u/stofiski-san

I was replying to this post in r/askmen asking why men are receiving so much hate these days on social media, in response to a post by a woman (tiktok or whatever) saying men should start in prison and earn their way out.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/j2EHYVyCaH

I spend hours on r/GirlDinnerDiaries, and the number of posts just on that sub about what asshats men can be is astonishing. Add in lots of other women oriented subs and it's gets recockulous. This was my reply:

>I believe it's simply a realization that women feel safer not having anything to do with random men, either on the street or in a dating context. Say "well not all men..." all you like, but when a significant enough portion of those "other" men lead to numbers of as much as 4 out of 5, ***80% of women*** (according to a quick Google search), reporting being assaulted, sexually assaulted, or raped, at what point do you tell a woman "well, just try again, maybe it won't be as bad this time you go out" before they say *"hell, no!"*. Can you blame them for not wanting to take the chance? We live in a patriarchal society in which men are socialized, in general, that it's ok to do whatever to a woman because of one myth or another, about wanting to be dominated, or "it's their place", or "no means yes", and it's fed by incels who feel deprived and denied their "rights" or people who are idolized, like the Tates, or fundamentalist Christianity.

>I'm MtF, I'm trans, I lived life for 50 years as a man, before I came to a realization that that wasn't me. But I've lived with those ideas, the "boys should be experienced and have lots of partners, but girls should be pristine and virginal" and how it messes with a guy's head. Now that I'm living as a woman, and consider myself one, I get it from the other side too. Once I started listening to women, going to women focused reddit subs, listening without judging, and believing what I heard, I think there's a huge lack of self awareness among men over the way they treat women, what they expect from them, and frankly, women are getting tired of having to be teachers and mothers and caregivers to people who are supposedly grown ups. And yes, "not all men...", but at some point, people get burnt out and don't care, sorry.

I logged on this evening to a notice from the r/askmen mods saying I've been perma banned. No mention of what rule I broke or anything, just "yur banned, hur hur". I'm not fighting it. I don't belong there anymore.

To all you Parents out there who might not consider themselves Fathers, but don't want to take the spotlight from their childrens' Mothers on her day.

​

Yes, MtFs can me mothers, yes, please feel free to be happy and celebrated on whichever day you choose! This post isn't about debating which day is for whom! My ex carried and gave actual birth to my children, and so I feel she deserves a day to spotlight her dedication and sacrifice. I choose Other Parents' day, knowing that I have contributed greatly in my own way to who my children are and will grow to be, and i'm ok with that. For those who still think of themselves as Fathers, **HAPPY FATHER'S DAY**, too!

​

Or, ya'know, hope you're have a lovely Sunday, whatever the hell is going on 🤗🙏💜🌈🤣🫂 Happy Pride, all!

53, MTF. I've been expecting this for a while now, honestly. Technically they're not even my family any more, even though they have been for 30-ish years. My ex and I got divorced 3 years ago, before I started my transition, but even during the separation and after the divorce, I was welcome to come to holiday dinners. Then I started my transition. I boymoded at first, of course, but the last few dinners I've been getting more and more feminine with my style. After this past Easter, I asked my ex sister in law what she thought of me coming more as myself, since I feel she's the most accepting of the bunch. At first she didn't write me back, then said she needed time to formulate a well thought out answer. Que radio silence for several months. Then I see her this past Saturday at my small town's spring arts, crafts, and bee and honey themed festival, with her son. I was dressed as my authentic, whimsical self: black blouse with a white, lacy, frilly cover-up, wide maxi skirt, flowery sandals, plenty of jewelery, hand died bandana over my hair, purse over my shoulder, and we exchanged maybe two sentences. I read the room, and let her be. I wrote her this morning, saying essentially "message received", thinking if she couldn't even talk to me in public with only her son around, not even her bigoted husband and father-in-law around, then I wasn't going to be welcome as myself in their home.

She wrote me back, and said that while if it was just her, she'd happily have me around, and that she's proud of me for being my authentic, true self in our small, conservative town, but it's not just her, she has the aforementioned husband and father in law, and her 2 school age sons. She said that we should hold off on family dinners, that she has to honor her immediate family's feelings, also.

So that's it. The last of my family, besides my own kids, done, for now anyway. I fell apart after reading her message. Fortunately I was in the middle of a VA video therapy group at the time, and one of the therapists stepped out of the virtual group with me to help me through it. I'm sad, but, like I said, I figured this was coming at some point. Anyway if you made it this far, thank you, and I hope you're all having a better day than me. 🫂💜🙏

So, first off, I have essentially no recent dating experience, at 53. I married at 23, was married for 27-ish years, and divorced for 3. I always thought of myself as hetero, though deep down I was bi-curious, and since my egg cracked it's only gotten stronger, but because I'm post divorce, plus transitioning, I've only dreamed about dating. I'm starting to feel like that's changing, tho.

I started my transition about 2 2/2 years ago, bit over 2 on HRT, so I've femanized somewhat (softer skin, softening of my face, boobs, less body hair) but I still feel like I'm a long way from passing. I want bottom surgery, and maybe FFS, but with money being tight like it is, that's way down the road.

For those of you with experience, how are pre-op trans women viewed by the gay guys you know? Are we seen as masculine enough to be attractive? Does it matter to them if we have a peen or not? I suppose post-op would be a no go for most.

I just see so many stories of girls in this sub being rejected by hetero guys because of who we are, and wondered if straight guys were the only option.

I apologize if I was insensitive or derivative (like I suppose a gay man would only be interested in whether you have a penis or not)

Imagine the Matrix is real. You've spent years getting HRT, surgeries, you've fully transitioned, living a good life, but find out the Matrix is a thing, and want out. The idea you're living in a cage is driving you nuts, that all the effort and work you've poured into your life, it only exists because a machine decides to devote 1s and 0s to making sure it continues to do so.

So Morphius finds you, and offers you his famous red pill and blue pill, but says "you have to realize, though, that all the effort you've put into your transition, like everything else in your life, that's only in your mind. If you swallow the red pill, you will wake up in the body of a man/woman, and there's no HRT in Zion. We don't have the means." What do you do? Take the red pill, escape the cage, but in your pretransition body. You're only your true gender if you can jack into Matrix, where your residual self image reasserts itself. Or take the blue pill, and hope you never learn of the cage again, but live your life fully as your chosen self?

I hate to admit that without a compelling reason to go red, that blue pill would probably be singing an irresistible siren's song for me.

Editing to add: I'm aware that the Matrix is an analogy for transitioning itself and this wasn't meant to reference that out of movie-world context. My hypothetical was meant to be addressed as a "we are living in a Matrix like simulation, using all the in-movie-world plot elements from that story.

The seeming nightmarish idea of suddenly waking up to find out all your work had been undone because you took that red pill seemed like an interesting discussion point, so I thought I'd share.