u/suicidal-babe

you could argue that it's a good thing. but to me it's the absolute worst outcome. I wish i was dead because at least I wouldn't have to keep suffering the consequences of their abuse into my adulthood. they hurt me in every way you can imagine. physically and mentally. the physical abuse was the worst part of it. I won't get into details because it's disturbing

how could someone do this to their child? how could you beat your kid so bad until they can barely breathe? why aren't they getting punished for this? why can't I take revenge? how is that fair? why are they allowed to destroy me while I should just forgive and move on ? why do I have to keep living with all this trauma? even adults can't handle that much abuse, let alone a kid

hello everyone. I'm a 24 year old trans girl living in the middle east. I'm pre-transition and don't have access to hormones for obvious reasons. I look masculine just as an average guy. and it doesn't help me to be kind towards myself. I remain closeted for safety reasons

I'm tired. I'm genuinely beyond exhausted. I just wanna vent and express my frustration without being treated like an ungrateful and whiny person. I just wanna look and feel pretty. I just want someone to hug me and hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay. why is it such a sin to ask for reassurance when my existence is so crushing and difficult?

I wish I had a better life. I don't know why things like these happen to me. I feel envious when I see girls having access to hormones and pretty clothes and makeup. I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible for many reasons other than looking masculine. I just wish I didn't live this way. it's hard to maintain any shred of hope.

I think it slightly bothers me how little I care about people leaving me.

what do i mean by this: if every single person I know right now just died or disappeared from my life, nothing in my day will change. best case scenario is that I feel some emptiness and loneliness. but i always feel like that so it's nothing new.

I became this way after feeling extremely hurt when people stopped talking to me. I feel like i should care more but I couldn't fake that. i hate faking emotions. especially offering sympathy when I couldn't care less

since I graduated from high school, I never really knew what i wanted to do in life. I had to drop out of university at some point because I was too depressed and suicidal to continue.

since then, I spent years alone in my room. in extreme isolation. I never saw sunlight for weeks. not even human connection was a thing.

during that time I gained a lot of self awareness. but also I gained a lot of pain that destroyed me. life is not the same anymore.

everything feels gray. I feel completely broken, burnt out, and done with life.

I'm not looking for a goal, not looking for motivation, nothing. I just wanna die and disappear forever. like I never existed.

I'm completely overwhelmed right now. my whole face is tense and it hurts. and im stuck like this. I feel a deep sense of doom like something terrible was about to happen all day. my place is a mess and I been eating like shit. I couldn't brush my teeth for days and my gums are bleeding and my clothes are dirty. I'm either eating something to cope or watching YouTube or porn or keep falling asleep all over the place. and im so dehydrated. I just want it to stop. why can't I stop myself from spiraling

honestly I'm just venting about 2 people in particular. I reached out to them first because they seemed to be struggling with loneliness like I do. and i assumed we shared similar mindsets.

but i swear to God, they're not helping me stay connected with them at all. talking with them felt like extracting information, not a conversation. they delay their responses for hours. to the point where I lose interest in that topic itself. not to mention the emotional manipulation and straight up lying to my face. it's just frustrating.

i try my absolute hardest to respond early, especially with someone I chose to talk with. it builds a certain level of trust I think. so even when I delay my responses later, it wouldn't feel too bad for any of us. but that's just not the case with these 2 people. I just think it's time for me to cut them off

I'm just sitting there waiting for the class to end. I couldn't care less about anyone or anything surrounding me rn. Just existing in my own bubble inside my head. I wanna leave and go home and lay in my bed. I hate everything

it feels like I was born to be miserable in every way possible. I was abused as a kid physically, mentally and sexually. I am a deeply isolated person. I am paranoid and have trust issues. I am anxious, depressed and suicidal every single day. I was never touched by person romantically. I'm emotionally starved and miserable. it's a miracle I'm still alive. and i fucking hate it. because i don't wanna be alive. why couldn't I have normal parents? a healthy relationship? why did my parents bring me to this world just to screw me over? my whole existence feels pointless

I've been living alone since I was 18. It was extremely difficult at first. And usually came with a lot depression and suicidal ideation. I tried to make close friends. I went through all the shit and desperation. That suffocation you feel when you're so desperate for human connection but it never happens. It was really bad. But it's finally paying off, slowly.

I've been finding more enjoyment and fulfillment on my own. I don't really need someone just to feel happy or complete. I used to believe that someone will come into my life and fix me. I was so fucking desperate for this. But it's a lie. That never happens. And I'm happy do that for myself instead of waiting for someone else.

I'm just not desperate for connection anymore. I don't go out of my way to make friends. I never ask anyone out. I don't need it. But this doesn't mean I'm closed off completely. And it doesn't mean that loneliness doesn't hurt at all. Both can be true at the same time.

There is a certain kind of peace that comes from dropping the whole act. I don't tweak my speech or behavior just to attract people. I'll be an asshole when I feel like it. I'll be gentle whenever I want. I don't give a fuck if it pushes people away. I was so afraid of doing this in the past. But not anymore.

Sorry if this is unrelated. I just didn't know where else to post it. Yall are cool people.

I was out in the supermarket today. Just shopping for cheese. And the worker at the deli section has always been nice to me. He smiles, greets me enthusiastically, hands me the cleanest platters. That sorta thing

I wanted to get him something nice in return. because he made me feel nice. So i bought some chocolate from the same supermarket, after that i went back inside the store, i wanted to give it to him. He said that he couldn't. And he'll get in trouble and might lose his job if the cameras see him accepting gifts from me.

Like what the fuck. Can't even be nice to someone without some bullshit happening? What is even the point of threatening these people to lose their job over some chocolate. I don't get it. Just makes me feel more shitty about the world.