that couldn’t be removed.

It wasn’t solid hard plastic. Nothing on the car or bear opened or moved.

I used to find so many handmade gift type sellers and I’d actively scroll to find people with lower sales than others.
I know it may sound daft, but I too am creative i just don’t have to time or patience anymore.

I love to buy friends and family handmade types of gifts but now it seems like Etsy is just flooded with resellers, Temu crap and mass produced tat.

Any tips and tricks on how to find types of sellers that I used to love ordering from?

Any alternative apps/sites where I can get my late night shopping fix from?

TIA

We are on house viewing number 5… 4/5 houses we’ve seen, have, to put it lightly, been absolutey awful. Over the past few months we’ve worked hard to make sure our house (going on the market) looks and feels its best. It’s lived in and loved but we have stepped up and taken the time to fix/change all the things that might be frustrating for first time buyers when they view our home.

For example: blown windows replaced, new boiler, spent a lot of time in the garden making it look its best, plumbing redone. Kept on top of deep cleaning, paint touch ups (cat likes to play bumper cars sliding across the floors and chipping bits of paint). We’ve been realistic and not overspent but still put a bit of money into making our home feel ‘ready to be appreciated for the new owners’.

Our budget has increased and we’d like to upsize just slightly to find our ‘forever home’. We’re fortunate that we’re in the position to make this decision.

BUT what on earth is happening in other peoples homes? 4/5 properties we’ve viewed within our budget have honestly felt awful.

Clearly hidden issues (literal tape of holes in walls?), stench of animal urine, plumbing bodge jobs, a level of filth that means everything internally needs to be gutted to feel clean enough to not have to keep our shoes on.

We aren’t pretentious. We know that some places need some work to feel homely but we actually feel blindsided by that state of how people are living in houses that do cost ‘quite a bit’.

Home owners sat inside whilst we view them, estate agents absolutely clueless about simple things such as - when was the boiler fitted, unable to let us see inside the garage, structural issues remedied last minute that give dangerous vibes. Piles of domestic waste filling gardens. Estate agent double booking viewings and/or arriving excruciatingly late!

We get it, some people have their own issues going on.. but surely the least you’d do is make the bed or flush the toilet right?

We viewed a property 2 days ago that ticked all our boxes except for concerns (personal accessibility needs) that we could adapt. But we don’t just want to jump in on one that’s better but not exactly appropriate for us.

We’ve got a to-do list for our own house that we will finish so that whoever buys, will feel as though it’s ready to start living in comfortably.

This has been a HUGE reality check for us. Maybe we shouldn’t need to make it ‘perfect’. I feel as though we can relax a little about small things such as filling wallplug holes. Maybe the grass doesn’t need to be weed free.

We’ve been holding ourselves to a higher standard than maybe we need to?

Honestly, we know we will work our way through the small jobs.. purely so we’re less likely to an asked to reduce our price.

We viewed one property that was top to bottom (literally) seemingly obsessively wallpapered in dark grey wallpaper. Reducing all the light and feeling like a 4 bed cave.

We think we’re ready to put in an offer on a house that we’ve viewed that gives us ‘homely vibes’ because it’s felt as though we probably have similar appreciation for the walls to be lived in.

We are baffled.. yet slightly concerned about the other vendors cleanliness. Would you not at least rinse the bath of pubes? Jeez.

We’re happy to redecorate, put in a new boiler, fix some slightly older windows. We expect that realistically.

This is just a vent.. 2 of the houses we’ve viewed have given me “this person probably needs an adult social care review”.

Idk.. we aren’t in a rush. We can stay put and wait until something better comes available.. we are concerned and also a bit confused…

Please tell me there’s others out there that care about how they live?

Example: property up for sale, footprint is perfect, expecting an approx £400k offer…. Yet refuse to let us even view the size of the garage? Lied about the age of boiler (my work experience with boilers is dismissed lol).

Again, just a rant but feeling really disheartened at the moment with minimal choice. £400k is quite pricey for the city we are looking in, it’s not London, we don’t expect ‘the ritz’ level appeal.

Just omg. It’s hard not to slightly judge with a huge drop of concern for the welfare of some people.

We just want to be able to begin starting a family, maybe about some senior dogs that need a retirement home. We are feeling held back when we’re ready to make this move happen.

I’m beginning to hate house hunting.