u/thecoolercaillou

18 years old, it’s time for college applications. But as I talk to people my age, I realize I am woefully unprepared. And that’s not an immoral thing. It’s just the fact that I’m not as great or special as I thought I was creeping in. Actually, it’s the fact that I’m realizing what kind of person I am and what statistically is ahead for me.

Let me tell you what I’ve spent the past 18 years doing. I was a nightmare child. Always the bullied crybaby victim, the ruthless bully that picked on others for fun, the sulky jealous kid that didn’t win, the kid who disrespected teachers, and so on. Anything bad, that was me. I’m not gonna say that’s solid evidence that I’m a piece of shit, because that’s pretty lazy. Kids can be dumb and develop late-onset maturity. Just not me.

I was more covert in acting out as a teenager. I still did crappy things, but I “balanced” it out by telling myself to almost be like a “servant” to other people so I would have a social life. Let me tell you what that meant for me; pretend to care about others as much as possible. Ask as many questions as possible. Express feeling as terrible as possible for the slightest mishaps. Beat myself up as much as possible for everything.

This worked, and I was pretty well-liked. I knew this years-long act was that, an act. I could feel the leash I was putting on myself, I knew there was something “dormant” inside of me. Whenever I neutrally expressed feeling like I was a bad person to my therapists ever since I was 13, they’d laugh it off or be profoundly confused. They’d tell me I have low self-esteem, that a bad person wouldn’t recognize it, and that I’m very polite and honest, so I cannot possibly be bad. I could never bring myself to elaborate due to all the temporary relief that brought.

I am never fully honest with therapists in general. I don’t see other people as people the way I see myself as a person. I never have. As long as I can remember, I’ve always felt like I was the only conscious person on Earth, and could not comprehend that other people have full thoughts and feelings in the way I do.

I’ve always treated people accordingly without even realizing it, like two-dimensional cardboard cutouts that happen to be in my life. This could be expressed though loud childhood bullying to simply dumping all my problems on my friends because I never assume they wouldn’t be in the mood for it. Shame and embarrassment are absolutely unbearable for me, it feels like every part of my body is being brutally attacked, so I never learn from my mistakes.

Let’s just say since turning 18, that act has slipped, and I’ve really been acting “true” to myself in the way I always knew I would due to my newfound freedom. I really was just never given the chance to express it as a kid growing up in group therapy. So, in terms of college and my future, let’s also just say you don’t look at people with my history and say, “Yeah, this person is gonna do great things, make a positive impact on others, and have a grand life.” You say, “This person is going to drop out of college and drink themselves to death by 35, all while thinking they are completely justified the whole time.”

So I really cannot stand when people talk to me about college applications. Where’s the place for all the bad people of the world besides an early grave?

I am a writer researching for a novel exploring the theme of being considered “unsavable.” I’d like to learn about how it feels to be labeled as such from different perspectives and circumstances. If you were thought of as hopeless, untreatable, and so on, I want to hear your story. It could be for any reason on any scale.

Thank you! :-)

My mother and I (F18) have been in constant conflict lately. I met a boy (M18) recently at a cosplay convention, and we really hit it off. The chemistry was explosive. I had never held hands or kissed anyone at that point, yet we did both on the first date the day after we met (I initiated everything, he was very respectful).

My mother was furious with me for forgetting to answer her text messages on the first date. On top of that, I called an ambulance while she was vacuuming because I was uncontrollably vomiting blood clots and couldn’t keep any food or water down around the same time. She said I could have waited, I was fine, I wasn’t going to die “yet”, and so on. She was even angrier when the doctors determined it to be a severe side effect from the Zepbound she was giving me for weight loss, even though I said it was a “friend” who was giving it to me.

The boy and I wanted to hang out again. My mother wanted my Life360 on, his uncensored driver’s license, and his mother’s name + phone number. We complied, but because he censored the address and ID number of the photo, she forbade me from going at the last moment. I snuck out for the first time in my life the next day to the local mall 5 minutes away like we had planned. However, she became enraged when Life360 said we were driving around to different malls, and my father had to call his mother to ask him to drive me home early. He almost didn’t want to see me again after all the parental drama.

It’s not just about some boy. I’ve slowly been becoming more independent in general (with my money), though my mother is objecting. I booked a hair trim before school started; she called it stupid and had me cancel it. I ordered a service for the very overdue laundry because I was too nervous to ask her how to do it; she started crying and saying she no longer has a child, that an alien has replaced her daughter. I shop at the mall 5 minutes away with my Life360 on after texting her about where I’ll be going; she is angry with me upon coming home because I should have shown her the text, as she apparently didn’t see it, though she didn’t even know that I was gone before I returned. She says whenever I leave the house, it must be “coordinated.”

The boy and I have started to simply meet in locations closer to where he lives. We truly are hitting it off: we can’t stop laughing at stupid stuff when we’re together, we can talk for hours about anything, and we have similar nerdy interests. But my relationship with my mother is rapidly deteriorating. I ran into her downstairs yesterday while getting something, and was chastised for just greeting her and scurrying away. She insisted that I’ve always hated her, and that she could see it even in the way I was standing. I tried to tell her I do not hate her, but she was dead-set on this idea, and she was doing this weird smile and sarcastic laugh the whole time that made me just wanna get the hell out of there.

I went upstairs; she couldn’t find me and snapped, “Where is that (b-word)?” And proceeded to lecture me about how as long as I’m under her roof, I will respect her and such. She then called my dad and said I should live with him, only for her to tell him she doesn’t want me to the next day—this is the second time this has happened.

My dad supports me in private, but will just nod and passively agree if my mom is chewing me out in front of him. He’s not allowed to come to the house anymore, so he’s been more supportive these days. He met the boy and finds him to be polite and respectful, and he thinks it’s fine for me to start dating at 18. He thinks my mom just needs time and doesn’t want me to move in with him, as he wants us to be close again and thinks she’ll fall apart if I move out while she’s dealing with a lot of unrelated stress.

I feel like her punching bag. When this all started, I would get nocturnal panic attacks and constantly be anxious about whether or not I was screwing my life up, but now I just feel constantly disassociated. I don’t feel anything thinking about this situation. I don’t want to put all my energy into repairing a relationship with someone who currently gets pissed off to see me and starts chewing me out immediately, calling me a “b-word” half the time. Maybe in the future, but I’m currently in a credit recovery high school for my senior year—the harder I work, the sooner I can graduate. Not to mention I’m dealing with the first romance of my life with someone who mutually respects and enjoys me, though I know family should come before that.

As selfish as it sounds, I just…don’t wanna deal with this right now. I don’t want to run into my mother and scurry around the house to avoid getting chewed out, I don’t wanna beg for her forgiveness, I don’t want to negotiate my freedom and independence with her at family therapy sessions however many times a week. I’m supposed to be convincing her not to leave the house right now at my dad’s request, but I don’t know what to text her. Anything about how I want her to stay or how I want to stay here would be a lie right now. I just want to slither away from this situation and hide. What do I do?

TL;DR: I’ve started to date and try to handle things like appointments myself at 18, which triggered extreme, weeks-long anger from mother. The house is tense, and I have to creep around it to avoid getting chewed out upon being spotted. My dad sympathizes and tries to reason with her, but does not want me to move in because he fears she’ll have a nervous breakdown if I do, even though she keeps almost kicking me out to his house and changing her mind. I’m supposed to be convincing her not to leave the house right now and apologizing, but I’m writing this instead, because I don’t want to blatantly lie and put more of my energy into repairing this right now. Please give me some advice.

I’ve (F18) started going out with a boy (M18) I met at a cosplay convention. My parents (M71 & F55) required his uncensored driver’s license, mother’s name and phone number, and Life360 on to meet him at the mall. They still forbade me from going in the end, as the license was partially censored, so I just left out of frustration (with my location on and a texted explanation). However, because they saw we were driving around to different malls, my mother began panicking, and my dad called his mother to tell him to bring me home. I was not contacted throughout all this panicking, except by a family friend who begged me to come home, as my mother was going to have a “heart attack or stroke.”

My mother says I’m lucky I have people who want to watch my location. She says there were human traffickers and drunks on the street when the call was made, even though it was 5:30 PM at a Panera Bread. My parents say my age doesn’t matter, as I am acting emotionally immature and irresponsible, and cannot be trusted. My mother cites a time I smoked weed with a friend at 15 as an example of why I am not that trustworthy, even though I am a straight-A student who has never kissed/held hands, snuck out, been to a party, had a boyfriend, etc. But she doesn’t care, as I was a child, and that was what I was supposed to do.

I ordered a laundry service because of all the fighting and name-calling in the house over this boy, I was simply too shy to ask her how to do my laundry and needed it before my senior year started. She found the bags ready for pickup and began crying, saying she doesn’t have a child/daughter anymore, and she is tired of me trying to “prove” my independence. She keeps mocking these decisions, like booking a hair appointment or looking for a job. My parents threatened to cut me off financially if I snuck out again and said they will no longer give me money, as I’ve been using old birthday and writing contest money on my card through all this, and called me a spoiled brat and a “b-word.”

I really do like this boy, even though we almost parted ways after the stressful drama with my parents and the phone call. We get along amazingly and have similar geeky interests. My mother can “tell” I have feelings for him based on the way she saw me hug him, which she keeps calling me “desperate” for due to his height and “ugliness.” But it’s deeper than just a guy: I feel terrified to do anything on my own or act like a legal adult. My parents are well-off and tell me “our house, our rules”, but forbid me from moving out at the same time, which would be impossible regardless right now with my senior year. I know they love me and want to protect me, but I just want to spread my wings a little. I feel like any more mentions of moving out, getting a job, or doing anything myself will be met with more anger as though I am betraying them and their love.

TLDR: I feel terrified to assert some independence or go out with a romantic interest at 18 without being berated, given the silent treatment, or cut off financially. What do I do?

It was going amazing. We were laughing and talking up a storm. We met a cosplay convention, and it took a week for me to almost convince my parents to let me see him (M17) again. I was called a bitch, not a “lady”, untrustworthy, even though I’m a straight-A student who has never snuck out, been to a party, had a boyfriend, or even kissed/held hands with anyone. They agreed to it, but they wanted a photo of his driver’s license, Life360 on, and his mother’s phone number and name. We reluctantly complied.

My parents were furious he censored sensitive information like the ID number, license plate, and address in the photo, even though he offered to show it in-person or text the address to them after. They deemed it “hostile” and “disrespectful.” They said last minute I could not go to the date, but at 11AM today, I took an Uber to the location and explained my side of the story, enabling my Life360 as well. They accepted it as long as the location was on and said they were “not upset with me”, but that we would “talk.”

He was mildly uncomfortable and tense throughout the duration of the date due to all this, even though he assured me it was not my fault. Well, I came out of the restroom, only for him to be severely anxious and quite pissed off. He said my father called his mother and said “something”, and now he has to drive me back early. I open my phone, and my mother’s friend is texting me that my mother is bordering a “heart attack or stroke”, that sneaking out was not “the way.”

We held hands. We kissed. We laughed, we talked about anything and everything, despite his mild discomfort with the parental situation. He was upfront and told me he isn’t sure if he wants to see me again due to my parents, even though he truly likes me. I know there will be other boys. I know this is not the end of the world. But goddamn, does this hurt. I’m entering my senior year in high school, so I’m not sure if I can move out. The house exploded into chaos when I brought it up last time too. What the hell do I do?

I went to a cosplay convention last week and ended up meeting a sweet guy my age. We went on a date/hangout for the next day of the convention with explosive chemistry, and ended the night kissing for quite a bit. I took an Uber home at 11, and he drove back home to his parents. I have no history of “promiscuity”, I had never even held anybody’s hand before this. I’m a straight A student, only have had one B in my entire high school career. No drugs, no drinking, never been to a party or snuck out.

My mom was texting me constantly, but people were taking photos with us in our matching cosplays, we were talking up a storm about anything and everything, and I was caught up in the excitement of a first date. I know it was inconsiderate, but it truly slipped my mind while it was buried in my bag, not to mention it was dead, although I did have a power bank I was forgetting to use.

The next day, my mother and I had an argument about something unrelated, and I was preparing to go hang out with the guy at his house. We both agreed we had no intention to do anything crazy, especially due to his parents being home, we truly just got along and wanted to see each other. I told my mother I was going to head out, and she started screaming about how I was a bitch, saying over her dead body I was going, that I was going to go “accommodate” him.

I talked to my dad about going to a mall this weekend with the guy, who I’ve been talking to on the phone all this time. My dad thought it was okay for me to start dating at 18 and simply wanted to meet the guy, and talked to my mother about me seeing him.

When mother and I ran into each other yesterday, she started yelling, asking what kind of “lady” agrees to go to a boy’s house. She spat that I’m a bitch once again and told me to talk to her hand when I tried to defend myself. She started going on about how I’m calling her the “worst mother in the world” when I told her why I’m not coming out of my room. She was paranoid that I must have been “talking trash” about her the day I wanted to go to his house. She ended by saying I should live with my dad. She was blasting music at maximum volume that day, which she’s never done before.

That night, my parents told me I can go out with him in two days if I download Life360 or use some other kind of live GPS tracker for “safety”, along with giving my dad his driver’s license and his mother’s phone number. My dad is also going to meet the guy upon dropping me off and hang around in the mall, and has imposed a rule for us not to exit it.

My parents think I’m lucky that they’re overprotective, because that means they care. But this all feels so embarrassing and suffocating. Moving out is not possible, as I’m entering my senior year in high school now, and my parents actively oppose the idea. My parents also strongly feel like I am “not ready” and that I can’t survive in the real world. At the same, they just tell me “their house, their rules” when it comes to this guy. What do I do?

The summer I turned 15, I basically let myself botch my ADHD test to get Adderall (I was an insecure teenage girl who heard it could help you lose weight). My psychiatrist said the results were “inconsistent” and “unusual”, but I was diagnosed with ADHD anyway. I tried the low dose of Adderall XR I was prescribed a few times, but it made me unbelievably irritable, not to mention it gave me mild visual hallucinations. Requested to go off of it and didn’t look back.

Then, 1.5 years later (late November/early December 2024), I was suffering from very textbook mild depression due to stress at school, which mainly presented as fatigue and a lack of motivation. Seeing as I was still officially diagnosed with ADHD, I asked my psychiatrist if I could try ADHD meds again, as I hoped they would give me some much-needed energy. She gave me Vyvanse.

Before stimulants, I was going to sleep at 7PM and waking up at 4AM to exercise for an hour before going to school. People usually described me as polite, thoughtful, disciplined, calm, wise for my age, honest to a fault. My peers both liked and respected me as a person. But over the year I was on a steadily increasing dose of Vyvanse, my entire personality flipped.

I became horrendously lazy, temperamental, selfish, always seeming to make the worst decision with every choice and opportunity I was presented with. A cheating, lying little rat I despise, but can’t stop being. The best way I can describe it is that I stopped displaying goal-oriented behavior (I am doing X because I want to achieve Y), replacing it with impulse-oriented behavior (I am doing X because I want to do X in this moment, fuck the consequences, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there). Not just with using, but with everything, such as impulsively deciding to cut off good friends or chase a new hobby for a couple weeks that I never once showed interest in prior.

Once my psychiatrist prescribed me additional Adderall IR “boosters” early this year, it was game over. On an average day, I take 3x the IR dose.

I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t keep excitably yapping about random shit to anyone who’ll listen when my Vyvanse peaks, even if they’re visibly annoyed. I can’t take the awful migraines I get when my meds wear off from clenching my face all day. I can’t take the random temper tantrums and crying spells I have. I can’t keep lounging around, taking more Adderall as I tell myself I’ll surely be “productive” after I take just a little more.

I’m craving both sobriety and my old life more than any prescription now. Throughout the last 1.5 years, I truly believed I needed my meds, that they were prescribed to me for a reason, that they made me better at my writing. But maybe that’s not true.

Am I even an addict? And if so, what the hell do I do? How do I tell my family and my psychiatrist after lying in their faces for all this time? Were the external circumstances of my life simply better before my meds, and that’s why I was mentally much healthier? Is that actually what I miss? How do I deal with the shame of the shitty things I’ve done while under this influence? How do I go back to normal, or at least rebuild my life while stuck at home, doing online high school?

Any advice, words of wisdom, similar experiences, or anything of that nature would be greatly appreciated. Open to DMs. Thank you for reading. :-)

The summer I turned 15, I basically let myself botch my ADHD test to get Adderall (I was an insecure teenage girl who heard it could help you lose weight). My psychiatrist said the results were “inconsistent” and “unusual”, but I was diagnosed with ADHD anyway. I tried the low dose of Adderall XR I was prescribed a few times, but it made me unbelievably irritable, not to mention it gave me mild visual hallucinations. Requested to go off of it and didn’t look back.

Then, 1.5 years later (late November/early December 2024), I was suffering from very textbook mild depression due to stress at school, which mainly presented as fatigue and a lack of motivation. Seeing as I was still officially diagnosed with ADHD, I asked my psychiatrist if I could try ADHD meds again, as I hoped they would give me some much-needed energy. She gave me Vyvanse.

Before stimulants, I was going to sleep at 7PM and waking up at 4AM to exercise for an hour before going to school. People usually described me as polite, thoughtful, disciplined, calm, wise for my age, honest to a fault. My peers both liked and respected me as a person. But over the year I was on a steadily increasing dose of Vyvanse, my entire personality flipped.

I became horrendously lazy, temperamental, selfish, always seeming to make the worst decision with every choice and opportunity I was presented with. A cheating, lying little rat I despise, but can’t stop being. The best way I can describe it is that I stopped displaying goal-oriented behavior (I am doing X because I want to achieve Y), replacing it with impulse-oriented behavior (I am doing X because I want to do X in this moment, fuck the consequences, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there). Not just with using, but with everything, such as impulsively deciding to cut off good friends or chase a new hobby for a couple weeks that I never once showed interest in prior.

Once my psychiatrist prescribed me additional Adderall IR “boosters” early this year, it was game over. On an average day, I take 3x the IR dose.

I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t keep excitably yapping about random shit to anyone who’ll listen when my Vyvanse peaks, even if they’re visibly annoyed. I can’t take the awful migraines I get when my meds wear off from clenching my face all day. I can’t take the random temper tantrums and crying spells I have. I can’t keep lounging around, taking more Adderall as I tell myself I’ll surely be “productive” after I take just a little more.

I’m craving both sobriety and my old life more than any prescription now. Throughout the last 1.5 years, I truly believed I needed my meds, that they were prescribed to me for a reason, that they made me better at my writing. But maybe that’s not true.

Am I even an addict? And if so, what the hell do I do? How do I tell my family and my psychiatrist after lying in their faces for all this time? Were the external circumstances of my life simply better before my meds, and that’s why I was mentally much healthier? Is that actually what I miss? How do I deal with the shame of the shitty things I’ve done while under this influence? How do I go back to normal, or at least rebuild my life while stuck at home, doing online high school?

Any advice, words of wisdom, similar experiences, or anything of that nature would be greatly appreciated. Open to DMs. Thank you for reading. :-)

TW: Suicidal ideation

Hello! I (F18) want to move out. My mother’s temper and complete isolation in the house after 1.5 years of doing online high school have taken their toll on my mental health. My once mild depression has now become severe. After one fight in particular, I was 100% ready to end it all, forming a plan for that day and weighing my options. I then realized I was a danger to myself and nearly walked to a nearby psychiatric hospital. I decided to shower before I went, and that calmed me down slightly, so I talked to 988 instead and just cried hysterically until the fight was over.

I love my mother. She planned a surprise trip to New York for me for my 18th birthday, which I hear she was very excited for. We had a plan to live in New York together. But it’s like each fight we have, I can feel myself being pushed towards an uglier place, especially since her anger has worsened due to marital issues.

I realized I am turning 18 soon and am not obligated to continue living with my mother. I started acting with my safety in mind. I asked to cancel the family trip, which I still feel horrible about. I told my parents I want to rent a room or rent a place with a roommate sometime soon. I told them explicitly I did not want to leech off of them, that I would sell goods of mine we’ve been meaning to sell for years for immediate cash, then work part-time to pay rent. I assured my mother that the fights and my mental health were nobody’s fault, we’re only human, and we just need time apart. She framed this as me “needing a break from her” and saying she is “toxic.” She started giving me the silent treatment.

The next day, I vented about my situation to a friend. I admit, I used some colorful language and made crude, spoiled jokes about how I don’t owe her for raising me for 18 years in accordance with the law. I know my mother went above and beyond in raising me, completely devoting herself to me throughout my struggles with mental health. I was just being a stupid teenager. Anyway, it turned out he needed a roommate too, so we brought up the idea of finding a place together. We did not make any decisions, and I said I wanted to talk about it with my parents first.

A few hours later, my mother burst into my room, and after a struggle, managed to snatch my phone. She went to the living room where my father was and revealed she went through my texts—via a computer logged into my iCloud, I now know—and when I asked why, she said “because I can”, and that it is “parenting.”

During the fight, my mother:

- Said she did it because she can and that it is “parenting.”
- Said I meant things “figuratively” whenever I denied her interpretations.
- Claimed I don’t love her or my father, and that I am lying when I say I do.
- Said I manipulate my father and use him, only spending time with him for these purposes.
- Said I was “sticking my nose” in their marriage.
- Lied about venting about my dad to me and encouraging me to turn against him.
- Said I am a “master manipulator.”
- Said signs have been there all my life, and she is “not surprised” about this.
- Referred to me as “this individual” the whole time instead of by name or “she.”

I will never forget the way she was smiling when she said that. It was like triumph. Like an “I got you. I exposed you for what you really are” smile you would give your worst enemy. I left the room at that point.

It was my 18th birthday yesterday. She’s been giving me the silent treatment for several days, and yesterday was no exception. I got a cake and flowers from the mother of a friend I cut ties with after he borderline begged me to send topless nudes to random guys on Snapchat because it was “funny.” I must have said no ten times before he gave up and settled for sending them messages about all the detailed ways “I” want to have sex with them from an account with my full name. I tried to stop it, and he got pissed at me for “ending the trolling.” My mother cut off her friendship with his mother too, but renewed it to vent about me apparently. I overheard their conversation, in which my dad was involved, before I just went outside. When I asked about this, my dad lied to my face and told me I was just hearing things.

I really need some advice. I do wanna note that I am working on getting my GED and my driver’s license this summer. I do have a plan to go to community college and then transfer to a state university immediately after I finish.

I just feel like the longer I stay isolated in this house, rotting away in my bedroom and wasting my youth, relying on only my mother for friendship while walking on eggshells around her, the harder the damage to my mental health will be to undo.

TW: Suicidal ideation

Hello! I (F18) want to move out. My mother’s temper and complete isolation in the house after 1.5 years of doing online high school have taken their toll on my mental health. Not to say I was “perfect” before, but my mild depression has now become severe depression. After one fight in particular, I was 100% ready to end it all, forming a plan for that day and weighing my options. I then realized I was a danger to myself and nearly walked to a nearby psychiatric hospital. My teenagehood was spent in mental health programs, so trust me when I say I know those are, for lack of a better world, hell. I decided to shower before I went, and that calmed me down slightly, so I talked to 988 instead and just cried hysterically until the fight was over.

I love my mother. She planned a surprise trip to New York for me for my 18th birthday, which I hear she was very excited for. We had a plan to live in New York together. But it’s like each fight we have, I can feel myself being pushed towards an uglier place, especially since her anger has worsened due to marital issues. And after being pushed to a place like that, I was shaken up, I admit it. I felt trapped in this situation I’ve been in for 1.5 years, but I realized that I’m going to be an adult in the eyes of the law soon. So I began to act with my safety in mind. I asked to cancel the family trip—I still feel god-awful about it, but I didn’t think it was the right move at the time. I told my parents I want to rent a room or rent a place with a roommate sometime soon. I told them explicitly I did not want to leech off of them, that I would sell goods of mine we’ve been meaning to sell for years for immediate cash, then work part-time to pay rent. I assured my mother that the fights and my mental health were nobody’s fault, we’re only human, and we just need time apart. She framed this as me “needing a break from her” and gave me the silent treatment.

The next day, I vented about my situation to a friend. I admit, I used some colorful language and made crude, spoiled jokes about how I don’t owe her for raising me for 18 years in accordance with the law. I know my mother went above and beyond in raising me, completely devoting herself to me throughout my struggles with mental health, and that she did more than many other mothers required by law to raise their children do. I was just being a stupid teenager. My friend pushed it further, and I didn’t wanna make it all awkward by saying, “Hey, you went too far >:(“, so I responded with things I knew, even as I was typing them, I did not agree with. That’s just the kind of friendship we have, we both tell each other our worst thoughts and laugh about it together, making fun of whoever hurt us. Anyway, it turned out he needed a roommate too, so we brought up the idea of finding a place together. We did not make any decisions, and I said I wanted to talk about it with my parents first.

A few hours later, my mother burst into my room, and after a struggle, managed to snatch my phone. I kept asking her what was going on, but she refused to answer. She went to the living room where my father was and revealed she went through my texts—via a computer logged into my iCloud, I now know—and when I asked why, she said “because I can”, and that it is “parenting.”

She immediately began severely distorting what was said. For example, she claimed I said that I do not love her. I denied this and asked her to show me the text where I said that, and she said I meant it “figuratively.” She continued to pretty much lie about what I said, and every time I denied it, she said once again I meant it “figuratively.” 

She began saying I’m a liar. She said I don’t love her or my father, that I am lying when I say I do. She said I manipulate him and use him, only spending time with him for these purposes. She told him about the time I showed her his newly-made Instagram account and said I was “sticking my nose” in their marriage, that they knew each other long before me and they’re going to be “just fine”, that she only started venting to me about their marriage after the Instagram incident. To make a long story short, my mother started telling me horrible, concerning things about my father long before that incident, which slowly turned me against him. She was pissed off when I tried to stay neutral and out of it at first, then praised me when I began taking her side. One of these things was that he has a second phone he’s been hiding from her.

I’m not proud of my decision regarding the incident, but I felt like I was somehow lying if I did not tell her and thought it was the right thing to do at the time. That day, she praised me and said I was very sweet to show her the account, and that I should not feel bad at all for trying to protect her. I’ve also been spending less time with him as a result of these vents, and she even gave me the silent treatment for watching an episode of TV with him one time, but my mother now framed this as me not loving him. Of course, this was all conveniently left out.

Finally, she said I am a “master manipulator.” She said signs have been there all my life, and she is “not surprised” about this. I will never forget the way she was smiling when she said that. I don’t doubt she was upset, but there was no sign of it on her face. It was like triumph. Like an “I got you. I exposed you for what you really are” smile you would give your worst enemy. It was so smug, there was just so much ugliness inside of it. I left the room at that point.

It’s my 18th birthday today. She’s been giving me the silent treatment for several days, and today is no exception. I thought it was just another day like all my past birthdays have technically been, but wow. My whole life has changed in the eyes of the law. I’m technically an adult now. Damn. Anyway, I really need some advice. I feel completely stuck. I do wanna note that I am finishing up an online high school program and should graduate by late summer or early autumn, and that I am working on getting my driver’s license this summer. I don’t really have any life skills or experience with independence. Yes, yes, I know. Terrible combination for someone who wants to move out soon. I do have a plan to go to community college and then transfer to a state university immediately after I finish, if that helps. I just feel like the longer I stay isolated in this house, rotting away in my bedroom and wasting my youth, relying on only my mother for friendship while walking on eggshells around her, the harder the damage to my mental health will be to undo.

TW: Suicidal ideation

Hello! I (F18) want to move out. My mother’s temper and complete isolation in the house after 1.5 years of doing online high school have taken their toll on my mental health. Not to say I was “perfect” before, but my mild depression has now become severe depression. After one fight in particular, I was 100% ready to end it all, forming a plan for that day and weighing my options. I then realized I was a danger to myself and nearly walked to a nearby psychiatric hospital. My teenagehood was spent in mental health programs, so trust me when I say I know those are, for lack of a better world, hell. I decided to shower before I went, and that calmed me down slightly, so I talked to 988 instead and just cried hysterically until the fight was over.

I love my mother. She planned a surprise trip to New York for me for my 18th birthday, which I hear she was very excited for. We had a plan to live in New York together. But it’s like each fight we have, I can feel myself being pushed towards an uglier place, especially since her anger has worsened due to marital issues. And after being pushed to a place like that, I was shaken up, I admit it. I felt trapped in this situation I’ve been in for 1.5 years, but I realized that I’m going to be an adult in the eyes of the law soon. So I began to act with my safety in mind. I asked to cancel the family trip—I still feel god-awful about it, but I didn’t think it was the right move at the time. I told my parents I want to rent a room or rent a place with a roommate sometime soon. I told them explicitly I did not want to leech off of them, that I would sell goods of mine we’ve been meaning to sell for years for immediate cash, then work part-time to pay rent. I assured my mother that the fights and my mental health were nobody’s fault, we’re only human, and we just need time apart. She framed this as me “needing a break from her” and gave me the silent treatment.

The next day, I vented about my situation to a friend. I admit, I used some colorful language and made crude, spoiled jokes about how I don’t owe her for raising me for 18 years in accordance with the law. I know my mother went above and beyond in raising me, completely devoting herself to me throughout my struggles with mental health, and that she did more than many other mothers required by law to raise their children do. I was just being a stupid teenager. My friend pushed it further, and I didn’t wanna make it all awkward by saying, “Hey, you went too far >:(“, so I responded with things I knew, even as I was typing them, I did not agree with. That’s just the kind of friendship we have, we both tell each other our worst thoughts and laugh about it together, making fun of whoever hurt us. Anyway, it turned out he needed a roommate too, so we brought up the idea of finding a place together. We did not make any decisions, and I said I wanted to talk about it with my parents first.

A few hours later, my mother burst into my room, and after a struggle, managed to snatch my phone. I kept asking her what was going on, but she refused to answer. She went to the living room where my father was and revealed she went through my texts—via a computer logged into my iCloud, I now know—and when I asked why, she said “because I can”, and that it is “parenting.”

She immediately began severely distorting what was said. For example, she claimed I said that I do not love her. I denied this and asked her to show me the text where I said that, and she said I meant it “figuratively.” She continued to pretty much lie about what I said, and every time I denied it, she said once again I meant it “figuratively.” 

She began saying I’m a liar. She said I don’t love her or my father, that I am lying when I say I do. She said I manipulate him and use him, only spending time with him for these purposes. She told him about the time I showed her his newly-made Instagram account and said I was “sticking my nose” in their marriage, that they knew each other long before me and they’re going to be “just fine”, that she only started venting to me about their marriage after the Instagram incident. To make a long story short, my mother started telling me horrible, concerning things about my father long before that incident, which slowly turned me against him. She was pissed off when I tried to stay neutral and out of it at first, then praised me when I began taking her side. One of these things was that he has a second phone he’s been hiding from her.

I’m not proud of my decision regarding the incident, but I felt like I was somehow lying if I did not tell her and thought it was the right thing to do at the time. That day, she praised me and said I was very sweet to show her the account, and that I should not feel bad at all for trying to protect her. I’ve also been spending less time with him as a result of these vents, and she even gave me the silent treatment for watching an episode of TV with him one time, but my mother now framed this as me not loving him. Of course, this was all conveniently left out.

Finally, she said I am a “master manipulator.” She said signs have been there all my life, and she is “not surprised” about this. I will never forget the way she was smiling when she said that. I don’t doubt she was upset, but there was no sign of it on her face. It was like triumph. Like an “I got you. I exposed you for what you really are” smile you would give your worst enemy. It was so smug, there was just so much ugliness inside of it. I left the room at that point.

It’s my 18th birthday today. She’s been giving me the silent treatment for several days, and today is no exception. I thought it was just another day like all my past birthdays have technically been, but wow. My whole life has changed in the eyes of the law. I’m technically an adult now. Damn. Anyway, I really need some advice. I feel completely stuck. I do wanna note that I am finishing up an online high school program and should graduate by late summer or early autumn, and that I am working on getting my driver’s license this summer. I don’t really have any life skills or experience with independence. Yes, yes I know. Terrible combination for someone who wants to move out soon. I do have a plan to go to community college and then transfer to a state university immediately after I finish, if that helps. I just feel like the longer I stay isolated in this house, rotting away in my bedroom and wasting my youth, relying on only my mother for friendship while walking on eggshells around her, the harder the damage to my mental health will be to undo.

TW: Suicidal ideation

Hello! I (F18) want to move out. My mother’s temper and complete isolation in the house after 1.5 years of doing online high school have taken their toll on my mental health. Not to say I was “perfect” before, but my mild depression has now become severe depression. After one fight in particular, I was 100% ready to end it all, forming a plan for that day and weighing my options. I then realized I was a danger to myself and nearly walked to a nearby psychiatric hospital. My teenagehood was spent in mental health programs, so trust me when I say I know those are, for lack of a better world, hell. I decided to shower before I went, and that calmed me down slightly, so I talked to 988 instead and just cried hysterically until the fight was over.

I love my mother. She planned a surprise trip to New York for me for my 18th birthday, which I hear she was very excited for. We had a plan to live in New York together. But it’s like each fight we have, I can feel myself being pushed towards an uglier place, especially since her anger has worsened due to marital issues. And after being pushed to a place like that, I was shaken up, I admit it. I felt trapped in this situation I’ve been in for 1.5 years, but I realized that I’m going to be an adult in the eyes of the law soon. So I began to act with my safety in mind. I asked to cancel the family trip—I still feel god-awful about it, but I didn’t think it was the right move at the time. I told my parents I want to rent a room or rent a place with a roommate sometime soon. I told them explicitly I did not want to leech off of them, that I would sell goods of mine we’ve been meaning to sell for years for immediate cash, then work part-time to pay rent. I assured my mother that the fights and my mental health were nobody’s fault, we’re only human, and we just need time apart. She framed this as me “needing a break from her” and gave me the silent treatment.

The next day, I vented about my situation to a friend. I admit, I used some colorful language and made crude, spoiled jokes about how I don’t owe her for raising me for 18 years in accordance with the law. I know my mother went above and beyond in raising me, completely devoting herself to me throughout my struggles with mental health, and that she did more than many other mothers required by law to raise their children do. I was just being a stupid teenager. My friend pushed it further, and I didn’t wanna make it all awkward by saying, “Hey, you went too far >:(“, so I responded with things I knew, even as I was typing them, I did not agree with. That’s just the kind of friendship we have, we both tell each other our worst thoughts and laugh about it together, making fun of whoever hurt us. Anyway, it turned out he needed a roommate too, so we brought up the idea of finding a place together. We did not make any decisions, and I said I wanted to talk about it with my parents first.

A few hours later, my mother burst into my room, and after a struggle, managed to snatch my phone. I kept asking her what was going on, but she refused to answer. She went to the living room where my father was and revealed she went through my texts—via a computer logged into my iCloud, I now know—and when I asked why, she said “because I can”, and that it is “parenting.”

She immediately began severely distorting what was said. For example, she claimed I said that I do not love her. I denied this and asked her to show me the text where I said that, and she said I meant it “figuratively.” She continued to pretty much lie about what I said, and every time I denied it, she said once again I meant it “figuratively.” 

She began saying I’m a liar. She said I don’t love her or my father, that I am lying when I say I do. She said I manipulate him and use him, only spending time with him for these purposes. She told him about the time I showed her his newly-made Instagram account and said I was “sticking my nose” in their marriage, that they knew each other long before me and they’re going to be “just fine”, that she only started venting to me about their marriage after the Instagram incident. To make a long story short, my mother started telling me horrible, concerning things about my father long before that incident, which slowly turned me against him. She was pissed off when I tried to stay neutral and out of it at first, then praised me when I began taking her side. One of these things was that he has a second phone he’s been hiding from her.

I’m not proud of my decision regarding the incident, but I felt like I was somehow lying if I did not tell her and thought it was the right thing to do at the time. That day, she praised me and said I was very sweet to show her the account, and that I should not feel bad at all for trying to protect her. I’ve also been spending less time with him as a result of these vents, and she even gave me the silent treatment for watching an episode of TV with him one time, but my mother now framed this as me not loving him. Of course, this was all conveniently left out.

Finally, she said I am a “master manipulator.” She said signs have been there all my life, and she is “not surprised” about this. I will never forget the way she was smiling when she said that. I don’t doubt she was upset, but there was no sign of it on her face. It was like triumph. Like an “I got you. I exposed you for what you really are” smile you would give your worst enemy. It was so smug, there was just so much ugliness inside of it. I left the room at that point.

It’s my 18th birthday today. She’s been giving me the silent treatment for several days, and today is no exception. I thought it was just another day like all my past birthdays have technically been, but wow. My whole life has changed in the eyes of the law. I’m technically an adult now. Damn. Anyway, I really need some advice. I feel completely stuck. I do wanna note that I am finishing up an online high school program and should graduate by late summer or early autumn, and that I am working on getting my driver’s license this summer. I don’t really have any life skills or experience with independence. Yes, yes I know. Terrible combination for someone who wants to move out soon. I do have a plan to go to community college and then transfer to a state university immediately after I finish, if that helps. I just feel like the longer I stay isolated in this house, rotting away in my bedroom and wasting my youth, relying on only my mother for friendship while walking on eggshells around her, the harder the damage to my mental health will be to undo.