u/thebigorangedoor

So I (23M) have been clean for about 70 days, which is the longest I've gone without it. I feel more motivated to do things, I can actually sit through something without whipping out my phone, I have more confidence speaking with people, and overall I have no more brain fog. But with all this clarity, it made me think about how much this addiction had ruined my relationship.

I was in my first ever relationship a couple of months ago. We had known each other since elementary school and had been friends even during and after high school. I always had a thing for her but didn't know if she felt the same way, but as we got closer and closer we ended up texting, calling, and hanging out all the time. One thing led to another and we ended up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, which made me the happiest guy ever. I thought to myself, "I finally have a girlfriend, I won't be addicted to porn anymore!" But I realized that was far from the truth. The first time we ever did it, I couldn't even get it up and felt so embarrassed, but she was so understanding and kept saying I was just nervous. Deep down, though, I knew it was due to my addiction. Every subsequent time we tried, it would end up the same way, and as time passed she kept getting more annoyed. I remember looking at her and not feeling anything, because my mind was so accustomed to masturbating to and watching these porn stars with their unrealistic bodies. Looking back, I think to myself that I was such a horrible person. She would always think it was her fault and felt insecure about it, but I kept trying to reassure her that it wasn't her, that it was just me. One night, when we tried and she stopped, she asked if I had a porn addiction. I remember my heart sinking and getting so nervous when she asked me that. I remember lying to her, saying I didn't have one, but looking back now, she knew I was just bullshitting.

I remember that night I booked a therapist to talk about my problems, and it was great, but I didn't have the funds to keep going with the sessions, so I ended up relapsing again and again, feeling more and more disgusted with myself. I kept thinking, "I have such a beautiful and smart partner, why can't I quit for her?" I knew the consequences of my actions, yet I still did them. Whenever we did have sex and it was successful, I would always tell myself, "See, porn isn't the problem!" So I kept watching it, even though I knew it was destroying my sex life, because every time I watched it, I genuinely thought, "This is better than sex." After a while, we didn't work out, due to some glaring issues and several other underlying factors.

After that breakup, I continued watching porn over and over again, hoping it would numb the pain of the breakup, but it didn't. So one day I decided to get my shit together and start going to the gym, watching what I eat, running almost every day, getting 7–8 hours of sleep, and waking up early. I read a lot of posts from this subreddit and watched many videos about people going through the same addiction as me. And for some reason, it was like a light switch flipped in my brain, and I stopped feeling the urge to masturbate to porn or watch it at all.

But I think what I'm trying to say in this post is: why did it take getting ruined by this addiction for me to finally want to better my life? Why did this thing I couldn't stop for my girlfriend suddenly stop after she was gone? I just wish I had been able to change back then and still have her here. I wish I had told her the truth instead of keeping it a secret; maybe things would have gone differently if I hadn't lied. But I know I had to go through this pain to grow.

Thank you all for reading, and please let me know if anyone has had a similar experience.

So I (23M) have been clean for about 70 days, which is the longest I've gone without it. I feel more motivated to do things, I can actually sit through something without whipping out my phone, I have more confidence speaking with people, and overall I have no more brain fog. But with all this clarity, it made me think about how much this addiction had ruined my relationship.

I was in my first ever relationship a couple of months ago. We had known each other since elementary school and had been friends even during and after high school. I always had a thing for her but didn't know if she felt the same way, but as we got closer and closer we ended up texting, calling, and hanging out all the time. One thing led to another and we ended up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, which made me the happiest guy ever. I thought to myself, "I finally have a girlfriend, I won't be addicted to porn anymore!" But I realized that was far from the truth. The first time we ever did it, I couldn't even get it up and felt so embarrassed, but she was so understanding and kept saying I was just nervous. Deep down, though, I knew it was due to my addiction. Every subsequent time we tried, it would end up the same way, and as time passed she kept getting more annoyed. I remember looking at her and not feeling anything, because my mind was so accustomed to masturbating to and watching these porn stars with their unrealistic bodies. Looking back, I think to myself that I was such a horrible person. She would always think it was her fault and felt insecure about it, but I kept trying to reassure her that it wasn't her, that it was just me. One night, when we tried and she stopped, she asked if I had a porn addiction. I remember my heart sinking and getting so nervous when she asked me that. I remember lying to her, saying I didn't have one, but looking back now, she knew I was just bullshitting.

I remember that night I booked a therapist to talk about my problems, and it was great, but I didn't have the funds to keep going with the sessions, so I ended up relapsing again and again, feeling more and more disgusted with myself. I kept thinking, "I have such a beautiful and smart partner, why can't I quit for her?" I knew the consequences of my actions, yet I still did them. Whenever we did have sex and it was successful, I would always tell myself, "See, porn isn't the problem!" So I kept watching it, even though I knew it was destroying my sex life, because every time I watched it, I genuinely thought, "This is better than sex." After a while, we didn't work out, due to some glaring issues and several other underlying factors.

After that breakup, I continued watching porn over and over again, hoping it would numb the pain of the breakup, but it didn't. So one day I decided to get my shit together and start going to the gym, watching what I eat, running almost every day, getting 7–8 hours of sleep, and waking up early. I read a lot of posts from this subreddit and watched many videos about people going through the same addiction as me. And for some reason, it was like a light switch flipped in my brain, and I stopped feeling the urge to masturbate to porn or watch it at all.

But I think what I'm trying to say in this post is: why did it take getting ruined by this addiction for me to finally want to better my life? Why did this thing I couldn't stop for my girlfriend suddenly stop after she was gone? I just wish I had been able to change back then and still have her here. I wish I had told her the truth instead of keeping it a secret; maybe things would have gone differently if I hadn't lied. But I know I had to go through this pain to grow.

Thank you all for reading, and please let me know if anyone has had a similar experience.

Hey everyone, I'm 23M and just starting my psych degree at Langara this fall. I'm looking for a part-time job to have alongside school, ideally something that gives me some relevant experience for later.

A few things I've seen floating around are stuff like ABA therapy/behavior interventionist work, being a research assistant, working at a group home or as a support worker, or even just something in customer service.

For anyone who's been through a psych program (or is in one now) what worked for you? Did you go for something psych related to build your resume early, or just take whatever paid the bills and focus energy on school instead? Also curious if anyone has tips on where to even look for these kinds of jobs in the Vancouver/Lower Mainland area.

Appreciate any advice!

So I (23M) have been clean for about 70 days, which is the longest I've gone without it. I feel more motivated to do things, I can actually sit through something without whipping out my phone, I have more confidence speaking with people, and overall I have no more brain fog. But with all this clarity, it made me think about how much this addiction had ruined my relationship.

I was in my first ever relationship a couple of months ago. We had known each other since elementary school and had been friends even during and after high school. I always had a thing for her but didn't know if she felt the same way, but as we got closer and closer we ended up texting, calling, and hanging out all the time. One thing led to another and we ended up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, which made me the happiest guy ever. I thought to myself, "I finally have a girlfriend, I won't be addicted to porn anymore!" But I realized that was far from the truth. The first time we ever did it, I couldn't even get it up and felt so embarrassed, but she was so understanding and kept saying I was just nervous. Deep down, though, I knew it was due to my addiction. Every subsequent time we tried, it would end up the same way, and as time passed she kept getting more annoyed. I remember looking at her and not feeling anything, because my mind was so accustomed to masturbating to and watching these porn stars with their unrealistic bodies. Looking back, I think to myself that I was such a horrible person. She would always think it was her fault and felt insecure about it, but I kept trying to reassure her that it wasn't her, that it was just me. One night, when we tried and she stopped, she asked if I had a porn addiction. I remember my heart sinking and getting so nervous when she asked me that. I remember lying to her, saying I didn't have one, but looking back now, she knew I was just bullshitting.

I remember that night I booked a therapist to talk about my problems, and it was great, but I didn't have the funds to keep going with the sessions, so I ended up relapsing again and again, feeling more and more disgusted with myself. I kept thinking, "I have such a beautiful and smart partner, why can't I quit for her?" I knew the consequences of my actions, yet I still did them. Whenever we did have sex and it was successful, I would always tell myself, "See, porn isn't the problem!" So I kept watching it, even though I knew it was destroying my sex life, because every time I watched it, I genuinely thought, "This is better than sex." After a while, we didn't work out, due to some glaring issues and several other underlying factors.

After that breakup, I continued watching porn over and over again, hoping it would numb the pain of the breakup, but it didn't. So one day I decided to get my shit together and start going to the gym, watching what I eat, running almost every day, getting 7–8 hours of sleep, and waking up early. I read a lot of posts from this subreddit and watched many videos about people going through the same addiction as me. And for some reason, it was like a light switch flipped in my brain, and I stopped feeling the urge to masturbate to porn or watch it at all.

But I think what I'm trying to say in this post is: why did it take getting ruined by this addiction for me to finally want to better my life? Why did this thing I couldn't stop for my girlfriend suddenly stop after she was gone? I just wish I had been able to change back then and still have her here. I wish I had told her the truth instead of keeping it a secret; maybe things would have gone differently if I hadn't lied. But I know I had to go through this pain to grow.

Thank you all for reading, and please let me know if anyone has had a similar experience.

So I have been 60+ days off of porn and masturbation and feel awesome. But the other night I had an urge to masturbate and got really scared that i relapsed. I didn't watch porn or look at any photos I sorta just did it. It was weird, i didn't have any thoughts of porn or anyone in my mind but was still able to masturbate and finish.

I was reading some posts in the sub reddit and found some peoples saying it was okay to do so and some saying it isn't.

I just want to know some new opinions on the matter. Thank you!

So I have been 60+ days off of porn and masturbation and feel awesome. But the other night I had an urge to masturbate and got really scared that i relapsed. I didn't watch porn or look at any photos I sorta just did it. It was weird, i didn't have any thoughts of porn or anyone in my mind but was still able to masturbate and finish.

I was reading some posts in the sub reddit and found some peoples saying it was okay to do so and some saying it isn't.

I just want to know some new opinions on the matter. Thank you!

It's been 60 days since watching or masturbating to porn and i feel great. i feel like i finally have energy and there isn't any more brain fog.

For the longest time i thought that i lived a very stressful life but in actuality it was my addiction to porn that i was too scared to admit.

This is the longest time i have went without porn and everyday gets easier. I am not going to lie i do get scared that what if my future self decides to ruin this streak? I am starting school soon so i hope the stress doesnt get the best of me!

23m. I discovered porn when i was around 12 years old and have watched it everday since. As a kid I never thought it was a bad thing and would masturbate or look at photos all the time after school and late at night. As a kid I looked and watched the most random stuff and anything that had an inkling of something nsfw I would masturbate.

Obviously as a kid I never thought it would take over my life or that i was addicted but as i got older (17-20) I realized i had a really bad addiction to it but was too scared to admit it. I was already addicted to marjuana at the time (which at the time i also believed that i wasn’t) so thinking that these 2 things were controlling me scared the shit out of me. It was only until i had my first ever relationship i finally realized the effects it had taken on me all this time. the first time we did it i couldnt get it up and it really embarrassed me. but she was understanding but every subsequent time she would get annoyed and wondered why nothing was working. anytime she was wanting to do something i felt so bored and not into it. at the time i never understood how badly this mustve hurt her and i feel like a fucking terrible person. She asked me one night if i had a porn addiction and i nervously said “no” but in all honesty i knew i had a severe addiction. After that night i tried to go into therapy but didnt have the money to keep on going and slowly went back into my old habits feeling horrible about myself. I thought that after getting into a relationship this thing would finally leave my brain but it never did.

after a while we broke up. there were a multitude of factors on why we didnt work out but in retrospect my addiction was an issue. i never told her just cause i was so scared of what she would think of me. now that i look back at it i wish i told her. After the breakup i would watch porn and masturbate all the time but as the weeks went on i felt more and more empty inside. After a bit i decided to actually do something and my brain randomly clicked. i started going to the gym 6 days a week, running 3 days a week, and picking up new hobbies. I started really focusing on my sleep and body which made me have no urges or reason for me to watch porn or masturbate. i have been clean for 59 days and i feel great. There are some days that the urges get really intense but i usually just leave the house or i really concentrate about the urges and let it sub side after 10 minutes. the urges are getting less and less frequent and after deleting all social media like twitter and instagram it has become easier for me to avoid triggers.

really want this trend to keep going! wish me luck

23m. I discovered porn when i was around 12 years old and have watched it everday since. As a kid I never thought it was a bad thing and would masturbate or look at photos all the time after school and late at night. As a kid I looked and watched the most random stuff and anything that had an inkling of something nsfw I would masturbate.

Obviously as a kid I never thought it would take over my life or that i was addicted but as i got older (17-20) I realized i had a really bad addiction to it but was too scared to admit it. I was already addicted to marjuana at the time (which at the time i also believed that i wasn’t) so thinking that these 2 things were controlling me scared the shit out of me. It was only until i had my first ever relationship i finally realized the effects it had taken on me all this time. the first time we did it i couldnt get it up and it really embarrassed me. but she was understanding but every subsequent time she would get annoyed and wondered why nothing was working. anytime she was wanting to do something i felt so bored and not into it. at the time i never understood how badly this mustve hurt her and i feel like a fucking terrible person. She asked me one night if i had a porn addiction and i nervously said “no” but in all honesty i knew i had a severe addiction. After that night i tried to go into therapy but didnt have the money to keep on going and slowly went back into my old habits feeling horrible about myself. I thought that after getting into a relationship this thing would finally leave my brain but it never did.

after a while we broke up. there were a multitude of factors on why we didnt work out but in retrospect my addiction was an issue. i never told her just cause i was so scared of what she would think of me. now that i look back at it i wish i told her. After the breakup i would watch porn and masturbate all the time but as the weeks went on i felt more and more empty inside. After a bit i decided to actually do something and my brain randomly clicked. i started going to the gym 6 days a week, running 3 days a week, and picking up new hobbies. I started really focusing on my sleep and body which made me have no urges or reason for me to watch porn or masturbate. i have been clean for 59 days and i feel great. There are some days that the urges get really intense but i usually just leave the house or i really concentrate about the urges and let it sub side after 10 minutes. the urges are getting less and less frequent and after deleting all social media like twitter and instagram it has becoming easier for me to avoid triggers.

really want this trend to keep going! wish me luck