u/sword_ofthe_morning

Have you guys ever experienced this?

To the point where any attempt to engage / reason with them, is met with hysterics?

I genuinely found it shocking at how quickly such a situation can escalate. Even my wife (who was present) admitted she now understands why some men develop cynicism/resentment towards women. And how easily they (men) can fall into a trap where they're labelled as the bad guy.

And for me personally, it was an eye-opener. If you're interested the below explains what happened. But my questions for you folks is....

• If you've ever experienced false accusations like this?
• How you deal with a person who knows how to play the victim?
• How you deal with a person goes into hysterics to worsen the situation?

The incident:

This afternoon my wife and I were at a bank (she had an appointment).

Despite us arriving on time for our allocated slot, she was made to wait for over an hour past her original appointment time. Upon each update (that my wife had to get up and chase for) she kept getting palmed off by an abrupt, rude receptionist who provided no explanation for the wait. My wife really dislikes confrontation or complaining, and so she kept accepting her dismissals.

I instead lost my patience on the final time she got palmed off. Especially when numerous other customers were coming and going after us. I approached the desk demanding to know why she wasn't being seen to. Admittedly, I was direct. No niceties, as I felt she was taking liberties with my wife's soft approach.

Very quickly she played the victim, claiming I was making her feel uncomfortable.

When I tried to find out the exact reasons for the wait, she refused to engage. When I asked if my wife will be seen to, she said she wasn't comfortable in dealing with us and wanted us to leave. When the security guard came over to find out what the problem was, she claimed I was being verbally abusive, threatening and intimidating towards her. At this point, a scene was being created in the bank.

Thankfully, my wife was present in all of this as well as the security guard himself, who assured me there weren't going to be any problems and her threats of escalating this won't go anywhere. Unfortunately I didn't have any of this recorded, but I'm hoping the security guard will be a sound witness.

Long story short....

I was recommended a tradesman (with good online reviews a good reputation in our local area) to install fences in our back garden. When receiving this recommendation I was also made aware of the exact price he charged.

This tradesman wasn't aware I knew this. And the quote he ended up giving me was:

1. 25% more expensive than the offer he was advertising on his website (which he claimed was an outdated offer)

2. Considerably more expensive (way more than 25%) than the price he charged the other customer, despite our job requiring less fencing.

I didn't reveal point no.2 to him. He's since sent me a couple of follow-up messages saying he can complete the job this next week, etc. He seems quite keen. I'm wondering whether it's even worth bartering with him, as I don't like the fact that he's tried overcharging me. Am I right in losing trust in him? Or should I give him a pass on a trick that, in all fairness, many of these tradesmen use?

Under a news article/post about an old lady getting mugged (It's all caught on camera) where the law-breaking is blatantly there to see, is an exchange like the below justified from me?

>Me: "That's terrible. How can someone get away with it in broad daylight?"
Them: "With what? lol you don't know what happened before that"

Now, at this point I could explain with in calm tone that it's unlikely the old lady would've provoked him. But if I instead immediately go for the jugular...

>Me: "You really are as stupid as you look. And a special kind of low-life to justify this attack"

.....am I letting myself down?

I've always believed that in a debate/argument/discussion, if you're in the right you won't need to resort to personal insults. The moment you do, it's because you're losing.

But in the face of such people who can't be engaged with reason/facts (and where you've attempted to reason with them), is it more acceptable to then treat them like the idiots they are?

I made the below thread only a year ago when I was on the verge of buying a replacement:

https://www.reddit.com/r/fitbit/s/nNWB1Oc2v2

Some replies are still going, which is a good reason to make this thread and ask why Fitbit fail to address this issue?

Because just a year on from this thread, my latest Fitbit (just a year old) has also died. Maybe it is bad luck on my part, but this is an appalling track record in terms of battery performance. And I'm not one that over-uses my Fitbits either. I kept them on minimal settings to preserve battery. They were put through their paces only for exercise (going to gym or for runs).

Gutted about all the data I will lose and not be able to carry forward into my next fitness device, but being forced to spend £120-140 every 12-24 months is not sustainable anymore.

Which begs the question, what exactly is the issue with their devices that makes their batteries so poor? I'm curious from a technical viewpoint.

The context....

Been married for 9 years. We live in Europe and currently very stable in our positions. We both:

• have secure jobs
• have a very good work-life balance - where we get to work from home in roles which we find very easy, and are able to tend to our personal/social needs without restrictions
• live in a comfortable spacious house (that we own, and don't rent)
• are fit, healthy and happy in our marriage

Are we earning crazy money? No. But we do live a comfortable middle-class lifestyle (in a nice neighbourhood), and not burdened by problems we see in other couples/families.

My wife however is drawn towards the Middle East lifestyle - sunshine, tax-free income, building wealth, etc. And lately she's been on the hunt for jobs there - because she genuinely thinks it would improve our future prospects.

The brother....

Last weekend after visiting her family, she came back with increased enthusiasm to move to the Middle East - with her brother encouraging her to go for it.

To be clear, her brother isn't intentionally causing trouble. He, from an outsider, simply agrees with her desire to earn more money and pursue a higher standard of living.

But in doing so, he inadvertently dismisses all of the below things that he IS aware of:

• We have a life/commitments here
• I've worked very hard to purchase and build the house we own (most people here aren't lucky enough to own their own properties)
• I've worked very long/hard to get into the dream industry/career I'm now in. I would have to give this up and search for something else, should we move to the Middle East.

Her brother (in his 40s) is single, lives with his parents, is unhappy, and unstable in his own career (he constantly switches jobs) and doesn't quite know what he himself wants in life. He's also notorious for making ill-informed decisions for himself which he later rues. He by no means is a bad person, but I felt angry that he in his position would weigh-in on such a big decision that affects another man who is happy in his life and would now (if this goes through) would have to uproot and give up everything he has worked for.

Am I wrong?....

My wife said I shouldn't be annoyed at him, and that this is my ego reacting. What do you folks think?

TDLR VERSION:

Wife and I live a stable/comfortable life here in Europe, but wife has lately expressed desire to uproot and move to Middle East. Her brother (who is single and not quite happy with his life) is encouraging her to do it - not considering how it will impact our marriage and what we have built here.