u/thegirlwith25lives

WARNING VERY LONG. My fiancé (26m) works remotely from home, while I (27f) work a physically demanding job. I have fibromyalgia, so I’m in severe pain pretty much 24/7 because of work, and I make significantly less money than he does.
The biggest issue is that he doesn’t treat his job like an actual job.
He’s supposed to work an 8 hour day with a 20 minute break and an hour lunch, but instead he’ll take break after break all day long. He’ll watch YouTube, go outside, clean random things, take smoke breaks, or spend time talking to an AI chatbot about his interests like computers and microchips. It’s not anything romantic or sexual, he just treats it like someone to chat with. (I despise AI this has been a massive argument between us as well) The problem is that it constantly pulls him away from work.
He procrastinates everything, doesn’t care about starting on time, and even waits until the last possible second to submit his hours every pay period.
This time, he waited too long.
He missed the deadline entirely and didn’t receive one of his paychecks.
And he didn’t tell me.
Our finances are split up. I pay for groceries, the Wi-Fi, and the water bill, while he covers the larger bills like rent and electricity because he earns much more than I do. I also do most of the cooking and cleaning because, honestly, if I don’t do it, it usually doesn’t get done.
Yesterday I woke up to our electricity being shut off.
The refrigerator and freezer had been off all night. I had to throw away everything, our groceries, freezer food, everything. Hundreds of dollars worth of food that I worked hard to pay for ended up in the trash because he never paid the electric bill.
Later that day, there was a notice on our front door. He grabbed it before I could read it.
When I asked, “What’s that?” he got defensive and clearly didn’t want to show me. He admitted he was trying to avoid telling me because he “knew how I’d react.”
The notice said we’re behind on rent and if it isn’t paid by the 14th, we’ll be evicted.
I had to question him over and over just to get the truth. Even then, it was excuse after excuse instead of taking responsibility. He never simply admitted that this happened because of his own choices.
To make things even worse, I found out he’d also been ordering DoorDash while I was at work.
So while bills weren’t getting paid, he was spending money on food deliveries.
His parents ended up helping us replace some of the groceries, we managed to get an extension on the rent, and he paid the electric bill, but now his account is overdrawn.
The immediate crisis is over, but that’s not really the point.
What scares me the most is that he hid all of this from me. If I hadn’t found out when I did, we could have lost our apartment. He was willing to let me continue thinking everything was fine while our finances were falling apart.
I told him that if he ever hides something this serious from me again, I will do everything I can to get myself removed from the lease and leave.
Last night we had a long conversation. I explained that he has to start treating his job like a real job: wake up on time, start work when he’s supposed to, stop taking endless breaks, and understand that his choices affect both of us. I even told him, “Don’t just go right back to business as usual tomorrow because things have calmed down.”
He actually scoffed and acted offended that I’d even think he’d do that.
Today?
He’s already back to watching YouTube, finding reasons not to work, talking about cleaning out his car during work hours, taking smoke breaks, basically exactly what he was doing before.
I’m exhausted.
I’m working a painful job every day just trying to keep us afloat, while he’s risking our housing because he won’t manage the easiest part of his responsibilities. What hurts almost more than the financial mess is that he hid it from me and still doesn’t seem to grasp how serious this was.
I’m not sure what to do if this continues and they won’t let me out of the lease.

EDIT: I need advice on how I can get out of a lease without him knowing during the process.

WARNING VERY LONG. My fiancé (26m) works remotely from home, while I (27f) work a physically demanding job. I have fibromyalgia, so I’m in severe pain pretty much 24/7 because of work, and I make significantly less money than he does.
The biggest issue is that he doesn’t treat his job like an actual job.
He’s supposed to work an 8 hour day with a 20 minute break and an hour lunch, but instead he’ll take break after break all day long. He’ll watch YouTube, go outside, clean random things, take smoke breaks, or spend time talking to an AI chatbot about his interests like computers and microchips. It’s not anything romantic or sexual, he just treats it like someone to chat with. The problem is that it constantly pulls him away from work.
He procrastinates everything, doesn’t care about starting on time, and even waits until the last possible second to submit his hours every pay period.
This time, he waited too long.
He missed the deadline entirely and didn’t receive one of his paychecks.
And he didn’t tell me.
Our finances are split up. I pay for groceries, the Wi-Fi, and the water bill, while he covers the larger bills like rent and electricity because he earns much more than I do. I also do most of the cooking and cleaning because, honestly, if I don’t do it, it usually doesn’t get done.
Yesterday I woke up to our electricity being shut off.
The refrigerator and freezer had been off all night. I had to throw away everything, our groceries, freezer food, everything. Hundreds of dollars worth of food that I worked hard to pay for ended up in the trash because he never paid the electric bill.
Later that day, there was a notice on our front door. He grabbed it before I could read it.
When I asked, “What’s that?” he got defensive and clearly didn’t want to show me. He admitted he was trying to avoid telling me because he “knew how I’d react.”
The notice said we’re behind on rent and if it isn’t paid by the 14th, we’ll be evicted.
I had to question him over and over just to get the truth. Even then, it was excuse after excuse instead of taking responsibility. He never simply admitted that this happened because of his own choices.
To make things even worse, I found out he’d also been ordering DoorDash while I was at work.
So while bills weren’t getting paid, he was spending money on food deliveries.
His parents ended up helping us replace some of the groceries, we managed to get an extension on the rent, and he paid the electric bill, but now his account is overdrawn.
The immediate crisis is over, but that’s not really the point.
What scares me the most is that he hid all of this from me. If I hadn’t found out when I did, we could have lost our apartment. He was willing to let me continue thinking everything was fine while our finances were falling apart.
I told him that if he ever hides something this serious from me again, I will do everything I can to get myself removed from the lease and leave.
Last night we had a long conversation. I explained that he has to start treating his job like a real job: wake up on time, start work when he’s supposed to, stop taking endless breaks, and understand that his choices affect both of us. I even told him, “Don’t just go right back to business as usual tomorrow because things have calmed down.”
He actually scoffed and acted offended that I’d even think he’d do that.
Today?
He’s already back to watching YouTube, finding reasons not to work, talking about cleaning out his car during work hours, taking smoke breaks, basically exactly what he was doing before.
I’m exhausted.
I’m working a painful job every day just trying to keep us afloat, while he’s risking our housing because he won’t manage the easiest part of his responsibilities. What hurts almost more than the financial mess is that he hid it from me and still doesn’t seem to grasp how serious this was.

I’m looking to start dumpster diving here in Indy, specifically around the far East Side. I’m thinking about checking out the Kohl's with the Sephora inside, but I’m wondering if anyone has recommendations for better spots to find makeup, perfumes, lotions, purses, or home decor?
I know the basic legalities (avoiding locked gates, "No Trespassing" signs, etc.), but I would love some tips on the best times to go or general trash pickup schedules for retail spots.
Times are tough right now, and I'm just working hard to pay rent and keep food on the table. I'd love to find some nice things for myself without spending a fortune and I don't mind rescuing perfectly good items from a dumpster! No judgment please, just looking for some friendly advice or tips from experienced divers. Thanks in advance

I say this as someone who’s actually been a Dasher; I’m honestly tired of seeing people act like dropping off food is some incredibly difficult job that automatically deserves a huge tip.

Yes, there are frustrating parts like waiting at restaurants, dealing with traffic, putting miles on your car. But at the end of the day, you pick up a bag, drive it somewhere and leave it at the door. Compared to a lot of jobs I’ve worked, it’s one of the easiest. (Working at the restaurants you’re picking up from is much harder idgaf)

What bothers me is how often the anger gets directed at customers instead of DoorDash. If you think you’re underpaid, why is the customer always the villain instead of the billion dollar company paying you so little?

People also act like getting food delivered is some luxury service that only wealthy people should use. Meanwhile, customers have no idea who’s delivering their food. It could be someone with a spotless SUV who takes great care of your order, or someone driving a filthy, sticky car with your food at their feet. The service isn’t consistent enough to act like every delivery automatically deserves a $10–15 tip.

For the record, I do tip. I tip more for grocery shopping orders because those actually require more work and I’ll add extra when a Dasher is friendly or goes above and beyond. But some of the entitlement I see in this subreddit is honestly wild. A tip is something you earn appreciation for NOT something customers should be shamed into paying because DoorDash refuses to compensate drivers fairly.

I’m sorry, but I’m not tipping $10–15 to have one bag of food brought less than a mile to my house. I tip, but I’m not going to pretend every delivery is some monumental task. If that’s not enough pay. Again, take it up with the billion dollar company setting the base rate. not the customer.

Before the people I’m talking about start commenting about wear and tear on your car, then get a job that doesn’t require you to use your personal vehicle. That was the tradeoff you agreed to when you signed up. It’s not the customer’s responsibility to reimburse every cost of your job through tips.

Sincerely, tip culture is ridiculous atp.
*queue ignorance and comments about how I must be cheap*

EDIT: The reading comprehension in these comments is fascinating. I never said I don’t tip. I never said tipping isn’t customary. I never said drivers don’t deserve tips. Yet that’s what a surprising number of people are arguing against. If you’re going to respond, at least respond to the post I actually wrote.