u/there-overthere-1678

My sister and my nephew have officially finished moving in, and I'm just absolutely losing my mind already, as I thought I would.

I can't look at my nephew without feeling attracted and getting groinal responses. He's been walking around with his shirt off and it genuinely feels like I'm attracted to the shape of his body and my brain focuses on his private areas unless I go out of my way to not look at him.

Part of me is struggling to convince myself to use the bathroom after he's used it, because it feels immoral to use the toilet after he sat on it. I've been struggling with a debilitating addiction to p*rn and practice "self pleasure" every single day, and now I don't know how I'm going to do it because it feels wrong to do that while he's in the house. Even if he's in a different room.

I don't trust myself around him one bit. He left the door to the bathroom open earlier and I simply couldn't go back to my room until he left because I'd have to walk by the door and I was scared I'd impulsively look over. I try to just not touch him at all if I can, occasionally even contorting my body in weird ways just to avoid him. I often pretend I have a headache or am incredibly tired and close my eyes simply so that I can't see him.

And, if you have seen my recent posts, I'm convinced I have harmed him s*xually in the past, whether it was a specific intention or not, so I plan to just try and avoid him as much as possible even if it makes people upset. I refuse to allow him in my room, not just because I'm afraid of him messing with my stuff, but because I will not allow there to be an opportunity for him to be alone with me. (A long time ago someone suggested he sleep with me in my room, and I practically screamed no and demanded he have somewhere else to sleep.)

There was also this moment earlier where he wanted to show me something in his room, and I kept having this horrible thought that he was going to pull his pants down or something, and for a second I swear I felt excited despite how much I was panicking. Luckily, it was a spider.

On a slightly more minor note, they also brought their dog, and she's a sweetheart. But I end up getting groinals with her as well when she runs up against my leg looking for attention. And the longer I pet her it makes it feel like it's with s*xual intent.

I'm at the point where I genuinely believe I'm attracted to children and I can't cope with the feeling. Every day I become more and more convinced that I'm just in denial.

Genuinely every time I see children, I get immediate groinals, feel attraction, and get urges to look at inappropriate places (and I struggle to control where my eyes go.). It feels the exact same as my real arousal, besides the intense panic and hatred I feel towards myself when I feel it. I'm struggling to play some video games, as they have a large cast of children as major characters and I feel attracted to ALL of them. (I specifically avoid playing as the female MC for this exact reason.)

If my nephew is here, I legitimately have to NEVER look at him. Ever. Lest I start spiraling. If I make him food I hand it to him while looking at the wall to the right of me. If I'm alone with him I keep my hands in my pockets.

I can't even remember if I've always felt like this or not. Have I always had thoughts like this when I'd see children on TV and stuff and just didn't care? Did I INDULGE in it and that's why I never freaked out?

I'm so scared I've acted on these thoughts before and just didn't realize I was doing it at the time. I keep looking back on things I remember being normal and non-harmful and now being convinced I did something wrong, whether intentionally or not. (My nephew is the main focus of this, as every memory of him sleeping next to me or playing with me now has a disgusting feeling to it.)

A more specific point is my fears of pornography/general erotic things. I keep ruminating and being scared at the decent possibility that some things I've watched had underage actors in it (I have a specific fear that I watched immoral movie scenes that I watched when I was like 13, when I was like 17 or something), or that I've stumbled upon CP before. The only thing I can guarantee is that I've watched things with lolis in it genuinely without realizing it at first. Only when rumination did I realize it, which is intensifying this feeling of "Did I do this and just not know?" Because I technically have in this case.

Final worry of mine has to do with online chat sites. I used these a good bit a few years back when my darkest spiral began, partially just for human interaction. I interacted with a lot of people in NSFW ways and only stopped going to these sites because someone advertising themselves as a minor showed up at one point, I freaked out, and never went back. Now I'm scared I talked inappropriately to minors on these sites, and the fear is increased because I, idiotically, didn't ask for ages sometimes.

I just feel so gross. I don't know what's real anymore. I don't understand my past, I don't understand my feelings, theres a genuine chance I am a danger children around me and have been for a long time and I just never knew. I feel like I really am attracted to children and I simply PREFER adults, and the only reason I'm not a straight up p*do is because I actively freak out and try to suppress the emotions. Beyond that, the attraction and feelings feel so real, too real. This all feels like definitive proof that there's something seriously wrong with me outside of OCD.

I had met my current best friend in Junior year of highschool, and we only became truly close during our Senior year and the following few years. She's been basically the only person I've associated with (outside a few buddies I had before graduation) amidst my depression and my life basically falling apart.

I've done a lot of rumination over my handful of years of having her in my life, and the conclusion I've come to is that I've been absolutely terrible to her, despite the fact that she swears up and down that it's not the case.

The first point of rumination is just all the times I've said creepy/perverted stuff to her, tried to engage with her in a sexual way, etc. There's been so many moments throughout our 4+ years of knowing each other where I would say something dirty/flirty in hopes something would blossom and with specific intent, and it was either so ill timed she would call me out on it, or she didn't really realize the implication. A handful of occasions I had been a bit pushy/trying too hard without really realizing it, but as I've grown as a person over the last few years I end up remembering and feeling gross about it (and scared that some of it could be legally considered coercion.).

I'm also struggling with a couple of false memories, or at least, what I HOPE are false memories, convincing myself that I either have tried/wanted to touch her inappropriately without her wanting it at some point. She tells me that I haven't done that and she would remember if I did, but I'm so scared that I've wanted to do so at some point and convinced that I've tried at this point and the thought horrifies me.

I sometimes feel like I only ever became her friend for sexual reasons, or something. Something I'm horrified could be true. A point my mind holds against me often is how I'll video call with her when she's in a state of undress, and it's like, I'll want to do it more because of it? As scummy as that sounds?

What makes it worse, is that I talked to her not that long ago about things that we often do together that in my eyes are an intimate thing, whereas she sees them as stuff she does with close friends. Showering on the phone, stuff like that. Which makes me feel worse for pursuing a relationship like that with her when it was never there at all.

Yet, at the same time, at an even earlier point, when I brought up my having felt I've harmed her in many ways, and mentioned how she never asked or consented to any of them, she simply responded: "I never said no, either." Which, yeah, sure, you didn't, but does that really make everything magically okay?

The second point is largely a byproduct of the first point, where I had often felt immense guilt over my previous actions and would profusely apologize, be self-deprecating about myself (saying things like "Why do you even stay around me?") and deliberately avoid her for long periods of time. She's told me that I've caused her a lot of pain doing that to her, despite me feeling like it's the right thing to do quite often.

So despite everything I've talked about, like I said, my friend doesn't have any issues with me. She swears up and down that I'm too hard on myself, and when I ask what exactly she wants out of our relationship, she says she just wants me to keep being who I've been, who in her eyes, is her chill friend she can talk about whatever with and play games with. All of what I've talked about isn't even a factor. Something me and her have talked about is how she's pretty dense when it comes to social things, so part of me can't help but wonder if I really have been as horrible as I think I have been, and she simply hasn't had it click. (I don't say that to be mean, it's just the truth.)

Despite everything, I can't STOP doing some of these things. I've cut back on the more serious things, but I can't help but occasionally throw her a compliment or try to flirt a bit. It's like an impulsive thing I feel like I have to do. Again, she says she doesn't care. But is it not a concerning behavior? Is this not acting on intrusive thoughts, and whatnot?

I care about her so much, man. Maybe high school me was only thinking about sex. I don't know anymore. All I know is that even if I didn't care back then, I DEFINITELY do right now. She's such an amazing person and easily the best HUMAN I've ever had in my life. That's why this is tearing me apart so thoroughly. The idea that I've been so horrible to the only person who actually CARES about me at all makes me lose sleep.

So, I discovered that there is a Skeleton spawner dungeon a handful of blocks away from my main base. Since I wanted to start gathering Bone Meal, I decided to try and convert it into a grinder.

Using some Iron Spikes (and a couple Diamond ones I got from a LootGame Dungeon also suspiciously close to my base) I set it up so that the Skeletons get pushed into the spikes with water, die, and their drops fall into hoppers and into Iron Chests below.

Thing is, it doesn't seem to work if the player goes AFK? I never thought about if the AFK system hides the player from the game so spawners stop spawning. I could also be dumb and not notice the change in loot like Bones and Arrows. Also idiotically assumed that if I kept it chunk loaded, it would continue spawning things, before I educated myself.

Was it even worth the effort of setting up? I'm in the Steam Age currently, so I don't really have any ways of getting Bone Meal other than farming it in the Nether, and my spawn doesn't have many of the bone spikes in it.

Was attempting to boost my steam production, and was extending my wooden water pipes, specifically.

I try running them along the top of my boilers, and suddenly...

FIRE! FIRE! YOU FUCKING IDIOT! DO SOMETHING!

I start smacking the pipes with my axe, forgetting that pipes and machines require a wrench.

Realizing that I need my wrench I just start rooting through my tool bag while it sounds like the gates of hell are opening behind me.

I finally get rid of the problem pipe, and extinguish the flames, and nothing blew up. But I then learned that it is very possible to fuck all this up.

https://preview.redd.it/8mxw8mook7lh1.png?width=1011&format=png&auto=webp&s=f88faaf4f66bf3b7aa2c176922fbe96b90dddbd9

The steam output on each machine is positioned to the right, with steam coming in though the back of each.

This is my second time making it here, and second playthrough ever.

I'll accept any tips anybody wants to offer, but here are some specific questions I have:

Best ways to get tons of decorative blocks for base building?

Ways to increase efficiency of steam machines? (I made the Macerator, and it is INCREDIBLY slow. Do I need to have multiple running simultaneously to get the job done?)

Should I double on certain multi blocks? Like the Coke Oven and Water Tank?

So, to be completely transparent, I'm still a complete noob at this game. I've played two worlds so far, and only got to the Steam Age in each.

But what I found in my first playthrough was that you need so MANY of the most basic resources, that it felt like a crime to not include some way to just annihilate a group of gravel or clay.

So I installed Ore Excavation onto the pack, and made a custom config called "Terraform", which just destroys a 1×5 sheet. So I could use the shapeless one to annihilate an area of stuff, and Terraform to, well, Terraform.

I've had WAY more fun so far with it installed. With all the saved time from gathering basic resources I've had time to actually learn more things in the pack and built an actually pretty nice base on a peninsula, with a big storage building to boot. (I ALWAYS have to have a dedicated storage building no matter what pack I'm playing.)

There is, of course, a couple issues. Trying to excavate functional blocks like Furnaces or Iron Tanks causes a graphical bug where the blocks don't actually break, and have to be smacked one by one to actually make them disappear. The same happens with GT Ore Veins, meaning Ore Excavation is best at simply clearing the stone around the ores so that they can be mined one by one, just to be sure you get everything.

There's also a chance that I am a complete idiot, and using Ore Excavation will ruin the progression later on in some way. Point is, I'm having way more fun than I had the first time.

https://preview.redd.it/nlx0u4y05zjh1.jpg?width=1388&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7b3f537dd02163b24dd4bf602eb36dbe4a9c8bf

AI was not used in the making of this card, there's no art at all.

Yes, the intention with the second effect is to only let you set the original.

It's just dawning on me just HOW good this structure is for something you only need to buy twice. 1000 gems gets you the entire core.

The only UR crafts I would say are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY are Utopic Draco Future, Utopia Dragonar, and Hope Harbinger. (If you have Stealth Kragen though, you can play it instead like I'll be doing in the meantime, just know you'll be without a Spell/Trap negate without the Counter Trap. Of course, it's only available through Legacy Packs.) Shark Veiss can be played instead of the usually suggested Photon Lord, and is actually in the Shark structure. (You could also TECHNICALLY run Ultimate Leo Ray, but I know for a fact that Pegasus Twin Saber will be glued to my grip 24/7.)

Dragonar can summon Shark Veiss/Leo Ray/Photon Lord and attach with the RuM, and then Harbinger/Kragen can be summoned during your opponents turn and be used without mats. For 1500 gems and and a 2-3 UR card craft minimum, that's REALLY fuckin' good. Like, I'm shocked. I SINCERELY hope this trend continues.

Branded ain't got shit on Maintenance lore

https://preview.redd.it/yx0xto6rlghh1.jpg?width=1388&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e178103c49c74126f53a2163c9ee65048000b723

https://preview.redd.it/8nz1ehntlghh1.jpg?width=1388&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed9b960497055d5fcd38ac42dc9c4af8ba89ba7e

No AI was used here, there's no art at all.

A BIG issue Centur-Ion has is that it is incredibly weak to hand traps, and doesn't have that many starters. The Field Spell is NOT full combo, because it places Trudea, Trudea place Primera, Primera add Gargoyle, make a 12 and pass. You get a Blazar off of that basically.

Emblema Oath, is ALSO not a starter. In an ideal combo, it needs to be used after using Auxilla to search out Wake Up.

So both the Field Spell and Emblema Oath are cards you play in an unfortunate hand. Leaving only Primera and Trudea as starters. Primera loses to Ash and Imperm, and Trudea loses to Imperm as well.

Centur-Ion Tune Up is meant to help fix this problem, by being a card that can fix a negated Normal Summon that doesn't stop you from ending on a good board, as well as just another extender/starter. (Notably, the card only locks you into Centur-Ion monsters while it's on the field the first time, not if summoned back later. This is what I want it to do, anyway. If my wording is incorrect please correct me.)

Since it's another extender, I wanted Centur-Ion to make more theoretical use of Level 8 Synchros. Thus, Atrii Atronach can be used as a Level 4 and a non-Tuner, giving access to Level 8 Synchros at a theoretical point in the combo that did not previously exist. Will it be better to do that? No idea! These cards were made in like 20 minutes. But it is POSSIBLE to do it that way.

https://preview.redd.it/jgqm0ebvixgh1.jpg?width=1388&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4794f3f6fb72f81683b2086ec608c1bdbfff340c

https://preview.redd.it/0szw8umzixgh1.jpg?width=1388&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=061c16a0a6aba8633eec04a1a8a2cc1de0c39f4f

https://preview.redd.it/w4fnb971jxgh1.jpg?width=1388&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f131555eddd5153a79dfb93c1c2811ea45c2efe8

https://preview.redd.it/0hsiibp2jxgh1.jpg?width=1388&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c2d2ad0802b96b3e5f614e59f3b2a0ec7905d039

No AI is used in the making of these cards, hell, there's no art at all.

I also hope this is laid out in a way that isn't putrid, trying to import these images on my phone wasn't as simple as you'd think.

Anyway, I was watching a random Duel Logs video and he had brought up the idea of Burning and Freezing Beasts getting a retrain, to which I had this idea.

It's most usable as a small engine in a deck that doesn't need its Normal Summon, and to keep with the tradition of Union monsters back then being able to unequip themselves, you can also use these guys as generic Xyz/Link material, at the sacrifice of their boss monster.

Of course, the intention is to equip one of them to the other, to make the Fusion monster, which if it were official, would be the only WATER Pyro monster in existence.

The cards are also designed in a way to work no matter what you open with. Just the Spell? Cool, add a guy and search the other. Just one guy? Summon it and search the Spell to get the GY effect in rotation. Two guys? Quick Effect Equip when your opponent Baronne's your Normal Summon to prevent its destruction.

I may be alone in this, but I've been really enjoying the new Branded stuff and have been trying to jam it into things you probably shouldn't put them into. (Dragonmaid for example.)

This caused me to ask the question, how many types can utilize Branded in High Spirits? I went through and compiled a list. Cards that aren't from Branded will be bold.

_

Spellcaster: Red-Eyes Dark Dragoon, Master of Chaos, Granguignol the Dusk Dragon.

Dragon: Amulet Dragon, Tyrant Burst Dragon, Dark Magician the Dragon Knight, Borreload Furious Dragon, Khaos Starsource Dragon, Snake-Eyes Doomed Dragon, Filia Regis, Dracotail Arthalion, Borreload Fatalflare Dragon, Titaniklad the Ash Dragon, Albion the Branded Dragon, Lubellion the Searing Dragon, Alba-Lenatus the Abyss Dragon, Albion the Sanctifire Dragon, Alba System Dogmatikalamity.

Zombie: No applicable targets.

Warrior: Elemental HERO Shining Flare Wingman, Elemental HERO Shining Phoenix Enforcer, Elemental HERO Terra Firma, Elemental HERO Absolute Zero, Vision HERO Trinity, Elemental HERO Escuridao, Masked HERO Koga, Buster Blader, the Dragon Destroyer Swordsman, Destiny HERO Destroyer Phoenix Enforcer, Elemental HERO Shining Neos Wingman.

Beast-Warrior: Lunalight Panther Dancer.

Beast: Brigrand the Glory Dragon, The Dragon that Devours the Dogma.

Winged Beast: Rindbrumm the Striking Dragon.

Machine: Sprind the Irondash Dragon.

Fiend: D/D/D Dragonbane King Beowulf, Despian Quaeritis, Masquerade the Blazing Dragon.

Fairy: El Shaddoll Construct, Artmage Diactorus.

Insect: No applicable targets.

Dinosaur: No applicable targets.

Reptile: No applicable targets.

Fish: No applicable targets.

Sea-Serpent: No applicable targets.

Aqua: D.3.S Frog, Tearlaments Rulkallos.

Pyro: No applicable targets.

Thunder: No applicable targets.

Rock: Gem-Knight Zirconia.

Plant: No applicable targets.

Psychic: No applicable targets.

Wyrm: Mirrorjade the Iceblade Dragon.

Cyberse: No applicable targets.

Divine Beast: In your dreams.

Illusion: Hecahands Jauzah.

_

So what did I learn from this? Well the first thing is that Adamancipator could theoretically use Branded in High Spirits. And secondly...

...There isn't as much room for experimentation as I hoped. Not only does an Archetype need to HAVE a fusion as a bridge, but it also needs to be able to work under WAlbaz's summoning restriction if summoned properly.

Well, hopefully this information gives somebody a wacky idea, and hopefully we eventually get Fusions in unrepresented types so that we can have more slop.

With the 0.3.3 update of Kirin, the game now works wonderfully on my phone. However, one VERY confusing error would persist. I would be able to play the game once, and then after coming back later, each subsequent load of the game would result in an error. I'm not sure exactly what the error means, but I believe it's something along the lines of Kirin being unable to find/load a necessary file to continue.

I tried everything to fix this. Re-extracting the game's zip, downloading a new version off the website, moving files around... Nothing worked. I did, however, notice a singular consistency. The times where the game would work, was usually when my save had to be grabbed from the "Other Save Files" tab.

What I have to do, is move my save out of the Save Data folder (I personally just place it at the root of the game folder, mine is personally named RejuvKirin), and then boot up the game. The game won't see your save, and thus the first option is to start a new game. Then, go back to your file explorer and put your save file back. Open "Other Save Files" and select your save, and after doing this a handful of times, each time would allow me to load my save and play, no issues.

I imagine this isn't a common issue, as most seem content with using Kirin, but hopefully this helps somebody.

(By the way, I have no idea if doing this can somehow mess up your save. I don't THINK it should, as long as you don't do anything to the actual file itself other than moving it from A to B, but just keep that in mind.)

Ok, so this isn't actually any fault of the game itself. It moreso feels like the Interceptor of the world we live in has made it as hard as possible for me to actually enjoy this update. (And life in general.)

A few days before V14 came out, my main PC died out. Drive failure. My saves we stored locally, so I lost both my completed Paragon and Renegade save files.

I started using my old laptop, and saw that V14 came out! Sweet! Sure, I lost my old saves, but was planning on starting a fresh save anyway to see all the new junk.

Today, my laptop also decided to die, and I was already on my way to Gym 3 and had caught literally every Pokemon obtainable up to that point. Not drive failure, but now I don't have a working computer to actually play the game on anymore. So I start setting up Joiplay on my phone. It's terrible. I set up Kirin, accidentally extract to my downloads folder so now my phone is filled with sprites that'll take like 14 years to delete. Kirin runs good, but I want to update to the lastest patch and it can't do it on its own. Accidentally get major spoilers when trying to research how to do it. Yippee.

Basically, I'm thrilled that we're finally here, but also having a terrible time trying to enjoy it.

This is probably gonna get me laughed out of the room for having this issue, but I dunno how to fix it.

Basically, when booting games through Nintendon't directly, I am able to hit the Wiimote Home Button to return just fine, whereas if it's launched through USB Loader, it just dies, both with the Home Button and Gamecube controller combination.

I try setting it to return to the Homebrew Launcher directly in the settings, but that still just crashes it. I'm kinda hoping I don't have to inject another program/file into this poor Wii because I was hoping I had finally bug fixed everything, lol.